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PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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golam PTSD and personal relationships
  • replies: 2

Six months ago I meet a wonderful lady ,she being near my age . I am 70 years old. We dated a number of times and as we got to know each other we slowly fell in love with each other . I must confess I'd never felt this intensity before , and realized... View more

Six months ago I meet a wonderful lady ,she being near my age . I am 70 years old. We dated a number of times and as we got to know each other we slowly fell in love with each other . I must confess I'd never felt this intensity before , and realized she was my " soul mate ' as I was to her. Let me say that my previous successes in relationships were not great. Often a see saw affair over a number of years. I did have an awareness that my troubled relationship with my very damaged mother(she was a holocaust survivor) was the contributing factor and had over the years tried various therapies but with little success. I accepted that's the way things were and most likely not a lot would change. Until my current relationship. I had gone into the relationship thinking that my love for this woman would perhaps overcome the painful memories and feelings relating to my family upbringing. This was not to be . Shortly after becoming intimate I had a complete breakdown (not hospitalized) and managed to pull myself from the brink with counselling, exercise ,yoga. I am still quite fragile and coping quite variably day to day. I have good coping skills having lived with anxiety y and depression for decades through membership of a number of helpful groups. What I discovered but had not clearly acknowledged that all along from the time of being a young adult was that I have been suffering from PTSD -due to the at times frightening behavior of my mother. So I am still in contact with this wonderful woman who has been incredibly understanding and we are keen to continue our relationship. But I know that these very powerful negative forces will undermine any meaningful connection eventually. I am seriously looking into effective therapies such as EMDR or any other. I would like some feedback on possible PSTD therapy strategies . The past 2 weeks have been hideous.

SuanKim we can address childhood trauma
  • replies: 4

Hi new to forum, believe in sharing will work if it's good two way communication. OK agree with what Julia Gillard suggested, but individual must be prepared to work through past issues/childhood trauma so learn to make a choice-stop being/playing th... View more

Hi new to forum, believe in sharing will work if it's good two way communication. OK agree with what Julia Gillard suggested, but individual must be prepared to work through past issues/childhood trauma so learn to make a choice-stop being/playing the victim of dysfunctional families, abusive parents (verbal, physical, sexual, emotional abuse). Work with good professionals, friends, people who care and can share victories to leave past, start new chapter, better still a new book, just yours only, not all that ugly horrible family stuff. Believe you can do it and you will find resilence, strength to do it. Give it a go, go at it again. Well done you!

Nztruckr Have friends but still feeling isolated and alone
  • replies: 5

Hi all have posted on beyond blue before i have a history of abuse both sexually and physically which happened some 44 yrs ago over a long period of 6-7 yrs Now apart from the regular flashbacks and nightmares i have started feeling isolated and alon... View more

Hi all have posted on beyond blue before i have a history of abuse both sexually and physically which happened some 44 yrs ago over a long period of 6-7 yrs Now apart from the regular flashbacks and nightmares i have started feeling isolated and alone even more so now than i have ever been i have some of the best friends a bloke can ask for only i dont know how to talk with them about things I also freeze when I'm out with them and am less able to show affection and warmth towards anyone at all .whats wrong with me why am i suddenly feeling this way I look at people out with their friends /family and yearn for the ability to be able to interact just like them but i cant I'm socially awkward and although my friends include me in many things i cant seem to gel on the same level as them if that makes any sense i feel my life going backwards not forwards at a loss of what to do i am pretty sure its more than a medication thing point is I'm just not happy doing anything anymore

Crash79 No end in sight
  • replies: 1

Hi. Im new here and reaching out feels like my last hope. My whole life has been filled with trauma. Im now 40 and over everything and just wanting to shut off from everything. Growing up I was moved around a lot so I have no childhood friends. My fa... View more

Hi. Im new here and reaching out feels like my last hope. My whole life has been filled with trauma. Im now 40 and over everything and just wanting to shut off from everything. Growing up I was moved around a lot so I have no childhood friends. My father had a nervous breakdown and was very critical and abusive. I was bullied a lot to the point I was blind and nearly lost my eyesight permanently in 1 eye. I lost my virginity being raped. I married the wrong person bc she fell pregnant and it may not be my child, who is now 16 and it breaks my heart she may not be mine. Sexually assaulted in my apprenticeship and assaulted. Workplace accident at 19 nearly put me in a wheelchair for life. Abused by bosses and ended up in court. Was also followed by private investigators. Got stuck in shit job after shit job. Smoked pot on and off for over 20 years bc of Pain, when I wasn't smoking it I was hooked on pain killers. Wife left after 17 years for another guy. Took eldest daughter. Became a single dad of 2 other daughters. This year alone I lost my job, my youngest got taken by her mother and not returned. I also kicked my new partner out who is still sticking by me. I've spent $11k on lawyers so far trying to get daughter back and have court next week for it. Also court this week over a car accident I had. And centrelink has rejected my newstart claim. So what little savings I had is about gone. I have no motivation and just want to be isolated.

Not_going_good I’m really really stuffed up I’m in desperate need off help but I’m scared
  • replies: 2

My head is out of control I can’t keep up I’m doing all this crazy stuff like recklessly buying stuff I don’t need putting my self in debt I’m scared I’m destroying my life I was abused as a child by my bother he made me do stuff I’m scared. I have a... View more

My head is out of control I can’t keep up I’m doing all this crazy stuff like recklessly buying stuff I don’t need putting my self in debt I’m scared I’m destroying my life I was abused as a child by my bother he made me do stuff I’m scared. I have a daughter and I got with the dad and he is a bit over powering but I love him well I think I do but he won’t let me do more mum things he always push in he used to really badly push me when she start crying I got hurt a few time nothing serious and I’m living with him now and his family it’s over powering and scary I’m scared and I want to get out and don’t know how I’m trapped I want a house with my daughter and a little dog or cat make her smile every day but it’s really hard around here it’s a big house but there’s people everywhere im just to crazy I talk to myself a little to much for it to be normal and that scares me

dunromin05 Feeling low
  • replies: 2

Good afternoon I am new to the site and at the moment I am feeling lost and distant from everyone around me. I have a mediation on Monday and it has bought up a lot of memories as I suffer with PTSD from an assault through my work. I don't know what ... View more

Good afternoon I am new to the site and at the moment I am feeling lost and distant from everyone around me. I have a mediation on Monday and it has bought up a lot of memories as I suffer with PTSD from an assault through my work. I don't know what lies ahead of me as work has kept me employed now for the past 4.5 yrs since the attack. Knowing that the mediation is a possible closure to the incident will allow me to move forward it wont give me back my life I once had. I have progressed a long way from the incident to where I feel safe in my own environment but put me in the real work I am still anxious about people in shopping centres, I am worried that I will have a panic attack out in the community, I am afraid of being in unfamiliar surroundings. Not sure where I am going but I know where I have come from and the uncertainty of what lies ahead of me. I have a very supportive family who I am becoming more distant from as I don't like to impose myself on them and I know they find it hard to understand how this has effected me. I just want to feel normal again.

Shiloskeeper Stalker; feeling isolated and alone
  • replies: 1

Starting back in 2012, i went into year 7. If that isn’t Scary enough, it was also the year I gained a stalker. As I’m changing and growing, I had someone watching my every move. Trust me, I never wanted it, or felt flattered. I felt so belittled and... View more

Starting back in 2012, i went into year 7. If that isn’t Scary enough, it was also the year I gained a stalker. As I’m changing and growing, I had someone watching my every move. Trust me, I never wanted it, or felt flattered. I felt so belittled and embarrassed, I couldn’t even tell my own parents. Fast forward to year 12 (2017) I finally told my mum after so many incidents of being followed and watched during school and one occasion out of school. My mum was so frustrated and empathetic towards me going through that and angered she went into school to talk to a deputy. This went well, as the stalking stopped almost completely! I didn’t have it in my thoughts constantly like I had during those 5 years. But now, 2 years on as if being anxious and depressed from those traumatic years of being watched and followed wasn’t enough. He’s back, at first I thought it would have to be a coincidence, seeing him drive past my house and look and smile at me, then as I drove he was parked down the street and followed me until I took a detour. Then he started appearing outside my work, again I thought there’d have to be another reason for it so I ruled it to be a coincidence again and again. Until last week when my neighbour came and asked if we knew someone who was parking outside our house in a car of his description, at first I said it would have to be a coincidence, until we had solid evidence that proved it was him, he had been sitting there at least twice within 3 weeks. I finally go to the police as I never thought it was a real concern and it was just strictly high school stalking. Now I’m just waiting to hear back from the police, I’m really struggling with it all, I’m super anxious, I’m taking measures to reduce my stress and remain sane. My parents don’t live near me and my boyfriend is away training at the police academy. If anyone could give me some advice and reassurance that would be amazing, I also don’t have any friends, so someone to talk to would be appreciated.

Bstrong Husband had me have sex with guys for money when he was out of work. Now I’m struggling with me..
  • replies: 6

I’m so very embarrassed to be putting this out there for all to read but I need help. I need advice because I couldn’t even talk about this to a psychologist I was seeing at the time. I can’t forgive my husband for putting me through that horrible ex... View more

I’m so very embarrassed to be putting this out there for all to read but I need help. I need advice because I couldn’t even talk about this to a psychologist I was seeing at the time. I can’t forgive my husband for putting me through that horrible experience but at the time I agreed to do it to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table for our family. I HATED every moment! I felt my husband was too lazy to really work at finding a job. Instead he took an easy way out FOR HIM and stood by while I slowly lost all my morals, my self respect, my self esteem. I could see no other way out of the financial mess we were in. But it destroyed me, it destroyed my soul. That was about 3-4yrs ago now. In that time I left my husband for a year because life at home became unbearable for me. My husband is a FIFO worker now and I was dealing with our Bipolar daughter and a whole heap of other issues alone. I’ve tried talking to him about that time and how I’m finding it so hard to believe a man who truly loves and cherishes his wife would have her do such a thing! All he’s done is say he’s sorry and then brushes it aside. But I find I can’t forgive him. Am I being unreasonable? He makes me feel like I’m overreacting but it DESTROYED me! I want to leave him again but I’m trapped. I’m over 50 with no job. I can’t support myself and can’t expect the friend who housed me for 12 months when I left before to support me again. They are the only friend I have. I’m well and truly trapped and just want to run away. I know this post is all over the shop. There is so much more to this story. I guess what I’m after is clarification that my feelings about that degrading time are valid and I’m not overreacting? My husband seems to act like I should just move on and get over it but he wasn’t the one doing what I had to do. He wasn’t left feeling like a disgusting desperate person. He doesn’t have the awful flashbacks I have. I try and forget it ever happened. I try and keep it buried so I don’t have to think about it but I think I almost hate my husband for putting me through it all. My life is sad. So so sad.

danver_1 Strategies to reduce addiction
  • replies: 1

Plenty of y'all know that there is scientific evidence to support the link between trauma and abuse. I have been a sufferer of addiction, not substance but addicted to other things like, replaying an imaginary or real scenario over and over and over ... View more

Plenty of y'all know that there is scientific evidence to support the link between trauma and abuse. I have been a sufferer of addiction, not substance but addicted to other things like, replaying an imaginary or real scenario over and over and over again There isnt just substance addiction but addiction can manifest itself even in the smallest things in life What are some strategies to overcome this?

Beth_co Do I have what it takes to fight the good fight?
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone I've lived on adrenaline my whole life without knowing it until my mind broke. I had to learn how to slow down, rest and be calm. I've become so good at it though, life just passes me by while I waste away in my lonely home. What happened... View more

Hi everyone I've lived on adrenaline my whole life without knowing it until my mind broke. I had to learn how to slow down, rest and be calm. I've become so good at it though, life just passes me by while I waste away in my lonely home. What happened to the woman everyone knew would always step up to the plate when the proverbial stuff hit the fan? I'll tell you where she's gone; she's sitting on the bench! She's/I've forgotten how to fight. To be back in the game striving to win and make a difference hasn't been more important than now. I'm not 'there' for me! They say our MH needs calm, mindfulness and recovery. But what happens when recovery becomes habitual? Where's my passion gone? My will; my 'game'? I've fought the good fight to survive which meant healing my brain and learning who I am, who I've been and different ways to cope. It's worked like a dream. The kickback though has been addiction to isolation and laziness and, not a thought for who I want to be. I stood on my deck today with a cuppa questioning my decision to be this way. Sure, I'm safe and away from triggering influences, but at what cost? Something awful happened to my child and I didn't fight for him. I'll never come back from that. It seems I'm doing the same thing to myself. This is my conclusion. My once precious home has become my prison; items hoarded in rooms, untidy and even dirty. I'm ashamed. I started walking the deck; back and forth contemplating what to do. "Just move." came to mind. Getting back into the thick of it means risking my MH. Or does it? How far have I come? Enough to care about/for myself? What do you think?