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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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LonsyBoy Damaged
  • replies: 7

Hey everyone I’m new and feeling im in a bad way and going down a bad path. I was severely injured on deployment and been going through spinal surgeries and severe pain. My partner and step kids of 4yrs have left and I’m alone in a house where I’m ba... View more

Hey everyone I’m new and feeling im in a bad way and going down a bad path. I was severely injured on deployment and been going through spinal surgeries and severe pain. My partner and step kids of 4yrs have left and I’m alone in a house where I’m barely eating, I feel paranoid to sleep so I keep weapons in the bed which leads to insomnia at night but I sleep during the day time. I have troubles showering but I do use a lot of wet wipes and deodorant and perfumes. I’ve been doing a lot of reckless driving when I do leave the house which is rare (always in areas no one is around or late at night) bigger the turbo, bigger the smoke clouds I know it’s wrong and I’d never hurt another road user. I have small dogs which I over feed lately because I stress about them. I’ve had attempts in the past and arrested but lying to the hospital to get out is super easy and even been admitted 3 times to a Clinic for mental health but again I lie to get out. ever since my partner has left I’ve been deteriorating more and more and I just keep having bad thoughts to stop the anxiety and paranoia

Bella_Donna Struggling with anxiety
  • replies: 92

Hi, I’m new here. I’m finding most things outside my home really stressful atm. I struggle daily with the effects of childhood abuse & dealing with family that have stood by my abuser to this day. There are not enough words to describe how bad that h... View more

Hi, I’m new here. I’m finding most things outside my home really stressful atm. I struggle daily with the effects of childhood abuse & dealing with family that have stood by my abuser to this day. There are not enough words to describe how bad that has made me feel. I struggle with my weight, I tend to eat to mask my feelings & to also help me to feel safe. I don’t really talk about my past with anyone, but I am becoming more introverted & anxious as time goes on. I’ve tried counselling but I can no longer afford it. I’d love to be happy, I’m just stuck in a rut & have been for a very long time.

BrokenAsh13 Racing thoughts,panic mode,need help
  • replies: 1

Am I the only one that gets gutt feelings like something bad is going to happen To me , then I start to become delusional and think I can hear voices or see things In my home, can't sleep,can't sit still. Feeling really unsafe, Shaking from nerves,cr... View more

Am I the only one that gets gutt feelings like something bad is going to happen To me , then I start to become delusional and think I can hear voices or see things In my home, can't sleep,can't sit still. Feeling really unsafe, Shaking from nerves,crying because im not sure if someone would hurt me I am a victim to domestic violance and suffered a assault in January 2020, the male Is in jail so I have to be careful what happens to me. Am I going crazy ,how fan I calm down. I can't sleep because of night mares it's the same thing every night

Orangetoast Sleep and waking up from nightmares
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, last month and a bit I’ve been having trouble with my sleep. I’m on a high dose of an TCA from my anxiety, depression and sleep. Last month and a bit my sleep has gotten worse than usual and I’m woken up from bad nightmares most nights. ... View more

Hi everyone, last month and a bit I’ve been having trouble with my sleep. I’m on a high dose of an TCA from my anxiety, depression and sleep. Last month and a bit my sleep has gotten worse than usual and I’m woken up from bad nightmares most nights. I’m 31 and never suffered with nightmares at all? It’s like my body wakes up in a panic attack and I’m shaking. Normally happens around 4am ish. Has anyone had this happen to them suddenly? I have had some bad events happen in life over the last 5 years could this be influencing this? Oh and I don’t normally recall the dream I was happening, just that it wasn’t pleasant.

abusedtoy Sexually dysfunctional after abuse
  • replies: 2

I’m sexually dysfunctional, due to my extensive trauma history. I had no sexual arousal even when seeing complete nakedness during sex. I said I don’t understand what sex means as an adult. Every time when there’s sexual intimacy, I feel extreme humi... View more

I’m sexually dysfunctional, due to my extensive trauma history. I had no sexual arousal even when seeing complete nakedness during sex. I said I don’t understand what sex means as an adult. Every time when there’s sexual intimacy, I feel extreme humiliation all over again, as though the abuse was happening again. I was abused from age 1-24, suffered extreme sexual, physical and psychological ritual abuse. Plus, I always have the tendency to feel forced during sex, resembling rape, with my partner. The inclination to wanting to feel forced in everything sexual, was programmed by my past abusers. I couldn’t seem to be natural.

Rose_T Childhood trauma and the effects later on in life
  • replies: 2

I don’t know where to start, to the outside world I have a great life, a new fiancé, building a house and a successful career all at the ripe age of 28. On the inside I am struggling every single day, struggling to put one foot in front of the other ... View more

I don’t know where to start, to the outside world I have a great life, a new fiancé, building a house and a successful career all at the ripe age of 28. On the inside I am struggling every single day, struggling to put one foot in front of the other and finding less and less reasons to carry on. I want help but I’m afraid. I’m afraid I’m not ready to talk about the trauma I suffered as a child. I was abused from the age of 7 to around the time I started high school by someone so close to me that should have protected me. I’ve blocked that part of my life out so much throughout the years that I’ve been able to manage to live a ‘normal’ life. This secret closes in on me at times and sometimes I cannot pick myself up. To make things worse I have to endure seeing this person at all family events and pretend like this never happened to me. It’s devastating how alone I can feel. I’ve always felt like it was my responsibility to keep this secret to protect this person. I don’t want to ruin family relationships over this. It’s only the last couple of years I’ve started a path of internal destruction. I’ve hurt people I love, I’ve betrayed people I’ve kept secrets after secrets. I’m at a point where I feel like I don’t deserve to be loved and that everything is my fault. I know I need help just someone to talk to but I’m so afraid that If I go see a psychologist that it will just unlock all of this trauma I’ve hidden for so long. I don’t know how to face it. I’m feeling lost and I want to take the pain away, I feel like I don’t deserve love and all I do is hurt people I love.

Rosebud2020 My depressed partner wants a break from our relationship
  • replies: 1

I am in a same sex, long distant relationship. Usually we only get to see each other about once a fortnight.I am medicated for anxiety and she tells me she suffers from depression but I suspect it is also PTSD. We were so happy in our first 4 months.... View more

I am in a same sex, long distant relationship. Usually we only get to see each other about once a fortnight.I am medicated for anxiety and she tells me she suffers from depression but I suspect it is also PTSD. We were so happy in our first 4 months. In the beginning she told me about a time she was sexually abused as a child and that she also struggles to let people touch her and that she prefers to be the giver in the bedroom. A few weeks into our relationship she was happy with me touching her. Until 4 months in when she (maybe jokingly) said that I was being selfish in the bedroom so a few days later I started being more aggressive (in a good way). She wasn't into it so we stopped. After that, her sex drive tanked and we have been on a downward spiral ever since and she would jump when I would touch her. I figured she was just super ticklish. It has taken me 3 months to realise that I triggered her that day in bed. I realised only after she we were having a great week talking on the phone every night then the day before she was suppose to come visit me, I commented on her gorgeous thighs and she suddenly went emotionally cold again. And she cancelled our visit. She said she was sick but I think she was lying to me. She told me a week ago that she has trust issues with me. But I have never understood the boundaries or trigger till now. She never communicated with me about what was upsetting her. She said she wanted to go on a break. I supported her decision and went quiet for 5 days. Then I messaged her and suggested that I come to her town next week for a coffee. She exploded with anger and said that I have blown her trust gain and that I have now ruined us and will never get that trust back. I explained that we didn't state an mount of time for the break. And then I said that I will go off the radar for 2 weeks then check in on her and that if by then she still needs space I will go away again until she is feeling better. Any advice please? Is this relationship salvageable?

Guest_5342 broken husbands lasts words this is your fault.
  • replies: 4

I was broken we were broken we were so in love but I love became toxic however came to codependent each other. Leading up to his death he became more and more violent I was nearly escaping with my life our children we're seeing things and doing thing... View more

I was broken we were broken we were so in love but I love became toxic however came to codependent each other. Leading up to his death he became more and more violent I was nearly escaping with my life our children we're seeing things and doing things that they should not have been doing I become so scared his man with in so much pain he wanted me to feel all these pain he blames me for his pain. The day he took his life I was scared it was drunk how much the kids in the car drive to McDonald's to getaway I was copying text message and phone calls of abuse. I answered this will be my last he said this is your fault I heard a few breath and Silence he was never silent. I sat there for a moment as he threaten is a lot then I decided to call him back and call him back I was home within 3 minutes 3 minutes since that phone call that the children and herd. I felt sick I parked the car halfway up the driveway and went to the shed he was there I was scared I thought some reason he still want to hurt me I got back in my car reversed it lock my doors and ran out to help him without the kids seeing. Since this moment my life I've been destroyed domestic violence I had received was extreme but knowing the last words why is this all my fault ruined me as person. My mind don't work anymore I'm so broken I tried really hard my babies kept me going keep me going. I tried to take my own life because every part of me felt like I wasn't good enough for my children and they definitely deserve better how do I get to be better. I'm scared I can't leave my house anymore I have no friends no family I want to move away but I don't even know where to go I don't know where home is anymore. Surround myself with toxic people because I don't like myself. I love my kids I want them to see the best version of me I want my kids to be the best version of themselves. Is there any help a rehab clinic I can take at least my son with me I need help to be able to sleep at night to be able to feel like I'm good enough again to be able to make friends to be able to live a normal life. I loved him I don't understand why he would hurt me I wouldn't have hurt him

DontFail How do I start
  • replies: 3

Since 2011 throughout my marriage falling apart i have lived everyday with the mindset that regardless of what happens I can control myself and make the right decisions so that nothing will break me. It turns out, by fighting so hard for so long and ... View more

Since 2011 throughout my marriage falling apart i have lived everyday with the mindset that regardless of what happens I can control myself and make the right decisions so that nothing will break me. It turns out, by fighting so hard for so long and never giving in I didn't realise, the whole time.. I've been breaking myself.. I didn't even see it coming, or if my measure of caution raised its head it was immediately chained and boxed away. To touch on 'events' that led me down this path basically I was manipulated and controlled into a state of what I see now as resigned submission.. due to spending any money or time on anything she didn't enjoy or want.. simply bullied out of doing healthy socialising with the few friends i had, giving away all sport, dozens of threatening calls if i was only minutes late home, to her more extreme threats of absolute destitution, screaming and threatening she'll go prostitute herself out on the streets while the kids live in a cardboard box, getting eventually to the point where she would threaten me with taking the lives of our kids if I wasn't home..i endured this for 2 years getting to the point when every single day I came home from work i was sick to the stomach with dred if the house was quiet fearing what lay ahead, . Fast forward 5 years and several jobs I am incapable of addressing financial issues through outright torment, i don't know how much debt I'm in, 2 maxed out cancelled credit cards,Ive been scared to do my tax since 2013 through shame and fear, i don't answer my phone and i ignore all mail through fear..i seem only to be able to manage the necessities for the kids of house, food, car and school. I'm absolutely exhausted, frustrated, scared, sickened, confused. I can't lose my job, I am scared of going to prison and I definitely don't want any medication. My kids deserve me winning this fight as much as i do..I need to find a way to win against myself. Must win.

Nevada PTSD in a partner
  • replies: 5

Hi there, This is all very much new to me. I was in a loving long distance relationship with my partner for 11 months. Everything was great, we had made plans for one of us to move countries, communication was great literally went from I love you to ... View more

Hi there, This is all very much new to me. I was in a loving long distance relationship with my partner for 11 months. Everything was great, we had made plans for one of us to move countries, communication was great literally went from I love you to the next day she suddenly text me, yes TEXT (we are in our 30's and previously spoke about the importance of proper communication) to break it off. Said there were no issues and nothing to work out and also nothing more to talk about. Her previous relationship was extremely abusive in every way possible and I always tried to support her the best I knew. She suffered from anxiety and depression and was on antidepressants, which she later told me she was drinking a bottle of wine a night with them. She was working an extremely stressful and time consuming job where I would try to encourage her to take a break and look after herself. She had a pending court case where she would have to stand against her ex for the horrendous things he did to her. We didn't talk for 3 weeks then got back talking, she admitted to the drinking and being overwhelmed and not feeling herself and numb. I definitely felt like I was walking on eggshells and didn't want to trigger anything again. We had conversations about me moving over there which she later denied saying etc. All while this occurred it spurred up some anxiety I didn't even know existed in myself, I sought the help of a therapist to try and navigate this. She sees a therapist but never mentioned our relationship or the drinking on her meds. When I said I wanted to fly to the states to check on her, she shut down again and went MIA. I'm reaching out to see if all of this behavior sounds characteristic of someone who has experienced trauma and PTSD and if cutting out relationships when overwhelmed. I love her dearly and don't want to give up on someone if they are not at their best but also understand I can't "fix" her. Thanks in advance

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