Dear Bella99~
I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here, it was a good move as others have been there and may feel much the same.
You have been very badly injured by someone who only thinks of themself, and not other people. It's a horrible way to be.
Sadly those who have been hurt often feel that they are at fault, I don't know why, I wish it was not so as it is totally undeserved. You have spent a lot of time and energy and relived great trauma to try to get this person into court. If you were truly aware of how infrequently this succeeds you would be staggered.
It is not a question of failure at all, it is an act of defiance and courage, no matter what it cost you. All the times you felt it was hopeless or too hard you have kept on going. That is something to be proud of inside your mind, the only place that truly counts.
I'm not sure why your old thoughts have come back now. My psychiatrist told me with mine (different circumstances to yours as I was a policeman) it was because I had become strong enough to handle parts of the past -I hope it is the same for you.
There other ways to feel more in command and bringing people like him down other than court. Joining a group devoted to making it easier to bring childhood abuse claims before the courts would be a good step, and I would expect -eventually, not right away - that they will succeed.
In the meantime can I ask what support you have? For instance do you have a specialist in childhood abuse and trauma to assist you? I ask as it was only when I got competent help from a psychiatrist I started to improve and see a wider life.
Also is the anyone, a family member or a friend, who you can talk to and who will listen and let you feel cared for? Facing everything in isolation is very hard.
We are here for you, please talkanytime
Croix
