Should I share trauma with my family

[Dog_mum_52]

Hi all,

I am a long time reader and first time poster here. I have been working through a trauma I experienced sone years ago with cognitive processing therapy and this has brought some things up for me. At the time, there was a complicated court case and a lot of media that perpetuated what happened. I have never told my family (who are generally supportive) about what happened, but have been thinking about this for some time, especially now I am actively working on processing it. I am worried they won't react in a helpful way, and once they know there are things online where they would be able to see details of what happened and once I tell them it can't be un-told if that makes sense? I was wondering what people's experiences have been around this and if anyone has any advice. Thanks for reading

[white knight]

Hi, welcome, glad you made a post now.

This topic is very subjective, everyone will have an answer and it does depend on many personal factors that you havent mentioned. I understand why such details were concealed.

In terms of mental illness, our peer advisor specialty, we are well aware of the consequences in sharing our diagnosis to those that either dont have empathy towards such illnesses or have a negative attitude towards people that have such conditions. This leaves us in a world whereby we actively share to others our troubles that know our difficulties- its why forums like ours here is so popular.

Subsequently I'd ask myself

• what do I hope to achieve by revealing details of a past trauma?
• what is my expectations, are they realistic or fanciful?
• what risks will I take?
• If it backfires will the damage be high?
• Will revelation help me in the long term?

Your desire to open the book on your trauma is perfectly normal. To share such trauma even if it involves another member of the family for example- to "come out" with the details is a natural course. The weighing scale one side- release of information that will sooth your soul and the other side, mere humans that interpret information they dont know how to process...which can be harmful to you.

The harmful side. Humans, well sorry but after 65 years of trusting them only to end up quite distrusting has left me suspicious. EG some might express understanding and talk behind your back, some might openly disagree with your information sharing and others might be very understanding. I'd suggest the last bunch is not a bunch at all, its one or two people that you can totally trust.

Perhaps therein lies the answer, to reveal to those fully trustworthy so you get comfort but not to anyone else so you protect your mental well being. The trouble we have is to judge how NOT to carry out actions we will regret, if we do reveal to the wrong persons we create more trauma than the original trauma (in some cases).

I hope that suggestion is clear. I wish you well and by all means feel free you can expand on your issues if ever you feel like it.

I think your therapy is a wise move and you are dealing with your issues admirably.

TonyWK

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Dog_mum_52,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for joining us. This is a really great question, and honestly I wish I had an answer for you because it would be so much simpler!

For me, my own trauma was brought on by my family so I'm not sure that my experiences are helpful here, but every family is so different and given that I don't know yours, I don't know how they will react- or even how they would react to general mental health discussions.

The only advice that I can truly think of is to play out a few different scenarios as practice- what are the things you'd really like to say? What do you want them to know? Who do you want to tell?

While I also sound a little negative here, one of the things that does actually help me is thinking of the worst case scenario too- because then it can actually take away some of that fear so you know you can handle it. Maybe that looks like choosing a time to talk, or telling only one person to start with, or giving them information about trauma, time to process it..

I hope this helps a little- I'm happy to brainstorm with you more or help in anyway I can. If you are still seeing your therapist this is also something that they can help with as well.

rt

[geoff]

• Hello Dog_mum, and a warm welcome to the site.

The question you've asked and along with Tony and Rt's replies is not that easy to answer, because you feel as though you want to tell them all about your unfortunate experience is certainly very sound, however, what may happen is that half of them agree and feel sorry for you, while the other half don't understand why this has and could ever happen and are dubious about your comments and may doubt what you've said, these are the people that perhaps you had expected to give you all the support you need, but rather do the opposite and thoroughly disappoint you, which could in turn not make you feel any better, especially if it involves a court case.

The people who have been close to you and you feel as though you can trust them, can be told but sometimes it may be worth just telling them a small amount, just to get a reaction from them and see whether or not they want to help you further.

I only mention this as you say 'actively working on processing it' and don't want you to lose any ground you've made by those who don't agree with what you have said, so if you can, take your time and remember to look after yourself.

Geoff.

[Weaponsofmassdisstortion]

My experience with confronting an abuser or telling other people about bad experiences is this; most people will dismiss it out of hand or Some people will want to help, but just don't know how to (thats kind of what I am like).

This is my advice; give them the smallest nugget of information you can. Then sit back and see how they react. Use this as a gage. If they dismiss you at of hand or telling you; "Your just being silly, that never happened" then I suggest you walk away. Life is too short and your mental health is too important.

[white knight]

Great wise advice.

TonyWK