Abusive, ignorant and cheating husband

[Samm10]

Hi everyone

writing here for the first time really scared. So here it is. I have been married for 3 years and have a beautiful daughter and now i am expecting my second child with my husband. My daughter was born after a year we got married so things moved to another level very quickly. Just after she was born we started having these fights over small issues and at that time when I needed him the most he turned his back on me and then I found him cheating on me with two different persons. We moved from an other country so it was difficult living separately after a daughter but that whole 16 months time we were fighting. When I moved over here and found him cheating on me I asked him and he apologised and for the sake of my daughter I forgive him. But things got worse when he started abusing me and physically harming me. He did that twice and the third time he was shouting and throwing things his parents were here and i was expecting so i got scared and worried for my daughter so i called the cops. They threatened him and after that we had no connection. Whenever i try to talk and express something he ignores it or turn that to some issue. Whenever i try to convey my feelings he thinks its stupid and immature so i get no reply. I am trying my best for the sake of my daughter and my unborn but I don’t know where will it lead to. I see him on his phone all the time, working, or going to gym or to his friends but for me the things are zero. I am crying for a long time now and i want to find a solution to this so that this suffering would end. I am extremely depressed and down. This is my fourth month. We got married as we loved each other but now its all gone. The love and the respect. Please help me!

[Tynk]

Hi Sam10,

I'm so sorry you are having such a bad time.

It sounds to me that you need to be in a more supportive environment. Do you have family or friends who can support you? It doesn't sound a very good place either for you, your daughter or your coming child.

You are not being treated with respect and abuse is simply not OK.

It sounds like your husband is showing no remorse and is not trying at all to do any mending. Is he thinking of the children at all?

If it was me, I would remove myself from him. It's hard to do this when you remember better times, but you need to be safe. It's hard to confront difficulties like this and to ask for help, but I suggest that you need to seek help with people you can trust. Have you spoken to your doctor? Have you sought help from a domestic violence support organisation?

Please consider this.

Look after yourself so you can look after your children.

You deserve better

Best wishes.

[geoff]

Hi Samm, and thank you for posting your comment and the response from Tynk is spot on.

My best advice would be to do the same as Tynk has said, remove yourself or tell him to move out, simply because he has cheated on you and now he has become physically and emotionally abusive, that's no way for you to move on and keep your child safe and with other on the way.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Tynk]

Hi again Samm10

There was an excellent episode of The Drum on ABC TV last night.
You can watch it in iView.

The whole program was devoted to domestic violence. It explained the pattern of behaviour.

It made it clear it is not the fault of the victim. The problem typically escalates by degrees if the perpetrator doesn't take responsibility.

I urge you to watch it when you are on your own -and soon.

I've experienced something similar to you but less severe. It's so easy to keep hoping it will get better but if the person takes no responsibility, then it will only get worse.

Take care

Tynk