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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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new_beginning How do i go on?
  • replies: 9

The last 4 years of my life i have been given bread crumbs and discarded more times than i can count. The last time being yesterday, i was only wanted so he didnt have to pay childsupprt and to see his kids however he was supposed to have the kids la... View more

The last 4 years of my life i have been given bread crumbs and discarded more times than i can count. The last time being yesterday, i was only wanted so he didnt have to pay childsupprt and to see his kids however he was supposed to have the kids last night but the new gf has kids free weekend so that was more important. I have been lied to for 4 years and now im a mess wondering what to do now. I have no self confidence, no trust in my judgement of people and no hope for the future. I just get up everyday for my kids and try to make them happy. I dont feel happy. I cant remember the last time i did. I barely sleep and now just get to look forwards to the time when he decides to break me some more by coming after the kids.. What am i supposed to do?

Eleni_B Don’t no what is wrong with me
  • replies: 1

Hi, i don’t no what has happened to me. For the last 6 months, maybe more I’ve been feeling empty with no feelings towards my kids, husband and no interest in anything. I work full time and I’m pretty busy, but a lot of the time I just want to cry. I... View more

Hi, i don’t no what has happened to me. For the last 6 months, maybe more I’ve been feeling empty with no feelings towards my kids, husband and no interest in anything. I work full time and I’m pretty busy, but a lot of the time I just want to cry. I can’t see a way out and I think I’m destroying my marriage cos of my anger towards everything. I have 7 children but only one left at home. I was sexually abused by my father from a very young age and it stoped when I ran away from home at 12. I never told anyone in my family what he had done to me (he is dead now) So they just thought I was a uncontrollable child. I was put in a children’s home because of it and I still never said a word. I was very young when I had my first child to a extremely violent man. It took me nearly 8 years to get away from him. Having 3 children to him, they suffered at he’s hands to. Then I meet someone who was a pot smoker very calm and caring not violent which I need in my life, even though I hated that he smoked drugs. But he started smoking so much that when he didn’t have any he’s moods were terrible and he’s abusive mouth was unbelievable, but I was no angel, I would abuse him back. After years of living total different lives but share the house and bed and 3 more children, I needed to get out. It became nasty and he ended up with someone else but kept trying to turn my kids against me and make as much trouble as they could for me. I ended up moving away to stop all the troubles. In this time I meet my now husband (we have been together for 11 years) who I was totally in love with, he changed everything in my life I was totally happy he was there for me when ever I needed, I told him every secret I ever hide. About 4 years ago he had a accident on he’s dirt bike. In hospital for 5days he had memory lose and was paralysed in one leg. In a few weeks he was walking properly, but had depression. He use to ring me 20 times a day stressed, angry sometimes crying while he was at work, and I stopped everything for him just so I was there for him.He is a lot better now not taking any meds But he has changed not completely but I feel it and we argue of stupid things. I feel we are destroying each other. Iv been such a strong person all my life did everything on my own, I could always rely on me. Now I don’t no what to do. I feel lost, empty, sometimes angry. I don’t no how to pull myself out of this black hole iv slipped into and can’t get out of.. help me

Lewwie Hypervigilance
  • replies: 5

Hi, I went through a period of sexual assault and dv for a few years and finally moved out, I met a new partner and there was a few times when my ex would still get to me. My new partner was furious and installed cameras which deterred my ex. Ever si... View more

Hi, I went through a period of sexual assault and dv for a few years and finally moved out, I met a new partner and there was a few times when my ex would still get to me. My new partner was furious and installed cameras which deterred my ex. Ever since then I have been unable to sleep well without medicine. If I am home alone I have everything turned down really quiet so I can keep listening for changes. We moved house and I thought it would be better but it is just as bad. Almost worse because this house has a lot of doors so I have to keep walking around the house all night checking locks. Because my ex and I share children I have to talk to him occasionally and see him on occasions, my partner always attends these times. I just don't know if I will ever get through it and move on. I hate having to take medicine every night in order to sleep. I tried Psychology but really struggled to even get to appointments without panicking. I am completely exhausted and had really hoped that this new home would be a fresh start but it's just the same stuff in a different space.

Mickii When you need help, but help is just too hard
  • replies: 11

I guess I just wanted to ask whether other people sometimes find help makes things harder. The last couple of days have been horrible and I have at times been quite suicidual. The thing is I know to ask for help, and in the end I went to online chat ... View more

I guess I just wanted to ask whether other people sometimes find help makes things harder. The last couple of days have been horrible and I have at times been quite suicidual. The thing is I know to ask for help, and in the end I went to online chat with lifeline, and although there are lots of good ideas about what to do when you feel suicidual, the truth is I felt so bad it was like I just didn't have the energy to do anything about it. Tonight a friend rang to see how I was, I didn't admit to how bad I felt, because I didn't want them to feel hopeless because they couldn't change how I feel. I see my psychiatrist every couple of weeks, and I never tell her the truth because then I have to deal with it, and it is too hard.

Songs58 Husband ..how to cope caring for wife. PTSD !!!
  • replies: 2

Hi Just joined this forum yesterday been a bit hestitant to post ..... I would like to say before I post that I totally understand that there are many people going through what iam at the moment with their friend or wifes and partners , i dont think ... View more

Hi Just joined this forum yesterday been a bit hestitant to post ..... I would like to say before I post that I totally understand that there are many people going through what iam at the moment with their friend or wifes and partners , i dont think for one moment its just me ...... My wife and I found each other about 4 and a half year ago and fell in love and got marriaged to years ago this month so known each other 5 years this November 2020 . My wife turned 60 years of age last Dec 2019 and ive just turned 65 years of age this Jan 2020 ...... when I met my wife i didnt know at the time she was suffering any symptoms that anyone else would go through after coming out of a previous marriage two years before me . I realized that she was quite spoken and very well mananned and beautiful .... but after knowing her for six months or so i started to realize there was more to her life and past issues that were effecting her quality of life .... I wanted to know more from her but soon found out she was not able to give me answers or communicate about her past at all without breaking down and crying ... she would just say I cant talk about it ... My wife was dumped by her parents at age 5 years and her 3 siblings at some children centre .. then fostered out to husband and wife who both abused her one with mental and emotional and the other sexually. The doctor knew this as well cause she had mentioned to him a long time ago .... he advised her to seek a proffesional to discuss all of her past .... it was very overwhelming for me to know about her history and Ive been trying to understand while any human would do that to anyone especially a child . So for me living and dealing with my wifes illness has been very challenging and sad at the same to to see her not get enjoyment out of little things like just waking up in the morning and saying wow ..what a wonderful day outside it is and excited about what we are going to do today..... my wife doesnt feel any emotions joy or happiness from life from those things ...... but she does get enjoyment from her 3 daughters and her grandchildren which i love to see her smile and laughter and also a lady friend she met just before I met my wife 4 years or so ago . The last 2 years Ive realized through been councelled myself that I cant make my wife happy around me if she doesnt want to be what hurts me is the fact she can laugh and smile and enjoy conversation with her daughters and her friend but not me !!!!! ........

Xara Newly Diagnosed
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone. I'm newly diagnosed with complex PTSD. I'm not even sure what to make of the diagnosis i feel to lost and out of place almost uncomfortable even. I struggle with BPD as well which alone messes with my emotions but this has really gotten... View more

Hey everyone. I'm newly diagnosed with complex PTSD. I'm not even sure what to make of the diagnosis i feel to lost and out of place almost uncomfortable even. I struggle with BPD as well which alone messes with my emotions but this has really gotten under my skin and according to my psychiatrist is a lot worse than it used to be. I'm currently stuck in a domestic violence situation and we have nowhere to go to get away from the person harming me and my partner all because of our animals. We are so concerned because we know we need to get out before this escalates to the point one of us lands in emergency. HELP

Balinor PTSD and staying at work
  • replies: 2

Hi all New here, not sure what I'm actually looking for, but here goes. I was bullied at work (I work in Prisons) and consequently broke and was off work for a year, in treatment with a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist, on medication for Depression, A... View more

Hi all New here, not sure what I'm actually looking for, but here goes. I was bullied at work (I work in Prisons) and consequently broke and was off work for a year, in treatment with a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist, on medication for Depression, Anxiety, mood stabilisation, sleeping and then something to assist with the affects of the medication and mental alertness. This happened in 2013. Since then, I returned to work but it was rocky to say the least, I was mistreated through the process and the insurer needed to engage a rehab person to try to ensure I was treated right during this time. I also lost my marriage and family although I see my kids as a normal single dad, but that and financial implications has been a huge stressor. I was then diagnosed with PTSD. I've been back at work and this has been a rollercoaster ride all the way through. I still see a psychiatrist monthly for reviews. I've tried to get a new job but so far unsuccessfully. I struggle hugely with anxiety, and I think my depression is much worse than id thought, so I am often flat, no energy, a feeling of dread continually, and don't remember the last time I felt truly happy for other than like something with one of my kids, but not for like a day. Financially I'm trapped, so cant just quit. I had a career meeting with the GM last year and one thing said was I "need to let things go, that's why things went bad years ago, so I need to let go or (suicide)" Feel like I have no options, but cant keep going like this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Beth123455 So lost
  • replies: 1

Hi I’m 18 years old, going into my second gap year. I’ve had to learn how to deal with my anxiety ever since i was 12 years old. My anxiety only got really bad when I was badly sexually abused mid year of grade 12. Every since then I haven’t been abl... View more

Hi I’m 18 years old, going into my second gap year. I’ve had to learn how to deal with my anxiety ever since i was 12 years old. My anxiety only got really bad when I was badly sexually abused mid year of grade 12. Every since then I haven’t been able to have any self love for my self and am consistently putting my self down for every thing I do in my life, even for things like; trying to pick an outfit to wear for a day or to deciding what career path I should go on. I just feel so lost and confused. So I spent my whole gap year last year just working thinking of what I want to do for university and for the rest of my life, I’m now into February of my second year out of school still feeling just as lost as I did in grade 12. I have no idea what to do with my self. Every idea I have about studying or doing a trip overseas, I instantly find a way to shut every idea down, by thinking I’m not going to be good enough for anything at all. I just feel like I’ve put so much pressure on my self to ‘ try figure it all out’ but I’m so scared Anything I choose to do I will fail at. And it terrifies me.

Petah Ptsd and a sudden burst of bright happiness
  • replies: 1

I have a form of complex ptsd for 15 years and tapering benzodiazepines for around 6 months with doctors advice. Tonight I had uncontrollable spinning thoughts then suddenly out of the blue I felt wonderful, only lates for a few minutes then back to ... View more

I have a form of complex ptsd for 15 years and tapering benzodiazepines for around 6 months with doctors advice. Tonight I had uncontrollable spinning thoughts then suddenly out of the blue I felt wonderful, only lates for a few minutes then back to the way I have for the last few years. I have never experienced this before. I don’t understand what just happenrd

Guest_6465 Mental health about to cost my umpteenth job
  • replies: 12

Just an biannual performance review and my boss has called out for the third time that my lovely colleagues have complained that often, especially in the field, that "I am not there, am somewhere else." I cannot deny this. I always feel like I am in ... View more

Just an biannual performance review and my boss has called out for the third time that my lovely colleagues have complained that often, especially in the field, that "I am not there, am somewhere else." I cannot deny this. I always feel like I am in two levels of consciousness, one trying to concentrate on what I am doing, the other off fighting the war inside my head or worrying about something else completely different. In year 3 my teacher called me "The Dreamboat", not unfortunately because of my wonderful looks but by apparent disassociation with everything around me. Every whinger in every job has noticed this and got me into trouble, and fired - not matter how hard I try not to make mistakes I always do, wrong labels on bottles, typos and other mistakes in final report drafts, bad data processing and/or input. No matter how good the job is there is ALWAYS little mistakes, and these all add up and annoy supervisors and I end up fired. Held on to current job for 5 years but now after 2.5 years a second senior colleague has made a complaint that he does not want to work with me anymore. I feel angry and hateful towards them and yes, wish them ill but on the other hand I know that they are right, I just really resent them reporting such piddling mistakes I cant help feel its a personalised conspiracy. But its in my whole life. Although a good and responsible driver I often just forget or don't notice what speed zone I am in an seriously over the last 30 years all the fines I have paid out could have bought a nice new car or deposit for a house. Can anyone suggest any type of mindfulness therapy for this, or can identity just what is wrong with my mindfulness? Let's cut a long story short: I am - white Australian, 48 yo - lifetime clinical depressive/dysthymic - Functioning alcoholic and fond of legal downers - Recently officially diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress disorder - Struggling to keep my mental illness(s) from work "mates", recently divulged CPTSD to boss, seemed understanding, after second supervisor refused to work with my due to my "incompletence". So how about it ladies? Anyone up for a date? No, seriously, here to talk and share experiences, especially depressives and those with CPTSD who struggle to maintain a veneer of sanity.

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