My husband's severe betrayal and the workplace that knew..has left me with PTSD

[lantern22]

I was married to my best friend. I adored my husband - loved him immensely I thought he was a man of integrity, and for nearly 19 years thought he went to work in an environment where he was appreciated and respected. I also thought his work colleagues respected him because he was married and, I assumed he spoke highly of me as his wife.

I was severely deceived and betrayed and had no idea.

I was caring for my mother for some years. She suffered from severe anxiety, AMD and dementia. I also have some chronic auto-immune health issues.

She died in October 2015. My husband, I thought adored and loved her. But after she died, he left me suddenly, five months after her passing. I had NO idea. Suddenly, this monster emerged, a man I had loved and respected.

I found out later that I was the 'joke'of the workplace and he planned to leave me by cheating on me with another woman in another country and planning on exist when I was deeply grieving my mother. I had absolutely no idea all this planning and deception was going on behind my back, while I was busy planning a funeral and grieving my mother. I was also mentally and physically exhausted after many years of caregiving.

My husband was well respected by friends, my family and our church community for over 20 years.

He abandoned me and I discovered later that his work colleagues knew what he was planning and were supporting him. I am not sure if they knew my mother had died or not I assume they did as he took time off work for her funeral.

I was the 'joke' and the joke was on me.

I have suffered with severe PTSD since. My husband divorced me, I lost my home, my dignity and now live with confusion wondering who this man is and what part of my life was real with him..

I have little or no support.

I have pondered..should I contact my husband's place of employment and tell them what he has done and what others had done in helping planning this horrid joke and that they had done this on a woman who just lost her mother and was in deep emotional and physical pain and exhaustion.

I know, it's nearly been four years but I feel as though it may help relieve the PTSD. I don't want them to let my ex-husband know though.

Or, do I need to let this go, not say anything and try and heal of this PTSD myself?

[Soberlicious96]

Dear Lantern,

I am so sorry to hear of the deep betrayal you are feeling, and have experienced. It is so awful when someone we love has an entirely different agenda to what we thought.

I must say though, that I don't think going to his workplace and telling them about what he has done will really help? It might only end up making you more distressed that what you already are.

I too have been betrayed and cheated on, by a man whom I too loved very very much. And I one thing that sticks out in my mind is what my friend said to me; she said "The best revenge is to live well." And I thought 'YES!!! THAT'S what I want; REVENGE! But I thought the whole 'living well' part of it would take too long, and wasn't really interested in that. ...... Nor did I want to live the rest of my life being bitter and twisted. Hating someone, resenting them, whatever you want to call it, is a bit like drinking poison yourself and expecting them to get sick.

My suggestion would be to get yourself some counseling; if need be get a referral from you doctor, and start moving on with this new, however unexpected, life that you now have. And this next bit is just my opinion, but someone who can betray someone else like that is not worth the time of day. Think of it this way; for the last four years he's been getting free rent space in your head. Free. And every time you give thought to him, you're giving him the power that is YOURS, not his.

So yeah, I think it is time to let go and move on, like you said at the end of your post. Do what is best and good for you. Put yourself first and don't let anyone bring you down.

Take care. I'll be thinking of you. xo

[quirkywords]

lantern

I can feel the pain in your words and the disappointment of finding out your husband was cheating on you just at the time you needed help after caring for your mum and then coping with her death.

I can understand want to let his workplace know about his behaviour but as soberlicious says this will probably only distress you more.

To answer your question,

"do I need to let this go, not say anything and try and heal of this PTSD myself?"

I agree that it may be better to move on and get some help with your PTSD through counselling.

Also there are helpful threads here with ideas how to cope with PTSD.

Quirky