Tired

[Delectable]

I’m tired of a lot of things, of doing this thing called life alone. I chose not to have children after living a traumatic childhood till I was 13 and placed in stare care. I never experienced love from my family or my past boyfriends. I have spent my entire life feeling never good enough for people, in the last fifteen years after I left a relationship I have felt more distant then ever. I worked as much as possible so I was either tired and didn’t think about the loneliness. I lot a few contracts and started baking, giving the food away when I could afford to do so. I’ve rented for the last 15 years and have had to do one bad move which was very hard on me giving away a beautiful harden and accessories to people I thought were friends but users in the end as I only live 30kns away and they choose to have nothing to do with me. I only work one day now and am struggling with filling in time, I do exercise every day for an hour, but there’s still over 13 hours to fill in. As i live in Victoria near NSW I’m stuck because of the coronavirus in Melbourne and not allowed out of my state though my area hadn’t had any cases for 90 days.

Tired of making friends to be let down by then, one life friend said speak to the psychologist, so I speak once every 6 weeks. I really don’t see much point continuing my life, there’s only so much one can take and I feel like ending my life especially iff I cannot go to Queensland in December for Christmas which I have not had Christmas for over 35 years with anyone. I do not take drugs or drink alcohol, just extremely overtired of my living.

[Hanna3]

A vegetarian lunch by the sounds Delectable, must have been nice. I love Tiramisu! Sometimes it's nice not to have to cook! Going to practice my music and watch a movie... cheers.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Delectable -
I got my last higher-rate pay Jobseeker payment in September, since then it was at a lower rate and hasn't changed.

Did you manage to get anywhere with DSP?

[Delectable]

I have to see a psychiatrist via zoom, it’s an 8 week wait...how they tell from one video conference I’m not sure. Jobseeker bonus is dropping again in January, I see the Labour Party have formed a committee to push it higher but they might have a better chance of getting pigs to fly. My employment provider says I must look for a job regardless of my health till I have the psych review. I said I’m sure we are both aware no one is going to employ me with my age, and endometriosis pain....nor will they employ someone with bad teeth, or a speech impediment, she must think we are living on cloud 9. It’s all incentives for younger people, business will not take someone like me who is nearly 49. As I need to pay rent of $510 a fortnight I have to look for 8 jobs even though it’s a waste of time as once I speak I can see it in peoples faces, they may not be rude with their mouth but their facial expressions say what they are thinking.

[Delectable]

Sometimes I can be lying on the floor for half a day to ease the pain, I had the pain very badly when I was doing the stairs and had to come home halfway through my workout as that was a test walking like that. The pain is getting worse and my gp stopped the pain relief medication 2 months ago and nothing else works. I’m sure any employer would not like me lying on a floor for half a day because of my pain, however when you’re poor one must jump hoops if you’re capable or not. The gp told me I must lose 10 kilos and was quite cruel saying I was fat in the stomach, thighs and bum. Wanted me to go on the 800 calories diet, it’s only $3 a day plus food, yeah right I felt like saying, I can’t afford that. I only eat 2 meals a day breakfast and lunch, which is mainly vegetables non starch and a little yogurt, an apple or pear, or orange. Barely eat meat, the old man I help gives me lunch and breakfast, I have 30g cereal and 30 ml milk and lunch is a tuna sandwich plus a banana, sometimes the sandwich is poached chicken, and I only drink water or polish fruit teas, yet I’m fat and I say to the doctor it’s not my choice to be. Hence I won’t take anti depressants as I can’t afford more weight gain plus I’m flat out walking 50 metres and I’m exhausted on them so they aren’t compatible. Someone told me if you’re under a psych you must take medication, I will only go under one to get dsp, if that’s not going to happen I’ll just stick with my psychologist.

[Guest_1643]

Hello - I am excempt from job seeking due to my PTSD and wander if there may be a way to get this for you.
I don't know about labour or liberal govts - i lived in america where i had no healthcare so I see it as bad here, but not the worst. I didn't know about January dropping jobseeker so thanks for the info it's a bit confusing sometimes to get the facts. Appreciate it.

[Guest_1643]

Hi, it is not true that if you are under a psych you need to take medication.
I saw a psych for years without any medication. Although there are some psychs that only really offer medication, so they probably won't see someone who is not having medication as part of their treatment. For example some are called pharmapsychiatrists.

[Guest_1643]

also 8 weeks is pretty good to get into see a psych - they are booked out all accross the country. I'd be suspicious if there was one who could get you in a week - they need to have waiting lists now so they can give ppl the appropriate time and attention. I have been waiting months for my appointment

[Delectable]

he latest extension and reduction of the Coronavirus Supplement has been slammed by a major social services group as a “low blow”.
Last night, legislation for the JobSeeker boost to extend to 31 March 2021 officially passed Parliament. Under the laws, the boost will continue, but at a reduced rate of $150 a fortnight.
The current Supplement rate is $250 a fortnight, which was brought down from the original $550 in September, and is set to drop again to the new rate on 1 January.

[Delectable]

I actually don’t have an appointment till I see the gp on Tuesday, my old psychologist told me it’s a 8 week wait, tears where I got the number from. I believe you only get one free visit per year, and I had one earlier this year as too which they said medication and to apply for the redress scheme. I cannot prove the abuse happened in state care nearly 36 years ago nor do I want to delve into that part of my life with no support. I do wish when I was in state care someone would have advised me I wouldn’t amount to anything in my adult life no matter how hard I tried. I didn’t have the makeup or tools that people take for granted from their parents.

Centrelink advised me in May I must work 15 hours a week and I got transferred into the disability employment services then....it’s a relief not do work for the dole, yet I think that maybe easier then what’s to come, how to look for a job etc. I know how to do that, I’m just not the sort of person an employer would take, I won’t be able to live on just normal jobseeker when it returns.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Delectable,

We're sorry to hear that you've been struggling dealing with various systems. It's good to hear that you'll be seeing your GP on Tuesday, and we hope that that will be a helpful experience for you. We're getting in touch privately to offer you some extra support.

If you have experienced childhood trauma, you can speak with a Blue Knot Helpline trauma counsellor including for support and applications around national redress - https://www.blueknot.org.au/. We can hear that you are saying this is not something you want to delve into, and we can undertand that this would be painful. However, we are just supplying the link in case you change your mind or you need some support around this.

Thank you for reaching out to the fourms today and keeping us updated. We hope that you can find some peace and comfort tonight.