PTSD and Trauma

I have a noisy neighbour who won't allow me to rest or sleep when I'm at home

replies: 7

I've been in my apartment for 3 years, and was so happy when I moved in. After a few weeks, I heard very loud shouting, swearing, & heavy objects being thrown around upstairs. Due to being positioned in a unit directly below, I heard every single thi... View more

I've been in my apartment for 3 years, and was so happy when I moved in. After a few weeks, I heard very loud shouting, swearing, & heavy objects being thrown around upstairs. Due to being positioned in a unit directly below, I heard every single thing. I called the police. Nothing was done. It happened again, and again. I spoke to my landlord, was told to let them know what's happening, after 12 times reporting to the landlord over 3 years, he is no longer shouting or throwing things, but he has changed tactics, and now he invites heaps of his friends over to drink heavily and party, most days and nights. Police are unwilling to pursue the matter. I'm stuck feeling disrespected and denied rest. When he parties there is the loud voices and laughter plus they drag furniture roughly across the floor. I have ear plugs in at night, and try to wind down with music etc but am feeling furious now, and don't know what to do. I am starting to pack my bags, but don't have another place to go to! I am getting tearful and anxious that I can't solve this problem. I am constantly thinking of solutions, and scenarios where I am imagining I will talk to him, reason with him, ask him to be quiet...I have had a friend go with me to talk to him face to face which helped him to quieten down a for a couple of months, but I am unable to keep on going this due to stress levels and extreme fatigue (exhaustion). It's preventing me from studying my course when at home. I go out walking, shopping and all the normal things as well as work, and I get home and feel so upset and hopeless when I can hear him being so noisy and disruptive. I'm 58 and am scared I will be homeless if I can't hold on to this tenancy....because I'm not on a high income, and have no family support to fall back on. I get scary thoughts when I'm alone at nights, that I will run away somewhere. I even think I need to prepare to live on the streets, which would be better than where I'm living now. I know I have no control over this situation, and everything I've done to help myself has failed. I've prayed for help too. I'm too old to keep fighting. But I can't surrender to his harassment and abuse either. It hurts.

I feel alien and alone

replies: 1

I don't know if I was like this before my trauma. I know I didn't have many friends, but I feel like I alienate everyone around me. I am just trying to be more honest about who I am. Usually the first couple of times I meet someone, everything goes w... View more

I don't know if I was like this before my trauma. I know I didn't have many friends, but I feel like I alienate everyone around me. I am just trying to be more honest about who I am. Usually the first couple of times I meet someone, everything goes well. Then, if I don't mess it up, I sabotage the relationship in textbook avoidant behaviour. I am terrified of women especially, the nicer they are to me, the more distrustful I am. I interpret compassion as predation. I was honest about this fear with a new friend. They... Criticised it. "Don't say it like that." They said, in a way as though I had said something deeply bigoted or offensive. I have little to no friends. My best friend moved out into the country to get married, and I haven't seen them since. They do not respond to my offers to visit them. Before that, they did not speak to me for months. I understand that honesty is not always the best approach especially when it comes to making and keeping friends. But I feel as though people are constantly criticising, judging, rejecting and abandoning me when I attempt genuine interactions. I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone. I've had a historically terrible relationship with my parents, which I won't get into. Despite our past, we are closer now, and they are the closest thing I have to friends despite how confused my emotions are for them. I honestly don't believe I am a terrible person. I believe I can be blunt, and edgy, but I don't think anything I'm doing is warranting the way I'm treated. My trauma tells me to run away and hide and that even if things go well they will fall to pieces and hurt me. I'm just rambling now. I'm hurting a lot.

Absent Father

replies: 3

My mother and father split when I was 1 1/2 years of age. He has re appeared then disappeared 6 times throughout my life. I'm 45. He promises the world and apologies profusely every time. And every time I have forgiven him, except the last time. It's... View more

My mother and father split when I was 1 1/2 years of age. He has re appeared then disappeared 6 times throughout my life. I'm 45. He promises the world and apologies profusely every time. And every time I have forgiven him, except the last time. It's been 20 years since then. He keeps track of me through my step father which is fine. I don't approve but my step father has been there for me since I was 2. I know I should probably forgive him but the hatred runs deep. Will I regret it when he passes? At the moment, no. He is a narcissist, he is very good at being manipulative and plays on people's emotions to get his way. Given that I am mature enough to understand this, should I give him another chance?

Mothers Day Guilt

replies: 2

Hello, I need some reassurance that I have done the right thing and am not being selfish. My mother has schizophrenia (unmedicated /untreated by choice). I'm almost certain she is a narcissist as well due to her inability to think about the people ar... View more

Hello, I need some reassurance that I have done the right thing and am not being selfish. My mother has schizophrenia (unmedicated /untreated by choice). I'm almost certain she is a narcissist as well due to her inability to think about the people around her. She was an drug addict for most of my childhood and got clean when I was 11 years old when my baby sister was born. I helped her get clean - babysitting for hours while she went to NA, we moved into a refuge together until a dept of housing place came up and I helped her raise my baby sister until I move out of home at 19. Our relationship deteriorated when I moved out and she only visited me when it was convenient or she needed something; which would usually result in her belittling me, putting me down about my achievements or pressuring me to be better. Fast forward to now, she hooked up with an abusive asshole who uses her financially, physically assaults her and is an addict as well. She has been smoking pot again and I feel it is only a matter of time before she's on the harder stuff again. I told her how I was feeling - heartbroken and extremely worried that she is throwing all her hard work away. I told her I love her but need to protect myself first and cannot be in her life until she gets rid of this guy because I have been having panic attacks and trauma flashbacks. She did not reply or acknowledge but told my sister I am selfish and that I need to let her live her life. So I decided to skip Mothers day this year which is eating me up with guilt. I know that if I saw her all bruised and unwell I'd go down my own mental health spiral. Im a mental health support worker and now I am feeling so so guilty, imagining what I'd do if she was my client, like I should have just toughened up and saw her. I know she's unwell and that she's in DV relationship which is hard to get out of. It's not her fault she is unwell and in this position but also she's not trying change, nor is she even speaking to me. Ugh. I'm so conflicted.

Loneliness

replies: 2

I am 35 and suffers from PTSD. I find it hard to make friends who are sincere. I have a child and am anxious i dont do enough

I’m Happy but I want to be left alone.

replies: 7

I want advice on how to cut contact with family members (in name only) for their cruel treatment and I want nothing to do anymore with them and have told them not to visit or call. Yet they don’t respect my wish and keep contacting me. How do I get i... View more

I want advice on how to cut contact with family members (in name only) for their cruel treatment and I want nothing to do anymore with them and have told them not to visit or call. Yet they don’t respect my wish and keep contacting me. How do I get it through to them? I suffer from post traumatic stress and they are deliberately cruel to me emotionally so I want to distance myself and disassociate from them as it only makes my pst flare up. It’s not about forgiveness but justice. How to best get rid of these people with the least fuss? Thanks for any ideas in advance. I’m all for family unity if the intentions are sincere and both ways but in this case its one way traffic.

Mothers Day and feeling no positive regard toward my Mother.

replies: 8

Hi, I'm new to this forum and really wanted to share some of my feelings on a difficult day for me as I'm struggling to feel love for my mother. I endured severe early childhood abuse from my Mother and I decided to disconnect our relationship 10 yea... View more

Hi, I'm new to this forum and really wanted to share some of my feelings on a difficult day for me as I'm struggling to feel love for my mother. I endured severe early childhood abuse from my Mother and I decided to disconnect our relationship 10 years ago in my mid 30's. I feel compassion toward myself but no positive regard for her and I feel guilty about this. Warm Regards Lisa3030

PTSD Anxiety and Major Depressive Disorder.

replies: 2

In 2000, I was involved in a vehicle role over as the passenger. I had multiple skull fractures, bleeding on the brain quite badly and many broken bones. They told my family that I wasn't going to live. I did. After a long time in the hospital becaus... View more

In 2000, I was involved in a vehicle role over as the passenger. I had multiple skull fractures, bleeding on the brain quite badly and many broken bones. They told my family that I wasn't going to live. I did. After a long time in the hospital because they had to keep a close eye on the blood in my brain, I eventually recovered. 8 years later I was triggered by something and had a massive panic attack. Since then I've been on a roller-coaster of antidepressants, EMT and 4 long term hospital psych ward admissions. It feels like this cycle will be the rest of my life.

How do I explain this to my significant other?

replies: 3

Hi again, I'm a young man who experienced long-term CSA from ages 13-16. A little under 10 years later, a little under a year of therapy for CPTSD, I think I'm doing okay. This post will contain me talking about how my CSA experience has and continue... View more

Hi again, I'm a young man who experienced long-term CSA from ages 13-16. A little under 10 years later, a little under a year of therapy for CPTSD, I think I'm doing okay. This post will contain me talking about how my CSA experience has and continues to affect the sexual side of my relationships. I'll be as clinical as possible. I've been seeing somebody on and off for around 3 months. We have been intimate, but not sexual. Last time we saw each other, she initiated foreplay, and asked if I was a virgin as I "seemed uncomfortable". I said no, and she just sort of laughed and didn't believe me, said that she'll take care of everything and I shouldn't worry. Soon, everything sort of starts to feel unreal. In hindsight, this is the beginning of a flashback. Everything seems to remind me of my abuser, being completely unable to do anything, and I just lock up and cover my face. At first I try to stop myself from crying, and instead let out a noise she mistakes for a moment. After another few seconds she realises something is wrong when she goes to take my hands to them on her chest and sees my tears. She gets off me and starts asking what's wrong, but I am completely not there. What happens is what she says, as I don't really remember what happened. She gets off me and keeps asking if I'm okay, but I keep saying that I'm real over and over again. She wraps me with a blanket and goes to call her friend who asks if I take drugs (I don't), and that if she thinks something's wrong she should call an ambulance. At this point I walk into the kitchen and try to stand in the fridge at which point she stops me and I sort of come too. She takes me back to bed, and I cry on and off until I fall asleep. I remember it like it is a dream or a really faint memory. She explained things when I woke up and doesn't believe that I don't remember much, and is really upset with me. We are close, but I don't know if now is the tone to cross this bridge. How do I explain it to her? People I've explained my abuse to in the past haven't believed me, even when I've had flashbacks in front of them. I think this is the end of our relationship. I like her, but this is the worst flashback I've ever had. How do I explain this to her, or anyone?

2021 - traumatic times that brought out my resilience 2022 - the tiniest of problems have left me mentally under siege. Why?

replies: 3

My mother, an emotionally difficult and dominant presence in my life,attempted three days after Christmas 2020. She was in hospital in the mental health unit but only stayed there a week and only after I convinced her to try and get help for her ment... View more

My mother, an emotionally difficult and dominant presence in my life,attempted three days after Christmas 2020. She was in hospital in the mental health unit but only stayed there a week and only after I convinced her to try and get help for her mental illness and her harmful drinking. From what she told me, many months later, she spent that week arguing with the staff over things like the TV, the temperature and when she would get her nightly medication before discharging herself and ceasing any further contact with mental health professionals (my step dad backed her on this). On the advice of my therapist, I told her I loved her but I was taking a break from her and my stepdad to work on healing myself (I knew their drinking wasn't going to stop and their drunk abuse been very painful part of my whole life). Three months after I ceased contact mum called me and bluntly told me that my stepdad, who has been in my life since I was 4, died suddenly from a heart attack (he's my only dad). I organised the funeral and saw her once every three weeks to offer support. But over the months things deteriorated - her behaviour became erratic and five weeks ago she created a situation that made me and also her neighbour think she had attempted again. When I finally got a hold of her, seconds away from calling 000, she laughed at my distress before getting angry swearing at me and telling me never to call her. The thing is, last year was the most difficult of my life but I got through it ok - I helped Mum, I did well at work and looked after my young children and stayed in a solid, healthy relationship with my husband. But after this incident with mum this year I find myself obsessed with stupid work things and I'm baffled by it. I feel constantly on edge, like adrenaline is surging through me and I am absolutely convinced that I am screwing up everything at work and I wake up wired at 3 in the morning. I don't trust myself to make decisions at work and I'm worried I'm forgetting things. I can't switch my brain off! My own boss has sympathetically advised me that I should care less and my husband too but I can't stop thinking that next time I'm at work I'm going to screw everything up and humiliate myself. Why am I so fixated on mundane work tasks when there are these other momentous things going on, like my widowed mother's mental instability and a pandemic? I just want to sleep through the night again and start to 'care less' about work.

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PTSD for Medical and First Responders

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