I Feel Like I Am Cursed

[kb1nonly]

Hi Everyone,

I just turned 30, I have 4 kids (3 boys with Autism and 1 girl), I'm a single mum and I work FT in Insurance.

The events over the last 6 months have left me questioning if i believe in curses.

Back in December a guy I seen casually left me physically injured after an assault when he went too far and got way too rough. I had known him for over 10 years and years ago I thought I loved him, but history aside its no excuse so injured and traumatised I went to the police and hospital and ended up with an AVO and he got a good behaviour bond.

First i couldnt get out of bed for 2 weeks a mix of physical pain and panic attacks, i returned to work after christmas with only some pain that i just used panadol, neurophen and heat packs for. Then my wrist started aching really bad for days and days at a time. All while my back and shoulder had been aching ever since the start. So I started chiro, it was pricey but gave some relief. Then my jaw started, it ached on both sides, doctors gave me antibiotics. One amazing doctor prescribed medication which solved shoulder, back and wrist pain. Then in April Trigeminal Neuralgia struck, if you google that itll tell you its one of the most painful conditions known to man. Trust me ive had 4 kids and id rather do that over again than live every day this way.

Trigeminal Neuralgia can be bought on by trauma.

So Ive had more than a month all up off work since March and its not looking good but I have amazing bosses and I feel looked after. Its now May and going to be my 30th Birthday, because of my pain I keep trying to cancel plans with this guy I had been on a bunch of dates with but hes so persistant plus he has a strong pain killer from his knee surgery that might help, plus it wasnt meant to be the whole night just watching a movie or two and eating junk food.

He picks me up and we head to his place and while driving he hands me the painkillers. We get there and he made me a hot drink and I had tim tams. Thats all I remember until he woke me up the next morning and he drove me home.

I had a couple of explicit flashbacks and I realised I couldnt remember, days later he was arrested and they found photos and videos of things he did to me. The police were amazing and its still ongoing but hes not free.

I feel lost, alone and confused, these dont feel like my memories, like its someone elses story.

When will I get my happy life??

[PamelaR]

Hi kb1nonly and welcome

My heart goes out to you. I'm absolutely sure you are not cursed, just someone with a lot of things happening in your life - 4 children, working full time, assaulted, trigeminal neuralgia.

It's good you've found your way here to our forums. You asked 'when will I get my happy life??' That's a difficult question to answer. You've talked about seeing a doctor for your physical health. It leaves me wondering if you've seen anyone about your mental health? Being assaulted can leave you with PTSD.

I'm not a health professional, just someone with PTSD, anxiety and depression. For me, it was very useful to see my doctor and to get a referral to a health professional who was experienced with trauma. Everyone is different and what works for one, may not necessarily work for another. It's finding what works for you. Feel free to browse and to join discussions that relate to your situation. Talking with others sometimes helps. There is a thread - Sharing strategies to help with PTSD. If you're interested, do a keyword search using the search tool at the top of our webpage. No pressure though - only if you want to.

In relation to trigeminal neuralgia - are you aware there are support groups in Australia for this condition? There is a website that lists support groups in each state. This is - www.tnaaustralia.org.au/support-groups/

You're not alone kb. Keep reaching out if and when you want to.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Tynk]

Dear PamelaR,

You have been through a great deal.

It sounds like you are very trusting. It's a hard lesson to learn that not everyone deserves your trust.

I hope you have close friends and/or family that can support you emotionally. Healing takes time - both physical and emotional.

It's likely you are very vulnerable right now, but know that you will get stronger. Spend time with people who are positive and patient. There are rarely quick fixes, so be patient and kind to yourself.

No doubt you realise it's best to follow only your doctor's advice regarding medication.

Take care and look after yourself and your children.

Best wishes

Tynk