Advice for helping my CSA survivor friend

[valps]

Obvious content warning for CSA

Last year when my best friend was 15, he was groomed and abused by an older man. Obviously, this has really affected him- his mental health has plummeted, he doesn’t want to form romantic relationships, etc etc. I want to know how to help him.

I feel like I’ve done very little for him throughout all this and I have no idea how to support him when it’s such a touchy subject. I think he’s ready to start telling more people now. Until recently he had only told me, but he’s opened up to another friend, and told me he would like to talk about it more, but doesn’t want people to “feel bad” for him.

I don’t know how to navigate talking about this stuff with him. What are some things I should avoid if he discusses it with me? What are some good things to have him talk about/unpack? The last thing I want to do is upset him or push him away from talking about it with me.

Lots of love ❤️

[Sophie_M]

Dear valps,

Thank you for being such an incredible friend to someone who is struggling with something so horrific - I know you don't feel like you have done much, but just the courage to ask for advice around this is proof of how much you care and worry for him.

Please allow us to get you started on a few services that might help both with this: 
KIds Helpline can still support until 25 years old, so they can still do their very best with anything you might need to navigate, give them a call on 1800 55 1800 - you can also reach them online: www.kidshelpline.com.au 

You are probably both already aware of Headspace, but you can reach out to them about these topics as well, and they may be able to take on your friend long-term while he recovers - call 1800 650 890 - or of course they have a website too www.headspace.org.au

You can also try Brave Hearts - they are really very lovely, and the phone is probably best: 1800 272 831.

Of course, you and he are always welcome to call us, anytime, 24/7 - Reach out on 1300 22 4636 and if it is more comfortable, remember you can just webchat with us, like messenger: https://beyondblue.org.au/support-service/chat

Again, we hope you are as proud of you as we are, valps! We know it is hard to watch someone go through this, and we hope you will reach out for support to when you need it. I am sure many members of the community will reach out to you here over coming days!

Stay well!

Sophie M.

[geoff]

Hello Valps, it's really good you want to help your friend, but sometimes this isn't easy and may take a little tme to gain their confidence.

Being abused by an older man can happen when you least expect it to and may not be easy to avoid, depending on the circumstances.

If he wants to start talking, that's good, but if I can suggest is to let him do the talking, because if you keep asking him questions then he might just decide to close up, especially about what actually happened or perhaps he might be warning his friends to be wary of this person without giving much away.

If he does start talking to you, he may not answer the question you want to ask him, he has to say it when he's ready and say only what he wants to say without any questions from you.

There are other links Sophie has given you which either you or him can contact, but he has decide if he wants to report this matter to the police.

Let us know how you get on.

Geoff.

[Sophia16]

Hi,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for being so open here. It sounds like you really care for your friend. You just being here shows how much of a good person you are.

My advice is to just listen to his story. Sometimes people just want to feel heard rather than be given advice. It was something that happened to him in the past so you can't do much except make him feel heard.

Make sure you be there for him, don't judge him and support him through everything. Don't make him talk about a certain thing, let him talk about what he wants. Be as empathetic as you can.

Stay safe and i am always here to chat.