EMDR and repressed feelings ? memories

[MilkandHoney]

Hi

I feel somewhat stupid asking this question so bear with me please.

I suffer from depression and PTSD and I recently started EMDR with my psychologist to help with the trauma from when I was raped as a 12 year old. I have a strong and clear memory of it even though it was more than 20 years ago. The PTSD diagnosis is still only relatively new as I didn't disclose the trauma for several years, and even though I know the event had a marked impart on my life I struggled somewhat with the diagnosis because it made me feel like a victim, which I hate.

After the first few sessions I keep having memories and thinking about this former family friend (who we're no longer in contact with and haven't been for MANY years). I remember being around him as an approximately 7-8 year old and being really scared of him. I just get this sick to my stomach feeling.......and I feel like something happened to me do with him when I was younger. Like, not rape, but something....inappropriate nonetheless. I feel kind of stupid bringing it up (and feel too stupid to bring it up with my psychologist) but I keep getting these flashbacks of being a young child around him accompanied by a really strong visceral reaction.

Does anyone have any experience with this? I have a really strong feeling of....terror and disgust and persistent thoughts about it but its not like I can remember an EVENT or something. I don't want to be oversensitive or, I don't know, a hypochondriac about it, but I don't understand why I would be having such strong feelings about it or even thinking about someone I've had nothing to do with several decades, and have no reason to think of.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi MilkandHoney,

Thank you for your post. For what it's worth, I don't think it's a stupid question at all - there are no stupid questions here 🙂

I think that even though EMDR can be a bit confusing in how it works, it does a really good job in mapping together old memories and bringing up tough things to the surface. With PTSD and trauma our brain does a funny job of packing memories away and storing them so that you're able to cope.

If you have a feeling like something inappropriate happened, there's every possibility that it did - sometimes some memories are clear as day and others so foggy it seems unreal, but they can both be as true as each other. Even if this particular memory wasn't true, it's still popping up in your head for a reason. There's still this part of your brain that's kind of nagging you with it, so that makes it important anyway.

I'd really encourage you to bring this up with your psychologist. This isn't you being a hypochondriac; it's you being aware of these reactions and memories and having someone to talk about it with.

Hope this helps,