State of the world advice

[Debbie Downer]

I really want to know how everyone copes with the unfairness in the world when all they've had is bad luck or a bad hand. The ongoing inequalities, the financial / social issues / the capitalist society that doesn't cater to people like us.
I'm Koori, grew up poor and in social housing, both parents were/are addicts and I was abused physically, emotionally and sexually throughout my childhood.

Now that I am out of survival mode and trying to make something of myself I am finding myself so angry at the world around me. I am so bitter about differences in upbringings, where people are at in life (buying houses and having babies), the opportunities people have had and just the love and compassion they have from their family in general. I've tried being happy for them most of my life - How lucky they don't/didn't have to go through that, I can live vicariously through them; but now I can't shake this feeling. Jealousy? Envious? How do I move on from here?

I don't want to be this way but I don't see anything changing anytime soon. I'm sick of being angry.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Debbie Downer,

A very warm and caring welcome to the forums..

I am so sorry that you went through what you did...

Very similar to you..my parents were poor..lived in government housing and I grew up unloved and abused...My friends had loving parents and happy homes..I remember feeling and wishing that I wish I had their life...not so much of jealousy..more to have that feeling of being cared for and loved..

My marriage was worse then my childhood...I tried to escape my life with my family..only to dig myself deeper into abuse and not feeling loved or cared for..

I don’t feel angry for my life....I survived it and I’m really grateful for that...although it has left many emotional scars on my soul which caused some mental health issues...I have been seeing a counsellor for a few years for my C-PTSD...to help me to move forward with my life...maybe reaching out to your Dr..for a mental health care plan could be a huge help in moving forward..

I had felt so much hate in my life, so much abuse...that I know what it feels like...and I honestly cannot in my heart do to anyone what has been done to me...I don’t want anyone else to feel that way, ever...

Dear Debbie Downer....Its now time for you, to look after yourself and give yourself some care and compassion...You so very much deserve it...you are a survivor....You are stronger then you think you are...Try hard beautiful lady...to be the lovely person that is underneath all that anger your holding on to....and not let your past...define your future...

Talk here anytime you feel up to it...

My kindest thoughts with my care..

Grandy..

[jaz28]

hi there,

i am sorry you are feeling this way, bitterness may be a common reaction.

have you considered seeing a psychologist for this?

jaz xx

[Croix]

Dear Debbie Downer~

Your first few words talk about coping, and that is a very sensible and practical aim - as is less anger.

Of course you do have right to be furious, life and the world has given you a terribly hard time. It is unfair, it is full of inequalities and lack of money, lack of opportunities. And sadly parents who were not protectors and as well the harm caused to you by your frightful childhood.

Anger can be useful and give strenght. When my employer cynically used me up and left me invalided out I was angry, and that helped get me though. Anger however can only go so far. Now I'm over that and no longer in that state.

So what can one do to cope? Perhaps a collection of little things. What do you enjoy? For me movies, pets, talking and joking with my partner, plus more. I try to have one thing to look forward to each day, so when evening comes I have something that pleases or distracts me from the hard parts of life.

That's not an easy thing to do. The thoughts and feelings of the day need to be stopped so that I'm receptive to whatever it is I've planned.

When I need I break the chain of those thoughts with the free smartphone app Smiling Mind

https://www.smilingmind.com.au/smiling-mind-app/

It takes practice, but is worth it. Even with my poor attention span there is an exercise I can use (there are all sorts) that helps me forget whatever I was thinking and leave me with a moment of calm in which to start that movie, walk the mutt Foxy Dog or strike up an enjoyable conversion with someone I hold in regard or affection, Mrs C.

Do you have anyone like that? Maybe a family member or a friend?

Apart from that little thing each day (which helps a surprising amout if you keep at it) is there any aim or matter you would want to pursue, either as a pastime or employment? To have a goal does give purpose and and life meaning. Mine nowadays is to help people that have been where I have. I help myself in the process.

None of the above fixes what's wrong with the world, maybe it might assist you a bit in coping with it.

I hope we get to talk some more

Croix

[Mum Chris]

Hi Debbie downer

I came from a home that on the outside looked good. Not all is as it seems I was abused and denied basic school equipment and had to wear hand me down clothes and glasses. I lived in fear most of my childhood and got out of there as soon as I could. My father wouldn’t let us have hot water in the house and we had a boiler to make a bath that we all shared. We lived in the centre of town and he earned great money. No phone and when he felt like it he turned off the electricity. Kids at school had a different life to me.
I wish I’d had a nice home with parents that were stable and protected me but I didn’t get that and I was expected to be a perfect daughter and make them proud.

It’s hard setting out and being your own person and it’s lonely and painful. I have tried not to judge others and not be bitter because I believe that hurts me. I’ve been hurt enough and I want peace and happiness. I struggle and I’m seeing a psychologist for complex PTSD because I keep getting into the same situations and getting hurt. It is really helping.

I’m listening to YouTube “I Am” meditation tapes while I sleep and I am practicing relaxation techniques. People who have ptsd breathe rapidly so I take deep breath’s in and slowly out and try and imagine my happy place or feeling. I have a dog and he puts his head on me when I’m stressing and then he’s my happy place.

Hope you are feeling ok.
MC

[james1]

Hey Debbie Downer,

I'm sorry to hear about what you've had to go through in life. It sounds like you've had a really hard life so far, and just want to find something to make of it all now. I hope we can help you in your steps to try and make something out of this difficult hand you were dealt early on.

It really is crap that the world is so unfair. And, unfortunately, it seems as though much of the inequality is systematic. Not often the fault of those who benefit, but the unfairness is still there.

I am not so sure how much we can do to change this quickly, but I find it can help to look for things that help us manage day to day, until the situation maybe does change one day. Personally, I get really saddened about how badly animals get treated. I find it quite horrific what people do, and all I know how to deal with this is to try and do well by the animals that I can help. It doesn't fix the problem, but it's something I can do to help and I also don't feel as helpless.

James

[Karen0901]

I'd say it a normal reaction. It's something I have struggled with and I'm sure there are heaps of other people who could say the same.

I still struggle with it at times. Social media is the worst for creating envy. However, we never know what others are going through. Most people try to cover up flaws etc. Even if they have a better life, we all have the same emotions and one situation, even if it isn't as extreme, can still cause similar emotions.

In my experience, the best way to deal with it, is to work towards what you want. Even if it seems impossible. While doing this, it's important to consider the good things that you have that others may not have. You can also think about how you have survived things others haven't and be proud of that. I know it doesn't always work, so let yourself be bitter, angry and jealous sometimes but don't let it control your life.