Trigger: Suicide/Manipulative Room mate has abused me emotionally and caused me significant trauma

[Kate26]

Hi,
This is my first time using a forum so.. feel like I'm in unfamiliar territory but i will do my best to explain. I met this person at my second job at the time.. we got along very well, all seemed hunky dory. I allowed this person to crash on my couch due to difficult home situation and i am very caring ( too caring ive been told) and like to help others in my professiaonl duties and personal life. I knew of some underlying anxiety and depression, however did not see the red flags initially.

During this time, they attempted suicide in my prescence; and fortunately came out unscaved post ICU. I moved in with my roommate months ago despite this gut feeling telling me not to do it, i did it anyway, feeling obliged given everything that happened and they said id be doing them a huge favour by helping them out. Weeks go by, we have moved into the new place and a second suicide attempt occurs.. more brutal this time in nature.. again in my prescence and came out the other side unscaved. Multiple psychiatric admissions.. more suicide attempts.. and continually providing emotional support.. as the weeks go by. I found myself in a constant state of stress and anxiety.. avoiding her at all cost because she was constantly relying on me and everyone else around her to pick up the pieces for her, manipulating everyone to do whatever she ask because she has severe mental health. This person i found out does in fact have extremely severe mental health and manipulative behaviour is a huge trait of her disorder. I continued to allow her to manipulate me despite it affecting me deeply on a personal level. Feeling like im responsible for her problems. Ontop of everything going on with my living enviroment, i am a shift-worker, driving 40 mins each way to work everyday.. exhausted and unhappy. Despite trying to incorporate healthy boundaries and not be so involved; things have continued to escalate. The emotional abuse and manipulation has reached its peak, and i have had to remove myself entirely, and move out of the rental closer to place of employment for my own sanity and mental well-being. I now am faced with severe verbal abuse, and continued emotional abuse; telling me im delusional and everyone else knows it except you. im starting to feel like I'm well and truly losing the plot.

I already have my own mental health problems and grief/loss that i have continued to work through over the years; however never experienced anything like this before.

[Sophie_M]

Welcome Kate,

We're so glad that you have reached out here today. We're so sorry to hear that you've been through this trauma - it sounds like you are a very caring person. Please know that you are not alone in this, and you've come to the right place to share how you have been feeling in a safe and non-judgemental space.

It sounds like you have begun setting some healthy boundaries by moving out, and also improved your everyday wellbeing by moving closer to work to shorten your commute.

You mentioned you have been working through some mental health issues over the years. Can we ask if you are currently accessing any mental health support? If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

Thanks again for reaching out. Hopefully a few of our members will be by to welcome you over the next few days.

 

[Backtheblue91]

Hi Kate46,

Firstly, I send my sincere condolences for your loss, and I empathise with the grieving process you are going through (I have gone through one as well).

I am assuming this friend has previously been scheduled under the Mental Health Act? I know from professional experience that they are rarely committed unless there is an ongoing risk of harm to themselves and others which the patient will often get around by 'ticking all the boxes' during psychological evaluation. If you are ever in fear of her taking her life again I would suggest calling 000 or reporting it to the police or the Mental Health team at your local hospital (BB would have a better idea of where to go) to have this person scheduled, not as punishment but for her own safety and maybe also consider providing an additional statement to the police outlining your ongoing concerns so that the mental health team can treat her most effectively.

When it comes to you though, you are the number one priority and I've learned you sometimes have to be selfish even if the person is in a time of crisis. Because in my experience you can only ever truly help someone who freely wishes to do so. As hard as it is, you can't afford to jeopardise your own mental health and safety for someone else's.

Sometimes it is beyond your control. As you said, you can be supportive while also maintaining those safe boundaries.

Whatever course of action you choose, I hope both you and your friend get through this. we are here to support you and accredited BB will be able to give you more direct advice if they haven't already

*I don't know the facts and am not authorised to give professional advice so please consider this an opinion/suggestion purely based on prior professional and personal experience to help inform your decision but always consult with a specialised professional before taking any course of action in this regard.*

Stay strong for us Kate,

Warm regards,

Rhys