PTSD and Trauma

Mental health about to cost my umpteenth job

replies: 12

Just an biannual performance review and my boss has called out for the third time that my lovely colleagues have complained that often, especially in the field, that "I am not there, am somewhere else." I cannot deny this. I always feel like I am in ... View more

Just an biannual performance review and my boss has called out for the third time that my lovely colleagues have complained that often, especially in the field, that "I am not there, am somewhere else." I cannot deny this. I always feel like I am in two levels of consciousness, one trying to concentrate on what I am doing, the other off fighting the war inside my head or worrying about something else completely different. In year 3 my teacher called me "The Dreamboat", not unfortunately because of my wonderful looks but by apparent disassociation with everything around me. Every whinger in every job has noticed this and got me into trouble, and fired - not matter how hard I try not to make mistakes I always do, wrong labels on bottles, typos and other mistakes in final report drafts, bad data processing and/or input. No matter how good the job is there is ALWAYS little mistakes, and these all add up and annoy supervisors and I end up fired. Held on to current job for 5 years but now after 2.5 years a second senior colleague has made a complaint that he does not want to work with me anymore. I feel angry and hateful towards them and yes, wish them ill but on the other hand I know that they are right, I just really resent them reporting such piddling mistakes I cant help feel its a personalised conspiracy. But its in my whole life. Although a good and responsible driver I often just forget or don't notice what speed zone I am in an seriously over the last 30 years all the fines I have paid out could have bought a nice new car or deposit for a house. Can anyone suggest any type of mindfulness therapy for this, or can identity just what is wrong with my mindfulness? Let's cut a long story short: I am - white Australian, 48 yo - lifetime clinical depressive/dysthymic - Functioning alcoholic and fond of legal downers - Recently officially diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress disorder - Struggling to keep my mental illness(s) from work "mates", recently divulged CPTSD to boss, seemed understanding, after second supervisor refused to work with my due to my "incompletence". So how about it ladies? Anyone up for a date? No, seriously, here to talk and share experiences, especially depressives and those with CPTSD who struggle to maintain a veneer of sanity.

Battling

replies: 12

I have lived with this beast for a long time and I thought I had it sussed, I was feeling confident enough to arrange for a trade to do some work.long story short what was supposed to be 1 day turned into a 6 visit saga over 2 months and unfortunatel... View more

I have lived with this beast for a long time and I thought I had it sussed, I was feeling confident enough to arrange for a trade to do some work.long story short what was supposed to be 1 day turned into a 6 visit saga over 2 months and unfortunately included an episode where the incompetent salesperson demanded payment on the incomplete job whilst inside my house. although I was able to demand he left at that time I have since been really struggling as my mind is now back to that unsafe place and the haven I had worked so hard to find (my home) now doesn’t feel “safe” anymore. Now , months later I am still struggling to regain any control. I feel like I’m back to the beginning and I’m so over the constant battle.

PTSD, Anxiety Disorder being a parent. When children are your biggest trigger

replies: 1

I have PTSD from child hood trauma. I live with an anxiety disorder every day. I love my kids and they know it. My kids are at an age where they are aware , I remind them my trauma is not about them and that they are loved. (wish I didn’t have to) I ... View more

I have PTSD from child hood trauma. I live with an anxiety disorder every day. I love my kids and they know it. My kids are at an age where they are aware , I remind them my trauma is not about them and that they are loved. (wish I didn’t have to) I work really hard to minimalism the impact of my PTSD and anxiety on my kids . My question is. How do you cope when stuff like 1st days of school, birthdays, Christmas, excursions, the tooth fairy, making friends all the things kids get excited about. Is a huge trigger for you based on your own childhood trauma? What more can I do to minimalist the emotional and mental effect this has on my children? currently beyond triggered! have a reliable support network. But feeling raw. I’m after tips or advice about how people cope with this. Usual methods not working can only count backwards from 9thousand so many times. Even if you think I’ve probably heard it before, or it seems obvious......sometimes we just need reminders to find our coping mechanisms. Sorry rambling lol desperately seeking advice. Regards Miller

Not sure how much longer I can continue

replies: 10

Hi again, my daughter is now 25. I continue to bend over backwards for her and she continues to be rude and spread vicious lies about me. It came to a crux overnight when she came home very late. My rule is if you are going to be late, let us know. I... View more

Hi again, my daughter is now 25. I continue to bend over backwards for her and she continues to be rude and spread vicious lies about me. It came to a crux overnight when she came home very late. My rule is if you are going to be late, let us know. It's not about control, it's about concern for well being. She hadn't spoken to me for two days and she entered the house, slammed the door and went into her room where she proceeded to yell how much she hates me. She was covering her face so I touched her hand so I could see her face. She accused me of being violent, then pushed me into the bed, smashed my picture frame and punched my back. She then ran out of the house. As it was past 2 am, I thought it was best to drive around to find her. I took her car as it was the most accessible at the time. She woke up the neighbours and called the police. She told them that I stole her car, that I physically abused her along with a litany of other lies. This is the third time that she has contacted the police is 7 years. The venom in her eyes was soul destroying. She wanted me destroyed. As all the damage in the house was caused by her, she then started to fabricate her life story to elicit support from the police. It broke me to see how far she was prepared to go to destroy me. She can be very self destructive and emotionally immature. She resents people who like me, especially people her own age. She makes up a lifetime of abuse stories, focus on me being an aggressive bully. As people cannot believe her stories, she records me when I'm really angry and having a rant at home (typically to myself). She uses this against me and plays it to anyone who will listen. I have always been there for her, even after all her shenanigans. She can either be very loving towards me, or very nasty and manipulative that constantly tries to entrap me. Her lies are baseless but the repercussions are enormous. I'm now beyond exhausted. I told her last time she called the police that if she did it again that our relationship would be invariably damaged. This affects my work, my relationships with people, and especially my relationship with her father (my husband). I always make excuses for her and many times have even taken the blame. She honestly hates me and wants to hurt me - physically and emotionally. I'm not sure that I can move on from this. I'm traumatised. She tells me that I'm not deserving to be a mother and that everyone who knows me hates me. How do I move on? Thanks

Experiencing Domestic Violence as a 16 Year Old (DV Trigger-warning)

replies: 2

Hi, this is my first thread I honestly don't know how to put this so I'll just type. Last year I had witnessed my dad physically abuse my mother, this was the only time this has ever happened. It has been since around 2011 when he first started verba... View more

Hi, this is my first thread I honestly don't know how to put this so I'll just type. Last year I had witnessed my dad physically abuse my mother, this was the only time this has ever happened. It has been since around 2011 when he first started verbally abusing but up until late last year he finally "went over the edge" since then I've gone to get professional help which resulted in me being diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder and MDD. Prior to all of this I've had anxiety as I'm still in school and I'm so worried that I won't be able to achieve what I need to do what I want in the future. With school coming back in again in a few more days my anxiety has come up again. I feel lost and I have no idea what to do my usual coping mechanism would be self harm or drinking. However, tonight, or this morning I suppose I decided to come to this forum to see what would happen. I guess I've here to vent to anybody. From these events I feel guilt from not being able to stop what happened and for having my dad arrested. As a family we no longer live together and I stay with my mother. I'm finding it hard to even think about contacting my dad. I have no idea what I'd even say to him, what's worse is that he's not remorseful for his actions which hurts so much. All I ever wanted to do in my short amount of teen years was make him proud but now I can only see the evil in him. I have no idea how to approach communication with him and I don't want him to cut me off. That's all for now, thanks.

Sexual Abuse

replies: 1

I’m new to this website, however I am in need of venting right now. When I was a little girl (roughly 6 or 7) I was sexually abused by two of my cousins. I’m not going to get into detail but I will say that considering my age, I didn’t actually know ... View more

I’m new to this website, however I am in need of venting right now. When I was a little girl (roughly 6 or 7) I was sexually abused by two of my cousins. I’m not going to get into detail but I will say that considering my age, I didn’t actually know what anything sexual was. I’m 15 now and I only just told my mother and step-father about it after years of it floating around in the back of my mind and occasionally the front. It feels absolutely amazing to have it let out but because I’ve been hiding it for so long (I didn’t know what to do) and I’ve been acting normally around everyone as to not ruin the family, I feel pathetic and regretful. I used to feel at fault but now that I’m older and I know how wrong it was, I know I’m innocent and shouldn’t have been treated that way. Anyways my mother started crying asking why I didn’t tell her and I tried to explain that when things like these happen, especially as a child we don’t know what to do and feel pathetic that we couldn’t stop it or do anything. She kept blaming herself and saying she was a bad mother, however I kept denying that because she isn’t a bad mother, I just couldn’t figure out how to tell her until now. My stepfather said he is very proud that I said something even though it was hidden, and he was extremely supportive. I keep getting a sick feeling like everything is going to change. And of course it will because life doesn’t stay the same. Unfortunately because of this trauma, my childhood was cut short and I learned that the world could be cruel just as much as it is beautiful. I guess I’m just scared that the family will be ruined. I’ve always been one to protect others and put myself last but honestly I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I have school in only five days (which I am grateful for) so I will be distracted and be comforted that things will still be the same just with a few changes. I hope I become open minded to the fact that things will change whether or not I’m scared of it.

Am I experiencing PTSD?

replies: 1

Hello there, About 5 months ago I was woken up to what I thought was an aggressive break in next door right outside my bedroom window. There was lots of crying, screaming, banging on the garage door and glass smashing from the house next door. A pers... View more

Hello there, About 5 months ago I was woken up to what I thought was an aggressive break in next door right outside my bedroom window. There was lots of crying, screaming, banging on the garage door and glass smashing from the house next door. A person had died so the cries were gut wrenching screams (I wasn't aware of this until the next day). As I called the police I remember feeling so terrified as I listened to the events unfold and felt helpless. I remember begging the person on the phone to get the police out faster because the people next door sounded terrified. It was really traumatic for me as my biggest fear is to be broken into while I'm at home and I guess not being in control of the situation and not being certain that myself and the people around me are going to be okay. It makes me feel sick thinking about it. It didn't end up being randoms that broke in, so I should feel better knowing it wasn't a random attack but there is more to the story. I now have mini panic attacks before falling asleep at any sort of noise that I can hear outside, which happens most nights. My heart races and I struggle to breath. I constantly am checking my house cameras, especially late at night. I constantly check my community pages on social media and when I hear of a break in around my suburb I Google to see how far away it is. There are break ins quite frequently in the area that I'm in, which doesn't help my stress. However, I feel I would be like this where ever I live as I live out of home and now it's not my parents who would take the brunt of it, it would be myself and my partner if something happens...and this scares me. I don't know how to get over this and forget about it. I don't want to feel this way every night. I thought by now I would have forgotten about it but something about the screams and cries and initially thinking it was an aggressive break in has really triggered me. Five months later and I'm still like this....am I experiencing PTSD? If so, what do I do?

Trauma: Sexual Abuse

replies: 2

Every single one of my other issues which has come to the surface. Stems back to this moment. Unfortunately, it wasn't just one moment. One time. It was a time period from roughly 4 years to 15 and a half years of age. I never sought to take this one... View more

Every single one of my other issues which has come to the surface. Stems back to this moment. Unfortunately, it wasn't just one moment. One time. It was a time period from roughly 4 years to 15 and a half years of age. I never sought to take this one to court. Potentially I should have. I just wanted to get away from those moments, and try and move on. I never was given the idea councilling was something I should have, so I dealt with it myself the best I could from then until in my early 20's when it became finally too much and I actively reached out. I have no idea if this is all I am allowed to say on the subject. So it is all I will type for this time.

Do you think PTSD can still affect up to 15 years following trauma?

replies: 5

Hi, I am just wondering do you think it is common for the effects of sexual abuse as a 14 year old girl to impact adult life? The main reason I ask is that my parents are very recently undergoing divorce and my father strongly believes that my exposu... View more

Hi, I am just wondering do you think it is common for the effects of sexual abuse as a 14 year old girl to impact adult life? The main reason I ask is that my parents are very recently undergoing divorce and my father strongly believes that my exposure to sexual abuse when younger is to blame for the downfall of their marriage. When I was 14 I was abused by a male friend who was invited into the family home by everyone, the followup of this event took over 2 years to go through the court system and I had a few attempts of counselling and seemed to put it behind me with avoidance of triggers (school friends, places in town, etc). Now with my father bringing this up again I have began to experience several panic attacks and am in a constant state of anxiety that is making me physically sick. I am wondering if you think it could be delayed PTSD or a more general anxiety/panic disorder? I am off to see my GP today, I just wonder if anyone has experienced something like this and what worked for you?

Introducing Myself - Snoopy56

replies: 4

Hi, I am 64 years old. I am divorced since 2009. I live alone with my cat, Mitzi who is 12 years old. I have suffered depression since I was very young. My childhood was an unhappy one with a father who committed suicide when I was only 3 years old a... View more

Hi, I am 64 years old. I am divorced since 2009. I live alone with my cat, Mitzi who is 12 years old. I have suffered depression since I was very young. My childhood was an unhappy one with a father who committed suicide when I was only 3 years old and a mother who didn't know how to love. School was also hard as I was extremely shy and poor. Kids picked on me a lot. High school wasn't much better, I spent a lot of time alone. I moved to Queensland when I was 20 years old. I married and had a son. The marriage was abusive causing me to fear for my safety. It took 33 years before I had the courage to leave him. For years later I was in fear that my Ex would find me. I am now medically retired from the Police Service after being hospitalised for 3 months. I had attempted to end my life. I had ect, 12 treatments which caused me to forget how I had attempted suicide as well as what I did for my job. Since then I have been admitted into Mental Health Units about 4 times. Medication I was given caused me to appear as if I had early onset of Dementia but it was proven to be incorrect. I had tried CBT, DBT with little success. I was diagnosed as having severe PTSD after many years of seeing Psychiatrists who treated me for Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depression, severe Anxiety and OCD. I found little help with the numerous Psychologists I have seen because many use only one tool, CBT. This tool didn't help after going to Outpatients sessions at New Farm for almost 2 years. I have found a Clinical Psychologist that is treating my PTSD. I see her weekly because I cannot cope with life on my own. I didn't necessarily choose to be alone but my son has abandoned me and my nearest family member is in New South Wales. The village where I live I am not welcomed because of my age. There are many who treat me with hurtful comments. I no longer attend any functions at the village. They don't know I have Mental Health issues, if they did it would make life at the village worse than it is at present. I don't have any friends to speak of, certainly anyone to talk to when the pain from my Fibromyalgia is so bad or I can't sleep for fear I have another nightmare. I hope my experiences in life can help others who have periods of deep depression. That's my story.

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PTSD for Medical and First Responders

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