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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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TheOwl Advice, thoughts, opinions?
  • replies: 2

Hi all, this is the first thread. Ideas, any feedback would be appreciated. Background. I was diagnosed with C-PTSD about 3 months ago and in a marriage for 10 years or so. The marriage has ended. Not just due my PTSD but also other issues like my pa... View more

Hi all, this is the first thread. Ideas, any feedback would be appreciated. Background. I was diagnosed with C-PTSD about 3 months ago and in a marriage for 10 years or so. The marriage has ended. Not just due my PTSD but also other issues like my partners alcohol dependancy and treatment. On top of this we were seeing a family therapist. That fell through due to an infidelity disclosure on my wife's behalf. I see a therapist who's helping me understanding triggers and it's going really well. I'm engaged and am finding new insights about my trauma every week. My issue is around how I manage the separation. I'm interested in whether others have experienced similar? I've been living at AirBNBs and couch surfing for two months. I have a great network of friends and a closer circle who provide perspective. I'm managing it well. They have asked me to get more advice about my current situation. My partner was having an affair online with an old flame (facebook) which had been going on for a while. My instincts were to log onto her account (old password) This was a only a one time incident. It was unusual for her to be unsupportive, and use language that was so out of character, especially in a sudden way. She started labelling me as a 'Woman hater' and 'Abuser' whilst opening up around my therapy. Which seemed deeply out of character for anyone. Since then, she has blocked all contact apart from one email address. I've been told repeatedly that my 'Abuse' is unsafe. It's made it really difficult to arrange a time to get things like personal documents like passports, birth certs out of the house. I understand her worry, but not her motives. I've asked if she could hand them over to joint friend etc, she won't. Currently, she has all my essential documents. I can't get her to agree to a time to discuss it with me, whether it's with mediator or other. There are constant labelings of 'Abuser' 'Unsafe'. But no history of violence, no harassment at all. It has also come to light this week that the family therapist had contacted my trauma therapist to support the end of our relationship and the effects of my PTSD. My wife has met with our family therapist without me and stated that I was 'Disassociated' at the time of separation. This personal, clinical appraisal was then fed back into a session in my trauma work. Is this a breach of client confidentiality? And if so, how would you manage the situation? How would you progress re personal belongings? A

Samm10 Abusive, ignorant and cheating husband
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone writing here for the first time really scared. So here it is. I have been married for 3 years and have a beautiful daughter and now i am expecting my second child with my husband. My daughter was born after a year we got married so things... View more

Hi everyone writing here for the first time really scared. So here it is. I have been married for 3 years and have a beautiful daughter and now i am expecting my second child with my husband. My daughter was born after a year we got married so things moved to another level very quickly. Just after she was born we started having these fights over small issues and at that time when I needed him the most he turned his back on me and then I found him cheating on me with two different persons. We moved from an other country so it was difficult living separately after a daughter but that whole 16 months time we were fighting. When I moved over here and found him cheating on me I asked him and he apologised and for the sake of my daughter I forgive him. But things got worse when he started abusing me and physically harming me. He did that twice and the third time he was shouting and throwing things his parents were here and i was expecting so i got scared and worried for my daughter so i called the cops. They threatened him and after that we had no connection. Whenever i try to talk and express something he ignores it or turn that to some issue. Whenever i try to convey my feelings he thinks its stupid and immature so i get no reply. I am trying my best for the sake of my daughter and my unborn but I don’t know where will it lead to. I see him on his phone all the time, working, or going to gym or to his friends but for me the things are zero. I am crying for a long time now and i want to find a solution to this so that this suffering would end. I am extremely depressed and down. This is my fourth month. We got married as we loved each other but now its all gone. The love and the respect. Please help me!

kb1nonly I Feel Like I Am Cursed
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone, I just turned 30, I have 4 kids (3 boys with Autism and 1 girl), I'm a single mum and I work FT in Insurance. The events over the last 6 months have left me questioning if i believe in curses. Back in December a guy I seen casually left ... View more

Hi Everyone, I just turned 30, I have 4 kids (3 boys with Autism and 1 girl), I'm a single mum and I work FT in Insurance. The events over the last 6 months have left me questioning if i believe in curses. Back in December a guy I seen casually left me physically injured after an assault when he went too far and got way too rough. I had known him for over 10 years and years ago I thought I loved him, but history aside its no excuse so injured and traumatised I went to the police and hospital and ended up with an AVO and he got a good behaviour bond. First i couldnt get out of bed for 2 weeks a mix of physical pain and panic attacks, i returned to work after christmas with only some pain that i just used panadol, neurophen and heat packs for. Then my wrist started aching really bad for days and days at a time. All while my back and shoulder had been aching ever since the start. So I started chiro, it was pricey but gave some relief. Then my jaw started, it ached on both sides, doctors gave me antibiotics. One amazing doctor prescribed medication which solved shoulder, back and wrist pain. Then in April Trigeminal Neuralgia struck, if you google that itll tell you its one of the most painful conditions known to man. Trust me ive had 4 kids and id rather do that over again than live every day this way. Trigeminal Neuralgia can be bought on by trauma. So Ive had more than a month all up off work since March and its not looking good but I have amazing bosses and I feel looked after. Its now May and going to be my 30th Birthday, because of my pain I keep trying to cancel plans with this guy I had been on a bunch of dates with but hes so persistant plus he has a strong pain killer from his knee surgery that might help, plus it wasnt meant to be the whole night just watching a movie or two and eating junk food. He picks me up and we head to his place and while driving he hands me the painkillers. We get there and he made me a hot drink and I had tim tams. Thats all I remember until he woke me up the next morning and he drove me home. I had a couple of explicit flashbacks and I realised I couldnt remember, days later he was arrested and they found photos and videos of things he did to me. The police were amazing and its still ongoing but hes not free. I feel lost, alone and confused, these dont feel like my memories, like its someone elses story. When will I get my happy life??

sadmum85 Killing me slowly
  • replies: 6

Hi. I'm new here, so first thanks for all the posts on here, I have read quite a few and it is nice to not feel so alone. I'm posting because I really don't know what to do anymore. I can barely even recognize myself to be honest, I am definitely not... View more

Hi. I'm new here, so first thanks for all the posts on here, I have read quite a few and it is nice to not feel so alone. I'm posting because I really don't know what to do anymore. I can barely even recognize myself to be honest, I am definitely not the woman I used to be. My marriage is not very healthy. We have separated in the past and I just feel so stupid and weak now for getting back together with this man. When we first separated he attended counselling for his anger issues and also went to aa for 12 months. I was happy for him that he was changing himself for the better and was proud of him. I thought that he had proven he did want to change and stop his abusive behaviours and I thought I owed it to our family to give us a chance at being happy and together. That was a mistake. Over the last few months the verbal abuse has escalated, there have been incidents of physical abuse as well. I just feel completely broken, dead inside. Like I have nothing left to give. He thinks I'm being dramatic when I call his behaviour abusive. I honestly just feel like giving up I'm exhausted.

Lifehitsyou Totally lost
  • replies: 4

Where to start?, growing up I was abused a lot by my father, seems the only time he even looked at me was to beat me for something, even if it wasn’t my fault. I could never do anything right, even though I am the only member of my family who went ri... View more

Where to start?, growing up I was abused a lot by my father, seems the only time he even looked at me was to beat me for something, even if it wasn’t my fault. I could never do anything right, even though I am the only member of my family who went right through school, I did not get in trouble, nor did I turn to drugs or alcohol. I did however end up with a problem with my temper, even as a young boy it seemed I got angry about things far too easy, I was also bullied a lot at school, right from primary all the way until I left school. I met a girl when I was 17 and got married at 19, with my first daughter being born just after I turned 20, we had 4 children in 8 years, yet I still had a problem with my anger, I scared my children and also my wife. then my 2 sons were diagnosed with Muscular Dystrophy and given pretty much a death sentence. after 17 years of marriage my wife left me because I still had a problem with my anger, where the smallest things would set me off. Yet I still tried to maintain a good relationship with my children, my ex wife had turned them against me. After 2 years fighting her in court to be able to spend time with our children, she finally relented just in time for me to see my eldest son before he died. then 2 years later my youngest son also passed away. now here I am at 50 all my dreams of being a great dad and maybe being a great grand dad are gone, as my daughters can’t have children. I am in dire need of help, I am destroying my current relationship because I still have problems with my anger, is there any way that I can learn some coping tools to try and stop being so angry all the time? please help.

Fallingleaves Does this ever end? Or just keep repeating itself?
  • replies: 5

So tired of fighting every single day, I have no energy left and the mask of ‘ok’ is slipping further out of reach... Is it even worth the fight to get better? I worked so hard for about 10 years to get through cptsd and depression, celebrated when I... View more

So tired of fighting every single day, I have no energy left and the mask of ‘ok’ is slipping further out of reach... Is it even worth the fight to get better? I worked so hard for about 10 years to get through cptsd and depression, celebrated when I finally got off meds and felt good! That lasted maybe 5 years... now back to fighting same demons - cptsd is back as is depression . I’ve been working with psych now for almost 3 years, gave up and accepted meds again 18 months ago but they didn’t seem to do much this time. Past 6 months under psychiatrist with meds increasing in dose and number but still struggle every single day just to do the little things. I have a fantastic husband and 2 wonderful little kids but I can’t seem to find calm or happiness, used to be so good at masking feelings but now that takes so much energy it’s just so hard. Seeing people/friends even for an hour results in exhaustion for the rest of the day - it’s too hard. Is it worth continuing to find that happiness or do we all just put in so much energy and effort only to go crashing back a short time later... maybe this is the life I need to accept... maybe this is what I deserve for not trusting those I loved all those years ago... So many tears, so many fears

TaylorJL Should I stay or go.
  • replies: 12

Ive been with my current partner now for 3 years and we have just recently go engaged. He has struggled with depression, anxiety, bipolar for most part of our relationship and I feel its finally taken its toll on me. He has days which are good and I ... View more

Ive been with my current partner now for 3 years and we have just recently go engaged. He has struggled with depression, anxiety, bipolar for most part of our relationship and I feel its finally taken its toll on me. He has days which are good and I forget about all the bad times but mostly its a constant struggle and fight. Im not sure how others handle their depression but my partner lashes out with abuse, constantly swearing and yelling at me. He has physically assaulted me at times. Im not looking for sympathy as i'm trying to understand him and what he's going through. He also gets very down and and upset. Ive had him in my arms sobbing, ive talked him out of self harm and suicide, ive taken him to the doctors for medication. Im at my wits end. I feel like I have done the best I can to help him through this, and I don't know if im strong enough to continue. I know that might sound selfish but I do not feel myself anymore. I am now feeling constantly upset and sad. The love I have for him is still there but I don't know if I can continue to go through this. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

Hikarue Husband wants kids but I am hesitant because I had bad childhood.
  • replies: 2

Hi, Me and my husband of 5 years marriage had been talking about having kids and every time we talk about it it, we ended up stressed and sad because he often said I am too negative for afraid of having kids. I came from an emotionally unavailable pa... View more

Hi, Me and my husband of 5 years marriage had been talking about having kids and every time we talk about it it, we ended up stressed and sad because he often said I am too negative for afraid of having kids. I came from an emotionally unavailable parents who often criticized me, calling me useless, good for nothing etc since I learned to understand words. I was physical abused by my parents too. I was also bullied at school and hardly have friends. I had low self esteem as a child and teenager, hated my self and at one point, wanted to commit suicide. I grew up watching my mum and dad yelling at each other almost every night and sometimes, it becomes physical abusive. Overtime, I had managed to overcome my childhood trauma and it don't haunt me or affect me much anymore. When I was younger, I always thought I will be a mother to prove my parents that I can a better parent and because I thought that is the only pathway in life. However, after marriage and reality kicks in and my biological clock is ticking, I grew fearful on parenting due to several reasons. First, my husband and I have no support from relatives because our parents and siblings are overseas (I don't even know anyone who have kids without any family support). Secondly, I am too afraid to lose my time & freedom, since I feel that I didn't have a good childhood, I naturally want to pursue my happiness in traveling, spending time with my hobbies and passion and not be burden by finance since we are not even earning average Melbournian wage. Thirdly, I don't have much confident that my husband can handle to stress, responsibility and work that comes with the kid maturely. Just a few years ago, he had serious mental health issues of self inflicting pain, suicidal thoughts, threaten me to suicide which I slowly managed to convince him to see psychologist to get treated and then did all my online research to support him. He seems ok now, but every now and then, when we have argument, he could say mean things to me, such as threats of divorce which he don't mean it because he is just throwing tantrum. Finally, went I see babies, I don't get that feeling that they are the cutest thing and I don't really enjoying carrying them. However, my only reason if I have a child is so that I can nurture him /her the knowledge in life and influence them positively. Should I still try my best to change to have kids for him? It is worth it?

golam PTSD and personal relationships
  • replies: 2

Six months ago I meet a wonderful lady ,she being near my age . I am 70 years old. We dated a number of times and as we got to know each other we slowly fell in love with each other . I must confess I'd never felt this intensity before , and realized... View more

Six months ago I meet a wonderful lady ,she being near my age . I am 70 years old. We dated a number of times and as we got to know each other we slowly fell in love with each other . I must confess I'd never felt this intensity before , and realized she was my " soul mate ' as I was to her. Let me say that my previous successes in relationships were not great. Often a see saw affair over a number of years. I did have an awareness that my troubled relationship with my very damaged mother(she was a holocaust survivor) was the contributing factor and had over the years tried various therapies but with little success. I accepted that's the way things were and most likely not a lot would change. Until my current relationship. I had gone into the relationship thinking that my love for this woman would perhaps overcome the painful memories and feelings relating to my family upbringing. This was not to be . Shortly after becoming intimate I had a complete breakdown (not hospitalized) and managed to pull myself from the brink with counselling, exercise ,yoga. I am still quite fragile and coping quite variably day to day. I have good coping skills having lived with anxiety y and depression for decades through membership of a number of helpful groups. What I discovered but had not clearly acknowledged that all along from the time of being a young adult was that I have been suffering from PTSD -due to the at times frightening behavior of my mother. So I am still in contact with this wonderful woman who has been incredibly understanding and we are keen to continue our relationship. But I know that these very powerful negative forces will undermine any meaningful connection eventually. I am seriously looking into effective therapies such as EMDR or any other. I would like some feedback on possible PSTD therapy strategies . The past 2 weeks have been hideous.

SuanKim we can address childhood trauma
  • replies: 4

Hi new to forum, believe in sharing will work if it's good two way communication. OK agree with what Julia Gillard suggested, but individual must be prepared to work through past issues/childhood trauma so learn to make a choice-stop being/playing th... View more

Hi new to forum, believe in sharing will work if it's good two way communication. OK agree with what Julia Gillard suggested, but individual must be prepared to work through past issues/childhood trauma so learn to make a choice-stop being/playing the victim of dysfunctional families, abusive parents (verbal, physical, sexual, emotional abuse). Work with good professionals, friends, people who care and can share victories to leave past, start new chapter, better still a new book, just yours only, not all that ugly horrible family stuff. Believe you can do it and you will find resilence, strength to do it. Give it a go, go at it again. Well done you!