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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Bjc1 Childhood emotional abuse, wanting to hear how you have helped empower yourself
  • replies: 7

I have just identified that i have some issues as an adult, which i didn't realise may be attributed to my childhood, i am in my 40's and thought I was fine but i am not. My mother was abusive to me as a child, she used to destroy our belongings, par... View more

I have just identified that i have some issues as an adult, which i didn't realise may be attributed to my childhood, i am in my 40's and thought I was fine but i am not. My mother was abusive to me as a child, she used to destroy our belongings, particularly things that were of great value to us, an example was she would ask you how much you liked this particular item then snap it's head off and i remember her doing this around the age of 5 or 6. She was not nurturing and was constantly enraged and would throw things, break things etc, i guess we learnt to tip toe around her or hide. As an adult she has periodically been abusive, with behaviours that i cannot understand myself. I believe she has a mental illness that was not diagnosed or has not been disclosed. In this situation as grim as it was, I was very fortunate to have grandparents that took the pain away by nurturing, loving us and making us feel like we were the most important kids in the world, this i believed has helped me be somewhat strong although i am weak in other ways. I am afraid to stand up for myself to people that are in positions of power, so work wise this has been a struggle, particularly with situations when people have bullied me. I have identified that i flee if things get too heavy as this is the only way i can protect myself. I am working with a therapist at the moment and this so far has been helpful but through therapy i really feel flawed. The therapist asked me to say to my younger self "what would you say to that young girl", my answer was " i could say nothing, there is no way out". I am in early days of therapy and i look forward to going, but i am wanting to hear how have you empowered yourself when you were afflicted by the things that i experienced as a child. Particularly stories of how you have stood up to yourself when you previously couldn't. Many thanks

Lisado Hi. Newbie
  • replies: 1

Hi. I'm not in best way. 7 months ago my dad died. My family are back in the UK. My kids ( teenagers) and I flew to be there for his final days. However, my sister's turned on me ( been drinking and I guess stressed) and they beat me up. My son had t... View more

Hi. I'm not in best way. 7 months ago my dad died. My family are back in the UK. My kids ( teenagers) and I flew to be there for his final days. However, my sister's turned on me ( been drinking and I guess stressed) and they beat me up. My son had to pull them off me. My kids and I ended up in hotel as I was scared of my sister's. I was in shock as we were close and this has never happened. I'm the youngest of 5 kids. Anyway. The night I left dad died. I never got to say bye. They blanked me at his funeral and left me sit at the wake on my own. Never said bye when we left to come back here. My man just stood and watched. I guess she was in shock too. I didnt8do anything wrong. I did all cooking and shopping. I think they hate me cos I left UK. I don't know but I just can't get over it. I lost my dad, my family then 2 months later I lost my job. I've never been out of work for 26 years. I feel I am lost . I put on my smile but I'm dying inside. I am moody, cry, get angry. Not good for my kids. I just don't know how to forget and live my life. Now my closest Aunty is dying a nd usually I'd go home but now I'm scared too. Thanks for listening.

Lara010 Insult to Injury
  • replies: 2

Hello, I am new to the forum and not used to discussing these topics. but I am going to try.. Maybe someone could offer some advice which will help. I am in an uncomfortable situation where I allowed myself to become dependent on someone. Mostly this... View more

Hello, I am new to the forum and not used to discussing these topics. but I am going to try.. Maybe someone could offer some advice which will help. I am in an uncomfortable situation where I allowed myself to become dependent on someone. Mostly this is ok and we have a calm relationship but there are some incidents which usually revolve around discussions on family. My partner is foreign and emigrated to Australia and recently told me his parents were visiting from northern Europe and would arrive the next day. It was a surprise and he and his family had been planning for months. His parents are very sarcastic, rude and literally everything they say to me is intended to be cruel. I try to be polite and the situation leads to stress which boils over. It did last night (his parents are not staying with us but invited themselves over yesterday) and after they left, without having eaten all day, I drank and became angry and had a fight which escalated. I live in a rural area but with another house on the property and very close by. We do not have too many discussions with the neighbours as they are inconsiderate. My partner and I are generally very quiet and last night our fight was one of the only times we became loud. I was yelling "Ow Ow Ow" as he assaulted me and this morning as the two children next door were on their trampoline they appeared to be mimicking what they apparently heard. Kids can make all kinds of noise of course but this seemed pretty specific and I know their mother has encouraged them to make fun of me before. I feel horrified that a fight escalated like that. I know that I need to improve my situation but am also remote, don't have a car besides the one my partner takes to work and and am probably dealing with children making a mockery of domestic violence. I am sure this situation will pass but I am ashamed. To leave the property I need to pass the other house and it seems that the people there find this funny. I generally look like I have my life together I think, even if I don't but I hate to think anyone could find a bad situation so funny. I do not have a relationship with my own family or too many people to reach out to as I live in a state which is new to me and I basically manage the property we're on. Is there anything I can do to keep my head up? Leaving is not easy in the short term and while I do live here I want to block out what is going on. Thank you to anyone who reads this and can offer some suggestions.

CKS How would you spend your day?
  • replies: 9

Hi everyone To change our train of thoughts I am starting a questionnaire thread about something happy! How would you spend your day? How would you spend your day if: You had no appointments or work to attend You had $1000 to spend The weather was a ... View more

Hi everyone To change our train of thoughts I am starting a questionnaire thread about something happy! How would you spend your day? How would you spend your day if: You had no appointments or work to attend You had $1000 to spend The weather was a perfect 28 degrees You felt confident to leave the house I would go shopping early to buy a new outfit & hat to wear at the beach. I would spend my day on the beach with my dogs. We would eat fish and chips and cooked sausages for lunch. I would buy them a rump steak each for dinner and i would eat Italian for dinner. In the evening i would have a few glasses of wine and listen to my favourite music (as loud as it could be). I would stay up as late as i could so the day would be as long as possible. How would you spend your day? With love CKS

Gizz_36 I think I might have Ptsd
  • replies: 12

Well we all seem happy when we r 15 and 16 well most of us then when I was 16 I got hit buy a car then when I was 19 I got bashed by my so called friends these two incidents were alcohol related and then afterward I got a job where I had a boss who y... View more

Well we all seem happy when we r 15 and 16 well most of us then when I was 16 I got hit buy a car then when I was 19 I got bashed by my so called friends these two incidents were alcohol related and then afterward I got a job where I had a boss who yelled and hounded me for about 3 or 4 yrs and during that time I started to feel depressed and started to see the dark side of life I've also had a couple of medical problems like bells palsy which is a condition that a nerve near my ear stop working and disable the muscles on the left side of my face and half my face dropped I know people have had it a lot harder than me but going through that could I have ptsd I sometimes feel it's more than depression and anxiety

Thespian8 Gentleman Struggler!
  • replies: 1

Dear all, This is my first time visiting Beyond Blue. I have got to the point wherein I feel I need to meet others that also struggle. If you don't mind, I wish to share my story. I have been married three times! My first wife was abusive, both physi... View more

Dear all, This is my first time visiting Beyond Blue. I have got to the point wherein I feel I need to meet others that also struggle. If you don't mind, I wish to share my story. I have been married three times! My first wife was abusive, both physically and mentally, and after numerous years of trying, we separated. We went to marriage councillors and they could not help, as she was aggressive and refused to believe that she was doing anything wrong. She struggled with her own issues, due to her father being a violent alcoholic. After we split up, she took her our two children and moved down the road. After 6 weeks of us splitting up, she moved a new man into the house and told the children they had to call him 'Daddy' now. This was incredibly difficult and confusing and resulted in a lot of disagreements. She fell pregnant to him that year, whilst we were still married, and then told me that she was moving to NZ with him, and i could either stay or come over. I had met someone else in that time and was a year away from finishing a contract as a theatre director so decided to go, as I did not want to be without my children. When my children left for NZ, I was devastated. I sunk into a very deep depression and struggled to work and socialise. I missed them so much and could not stop crying. The woman I met tried to comfort me and during this depressive state, I asked her to marry me, which I should not have, as I knew I was not in love with her, but I needed something else to cover this feeling of sadness. I married my second wife and then we moved to NZ. I was back with my children and happy, however, my first wife was horrible and controlling and dictated everything, making my 2nd wife and I miserable. My first wife then said that she wanted to move to Melbourne, which we agreed to. My 2nd wife and I moved over, and the agreement was that my children would be moving over in 6 months. They never arrived and are still in NZ 6 years later. My 2nd wife soon got pregnant, however, we were not in love and she left Australia and took my baby daughter back to the UK. That was in 2014. I do not get to see her. I then received a lawyers letter saying that my 2nd wife and her new partner had been arrested for child abuse. They had beaten our daughter. I did not get custody and my 2nd wife was apparently rehabilitated. I struggle with my past and would really like some help or advice or meet others with similar struggles. Thanks, T

Slipperyfish How do I fix my pelvic floor without triggering my trauma?
  • replies: 6

Hi first time posting and I’m super anxious about it. But I’m needing advice and I’m not sure where else to turn 2 years ago yesterday was when I was first sexually assaulted. It was after a date I went on with someone I met from tinder. After it all... View more

Hi first time posting and I’m super anxious about it. But I’m needing advice and I’m not sure where else to turn 2 years ago yesterday was when I was first sexually assaulted. It was after a date I went on with someone I met from tinder. After it all happened I just did all that I could to get away and I kept my mouth shut. About a month later I was attacked on my way home from work by the same guy, but this time he had his mate with him. Fast forward 2 years and I’m in regular therapy to deal with PTSD. It’s going ok and I feel like I’m kicking goals. My issue now is that my pelvic floor is literally non existent. I have to cross my legs when I sneeze and there is no way I can run without having some form of leakage. I’m working with a physio trying to strengthen it but attempting the exercises causing me so much stress. I end up having vivid flash backs, break out in a sweat and lately I’ve been fainting and then dissociating and loosing track of where I am. I feel like I’m going backward with my PTSD treatment but I need to be doing something to fix my pelvic floor. Has anyone experienced anything like this? My physio is soooo supportive and knows about my history, but even she is stumped on how to move forward! Any advice or suggestions anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated! I just want to move forward with life and I’m finding that everything always comes back to the assaults and I never escape! I’m just really tired and I’m struggling to find people to talk to who understand what is happening in my head and who has similar struggles to me. Please, help me to move forward! Please and thanks

tassiedevil Brain zaps
  • replies: 3

Hi, Im 56 throughout my life I have suffered with depression from early 20's until now. I have recently been commenced on a new medication which has helped in some ways for me, but my dose was increased (10 days ago)and last night (now 18:00)I experi... View more

Hi, Im 56 throughout my life I have suffered with depression from early 20's until now. I have recently been commenced on a new medication which has helped in some ways for me, but my dose was increased (10 days ago)and last night (now 18:00)I experienced a 'brain zap' at least I think that was what it was. I was in a deep sleep and woken by what felt like a jolt of electricity coming from inside my brain through my forehead. It was very distressing and greatly concerned me. I can still actually feel where it seemed to hit my forehead. All the reading I have done says that it is a side effect coming off some medications. I have found nothing that anyone has shared about it happening to them increasing the medication dose. I am sort of happy with the way I am feeling on this medication( at least on the smaller dose and prior to this experience) I know from the experience of commencing this medication that the side effects dissipated for me about week 4 (now week 5 and 3 days) I want to give the increase dose a chance, but the way the zap impacted me has made me fearful about going to sleep. It was that frightening. I live rurally and am on Newstart, attempting to get my things organised to apply for DSP. My GP is a 160km return trip and I see my psychiatrist(whom I have to see via Psych2U on skype once a month for half an hour and am not scheduled to see for just under three weeks. ) I only began seeing a psychiatrist as my Psychologist is not a Clinical Psyhcologist, so for DSP I have to have a report by a psychiatrist. I am not that happy with the psychiatrist and my GP is aware, as the psychiatrist asked me how work was, even though known that I was on Newstart, and then suggested I consider moving into an over 55s retirement village.(my worst nightmare) This psychiatrist is in Sydney and it appears he has no idea of reality of life in a rural remote area, nor does this psychiatrist have any understanding or made any effort to know me or my life. sigh. I managed to speak up last time as the psychiatrist was 10mins late, then after he talked for a bit about the medication he was winding up , and I said I have some things I need to say, and told him how I felt about his comments. I felt like just a name on a list. he sort of apologised. any way I am concerned about the brain zap and and why i am experiencing it on increasing not coming off the medication thanks De

Hollow83 Hollow soul
  • replies: 2

hi.. im reaching out because I’ve never met another ptsd or bpd sufferer ive been managing to put a band aid over the hole in my soul caused by being sexually abused by my brother for my whole childhood for the last 25 years or so and recently my wor... View more

hi.. im reaching out because I’ve never met another ptsd or bpd sufferer ive been managing to put a band aid over the hole in my soul caused by being sexually abused by my brother for my whole childhood for the last 25 years or so and recently my world exploded and nothing helps anymore weed, pills, food, alcohol, sex, pain I used it all to plug that hole that I imagine we all have. five weeks a go I lost my job as a zookeeper and with it I lost my identity my friends my income and my reason to get up in the morning im doing everything I’m supposed to I’m seeing my gp once a week a psych once a week and a psychiatrist once a month I’m on so many pills but nothings working I find myself daydreaming about just drifting away i just need to know it can get better. Please if there are any others out there like me tell me it can get better because I’m losing hope

Roo_w First time post! Hoping last time search for help.
  • replies: 3

Hiya My name is not roo. I’m 27 yo female struggling with 17 years with my demons.I’m deeply ashamed of my mental illness and past sexual and mental abuse I received as a child. I’m here because I can’t even bring my self to leave my house. I’m curre... View more

Hiya My name is not roo. I’m 27 yo female struggling with 17 years with my demons.I’m deeply ashamed of my mental illness and past sexual and mental abuse I received as a child. I’m here because I can’t even bring my self to leave my house. I’m currently unemployed and can’t afford the mental health support I’m in desperate need of. For the past 17 years I worked hard for my achievements and thrived in spite of situation. During that time I wouldn’t say I managing my illness but I endured my mental health. Even then it was unforgivable but knowing what I know now those are the good days. Unfortunately the past 2 years have I have crumbled and had to quit my job. I became so frantically unable to function that I had no choice. I now am nothing but a shell of what I once was and ever night I try and fight the darkness away. I know if don’t get the help I need but essential can’t afford I will lose this endless battle I feel live been fighting a life time. Please don’t judge or tell me it takes time. I’ve done time and it’s only worsening. I’ve searched and looked for every opinion and nothing is free nothing that can actually save me. This is my last resort. Possibly the last effort I have left in me to try pull myself out once more. I guess seeing other stories and other people who understand and know this struggle of being so disabled by their illness and having no means no options like me will give me the strength to do it on my own. Like everything in my life I’m in this own but maybe not alone.