PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Pinned discussions

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

All discussions

Guest_9043 Heart shattered to bits.
  • replies: 7

I wrote a "letter email" to my mother this morning. It was painful and I cried. I wrote to get to advise her that I had decided to cut contact for the time being. It is the second parent I have had to cut contact with. I did my father ten years ago. ... View more

I wrote a "letter email" to my mother this morning. It was painful and I cried. I wrote to get to advise her that I had decided to cut contact for the time being. It is the second parent I have had to cut contact with. I did my father ten years ago. I didn't even tell him I just cut contact and have not looked back since. I didn't have any support and did not look for support. This however I know I need to instead of trying to do it alone. In my letter to my mother I named the abuse and some of the incidents of abuse she inflicted on me. The abuse went on for 33 or 34 years. One of those numbers. That is a very long time. I told her how the abuse made me feel and I told her how much damage it had done to me and my life. I told her that I have wounds and scars for life. I told her about the things I have never been able to do, still cannot do and may never be able to do because of the abuse. It is not possible for me to heal fully nor make a full recovery. I do wonder if anyone will love me even with my past. I know I will never find myself in another abusive relationship again, I just wonder if someone healthy, loving, kind and good will be able to love me or just see me as "damaged goods". I told my mother that the abuse was not my fault and that there are no reasons or excuses that justify the abuse inflicted on me over the years. I told her about the flashbacks I live with. I told her that she was never there to support me when I needed her the most. I told her that all I had ever done was love her. I would like to talk about the abuse but due to the rules here I cannot. I do not want to speak to someone from beyond blue via phone or via the online support chat. It is a trigger for me so I do not wish to. So here in the forums and 1800 respect is all I have for now. I told her a lot more that I cannot cover here. I also said that I could not promise when and if I would ever be in contact again and I would not put that pressure on myself. I told her that I would not be responding to any emails. I had to work through so much fear before sending it. "What if my mum did something stupid"?. "Is she strong enough to cope with this"?, as she is getting older now. "How will she cope"?. I had to feel guilt and like a bad person for hurting my mum with this email. All of it my conditioning growing up. I knew that, it was just hard to see past it to send it. I really need some upliftment, some kindness and to know people care. I have just got me. Thanks.

Sadonsmith From back pain to brain pain
  • replies: 7

Hi there, I'm new and this is so out of my comfort zone but here goes. I'm in my early 50's & live by myself in Vic with my 2 rescue dogs. I stopped working mid last year because my back pain had become so severe that I could no longer walk more than... View more

Hi there, I'm new and this is so out of my comfort zone but here goes. I'm in my early 50's & live by myself in Vic with my 2 rescue dogs. I stopped working mid last year because my back pain had become so severe that I could no longer walk more than about 5 minutes so I had back surgery in January then another surgery 3 days later after my right leg went numb and they discovered a blood clot. From hospital I went into rehab for 2 weeks with lots of hydro and physio before coming home in a back brace, my best friend come from interstate to look after me. I then commenced rehab as an out patient desperate to get feeling back but have given up on that about 2 months ago as there was no improvement, although I am persistent and continue the same exercises at home. My expectation was that I would be right to get back to work by March at the latest and here we are in December. My right leg, foot and both inner legs are still numb,I have rolled both ankles and sprained my right knee - walking is painful and scary, I have fallen in excess of 10 times, usually a rolled ankle and a few bruises. Feeling completely useless and overwhelmed my physio & rehab suggested that I see a psychologist and i have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and started medication in June. Seeing the psychologist has brought up alot of emotions that I had carefully hidden away, particularly a serious sexual assault and a lot of physical abuse and now I am afraid of leaving the house and cannot see any future for myself. My back pain is exhausting, the pain killers cause me gastro issues and it is all becoming too much. I have been questioning why I would continue living like this since May and as the days pass nothing improves and there is no joy or happiness. I thought that the medication would take this away but I have already had it changed, increased - doubled, and the feelings are the same. I've now found myself in a terrible financial state after not working for so long and am terrified that I will lose my home if I cannot get better and get a job. I'm receiving income protection but that doesn't even cover my living expenses so I had to drop my private health insurance along with many other things. Does anyone have a crystal ball because for me, it's all getting too damn hard!

Bnk23 Sexual harassment
  • replies: 6

Hi, this is my first post... I don’t really know how to say how I feel in the simplest way but this year has definitely been hard. It started with ongoing sexual harassment from a number of bosses at my work, For months I brushed the inappropriate co... View more

Hi, this is my first post... I don’t really know how to say how I feel in the simplest way but this year has definitely been hard. It started with ongoing sexual harassment from a number of bosses at my work, For months I brushed the inappropriate comments etc aside as I was there to do my job. But one day one of my bosses cornered me upstairs and I didn’t know what to do. Currently I’m in a sexual harassment case with these bosses and although I feel I’m doing the right thing and making sure other girls don’t go through what I’ve been through. I seem to feel like I’m not fully in reality anymore, I go to uni, work and go to the lawyers every once in a while to sort out the case but I feel like I’m in auto pilot mode and not feeling 100% myself and everything is a blur. I used to see a psychologist when I first started the sexual harassment case and I was diagnosed with situational depression and anxiety. My psychologist however, didn’t support me with how I wanted to go ahead with the case and pretty much gave me handouts on how to breathe during an anxiety attack and I didn’t feel like her approach to it was helpful at all and I felt like I wasn’t heard. I know I should go and find someone to talk to again but it’s having to re-tell my story that puts me off. I don’t like feeling vulnerable and I don’t like feeling like I’m weak however, im noticing that I’m tired all the time even though I have an okay sleep, im restless and it’s hard for me to stay focused, when I’m driving I’m constantly looking out and worrying that my old boss is driving his car and he will see me etc. I know most of what I’m saying is all over the place sorry to whoever is reading this ! But I guess I’m feeling alittle lost on what to do, I feel like I know in my heart I’m doing the right thing, but I also feel that what I’m feeling is minor compared to others so I feel like I don’t need to do anything about it and I can handle it on my own. I hope the case doesn’t take too long, I hate feeling like I’m alone in all of this, I have amazing support from my family and boyfriend , but I feel it’s me against 3 grown men, one of which is old enough to be my grandfather... it makes me sick to feel I’ll have to see them again and I know I’ll have to deal with that when the time comes, but it’s also hard to feel confused and if the way I’m feeling is normal or if I’m just overthinking things. Thank you for your time reading this even though it probably didn’t make much sense, thank you x

Justaperson Chronic instability/ moving house growing up and the repercussions now
  • replies: 10

Hi I'm a 22 year old guy and this is my first post on these forums. I wasn't sure which section to write this in but I think at least what set off my mental health problems is rooted in the trauma I experienced primarily in my early teen years and te... View more

Hi I'm a 22 year old guy and this is my first post on these forums. I wasn't sure which section to write this in but I think at least what set off my mental health problems is rooted in the trauma I experienced primarily in my early teen years and teen years in general. So this is where I decided to start. Let me go over my past as concisely as I can. When I was 11 I was in the last term of primary school. Coming into my final term of primary school, my mother impulsively decided to pack up our lives and everything we'd known and move interstate for a new lifestyle. We sold most of our belongings or put them in storage and within a few weeks of chaos we were driving up interstate against our will for mum's new life. Due to the word limit I'm going to greatly summarise the next year and a half of hell that was my and my siblings life. So we moved interstate with no long term house arranged to move into. We literally arrived at a short term holiday accommodation with just our suitcases to spend the next 6 weeks until my parents could "figure it out"... They didn't. I spent the last term of primary school at a school where I knew no one. We had to move again shortly after. I started high school a term late and then left a term and a half later after barely making friends. We became essentially homeless, and due to a bizarre combination of factors, we were moving all over South East QLD, from temp accommodation to temp accommodation, in dodgy units that could barely fit us. I had to share beds with my brothers or sleep on a blow up on the floor. This went on for at least 6 months. Packing up our suitcases and taking trains to another unit or apartment every week at most. During this period we moved roughly 26 times, no exaggeration. And I missed the rest of grade 7. When we finally settled for a few months, it was after another failed start at school that my panic attacks and dissociation started. I'm at the word limit and have left out a lot of detail and haven't gotten into my future issues but initial responses would be appreciated as to whether this counts and trauma. I can tell you as a 12 year old, I was stressed and scared all the time not knowing where we were going next and waiting in the cold sometimes at night at train stations for my parents to find somewhere to stay. It was really distressing and disorienting for my brothers and I.

Thebluepineapple Talking about ptsd+sex
  • replies: 4

Hi, Does anyone have tips about talking to your bf about sex after having a traumatic encounter? I feel like if we have sex i might flip out and have a flashback and hurt him....i do feel like i am ready and i probably wont but i also dont really wan... View more

Hi, Does anyone have tips about talking to your bf about sex after having a traumatic encounter? I feel like if we have sex i might flip out and have a flashback and hurt him....i do feel like i am ready and i probably wont but i also dont really want to risk it. xx Pineapple

SandyO PTSD - using new DV rental legislation and anxiety
  • replies: 2

Hi Guys looking for some practical supportive help. I have severe PTSD having been in a physically and mentally abusive relationship for 10 years (2 years out) I left after a number of severe physical altercations almost cost my life. thanks to the s... View more

Hi Guys looking for some practical supportive help. I have severe PTSD having been in a physically and mentally abusive relationship for 10 years (2 years out) I left after a number of severe physical altercations almost cost my life. thanks to the support of friends and my therapist I have relied on the new Dv legislation to move out of the place I have rented for 5 years as my ex keeps causing issues. I didn’t feel strong enough to move but my therapist and I agreed it would be the most positive thing for me. My problem is this. I move in 3 weeks time however the landlord in that time wants to come in so she can see what she needs to be done and has started giving my number to tradespeople. My anxiety having strange people in the house is overwhelming and I find I am triggered in certain circumstances. I kind of want to help the landlord out and be obliging but the stress associated is awful and I’m worried if I’m difficult that they will find any reason to withhold my 3k bond which I could really do with. I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or not. If I should just oblige and get on with it. The landlord herself wants to turn up at 6pm in the evening which I find stressful as I now work almost full time. My history dictates a necessity to clean almost obsessively and to be honest I’m exhausted, my home is full wit half packed boxes and the thought of having anyone here is overwhelming. thanks in advance for listening and posting any tips or advice that you can think of

Missaries New member female 30s and in women s shelter
  • replies: 9

I suffer from ptsd chronic pain ibs and sensoneural hearing loss and tonic tensor tympani syndrome. Sound problem. these prevent me from socialising singing talking loud laughing loud I noticed beign with my ex has made self image issues so bad but b... View more

I suffer from ptsd chronic pain ibs and sensoneural hearing loss and tonic tensor tympani syndrome. Sound problem. these prevent me from socialising singing talking loud laughing loud I noticed beign with my ex has made self image issues so bad but being eith him I always felt emotionally controlled there was a lot bad things in the relationship next week is gonna be so hard more appointments this is a 4 year ordeal now and I have no family or friends I feel comfortable sharing with. im in bed right now I have $9 for next 6 days better than nothing and I live with women and I don’t want total,to them anymore I feel they are emotionally draining and I just can’t be myself around them, I don’t know how to do this so I am just going to pretend I’m always on the fone but I feel guilty. i thought making friends would help but it seems not with my healtissues. hope to hear form people here and keep me motivated to have faith. I also want to mention I met a new guy but I think he ended it

Leone39 Reaching Out...
  • replies: 2

Hello there, this is my first time in ever reaching out for advice or people who may have experienced similar problems in there life. So to begin i'm 26 years old and as far back as I can remember I've struggled with some kind of Stress/Anxiety/Depre... View more

Hello there, this is my first time in ever reaching out for advice or people who may have experienced similar problems in there life. So to begin i'm 26 years old and as far back as I can remember I've struggled with some kind of Stress/Anxiety/Depression although I've never been diagnosed for any of these conditions due to troubles with GP's and any kind of referrals for mental health I've had that i will touch upon. I mainly go through fazes of the 3 issues I have mentioned sometimes like lately they affect my day to day life such as not being able to eat or enjoy time off from work and etc, this can go on for weeks at a time were I feel a constant dread in my stomach which has made me sick on occasion by not being able to stomach foods or drink. This can easily be triggered for me by work, even the most minute things cause this (I.E maybe I felt I didn't smile at a customer enough) and I can go home in terrible bouts of anxiety to the point of shaking sometimes. The majority of my stress is work related, I have this deep rooted fear of being fired although I have worked for my current employer for 5 years and truly I know this isn't a likely scenario but the stress for me is uncontrollable. I suffered this stress all throughout my schooling life too and I was always a constant victim of extreme physical and psychological bullying which I don't think I've ever fully overcome, touching upon receiving mental help I know that would be the first thing anyone is going to tell me to do I have this feeling of it not being the answer as during my tenure at school I was sent to 2 different physiologists/counselor who were both considered of high degree. The first was early in my high schooling and she told me that "the boys who are doing this to you come from broken homes so its not there fault they do what has been done to them'' which never quite sat with me right, it always made me feel as this was all my fault. The second physiologist/counselor who i saw near the end of high school after an incident were I was followed home by the same boys I had dealt with for 5 years assaulted me to the point of being hospitalized, fearing to leave my house for weeks after this incident she only ever spoke of her sons happy life, every session told me how happy he was? I never understood this maybe she thought this would help me? In my 26 years I've lived in constant fear only on brief occasions have I ever spoke out about this, maybe someone can share some advice?

Aweekes Looking for out of home care survivors
  • replies: 1

Hi, I am a 38 yr old woman and I want to find people who grew up in care. Where you removed from your family by D.O.C.S. I can't speak for other people but I know my years in foster care where traumatic,harrowing and lonely. I lived through numerous ... View more

Hi, I am a 38 yr old woman and I want to find people who grew up in care. Where you removed from your family by D.O.C.S. I can't speak for other people but I know my years in foster care where traumatic,harrowing and lonely. I lived through numerous abuses and then at 18 it was see ya, the department gave a small amount of help but for the most part I was all alone. Do you have something to share or even a compassionate ear to listen to your story. Please post and share what you experienced,good or bad.

Slipperyfish Dissociation - does it happen to anyone else?
  • replies: 9

Hi i suffer from PTSD due to extended period of assaults. I’m in therapy dealing with it all but lately my memory has been terrible. I know I dissociate, but I’m not sure how to fix it. After I exercise I find it happens more, along with if I smell s... View more

Hi i suffer from PTSD due to extended period of assaults. I’m in therapy dealing with it all but lately my memory has been terrible. I know I dissociate, but I’m not sure how to fix it. After I exercise I find it happens more, along with if I smell someone that really needs deodorant. And I honestly thought my memory was just terrible. But now it’s effecting my life, my job, my wellbeing my everything. I keep losing chunks of the day. Or I tell the same story over and over because I honestly don’t remember telling it in the first place. I’m just reaching out to see if it’s happening to others and also how you deal with it. I just feel like I’m loosing my marbles