First time poster, needing insight from other survivors. Q is at the
bottom if you don't need context I've recently stopped talking to my
parents because for the last 30 years they've been incredibly abusive
and violent to one another. I had lived wi...
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First time poster, needing insight from other survivors. Q is at the
bottom if you don't need context I've recently stopped talking to my
parents because for the last 30 years they've been incredibly abusive
and violent to one another. I had lived with my parents on and off over
the last (almost) 30 years, when not with my parents I was with my
grandparents who were very nurturing and provided me with the few
positive memories I've got. I've living independent for a few years now
My parents (mostly mum) was very harsh toward myself and my siblings
growing up, verbally abusive and made us feel like anything that went
wrong in her day was somehow our fault. We were fed, clothed and had a
roof over our head but we very rarely received any love. that doesn't
sound like a lot when compared sexual and physical abuse survivors, but
it's still affected me nonetheless. Mum and dad were even more abusive
to each other, violence occurring on occasion from both of them. Our
house was the one the cops would always get called to. mum would often
ask me to intervene as I was the oldest child, ask me to run next door
and call the police on my dad, directly involving me in their fights.
they would reset the next day and we made our way to another fight, (1 -
2 times a month). still stuck in this cycle today, a few months ago I
finally had enough called it quits, ceasing contact with them for the
2nd time this year (and in my life). strangely, I miss them. but when I
think of them I get flashbacks to the abuse. This has been happening
since ceasing contact 4 months ago. I know I'll never go back to them as
long as they continue their behaviour.. and I know they absolutely will.
I'm now coming to terms with life without my parents. Honestly, its
bitter sweet. I can now see the results of my childhood. I have trouble
forming complex connections with people, I'm hyperventilate regarding my
environment and relationships. I'm petrified of my own anger, isolating
myself at the first sign of it (Im angry a lot), when I'm not angry, I'm
mostly apathetic. I've spent the last 7 years numbing myself with
alcohol, party drugs and weed. I've been sober a week now. My question
is will I ever move on from my childhood? will I ever be able to
regularly feel something other than anger or apathy? Will I ever be able
to form meaningful connections with people? Will my flashbacks ever
stop? how do you live a happy life when all you've known is the toxic
potential of relationships? - P
PTSD for Medical and First Responders
