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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Xara Newly Diagnosed
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone. I'm newly diagnosed with complex PTSD. I'm not even sure what to make of the diagnosis i feel to lost and out of place almost uncomfortable even. I struggle with BPD as well which alone messes with my emotions but this has really gotten... View more

Hey everyone. I'm newly diagnosed with complex PTSD. I'm not even sure what to make of the diagnosis i feel to lost and out of place almost uncomfortable even. I struggle with BPD as well which alone messes with my emotions but this has really gotten under my skin and according to my psychiatrist is a lot worse than it used to be. I'm currently stuck in a domestic violence situation and we have nowhere to go to get away from the person harming me and my partner all because of our animals. We are so concerned because we know we need to get out before this escalates to the point one of us lands in emergency. HELP

Balinor PTSD and staying at work
  • replies: 2

Hi all New here, not sure what I'm actually looking for, but here goes. I was bullied at work (I work in Prisons) and consequently broke and was off work for a year, in treatment with a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist, on medication for Depression, A... View more

Hi all New here, not sure what I'm actually looking for, but here goes. I was bullied at work (I work in Prisons) and consequently broke and was off work for a year, in treatment with a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist, on medication for Depression, Anxiety, mood stabilisation, sleeping and then something to assist with the affects of the medication and mental alertness. This happened in 2013. Since then, I returned to work but it was rocky to say the least, I was mistreated through the process and the insurer needed to engage a rehab person to try to ensure I was treated right during this time. I also lost my marriage and family although I see my kids as a normal single dad, but that and financial implications has been a huge stressor. I was then diagnosed with PTSD. I've been back at work and this has been a rollercoaster ride all the way through. I still see a psychiatrist monthly for reviews. I've tried to get a new job but so far unsuccessfully. I struggle hugely with anxiety, and I think my depression is much worse than id thought, so I am often flat, no energy, a feeling of dread continually, and don't remember the last time I felt truly happy for other than like something with one of my kids, but not for like a day. Financially I'm trapped, so cant just quit. I had a career meeting with the GM last year and one thing said was I "need to let things go, that's why things went bad years ago, so I need to let go or (suicide)" Feel like I have no options, but cant keep going like this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Beth123455 So lost
  • replies: 1

Hi I’m 18 years old, going into my second gap year. I’ve had to learn how to deal with my anxiety ever since i was 12 years old. My anxiety only got really bad when I was badly sexually abused mid year of grade 12. Every since then I haven’t been abl... View more

Hi I’m 18 years old, going into my second gap year. I’ve had to learn how to deal with my anxiety ever since i was 12 years old. My anxiety only got really bad when I was badly sexually abused mid year of grade 12. Every since then I haven’t been able to have any self love for my self and am consistently putting my self down for every thing I do in my life, even for things like; trying to pick an outfit to wear for a day or to deciding what career path I should go on. I just feel so lost and confused. So I spent my whole gap year last year just working thinking of what I want to do for university and for the rest of my life, I’m now into February of my second year out of school still feeling just as lost as I did in grade 12. I have no idea what to do with my self. Every idea I have about studying or doing a trip overseas, I instantly find a way to shut every idea down, by thinking I’m not going to be good enough for anything at all. I just feel like I’ve put so much pressure on my self to ‘ try figure it all out’ but I’m so scared Anything I choose to do I will fail at. And it terrifies me.

Petah Ptsd and a sudden burst of bright happiness
  • replies: 1

I have a form of complex ptsd for 15 years and tapering benzodiazepines for around 6 months with doctors advice. Tonight I had uncontrollable spinning thoughts then suddenly out of the blue I felt wonderful, only lates for a few minutes then back to ... View more

I have a form of complex ptsd for 15 years and tapering benzodiazepines for around 6 months with doctors advice. Tonight I had uncontrollable spinning thoughts then suddenly out of the blue I felt wonderful, only lates for a few minutes then back to the way I have for the last few years. I have never experienced this before. I don’t understand what just happenrd

Guest_6465 Mental health about to cost my umpteenth job
  • replies: 12

Just an biannual performance review and my boss has called out for the third time that my lovely colleagues have complained that often, especially in the field, that "I am not there, am somewhere else." I cannot deny this. I always feel like I am in ... View more

Just an biannual performance review and my boss has called out for the third time that my lovely colleagues have complained that often, especially in the field, that "I am not there, am somewhere else." I cannot deny this. I always feel like I am in two levels of consciousness, one trying to concentrate on what I am doing, the other off fighting the war inside my head or worrying about something else completely different. In year 3 my teacher called me "The Dreamboat", not unfortunately because of my wonderful looks but by apparent disassociation with everything around me. Every whinger in every job has noticed this and got me into trouble, and fired - not matter how hard I try not to make mistakes I always do, wrong labels on bottles, typos and other mistakes in final report drafts, bad data processing and/or input. No matter how good the job is there is ALWAYS little mistakes, and these all add up and annoy supervisors and I end up fired. Held on to current job for 5 years but now after 2.5 years a second senior colleague has made a complaint that he does not want to work with me anymore. I feel angry and hateful towards them and yes, wish them ill but on the other hand I know that they are right, I just really resent them reporting such piddling mistakes I cant help feel its a personalised conspiracy. But its in my whole life. Although a good and responsible driver I often just forget or don't notice what speed zone I am in an seriously over the last 30 years all the fines I have paid out could have bought a nice new car or deposit for a house. Can anyone suggest any type of mindfulness therapy for this, or can identity just what is wrong with my mindfulness? Let's cut a long story short: I am - white Australian, 48 yo - lifetime clinical depressive/dysthymic - Functioning alcoholic and fond of legal downers - Recently officially diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress disorder - Struggling to keep my mental illness(s) from work "mates", recently divulged CPTSD to boss, seemed understanding, after second supervisor refused to work with my due to my "incompletence". So how about it ladies? Anyone up for a date? No, seriously, here to talk and share experiences, especially depressives and those with CPTSD who struggle to maintain a veneer of sanity.

Old_Kiwi Battling
  • replies: 12

I have lived with this beast for a long time and I thought I had it sussed, I was feeling confident enough to arrange for a trade to do some work.long story short what was supposed to be 1 day turned into a 6 visit saga over 2 months and unfortunatel... View more

I have lived with this beast for a long time and I thought I had it sussed, I was feeling confident enough to arrange for a trade to do some work.long story short what was supposed to be 1 day turned into a 6 visit saga over 2 months and unfortunately included an episode where the incompetent salesperson demanded payment on the incomplete job whilst inside my house. although I was able to demand he left at that time I have since been really struggling as my mind is now back to that unsafe place and the haven I had worked so hard to find (my home) now doesn’t feel “safe” anymore. Now , months later I am still struggling to regain any control. I feel like I’m back to the beginning and I’m so over the constant battle.

Miller PTSD, Anxiety Disorder being a parent. When children are your biggest trigger
  • replies: 1

I have PTSD from child hood trauma. I live with an anxiety disorder every day. I love my kids and they know it. My kids are at an age where they are aware , I remind them my trauma is not about them and that they are loved. (wish I didn’t have to) I ... View more

I have PTSD from child hood trauma. I live with an anxiety disorder every day. I love my kids and they know it. My kids are at an age where they are aware , I remind them my trauma is not about them and that they are loved. (wish I didn’t have to) I work really hard to minimalism the impact of my PTSD and anxiety on my kids . My question is. How do you cope when stuff like 1st days of school, birthdays, Christmas, excursions, the tooth fairy, making friends all the things kids get excited about. Is a huge trigger for you based on your own childhood trauma? What more can I do to minimalist the emotional and mental effect this has on my children? currently beyond triggered! have a reliable support network. But feeling raw. I’m after tips or advice about how people cope with this. Usual methods not working can only count backwards from 9thousand so many times. Even if you think I’ve probably heard it before, or it seems obvious......sometimes we just need reminders to find our coping mechanisms. Sorry rambling lol desperately seeking advice. Regards Miller

Hatedbydaughter Not sure how much longer I can continue
  • replies: 10

Hi again, my daughter is now 25. I continue to bend over backwards for her and she continues to be rude and spread vicious lies about me. It came to a crux overnight when she came home very late. My rule is if you are going to be late, let us know. I... View more

Hi again, my daughter is now 25. I continue to bend over backwards for her and she continues to be rude and spread vicious lies about me. It came to a crux overnight when she came home very late. My rule is if you are going to be late, let us know. It's not about control, it's about concern for well being. She hadn't spoken to me for two days and she entered the house, slammed the door and went into her room where she proceeded to yell how much she hates me. She was covering her face so I touched her hand so I could see her face. She accused me of being violent, then pushed me into the bed, smashed my picture frame and punched my back. She then ran out of the house. As it was past 2 am, I thought it was best to drive around to find her. I took her car as it was the most accessible at the time. She woke up the neighbours and called the police. She told them that I stole her car, that I physically abused her along with a litany of other lies. This is the third time that she has contacted the police is 7 years. The venom in her eyes was soul destroying. She wanted me destroyed. As all the damage in the house was caused by her, she then started to fabricate her life story to elicit support from the police. It broke me to see how far she was prepared to go to destroy me. She can be very self destructive and emotionally immature. She resents people who like me, especially people her own age. She makes up a lifetime of abuse stories, focus on me being an aggressive bully. As people cannot believe her stories, she records me when I'm really angry and having a rant at home (typically to myself). She uses this against me and plays it to anyone who will listen. I have always been there for her, even after all her shenanigans. She can either be very loving towards me, or very nasty and manipulative that constantly tries to entrap me. Her lies are baseless but the repercussions are enormous. I'm now beyond exhausted. I told her last time she called the police that if she did it again that our relationship would be invariably damaged. This affects my work, my relationships with people, and especially my relationship with her father (my husband). I always make excuses for her and many times have even taken the blame. She honestly hates me and wants to hurt me - physically and emotionally. I'm not sure that I can move on from this. I'm traumatised. She tells me that I'm not deserving to be a mother and that everyone who knows me hates me. How do I move on? Thanks

Lusky Experiencing Domestic Violence as a 16 Year Old (DV Trigger-warning)
  • replies: 2

Hi, this is my first thread I honestly don't know how to put this so I'll just type. Last year I had witnessed my dad physically abuse my mother, this was the only time this has ever happened. It has been since around 2011 when he first started verba... View more

Hi, this is my first thread I honestly don't know how to put this so I'll just type. Last year I had witnessed my dad physically abuse my mother, this was the only time this has ever happened. It has been since around 2011 when he first started verbally abusing but up until late last year he finally "went over the edge" since then I've gone to get professional help which resulted in me being diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder and MDD. Prior to all of this I've had anxiety as I'm still in school and I'm so worried that I won't be able to achieve what I need to do what I want in the future. With school coming back in again in a few more days my anxiety has come up again. I feel lost and I have no idea what to do my usual coping mechanism would be self harm or drinking. However, tonight, or this morning I suppose I decided to come to this forum to see what would happen. I guess I've here to vent to anybody. From these events I feel guilt from not being able to stop what happened and for having my dad arrested. As a family we no longer live together and I stay with my mother. I'm finding it hard to even think about contacting my dad. I have no idea what I'd even say to him, what's worse is that he's not remorseful for his actions which hurts so much. All I ever wanted to do in my short amount of teen years was make him proud but now I can only see the evil in him. I have no idea how to approach communication with him and I don't want him to cut me off. That's all for now, thanks.

monmoo Sexual Abuse
  • replies: 1

I’m new to this website, however I am in need of venting right now. When I was a little girl (roughly 6 or 7) I was sexually abused by two of my cousins. I’m not going to get into detail but I will say that considering my age, I didn’t actually know ... View more

I’m new to this website, however I am in need of venting right now. When I was a little girl (roughly 6 or 7) I was sexually abused by two of my cousins. I’m not going to get into detail but I will say that considering my age, I didn’t actually know what anything sexual was. I’m 15 now and I only just told my mother and step-father about it after years of it floating around in the back of my mind and occasionally the front. It feels absolutely amazing to have it let out but because I’ve been hiding it for so long (I didn’t know what to do) and I’ve been acting normally around everyone as to not ruin the family, I feel pathetic and regretful. I used to feel at fault but now that I’m older and I know how wrong it was, I know I’m innocent and shouldn’t have been treated that way. Anyways my mother started crying asking why I didn’t tell her and I tried to explain that when things like these happen, especially as a child we don’t know what to do and feel pathetic that we couldn’t stop it or do anything. She kept blaming herself and saying she was a bad mother, however I kept denying that because she isn’t a bad mother, I just couldn’t figure out how to tell her until now. My stepfather said he is very proud that I said something even though it was hidden, and he was extremely supportive. I keep getting a sick feeling like everything is going to change. And of course it will because life doesn’t stay the same. Unfortunately because of this trauma, my childhood was cut short and I learned that the world could be cruel just as much as it is beautiful. I guess I’m just scared that the family will be ruined. I’ve always been one to protect others and put myself last but honestly I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I have school in only five days (which I am grateful for) so I will be distracted and be comforted that things will still be the same just with a few changes. I hope I become open minded to the fact that things will change whether or not I’m scared of it.

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