Sexual harassment

[Bnk23]

Hi, this is my first post... I don’t really know how to say how I feel in the simplest way but this year has definitely been hard. It started with ongoing sexual harassment from a number of bosses at my work, For months I brushed the inappropriate comments etc aside as I was there to do my job. But one day one of my bosses cornered me upstairs and I didn’t know what to do. Currently I’m in a sexual harassment case with these bosses and although I feel I’m doing the right thing and making sure other girls don’t go through what I’ve been through. I seem to feel like I’m not fully in reality anymore, I go to uni, work and go to the lawyers every once in a while to sort out the case but I feel like I’m in auto pilot mode and not feeling 100% myself and everything is a blur. I used to see a psychologist when I first started the sexual harassment case and I was diagnosed with situational depression and anxiety. My psychologist however, didn’t support me with how I wanted to go ahead with the case and pretty much gave me handouts on how to breathe during an anxiety attack and I didn’t feel like her approach to it was helpful at all and I felt like I wasn’t heard. I know I should go and find someone to talk to again but it’s having to re-tell my story that puts me off. I don’t like feeling vulnerable and I don’t like feeling like I’m weak however, im noticing that I’m tired all the time even though I have an okay sleep, im restless and it’s hard for me to stay focused, when I’m driving I’m constantly looking out and worrying that my old boss is driving his car and he will see me etc. I know most of what I’m saying is all over the place sorry to whoever is reading this ! But I guess I’m feeling alittle lost on what to do, I feel like I know in my heart I’m doing the right thing, but I also feel that what I’m feeling is minor compared to others so I feel like I don’t need to do anything about it and I can handle it on my own. I hope the case doesn’t take too long, I hate feeling like I’m alone in all of this, I have amazing support from my family and boyfriend , but I feel it’s me against 3 grown men, one of which is old enough to be my grandfather... it makes me sick to feel I’ll have to see them again and I know I’ll have to deal with that when the time comes, but it’s also hard to feel confused and if the way I’m feeling is normal or if I’m just overthinking things. Thank you for your time reading this even though it probably didn’t make much sense, thank you x

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Bnk23,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out.

First things first, what you're going through is not minor and you're not weak. It's awful what happened to you and you didn't deserve it. I'm really sorry that you had that experience and I wish that you didn't have to go through that. I believe that you're doing the right thing in pursuing the case and at the very least helping other people like yourself who should never have to go through that either.

I'm sorry that your psychologist wasn't supportive and it sounds like that's exactly what you need right now. Just from my own perspective and reading your post it doesn't sound like she's experienced in situations like yours or trauma. The feeling of being in auto-pilot mode and things can be a blur can certainly be anxiety; but given what you've had to go through my guess it's that it's very much trauma related.

I wonder what it might be like for you to get referred to see another one who is experienced in trauma? I know that you mentioned how awful it would be to re-tell your story however, your current psychologist can do a referral (with your permission) so that he/she has a little bit of background on what's going on for you. Yes, you'd still have to share your story - but in the long-term don't you think it would be worth it? That way you can have someone on your side who can get it and work through these feelings and thoughts with you.

I'm really interested to know your thoughts.

Also, I totally get that you want to handle this on your own. I think that's kind of human; we just want to step up and be strong. But it's also a strength to let other people in to help you.

I hope this helps,

[white knight]

Hi bnk, welcome

It made total sense to me. Ill outline my event and you cant take it as a form of help.

30 years ago I was in local government law enforcement. I issued fines to a local state politician

I was told by my boss not to issue fines again. I continued to issue fines on principle.

Eventually I got pains in the chest. Id had a panic attack but for 3 months we believed it was a heart attack.

During therapy my therapist recognised that my black and white approach didnt fit well in a grey world...grey minded humans. Yes I didn't do wrong but I could have explored other ways to tackle the problem than fighting my bosses.

My therapist highlighted about being realistic. I was afraid my boss would knock on my door for an arguement. It was all made up thoughts fuelled by fear.

Clearly you still need guidence and you're being negative towards attending another professional. But it would be very fruitful.

Im not suggesting these creeps are innocent at all, I'm saying that we often react in horror at others treatment of us and are so upset we fight back. It isnt always the best remedy.

Google

Topic: wit, the only answer to torment- beyondblue

Topic: how I eliminated anxiety- beyondblue

By the way, I lost my job. Proud of my effort but no income and anxiety for 25 years

Tony WK

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi Bnk23, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. That is truly awful and it sounds like you're handling it in the best way you can. I completely agree with Romantic Thief, is there a way you could ask your previous psychologist to maybe write a letter about your history/what is going on and you could give that to your future psychologist? Or you could even write the story down yourself and give it to them so you don't have to explain what's going on, or have a trusted family member or friend write it down for you. I think definitely speaking to someone professional who you really click with would be so beneficial for you.

[ElisaP]

Hi,

I went through something similar as a young woman. It is rough.

You seem to have a great deal on your plate currently. And i relate to having a crappy therapist (are there any that aren't? -is almost what I tend to think in fact...). Maybe wait until you are less busy to start looking for one. And when you do, interview them first, research them also. Ask them questions about their experience with things like sexual harassment and bullying and power dynamics. See if they can give you proper answers and not just lame fill-in ones. Ask what experience they have actually treating people in these situations.

...In fact, maybe look into specifically finding a counselor who has dealt with domestic violence, sexual harassment, etc

In the meantime, I would suggest looking after your physical health. Do things like: get a massage, meditate or do some relaxation visual exercises (see the site excel at life for some excellent free audios for this), even do some yoga. I have read a little and it seems important to be in touch with ones body and the 'feelings' in your body -since this can really help you process what is going on and also have you be in touch with what your truth of the moment is. ...I'm no expert, but this is the basic understanding I've gotten about that.

Even consider anti depressants if you find that you are becoming a nervous wreck. ...I waited too long to try these. I developed PTSD and an anxiety disorder. My experience would have been different from yours and also I was prone to anxiety beforehand -still you want to take care during stressful times to really look after yourself.

Spend time with animals also. Animals are amazing for healing your spirit.

Other than that: I understand a thing or two about the dynamics of these disputes between people. The he-said-she-said stuff also; the lies that people can say in order to get there way; they awful way that a company protects the status quo (never trust HR, or a company counselor for instance, to be actually there to help you or with your best interests). ...It's rough. Look after your health as much as you can.

[Lily12345]

Hi there,

I'm hoping you see this as your post was made end of last year. Thank you so much for sharing your story- it is very similar to mine.

How are you going with everything now?

I am currently in a legal case with my ex boss for harrassment and also feel very alone, anxious and depressed. I try my hardest to remember that I am doing the right thing and try not to worry about it but am constantly worried about what he will say to wiggle his way out of his case (even though i have the evidence).

I am too scared to go to the shops incase i see him and always feel anxious driving to work incase I see him on the way there. I am at uni at working 2 jobs as well as dancing so am really struggled to balance everything at the moment.

Hopefully you see this and i hope you are doing better !! x

[Embee11]

Hi

I was wondering if either of you girls have anything more to add about your sexual harrassment cases and how they are going.

I am currently considering legal action for a similar incident and would like to here how they went.

Thank you