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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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monmoo Sexual Abuse
  • replies: 1

I’m new to this website, however I am in need of venting right now. When I was a little girl (roughly 6 or 7) I was sexually abused by two of my cousins. I’m not going to get into detail but I will say that considering my age, I didn’t actually know ... View more

I’m new to this website, however I am in need of venting right now. When I was a little girl (roughly 6 or 7) I was sexually abused by two of my cousins. I’m not going to get into detail but I will say that considering my age, I didn’t actually know what anything sexual was. I’m 15 now and I only just told my mother and step-father about it after years of it floating around in the back of my mind and occasionally the front. It feels absolutely amazing to have it let out but because I’ve been hiding it for so long (I didn’t know what to do) and I’ve been acting normally around everyone as to not ruin the family, I feel pathetic and regretful. I used to feel at fault but now that I’m older and I know how wrong it was, I know I’m innocent and shouldn’t have been treated that way. Anyways my mother started crying asking why I didn’t tell her and I tried to explain that when things like these happen, especially as a child we don’t know what to do and feel pathetic that we couldn’t stop it or do anything. She kept blaming herself and saying she was a bad mother, however I kept denying that because she isn’t a bad mother, I just couldn’t figure out how to tell her until now. My stepfather said he is very proud that I said something even though it was hidden, and he was extremely supportive. I keep getting a sick feeling like everything is going to change. And of course it will because life doesn’t stay the same. Unfortunately because of this trauma, my childhood was cut short and I learned that the world could be cruel just as much as it is beautiful. I guess I’m just scared that the family will be ruined. I’ve always been one to protect others and put myself last but honestly I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I have school in only five days (which I am grateful for) so I will be distracted and be comforted that things will still be the same just with a few changes. I hope I become open minded to the fact that things will change whether or not I’m scared of it.

Npr123 Am I experiencing PTSD?
  • replies: 1

Hello there, About 5 months ago I was woken up to what I thought was an aggressive break in next door right outside my bedroom window. There was lots of crying, screaming, banging on the garage door and glass smashing from the house next door. A pers... View more

Hello there, About 5 months ago I was woken up to what I thought was an aggressive break in next door right outside my bedroom window. There was lots of crying, screaming, banging on the garage door and glass smashing from the house next door. A person had died so the cries were gut wrenching screams (I wasn't aware of this until the next day). As I called the police I remember feeling so terrified as I listened to the events unfold and felt helpless. I remember begging the person on the phone to get the police out faster because the people next door sounded terrified. It was really traumatic for me as my biggest fear is to be broken into while I'm at home and I guess not being in control of the situation and not being certain that myself and the people around me are going to be okay. It makes me feel sick thinking about it. It didn't end up being randoms that broke in, so I should feel better knowing it wasn't a random attack but there is more to the story. I now have mini panic attacks before falling asleep at any sort of noise that I can hear outside, which happens most nights. My heart races and I struggle to breath. I constantly am checking my house cameras, especially late at night. I constantly check my community pages on social media and when I hear of a break in around my suburb I Google to see how far away it is. There are break ins quite frequently in the area that I'm in, which doesn't help my stress. However, I feel I would be like this where ever I live as I live out of home and now it's not my parents who would take the brunt of it, it would be myself and my partner if something happens...and this scares me. I don't know how to get over this and forget about it. I don't want to feel this way every night. I thought by now I would have forgotten about it but something about the screams and cries and initially thinking it was an aggressive break in has really triggered me. Five months later and I'm still like this....am I experiencing PTSD? If so, what do I do?

Nivaessa Trauma: Sexual Abuse
  • replies: 2

Every single one of my other issues which has come to the surface. Stems back to this moment. Unfortunately, it wasn't just one moment. One time. It was a time period from roughly 4 years to 15 and a half years of age. I never sought to take this one... View more

Every single one of my other issues which has come to the surface. Stems back to this moment. Unfortunately, it wasn't just one moment. One time. It was a time period from roughly 4 years to 15 and a half years of age. I never sought to take this one to court. Potentially I should have. I just wanted to get away from those moments, and try and move on. I never was given the idea councilling was something I should have, so I dealt with it myself the best I could from then until in my early 20's when it became finally too much and I actively reached out. I have no idea if this is all I am allowed to say on the subject. So it is all I will type for this time.

BillieJo Do you think PTSD can still affect up to 15 years following trauma?
  • replies: 5

Hi, I am just wondering do you think it is common for the effects of sexual abuse as a 14 year old girl to impact adult life? The main reason I ask is that my parents are very recently undergoing divorce and my father strongly believes that my exposu... View more

Hi, I am just wondering do you think it is common for the effects of sexual abuse as a 14 year old girl to impact adult life? The main reason I ask is that my parents are very recently undergoing divorce and my father strongly believes that my exposure to sexual abuse when younger is to blame for the downfall of their marriage. When I was 14 I was abused by a male friend who was invited into the family home by everyone, the followup of this event took over 2 years to go through the court system and I had a few attempts of counselling and seemed to put it behind me with avoidance of triggers (school friends, places in town, etc). Now with my father bringing this up again I have began to experience several panic attacks and am in a constant state of anxiety that is making me physically sick. I am wondering if you think it could be delayed PTSD or a more general anxiety/panic disorder? I am off to see my GP today, I just wonder if anyone has experienced something like this and what worked for you?

Snoppy Introducing Myself - Snoopy56
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am 64 years old. I am divorced since 2009. I live alone with my cat, Mitzi who is 12 years old. I have suffered depression since I was very young. My childhood was an unhappy one with a father who committed suicide when I was only 3 years old a... View more

Hi, I am 64 years old. I am divorced since 2009. I live alone with my cat, Mitzi who is 12 years old. I have suffered depression since I was very young. My childhood was an unhappy one with a father who committed suicide when I was only 3 years old and a mother who didn't know how to love. School was also hard as I was extremely shy and poor. Kids picked on me a lot. High school wasn't much better, I spent a lot of time alone. I moved to Queensland when I was 20 years old. I married and had a son. The marriage was abusive causing me to fear for my safety. It took 33 years before I had the courage to leave him. For years later I was in fear that my Ex would find me. I am now medically retired from the Police Service after being hospitalised for 3 months. I had attempted to end my life. I had ect, 12 treatments which caused me to forget how I had attempted suicide as well as what I did for my job. Since then I have been admitted into Mental Health Units about 4 times. Medication I was given caused me to appear as if I had early onset of Dementia but it was proven to be incorrect. I had tried CBT, DBT with little success. I was diagnosed as having severe PTSD after many years of seeing Psychiatrists who treated me for Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depression, severe Anxiety and OCD. I found little help with the numerous Psychologists I have seen because many use only one tool, CBT. This tool didn't help after going to Outpatients sessions at New Farm for almost 2 years. I have found a Clinical Psychologist that is treating my PTSD. I see her weekly because I cannot cope with life on my own. I didn't necessarily choose to be alone but my son has abandoned me and my nearest family member is in New South Wales. The village where I live I am not welcomed because of my age. There are many who treat me with hurtful comments. I no longer attend any functions at the village. They don't know I have Mental Health issues, if they did it would make life at the village worse than it is at present. I don't have any friends to speak of, certainly anyone to talk to when the pain from my Fibromyalgia is so bad or I can't sleep for fear I have another nightmare. I hope my experiences in life can help others who have periods of deep depression. That's my story.

Blind_and_in_pain Worse then ever
  • replies: 1

It has been a while since I posted well sadly I am not in a good way. While I am not remembering my dreams I am waking up during the night for the last 5 nights and have been very unwell I can only assume that I am having nightmares thanks to my cous... View more

It has been a while since I posted well sadly I am not in a good way. While I am not remembering my dreams I am waking up during the night for the last 5 nights and have been very unwell I can only assume that I am having nightmares thanks to my cousin. My friend who I could turn to is not around at the moment so I am just having to suffer in silence. This is not a way to live. If I could go back I would stay right out of the situation that day, made my voice more clear. Got help a lot sooner

Lady_Nova Nova is Here
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm Nova I have only recently, in the last year, tried to get to the bottom & work my way out of my Mental Health Chaos. I don't think I know all the genises of my chaos, but I am aware of quiet a few & I have a few suspicions as well. I was abus... View more

Hi, I'm Nova I have only recently, in the last year, tried to get to the bottom & work my way out of my Mental Health Chaos. I don't think I know all the genises of my chaos, but I am aware of quiet a few & I have a few suspicions as well. I was abused by a friend of the family, around 6. I was hospitalised at 7 for 45 days with a life threatening condition. I felt abandoned, confused and in a LOT of pain. I was left with a turned eye, shaved head & horrific memories. I never felt like I fit in anywhere after that. I was abused by a family member from age 9 for several years. I met my husband at 16, was wooed & promised so much, married at 20, had 3 children. Over the years I was dragged down to a place where I had no self esteem, questioned my intellect, memory & beliefs. I had nothing left of me I didnt doubt. I was so ill I could barely function. I was progressively diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Generalised Anxiety Disorder, chronic insomnia, PTSD, Adjustment Disorder and finally c-PTSD. I left him after 25 years together, took my 3 kids, all the clothes I could pack & 2 single beds. I couldn't drive, I could barely make myself move. I was also struggling with bulemia & walking pneumonia. I believe I was in a delusional state as I remember having "friends" that didn't exist. I lived in constant fear. He would come to work & spread lies & intimidate my co-workers. He would break into my rental home & menace me through the house screaming all my faults at me, trying to make the children side with him & make them come home. I met someone 18 months after I left the marital home. Eventually we moved 4 hours away from where he was. It was only after I learned that I was safe, respected & loved that my Mental Health became obviously out of control. Benign events, words, sounds would trigger me into a chaotic, nonverbal, traumatised puddle. Small things would spiral me into self loathing, fear & regression. I apologise ALL the time. Today I am in fortnightly trauma therapy & some days I feel like it might even work. I accept that I am broken, possibly beyond repair, but being mentally ill is not going to stop me living my best life. I Live with my partner who I also am full time carer for. I have two of my 3 children with me, my youngest, the one with Autism and ID, & my eldest who has bipolar & chronic insomnia, both of whom I am also carer. All three care for me especially when I turn into a nonverbal puddle. I learned to drive at 46.

Farrier87 PTSD
  • replies: 1

Hi all I'm really struggling with panic attacks that wake me up in the middle of the night usually from nightmares from military stuff. I get so disoriented, shaky to the point it looks like I'm having a seizure and feel the need to just run. Im scar... View more

Hi all I'm really struggling with panic attacks that wake me up in the middle of the night usually from nightmares from military stuff. I get so disoriented, shaky to the point it looks like I'm having a seizure and feel the need to just run. Im scared to go to sleep for fear of waking up like it yet again. I feel one of these night it will give me a heart attack. P l ease help! I'm so exusted tips?

bee2003 advice on what to do with family members who've caused PTSD
  • replies: 2

Hi, So on paper I look like I've recovered from a lot of my trauma i.e I have a job and study and seem functioning. But I still maintain a close relationship with my parents who greatly contributed to my PTSD and sometimes I find it hard to tell if t... View more

Hi, So on paper I look like I've recovered from a lot of my trauma i.e I have a job and study and seem functioning. But I still maintain a close relationship with my parents who greatly contributed to my PTSD and sometimes I find it hard to tell if they're the reason I'm still not getting much better. My dad overlooked my brother abusing me as a child and in present day continues to scream, swear and belittle me. When I've discussed how much these behaviours impact me he storms off and won't speak to me for somewhere between days and weeks. His longest was a year. When I don't challenge his behaviours he's a generally kind person who's fairly supportive but these outbursts of belittlement and screaming trigger past memories horribly. He also gaslights me during and after these outbursts to make me feel as if I am to blame for his anger getting out of control which I don't feel is fair. He'll also deny saying horrible things seconds after saying them which makes me feel insane. Alongside this he constantly excuses my mums manipulative behaviour. She always tries to guilt trip me into not moving far away from them (I've lived out of home since 17 but close by due to this) and says things like 'you don't care about my happiness,' 'you won't make it,' and just things along the lines of 'you're not capable enough for that'. As a child she kept me in the house with no contact to anyone else or the outside in general up to age 11 so any comments that make me feel trapped make me go a little crazy for fear of being locked up again. It took a lot for me to break free from that but I feel like the constant reminders of my past in their behaviour are starting to bring me back to rock bottom again and I don't want to lose all the progress I've made. Sorry if this is long and unclear but I'm just unsure on what to do as I don't want to lose a relationship with my only family left but I'm not sure if the mental toll is preventing me from making positive relationships. I feel like I'm slowly screwing up more at work and uni because of all this and I don't want to ruin it all before it's too late. If anyone has any advice on how to even begin managing this kind of situation it'd be greatly appreciated as I'm at a loss and losing hope.

Sun_Rain Work based ptsd
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone, I received a diagnosis of PTSD in October 2018. The reason for my diagnosis is from a previous job where I was exposed to a lot of family dysfunction and child abuse/neglect. I have been seeking psychological assistance for 18 months,... View more

Hello everyone, I received a diagnosis of PTSD in October 2018. The reason for my diagnosis is from a previous job where I was exposed to a lot of family dysfunction and child abuse/neglect. I have been seeking psychological assistance for 18 months, 13 of which have been emdr and it has been incredibly helpful. I no longer work with kids or families, however my current role requires me to read intimate details of childhood abuse. This used to lead to light headedness, accelerated heart rate and agitation, which has since subsided. I do notice though that for the remainder of the day and into the next day I feel emotionally fragile, have little tolerance and notice the hypervigiliance creeping in. I can continue on with my day, challenge my thoughts, engage in mindfulness or distraction ect but something within me just doesn't feel right if that makes sense. I am wondering if anyone has experienced a similar feeling ? I should also say that I have worked incredibly hard to be in the area of work that I am and in no way do i wish to give it up! Thankyou

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