What does 'ok' even mean??

[Shortness87]

I get asked every now and then 'are you ok?' I'm at the point where I have forgotten what ok even means.

I feel isolated and alone. No one around me understands. I wear a mask 24/7 As s**t hits the fan when I let my emotions show. I am exhausted and need my mind to just stop. I need work to just stop. I need everything to stop so I can catch my breath.

[Butterfingers12]

Hi Shortness87,

I don't have a lot of advice to give but I am a great listener.

It sucks that you're feeling alone and isolated, it's never a nice feeling especially when you're down.

I don't know about you personally but I sometimes bottle things in and it eventually leads to me blowing up at friends or family, which is never a good thing. Do you have someone you trust who you feel that you can be yourself around and discuss how you're feeling? Or are you eligible for a mental health plan to speak to a professional for help?

Is there something you can do at the end of the work day to de-stress to help you re-coup for the next day? Whether it be enjoying a nice bath, reading a book or binging your favourite tv show while eating your favourite food, try to make it a ritual to help you forget about the daily stresses and just relax.

[Shortness87]

Hi Butterfingers12,

Thanks for responding to my post. I find it hard to open up to people but here goes....

When I was 15 I was a victim of sexual assault. The police got involved and my entire year at school was on Mr Popular's side so I got bullied, beat up etc for a whole year at school before I left.

I didn't cope at all and was in intensive therapy after several attempts of my life.

I am now in my early 30s and over the last 15+ years I have continued to battle with Depression, anxiety and PTSD.

The last 12 months have been extremely hard. Work stress, bullying in the workplace, change of workplace all trigered my pent up emotions to show and I found I couldn't wear my mask convincingly. I got rediagnosed with all the above, a lot of friends bailed as I isolated myself from social situations, and my marriage suffered. Don't get me started on how my poor children have suffered too.

I saw a psych but struggled to really open up. I find that I just tell them what they want to hear rather than what's really happening inside my head.

I have now reached a point where it's easier for everyone if I put this mask back on and go about my day pretending I'm happy and 'ok'.

I struggle with sleep, I keep so busy during the day to stop my mind from wandering which leaves me both physically and emotionally exhausted, I live with co stand headaches.

I feel that I can't let my emotions show as no one around me understands me and I'm expected to work, be a mum and keep the house all clean...

[Butterfingers12]

Hi Shortness87,

Sorry for the delayed response.

I'm really sorry that you've had to go through that, that is really unfair 😞

Have you thought of seeing a different psych at all? One that you may feel more comfortable with? Sometimes the first one you see, may not always be the best fit for you.

Do you have time in the afternoons to go for a walk as a family? It might help you wind down and feel a bit more relaxed when it's time to go to sleep and get the endorphins flowing. I understand it's easier said than done though!

I notice you mentioned that you're married, that means that not all of the housework and taking care of the kids should fall on you as the mum! We tend to take the stress of the whole family and put them onto ourselves. Would it help to talk with your husband about how you're feeling?

[Tynk]

Hi Shortness87,

You've had a lot to cope with: trauma and injustice.

I can identify with how exhausting it is keeping a mask of normality. Likewise trouble with sleep which is very debilitating.

Can you get proper medical help for that? Mending needs time and energy and fatigue makes it much harder.

In my experience, people who've not been through trauma, rarely have the depth of understanding of the effects, and the duration.

I also found new issues can trigger reactions which seem inappropriate to others. The emotional force can come from an earlier, perhaps more traumatic incident. To onlookers it can look like acting up. To the person, it's like a blow to an unhealed broken bone.

I've found it's a tricky balance to ask for support. I had so much inside me but felt I couldn't overburden others for risk of them thinking "just get over it. It's the past.'

There's value in being busy and 'being in the moment.' If troubling thoughts come, acknowledge them, and return to the job you're doing. It's worth a try.

I found acknowledging something good in my life helped my mood. I love birdsong and feel delight when birds come to my garden.

You have inner strength because you've come this far. You know healing is not a short journey. So, remember to be kind to yourself. Eat healthily, exercise, do things which bring you joy. I joined a community choir - no audition.

Be with people who are kind, respectful and affirming.

The others have their own demons and might not have the capacity to see much beyond themselves. Steer clear if they are negative. Dont explain or justify yourself to them. Their approval is neither important or valuable. (It's a hard one to learn - especially if you're let down by friends.)

If you have to deal with negative people, be polite but don't engage beyond what is necessary. Show dignity and integrity, even if they can't or won't.

Given your past, you've a right to be be angry. Better out than in?.. but try not to vent around others. It can work against you.

Some of my reactivity occured before my conscious mind could censor it - my primal survival instinct kicking in, inappropriately. Be kind to yourself if it happens. See if you can identify triggers, physical reactions - warning signs. Yes, easier said than done.

A lot in this world isn't fair. But try not to be resentful. Forgiveness can be very difficult, but it can also be liberating. As long as you resent something, you're its captive.

Best wishes.

Tynk