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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 273

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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rose_uwu Trauma Bonding
  • replies: 3

ok i don't know where to start, ive never done anything like this before but honestly im desperate. the last few years have been absolute hell. i was sexually abused by a close male friend of mine. honestly? ive suffered techically ""worse"" abuse. b... View more

ok i don't know where to start, ive never done anything like this before but honestly im desperate. the last few years have been absolute hell. i was sexually abused by a close male friend of mine. honestly? ive suffered techically ""worse"" abuse. but nothing has cut as deep into my soul as the look in his eyes when he looked into my soul, saw only fear. the twisted, sick, smile on his face. he feels nothing but pleasure and anger. hes not a human. long story short ,after the initial assault i grew desperately attached to him. within a few months i couldnt live without him. hes like an addiction. i need him to make me feel okay. ive tried to cut him off so many times, and it's just left me feeling increasingly suicidal untill i reach back out for him for my own safety. the sexual abuse continued. as i said, it wasnt the worse sexual abuse ive encountered, he didnt rape me. ive had alot worse (when i was 14 someone else attempted to rape me) but nothing has stuck with me. the emotional abuse started. he somehow drove into my soul with a dagger and cut the cords connecting me to myself. i stopped going to school. i didnt really talk to anyone except him. i didnt leave the house for weeks at a time. i wasnt eating, i was up till 5am talking to him because for a period of time he refused to talk to me at any other time, probably as an abusive tactic so i obliged, doing anything to not lose him. i didnt see him for months as he refused to leave the house, i nearly killed myself over this. i couldn't deal with the pain, i started self harming. i thought if i saw him again this torment would stop, it didnt. it got worse. it all got worse. i moved schools because even though he didnt attend anymore just being around where this stuff happened was too hard. he continued to cut into my soul. and he still is. because i cannot get rid of him. hes stuck inside my soul. i cant explain the horrible feeling hes left inside me that makes me need him, rely on him. after all the trauma hes caused me, why would i want to be anywhere near him? my therapist has suggested trauma. bonding. i think shes right, but i dont have any idea how to help it. how to get rid of him. this is probably a far fetched attempt but, any help would be appreciated. i neeed to get rid of him. even any similar experiences? thankyou

Orange_Stone PTSD, anxiety and depression - Struggling. New to BeyondBlue.
  • replies: 7

Hi all Newbie here I was raped 6 years ago. I only started seeking help about it last year, before that I completely denied it had ever happened & lived completely in denial about it, never speaking about it at all. No one was there & I didn’t know t... View more

Hi all Newbie here I was raped 6 years ago. I only started seeking help about it last year, before that I completely denied it had ever happened & lived completely in denial about it, never speaking about it at all. No one was there & I didn’t know the perpetrator. As nightmares, anxiety & depression started to rise it became clear I couldn’t hide from it any longer & my life started to unravel. I couldn’t work for almost a year, could barely leave the house, couldn’t even make phone calls to make appointments for myself with my regular GP who was helping me through this challenging time. Since that unravelling its been an absolute rollercoaster full of massive highs and massive lows. Massive highs of finding the strength to begin and continue therapy, tell my family what had happened to me and make other big steps to finding my version of stability and recovery, as well as massive lows such as incredibly bad days, diagnosis of PTSD, and other major obstacles. Despite being on medication, semi-regularly continuing with my psychologist, having a super strong network of family and friends that know now of my rape & can support me I still struggle so much. I know that I am so lucky to have a great network of supportive people around me, but I’ve hit a wall & I just feel exhausted, nauseous and as if my body has been hit by a train. Every day my whole body aches, my head hurts, I have stomach problems and struggle to make it through a day without needing a nap or mass amounts of caffeine to cope. And I don’t understand why L . To add to this I’m just feeling more & more that no one really understands what I feel & how hard every single day actually is. I am grateful for every single person in my support network but they don’t understand. They don’t understand feeling so sick & exhausted basically every day for no reason. They don’t understand how hard it is to just have nightmares most nights.. Of my attack and just of distressing, disturbing things. They don’t understand my brain & the hardest part is I don’t understand it either but I am trying to. I guess I just wanted to reach out to stop feeling like no body understands me

NoHar Feel like walking away
  • replies: 12

Hi. I am new to the forum. I have been married for 20 years and 2 kids. I suspect t my husband is an alcoholic but not sure. Also believe he has anxiety and he has mostly agreed with having anxiety. All undiagnosed. For the past 2/3 months, he has co... View more

Hi. I am new to the forum. I have been married for 20 years and 2 kids. I suspect t my husband is an alcoholic but not sure. Also believe he has anxiety and he has mostly agreed with having anxiety. All undiagnosed. For the past 2/3 months, he has consistently had more than 2 drinks daily with the previous 2 weekends averaging about 9 or 10 per day. He will place empty beer cans in different boxes around the house. In the past he has (without asking), drunk my wines, vodka and any other alcohol I have bought. One wine was a special 40th birthday present he decided to drink one afternoon before i got home from work. I came home to 3 qtrs of the bottle gone. Only replaced it with a chest red that i could only use for cooking. He hides bottles of wine in the shed and in a locked cupboard in the garage. At the moment, he has placed a bottle in the corner of the house behind an occasional chair. This is not new and this hiding has been ongoing for many years. He drinks mainly by himself and if we are home he will drink in the shed or garage out of site. He is extremely defensive about his consumption. I don't know if this is a physical dependence or a psychological one and I don't know how to keep living with this. His behaviour even after only 1 or 2 get really nastily sarcastic and abusive - as an example... calling all the indigenous students at the indigenous unit at my uni (including me) a bunch of zombies. ( I have gone back to uni getting a dual degree). Opinions would be most welcome. I am exhausted from coping with this.

Shan096 New Mum PTSD & Severe Anxiety
  • replies: 1

Hello .. I'm new to all of this as I have never struggled with mental health before .. Last September/October changed me completely. I was diagnosed with preeclampsia at 29 weeks pregnant, before I was pregnant I had only ever had the occasional shot... View more

Hello .. I'm new to all of this as I have never struggled with mental health before .. Last September/October changed me completely. I was diagnosed with preeclampsia at 29 weeks pregnant, before I was pregnant I had only ever had the occasional shot, I had never been in hospital. The day I was diagnosed the next 2 months was living hell .. I was flown from my rural town to Brisbane for an emergency cesarean, I'm petrified of planes and had only ever been on 1 my entire life. Then I was strapped down on a stretcher in a tiny rural flying doctors plane and flown straight to Brisbane. When I got to brisbane they decided they could control my blood pressure and controlled it till I was 35 weeks. So everyday I had multiple injections, medication 3 hourly and observation. All I wanted to do was cuddle my partner and fall asleep but I couldn't leave the hospital, I was so petrified. Then the day finally came where they told me 'bub isn't growing and has lost the fluid around her, we will be delivering her today'. This shocked me to my core .. I was booked in for 2pm, i was almost in the operating room, when I got bumped and had to wait longer, I hadn't even decided on a spinal or to go under. By the time I got into the operating room my blood pressure had sky rocketed and the surgeon said if I got a spinal there is a chance they would have to put me under half way through if my blood pressure was to climb any higher. So I went under and had a gorgeous little 2012gm baby girl. She was immediately taken to NICU, we couldn't hold her for 3 days then I was discharged and I had to leave her there .. she had to stay for a month, this damaged my soul. I'm starting to recognize my triggers .. I've only found one but that's a start the fear of having a heart attack as I suffer palpitations from the anxiety. my heart is racing just typing this and I feel physically sick.

claudiflower Stuck.
  • replies: 2

Hi my name is Claudia and this is just feeling like a shout into the void but I’m hoping something will come of it. I have been diagnosed with severe depression, generalised anxiety disorder, social anxiety and OCD. I had what I feel very changing an... View more

Hi my name is Claudia and this is just feeling like a shout into the void but I’m hoping something will come of it. I have been diagnosed with severe depression, generalised anxiety disorder, social anxiety and OCD. I had what I feel very changing and horrible experiences through my childhood. I felt there was a lot of abuse through the situations, but they call me crazy and slam me back down. I’m 15 years old and have had mental health issues majorly impacting my life for around 7-8 years now, I remember praying and begging for my life to be taken before I could even comprehend suicidality I don’t know how or if things will get better, I don’t even know if it is possible to work through these things, I don’t know if they can help me. I’ve been on around 4-5 medications, from lowest to highest doses, 13 therapists/psychiatrists and nothing has helped. It just feels hopeless sometimes. I’d like to hear about if anyone has been in similar situations. But I should wrap this up now. There’s so many people here and I’m just one. I don’t wanna take up too much. I hope everyone has an absolutely lovely day.

juneue Anxiety used to threaten - huge vent honestly
  • replies: 2

Hi. I’m honestly here to vent about stuff. My parents have been using my social anxiety as a reason to make me do more work and use it to threaten me. My anxiety has gotten to the point where I don’t want to call people, feel physical pain and pressu... View more

Hi. I’m honestly here to vent about stuff. My parents have been using my social anxiety as a reason to make me do more work and use it to threaten me. My anxiety has gotten to the point where I don’t want to call people, feel physical pain and pressure and have been ok the verge of a mass panic attack. Especially adorning a homophobic father it obviously hasn’t been easy. I’m always on the verge of tears and can cry anytime, and I’ve just began ignoring getting yelled at and physically abused. It’s not great. I’m scared for everything, and everyone’s going to suspect me of having this and annoy me and use me for it. Right now I’m just worried for everything. This has barred me from making so many new connections and I’ve lost so much I can’t even recover. I just want to go back to the old days where I wasn’t berated for a mental condition that was induced upon me in this household. I don’t want to be blamed for everything. Im sick of it and I want to be somewhere nobody can use me. Or take advantage of my good nature. Anxiety is the worst when you feel like someone’s hurting you every time you speak to the one special person you know you can’t have, or the times that your forced into social situations that make you just want to pass out or leave. That’s it for the vent. If I respond it’s only to reassure. I’ll read everything, thank you.

Guest_922 Guilt over miscarriage
  • replies: 75

I had a late term miscarriage. 19 weeks and 5 days. Nothing was wrong with my baby. He was alive while I was in labour. I feel like my actions leading up to pre term labour were to blame. I was working and had a very big week. I became very ill and p... View more

I had a late term miscarriage. 19 weeks and 5 days. Nothing was wrong with my baby. He was alive while I was in labour. I feel like my actions leading up to pre term labour were to blame. I was working and had a very big week. I became very ill and pushed through work. I am still ill 11 days later and they don't know what it is. whilst I had seen a doctor 4 days prior to giving birth, I didn't go back for several days, even though I knew I had become worse. I couldn't walk and was only able to crawl to shower and bathroom then back to bed. I should have called an ambulance, I should have gathered the strength to go to the hospital. I didn't and I knew I was really sick, even though my husband didn't think I was that bad. If I had maybe they would have been able to treat my illness before labour happened and my little boy wouldn't have died. I hate myself, I blame myself for his death. I have two other kids and that keeps me going but I hate myself. I feel like I died the day I gave birth to my boy and they just forgot to bury me with him. I am seeing a psychologist but they couldn't fit me in for 3 weeks. I just needed to get this off my chest without looking at my family and friends and trying to find the right answers, what they want to hear.

Flower Earth angel PTSD and partying
  • replies: 1

I have hearing disability, PTSD from domestic violence..etc. and chronic pain Iw ant to start going out but i dont know how I have no close girlfriend TRied to reconnect with old ones but i dont feel ok sharing what i went thru and my disability make... View more

I have hearing disability, PTSD from domestic violence..etc. and chronic pain Iw ant to start going out but i dont know how I have no close girlfriend TRied to reconnect with old ones but i dont feel ok sharing what i went thru and my disability makes it hard to talk much to be around people socially. I am still very traumatised . the hospital visit was so bad. it didnt help. the doctor jsut kept dismissing my pain the grief is so bad for me..

Lumlo Just so tired
  • replies: 11

Hello, I am constantly exhausted. Its so unusual for me been resting eating well taking a multivitamin but still have a struggle to get out of bed at all. Been told I may have burn out. As well as Ptsd, depression and Anxiety. Seeing my Gp Monday hop... View more

Hello, I am constantly exhausted. Its so unusual for me been resting eating well taking a multivitamin but still have a struggle to get out of bed at all. Been told I may have burn out. As well as Ptsd, depression and Anxiety. Seeing my Gp Monday hope hes got an idea. Any suggestions be appreciated as this has been ongoing for quite a while now. Trying music to get more energy next. Lumlo

Freedom_seeker Help with parenting 4 year old who triggers me
  • replies: 5

Hi, first time poster so go easy on me! Long story really. I was raped as a young child by my father, i have a couple of broken memories but those memories suggest theres more i dont remember, nor do i wish to remember. I am diagnosed bipolar but i t... View more

Hi, first time poster so go easy on me! Long story really. I was raped as a young child by my father, i have a couple of broken memories but those memories suggest theres more i dont remember, nor do i wish to remember. I am diagnosed bipolar but i think i actually have complex ptsd. When my daughter was born it was incredibly difficult. I couldnt stand her crying. I would carry on at her if she woke in the night for feeding. I felt guilty changing her nappy and putting on rash cream - like really wrong. Lately she has been doing this high pitched scream everytime she is told no or its bedtime or whatever. I cant stand it anymore. It gives me strong feelings of anger and urges though i dont act on these feelings its incredibly difficult to deal with. She does it everywhere. At home, at church, at the shops. I think the only place she doesnt is at kindy!! I also find myself dissociating a bit when shes home. I find it incredibly difficult to play and be silly. We have lots of cuddles and stories. She is a well loved child. But when it comes to playing i cant do it, i feel frustrated and it never lasts long. And lots of guilt that i dont give her enough attention. i also am a bit hypervigilant i suppose you would call it. Im always sussing people out and looking for signs someone might be a peadofile. I suppose really im just looking for advice on how to cope. She just screamed at me because i wont let her have icecream for lunch. The noise is so piercing i cant take it anymore. She is fussy with food, wastes and asks for something 5 mins later, refuses to clean up unless i basically do it for her and is downright defiant at times. This all triggers my inner rage and hopeless feeling. Has anyone successfully parented with trauma? The advice i find online is to ignore it. Ignore the screams, the tantrums, the kicking and hitting. But i CANT. Even if i dont dicipline her she still gets a response. She can see it affects me because i cant control it. So she keeps doing it. Its like her go to reaction. I can't parent in all the conventional ways as im not a conventional parent that had a decent upbringing. Any advice from anyone on how they parented with PTSD/Bipolar/anxiety dissorders or any other relevant illness is much appreciated. Any way i can teach her to respect my boundaries a bit better? I dont even know if thats reasonable to expect of a 4 (nearly 5) year old? Thankyou so much