Loosing my brother

[Broken41]

In January, I lost my brother he was only 29. It was at my home, he had someone stay over that night who came running out to tell me he wasn't breathing or moving. When I got to him he was on responsive I think he had already passed. I called the ambulance as soon as I got to him, they worked on him for 40 minutes. I thought they had him as why would they work on him for so long. We are still waiting for answers, so much doesn't make sense, I feel like I'm loosing control over everything, I can't function properly they it's, but's and why's are crushing me, the only if I should have's. I am litterally broken and I don't know how to fix myself 😞

[Zeal]

Hi Broken41,

Welcome to the forum!

I am deeply sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. That sounds so traumatic, and I'm glad you're seeking emotional support. Are you staying close to other family members at the moment? Seeing a counsellor would be of benefit, at least for a few sessions. Talking about grief, while not pleasant, is important. Grief needs to be talked about and dealt with emotionally. Not doing so is very likely to have a negative impact on psychological wellbeing.

Helplines are a good extra source of support. Beyondblue is available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636.

Please post back if you'd like to talk further.

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Broken41]

Hi Zeal, that's all I ever do is talk and think about it 😞 oh and I cry, a lot. I e spent hours and hours on google, and yes I know I shouldn't believe a lot of things I read. I'm trying to work out is there life after death, why can't I dream about him?

I have 5 children all of whom seem to be coping ok, the rest of the family are mainly all on qld. I think it has hit me highly as he was living here, he was a huge part of my day. I always worried about him and stressed about him. We were very close.

[BballJ]

Hi Broken41,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

I am so deeply deeply sorry about the loss of your brother, I had a friend who lost her brother mid-last year and I saw how hard she took it and is still taking it so I have a slight understanding for how you must be feeling and I just feel really sorry for you. No advice I give will make you feel better but I wanted to offer my support as well. As Zeal said above, speaking to a counsellor or psychologist is a good step to take in regarded to grieving and healing a tiny bit of it, they help to make sense of all your thoughts so I do recommend that. I can see how hard it has hit you, but keep your head up as much as you can. It's also ok to cry and cry a lot because you are grieving and that is ok.

We are always here to talk if you ever want to vent.

My best for you and your family,

Jay

[blondguy]

Hello Broken

Zeal and Jay have said everything........

My deepest condolences on the loss of your brother in January

You will dream about him........you will....

you are not alone here Broken

my kindest thoughts for you and your family

Paul

[geoff]

hello Broken, I too am deeply sorry for the loss of your brother, and I'm sorry there will be many unanswered questions which may torment you, but none of us really know what someone else is thinking about, or perhaps what they could be suffering from, so we tend to go to google to find out the answers, but the net isn't the gods all and end all of everything, because it could quite possibly put ideas into your mind that are not true, the trouble is that people believe what the net may say, but this will take you down the wrong path, of course this doesn't happen all the time.
There was something that always worried you, and perhaps this is what is troubling you more.
It always seems to the case that if we want to dream about something it doesn't seem to happen, it will though and for many years from now.
My best for you and your family. Geoff.

[moonlight32]

I'm so sorry to hear that.

It must be such a difficult time for you, it would be so hard to imagine this happening to such a good person too. I wish the best for you, and it will get better I promise.

I know this isn't so much of a helping answer, it's just a message to say that I'm always here if you want to chat:)

[Neil_1]

Hi there Broken,

I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother. I’m guessing with you having 5 children, he’d be your younger bro, yeah?

I lost my brother as well, some 26 years ago … he was 29yo as well. I was 25yo. I won’t go into my situation, because this thread is yours and about your own wellness.

If your brother passed through the night, and was unable to be revived, can I please say here, that I really believe that under no circumstances should you be questioning yourself. As you’ve written, the “ifs” the “buts”, the “whys” and possibly the one used so often, “if only”. I have no idea what happened and I have no right to know either … that is for you and your family; but I’m just reading from what you’ve written and going by that, if it didn’t happen at your place, then it would have happened at his place or somewhere else. What I’m trying to say here is that I believe you’ve got no need to be feeling those thoughts. As in for the guilty response … though I know it’s something we do in times of grief, the guilt emotion jumps out at us.

I hope I haven’t over-stepped the mark above, all I was trying to allude to was that from how it happened, there appeared to be nothing else you could have done.

When you say, all I ever do is talk about and think about it … that’s really good to be able to get things out and express them. Are you doing this to family, friends … or have you been able to hook up with a professional counsellor and the like? Have you been to the GP at all??

Also, writing things down can also help … well, I guess it’s all an individual thing, but I did that a lot … something my psychologists confirmed that was a good thing and so I wrote down loads … journaling kind of thing.

Having counselling helped me for a few years, but my circumstances are slightly different … but if you’re able to get to a counsellor (psychologist), this could be a big help. To work through things … even to touch on the why’s, if’s as well.

Something that HAS helped me enormously is my own two children. They’re 18 and 16. Your 5 children … having them and being close to them as much as you can, can have a really positive impact upon you.

I really hope something that I’ve written has helped and I would really like to hear back from you, if you’d like to.

Kind regards

Neil