I am not one to seek help, preferring to work through my own issues, but
lately things have been a little overwhelming and those I work with
suggested I speak to someone. I thought this might be a start at
expressing how I feel. I'll begin with a lit...
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I am not one to seek help, preferring to work through my own issues, but
lately things have been a little overwhelming and those I work with
suggested I speak to someone. I thought this might be a start at
expressing how I feel. I'll begin with a little background information.
I do not have a diagnosed mental disorder, although those who know me
well will say that I am a tad OCD. By and large I have always been a
happy person. I have a rather full plate when it comes to family and
work dealing with everything from behaviour disorders to cancer, but so
far I have been able to juggle my complex life and relationships. I work
full-time, very long hours, and most week-ends. Suffice to say I am
often tired! I retrained late in life to enter the field of education
and it pretty much dictates my life - work and home, home and work. At
work I am well respected and most importantly I enjoy what I do. In fact
I was having a really good year until a new student was added to the
mix. Without going into detail, this student engages in violent
behaviour. In my profession it is not uncommon to be physically and
verbally abused. Over the years I have grown a very thick skin, however,
this situation has caused me more than a little angst. I have felt fear
for myself and others. I have felt frustrated, sad, worried, and
helpless. I know that I have done everything humanly possible to
maintain control but I still feel a sense of inadequacy. I cry without
reason, and am finding it hard to concentrate. The other day somebody
touched my should in passing and I burst into tears. I kept apologising
for crying and started to shake uncontrollably. It was very
embarrassing. I hated how it made me feel. I'm always the shoulder,
never the tears. I understand what I have experienced is bound to have
an impact. I'm not that naive, but the gravity I think is what has
rocked me to my core. Although the student has been removed, I still
feel emotionally and physically drained. I worry this feeling is more
than just stress, and that it may not subside.