Advice, thoughts, opinions?

[TheOwl]

Hi all, this is the first thread. Ideas, any feedback would be appreciated.

Background. I was diagnosed with C-PTSD about 3 months ago and in a marriage for 10 years or so. The marriage has ended. Not just due my PTSD but also other issues like my partners alcohol dependancy and treatment. On top of this we were seeing a family therapist. That fell through due to an infidelity disclosure on my wife's behalf.

I see a therapist who's helping me understanding triggers and it's going really well. I'm engaged and am finding new insights about my trauma every week.

My issue is around how I manage the separation. I'm interested in whether others have experienced similar?

I've been living at AirBNBs and couch surfing for two months. I have a great network of friends and a closer circle who provide perspective. I'm managing it well. They have asked me to get more advice about my current situation.

My partner was having an affair online with an old flame (facebook) which had been going on for a while. My instincts were to log onto her account (old password) This was a only a one time incident. It was unusual for her to be unsupportive, and use language that was so out of character, especially in a sudden way.

She started labelling me as a 'Woman hater' and 'Abuser' whilst opening up around my therapy. Which seemed deeply out of character for anyone.

Since then, she has blocked all contact apart from one email address. I've been told repeatedly that my 'Abuse' is unsafe. It's made it really difficult to arrange a time to get things like personal documents like passports, birth certs out of the house. I understand her worry, but not her motives. I've asked if she could hand them over to joint friend etc, she won't.

Currently, she has all my essential documents. I can't get her to agree to a time to discuss it with me, whether it's with mediator or other. There are constant labelings of 'Abuser' 'Unsafe'. But no history of violence, no harassment at all.

It has also come to light this week that the family therapist had contacted my trauma therapist to support the end of our relationship and the effects of my PTSD. My wife has met with our family therapist without me and stated that I was 'Disassociated' at the time of separation. This personal, clinical appraisal was then fed back into a session in my trauma work.

Is this a breach of client confidentiality? And if so, how would you manage the situation? How would you progress re personal belongings?

A

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

With your personal documents and property make out a small list of items not in dispute and attend your lival police dtation. Ask for then to accompany you to the house to retrieve them. She will be seen as vindictive and revengeful withholding the items.

Also google

Queen witch hermit waif

That might give clarity, it might not

Cant help with anything else.

TonyWK

[Tynk]

Hi Owl,

Your treatment sounds very unreasonable and it does sound like you are being disrespected in a number of ways. There seems to be blame-shifting by your wife as well as game-playing.

Have you been to see legal aid or similar to begin to sort out your rights?

I can understand couch surfing, but AirBnB must be rather expensive. Are you able to find a share-house , or rent an apartment for 6 months so you gain some stability?

I suspect that your wife is not going to move out in the near future and it will take some time to sort out property etc.

You have every right to retrieve your documents and going to the police to gain some assistance sounds like good advice. Do you have a family member or another person who could go with you to the police station for support and to vouch for your good character?

Most incidents of domestic abuse are by men to women, so as a man who is being given a hard time, you will be in the minority and might need to shore up your position.

BTW there was an excellent program about domestic abuse on ABC TV "The Drum" on 24.6.19 . You can catch it on iView.

Good luck

Tynk