This is about everything

[Debbiedoo]

Hello,

This will be all over the place cause I’m still trying to understand all this I’m a woman in my 50’s and every once in a while I would have this memory . Before my Parents divorced I was 13 yrs old my father took me away to QLD and this is where the memory starts , I’m sitting on a bed and the tv is on and “Pretty Baby “was on my father comes out of the bathroom wearing just a towel and asks if I want a glass of wine , I said ok and he kept giving wine . All of this is in the third person as in from behind me like someone else is watching this . I never told anyone cause when ever I remembered this it didn’t know if it ever happened but I always felt anxious when it resurfaced. I also had another image where I was laying on the bed naked with my eyes closed and my father was touching me but it was viewed from above once again like through someone else’s eyes. The last thing I remember about that trip was waking up at home ( we lived in NSW ) .

My father was physically abusive and an alcoholic we were always walking around on eggshells  . My Mum passed away in 2019 and my world crumbled, Mum and I talked all the time yes we argued but she was everything to me so this is where everything unraveled. I went to the doctors and was diagnosed with depression and was put on tablets and told to talk to a psychologist, we talked for a few months and was diagnosed with CPTSD & Generalised Anxiety Disorder. I had never told anyone about what I had remembered until I saw a psychiatrist I told her about the one where he was coming out the bathroom and she said that it was definitely a memory . 
After all this I would like to know if anyone else remembers things happening in the third person cause I’m just worried that if this is all true will I remember more ?

[Sophie_M]

Hi Debbiedoo,  

We are so sorry to hear of these painful memories, we can hear how difficult it has been for you and we're grateful you had the courage to post, as it can be a powerful step towards feeling better. It can be hard for people to tell their story, but please know that you're in a safe space for doing so here, with a lovely community of kind and understanding people.  

It sounds like this might be having an impact on how you're feeling day to day, so please know that there’s always someone here for you to talk it through with. The Beyond Blue counsellors are available 24/7 online, if using the phone would be difficult for you, you can reach them via webchat or email.

We’re sure we’ll hear from our lovely, supportive community soon. In the meantime, Blue Knot is an amazing resource for recovering from traumatic experiences and processing these event. You can access Blue Knot’s advice on self-care for survivors of trauma and abuse   We are here to support you and you are not alone. 

Thank you so much for sharing here, you never know who may read this post and feel less alone as a result. Please know our community is here for you during this time and we hope they are able to share their words of wisdom. 

Kind regards,   

Sophie M 

[Debbiedoo]

Thank you Sophie, I was so nervous to post but your kind words have calmed me down a little.