Tired

[Delectable]

I’m tired of a lot of things, of doing this thing called life alone. I chose not to have children after living a traumatic childhood till I was 13 and placed in stare care. I never experienced love from my family or my past boyfriends. I have spent my entire life feeling never good enough for people, in the last fifteen years after I left a relationship I have felt more distant then ever. I worked as much as possible so I was either tired and didn’t think about the loneliness. I lot a few contracts and started baking, giving the food away when I could afford to do so. I’ve rented for the last 15 years and have had to do one bad move which was very hard on me giving away a beautiful harden and accessories to people I thought were friends but users in the end as I only live 30kns away and they choose to have nothing to do with me. I only work one day now and am struggling with filling in time, I do exercise every day for an hour, but there’s still over 13 hours to fill in. As i live in Victoria near NSW I’m stuck because of the coronavirus in Melbourne and not allowed out of my state though my area hadn’t had any cases for 90 days.

Tired of making friends to be let down by then, one life friend said speak to the psychologist, so I speak once every 6 weeks. I really don’t see much point continuing my life, there’s only so much one can take and I feel like ending my life especially iff I cannot go to Queensland in December for Christmas which I have not had Christmas for over 35 years with anyone. I do not take drugs or drink alcohol, just extremely overtired of my living.

[Guest_1643]

hi delectable, sounds yum, the cucumber salad will be so fresh on a warm day. Lovely options for the meal

I cannot see online where that jobseeker is dropping? I know they took away the bonus which was being paid out during covid.

[Hanna3]

That lunch sounds lovely Delectable! There's a French movie on SBS Movies tonight that I've seen before ages ago but I know it's good. Two days one night I think is the English title. Anyway good luck with the luncheon it sounds great!

[Guest_1643]

Hey Hanna just wanted to add for that movie - trigger warning due to suicide themes.

[Delectable]

I probably won’t watch it anyway, I’ve been up since 4.20am and have to do the stair workout tomorrow so I’ll be back up at 4.50am....

I also made spekulaas for all the drivers, there’s 37 in the depot...I used Sprngerle moulds, and stars. Last year I gave cakes but the weather had been too hot last week and my friend, my driver passed away in April so all the situation has changed to where I drop off now.

I’ll look for the movie you mentioned at the library, I don’t watch tv barely as I lose interest in ads and forget the tv...

[Delectable]

Sleepy, I mean that extra money will be stopped. The liberal party have no idea of poverty or struggles. Utilities and food, rent increases yearly but the payment doesn’t, how is that fair? I be also heard mental health isn’t deemed for DSP, only physical. They believe you can recover from CPTSD, I’m 48 and I’ve had it all my life but was only diagnosed 5 years ago.... so I hardly think people with long term trains are going to recover. Maybe the only way it will change is from the pandemic...all the people that can’t cope we now have 20 free mental health sessions instead of the 10 which I’d normally use mine by July and have to wait for February for anymore. Also the liberals know that people can’t live on jobseeker or they wouldn’t have given the bonus to newly unemployed, what makes those people so special compared to us? I hope those people are still unemployed when the bonus finishes, it will be a harsh lesson for people to learn but it’s the only way people might understand as wage earners just deem us lazy! I’d be glad to give them my problems for 6 months and see how they cope.

There has been several calls for increases to jobseeker, if they just kept the same name for every government sector they would save a heap of money, it’s an utter waste changing names all the time with paperwork etc. CSV became DHS, DSE became DWELP, Newstart became jobseeker and there’s probably others...

[Hanna3]

Hi Delectable,

I agree that the unemployment is ridiculously low and it's a disgrace. We should have a univeral income available to everyone and that would save a huge amount of money as well as allowing people who are aged or unemployed or disabled to live with dignity.

Hope your luncheon goes well today. best wishes.

[Hanna3]

How did your lunch go yesterday? Do let us know. It sounded wonderful!

[Delectable]

It went ok, the drivers stuck to the tomato and cucumber and the puff pastry....there was some miscommunication and one came very late...

Felt rather flat after it all, came home and fell asleep on the floor, had a bad migraine.
Taking an older lady out for lunch for her birthday today, her daughters house is up for auction tomorrow and it’s likely Andrea will move when the daughter sells. I have known her for 18 years, she is turning 81. I have 35 dvds to watch so will have to make a start, thanks for asking Hanna.

[Hanna3]

Hi Delectable,

I often go flat after things too, I think it's a universal phenomenon! Something to do with being tired and just coming down after a bit of a high I think.. hope your lunch today goes OK too.

35 dvds sound enough to keep you going over the Christmas/New Year period at least!!! Cheers.

[Delectable]

Lunch today was nice, we shared eggplant meatballs, tomato & nectarine & ricotta salad followed by tiramisu and very strong coffee. I think I’ll cook, though as it’s cheaper....next time.