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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 274

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Guest_093 Again feeling lost
  • replies: 6

ok been with 'beyond blue' a fair while now have put in posts and advice to others but now again I am feeling lost. My husband Barry passed away yesterday due to complications resulting from a infection, he was in hospital and turned off his dialysis... View more

ok been with 'beyond blue' a fair while now have put in posts and advice to others but now again I am feeling lost. My husband Barry passed away yesterday due to complications resulting from a infection, he was in hospital and turned off his dialysis machine yesterday at 3pm. Last night and this morning been doing a lot crying this arvo just tired and fuzzy headed, talking to ppl who are sent their condolences over his death, Bazz spirit is here at home with John and myself now and is still strong in our lives, we are still to arrange funeral as the death cert has not been released, I am putting a brave front up, and both John and me are grieving quietly for Barry, barry died without regaining fully conscious he opened 1 eye occasionally and we both believe to tell us goodbye and to let him go with peace and dignity that he deserved so I did that.

Idkme Complex Trauma - newly triggered, anxiety, sense of urgency, and fears of abandonment after 30 years....?
  • replies: 85

I have just had (as close as I can explain it) a feeling of being "triggered" just 2 weeks ago. I had a therapist that "saw through me" and brought up feelings and issues that I had long buried and suppressed, she encouraged me to explore through jou... View more

I have just had (as close as I can explain it) a feeling of being "triggered" just 2 weeks ago. I had a therapist that "saw through me" and brought up feelings and issues that I had long buried and suppressed, she encouraged me to explore through journal writing. Unfortunately things did not progress so well and I have been feeling like 'a cat on a hot tin roof'. I have made contact with Blue Knot (not sure if I can mention them here or not) but they helped me realise that I had been "hyper aroused" or similar and I needed to put all the things back into the box and just bring them out gradually and that it was much more important to feel safe.... I TOTALLY AGREE. Problem is that, on the outside, I appear to be doing okay, but on the inside I am feeling terribly anxious and needy. I have met with a great CALM clinical psychologist but when my session ends I feel okay but by the next hour/day I feel alone and unsure of what to "do" to deal with the feelings of unsettling in my stomach. I am trying not to "stalk" my psychologist with emails and she tells me "we'll deal with them next session". I realise now I had not set up safety strategies to protect myself (which is pretty understandable considering I had never dealt with these things before). I have this sense of urgency to kind of talk about it or help me soothe... It's like I need to talk but I can't talk to any of my friends or family because they don't understand. I have had all the feelings or abandonement, disgust, shame, hurt, anger, internalised pain, regret, insecurities, flashbacks, panic attacks, self hate, etc. and all so fast and furious... I'm really not surprised that people resort to drugs, risky behaviour and 'other' actions to stop the "feelings". I'm okay but I would love some tips on how to deal with this "sense of urgency" and "fear of abandonement" while inbetween weekly psychologist visits. I've tried mindfulness, deep breathing, mood apps, being aware of the senses, journal writing, earthing meditation (I've even tried to inflict pain, it's not recommended). Problem is the feelings just keep interfering and I struggle not to obsess over "thinking"... The only real kind of thing that works is to read and research 'everything' and eventually I'm exhausted and fall asleep... Some of those psych talks are quite dry after 1 hour (smiley face). Love to hear from those who may survived something similar because I don't feel like a survivor... looking for hope.....

lostnbroken need to end toxic relationship but I'm lost
  • replies: 1

okay this is my first time posting anything ever but I'm not sure what else to do anymore. we have been together for almost 10 years and over that time our relationship has become toxic, verbally and emotionally abusive. now my only emotions towards ... View more

okay this is my first time posting anything ever but I'm not sure what else to do anymore. we have been together for almost 10 years and over that time our relationship has become toxic, verbally and emotionally abusive. now my only emotions towards OH is dislike anger and resentment. I have been medicated for depression for over a year now. having a baby together really pushed me over the edge. if we didn't have DC together I would have ended us already. I did move out for a while when DC was quite young, but after going on a family holiday together (because it was paid for) we talked about counseling and I agreed to come home. counseling didn't work out, just caused more fights so we stopped. all of this fighting happens in front of DC. since DC came along it has been a never ending battle over who is the better parent. OH is controlling in the way OH thinks we should raise DC. I am always "wrong" and cant do anything right by DC according to OH. we have no routine in place for DC like bed time because OH 'wont get to spend enough time' with DC. which leads to over tired tantrums at 11pm. we both work early am shifts. OH has poor ideas on diet. never cooks, wont offer fruit or healthy snacks etc and mocks me for trying to. now DC only ever wants to eat "treat" food. OH has pointed out that I'm a bad parent every time I made a mistake or couldn't sooth a tantrum etc. and also pushes in to take over. and I just feel like OH half wants me out of the picture permanently. OH abuses me about trying to parent DC like a time out for naughty behavior. but its fine when OH does it. I really feel that while OH deeply loves and would do anything for DC; OH is not responsible enough for 50/50 custody. OH is not good with money. takes no financial responsibility and I feel from experience will not be proactive in ensuring money is there for necessities. rent, energy bill, car payments etc. OH also has never ending fines unpaid. also has habit of leaving jobs and being on "holiday" for weeks. leaving financial burdan on me. hardly ever cleans or cooks. so I can not imagine DC being in a safe and comfortable environment. OH "friends" and "habits"are not the type of people/things I want DC exposed to. I grew up with an emotionally absent parent so I WANT OH to be a part of DC life and I feel like a monster that I think OH should have less than half custody. we will seperate when the lease ends. it kills me that DC is the real victim here. what do I do?

Noeleen New here
  • replies: 1

I myself have suffered from depression, anxiety, PTSD. Due to a great deal of reason in my life. I am retired and coping with stress an anxiety. Recently a Doctor of mine committed suicide, then I found out my daughter had turned to Alcohol to cope w... View more

I myself have suffered from depression, anxiety, PTSD. Due to a great deal of reason in my life. I am retired and coping with stress an anxiety. Recently a Doctor of mine committed suicide, then I found out my daughter had turned to Alcohol to cope with pain. l live in the country and my daughters did not wish to worry me, I started picking up on the messages and twigged something was up. My eldest daughter was getting desperate and told me what was going on. I was in disbelief, then I found out how bad the drinking was getting. Last night I was on the phone with her for over an hour trying to help. I felt so exhausted last night emotionally drained, almost in tears, they lived through years of alcohol abuse from their father I never dreamed anything like this would happen. Especially as they are now grown women. I've had flash backs to my life, before, the images I never wanted to see again, trying to keep them out of my head has been hard. I usually get up early and go swimming before the day starts, I couldn't this morning. If I can write away my feelings somewhere I know I will be okay, I thought after 10 yrs of journals I didn't need to keep writing all the time, but it's all coming back.

Chris_of_bass My life matter's doesn't it?
  • replies: 1

I am absolutely wrecked beyond any comprehension as to when I will finally get a go in life and realise that I'm not the worlds whipping boy! I'm 51, disabled and wheelchair bound requiring two separate carer's to assist me with daily living, NDIS ap... View more

I am absolutely wrecked beyond any comprehension as to when I will finally get a go in life and realise that I'm not the worlds whipping boy! I'm 51, disabled and wheelchair bound requiring two separate carer's to assist me with daily living, NDIS approved but no funding, DSP recipient and victim of centre link robot debt to $31000, survivor of 2 institutional child sexual abuse predators, survivor of my 12 yo sisters murder, lived through the attempted murder of my mother, watched oldest sister die in pain from cancer, have loving partner who was raped and deliberately infected with HIV at age of 29, abused and made ward of the state due to father, never employed or able to work despite many attempts, only surviving sibling is living a DV knightmare and is heavily addicted to ice, I too have an ice addiction albeit in counseling and reducing, I take more than 50 tablets a day to survive, I have had a chequered past with 2 prison terms for non violent offense's, clean mostly since 2003 couple of hiccups but given a chance and appreciated opportunity, became a pastor of God in 2007 and established Christian centre in Tasmania with the assistance of Tasmanian police after investigation into organisation found all above board, moved to NSW for better medical treatment and continued organisation with NSW government permits, had to relocate to Victoria for partners HIV treatment in 2014, continued organisation in Victoria but limited due to health, told registration not required as Christian organisation, operated for 1116 days until police officer from 27 years ago commenced an investigation into organisation due to my name attachment, the detective had me a criminal prior to investigation and charged me and my 2 carer's with dishonesty offenses, 1 carer not even involved in organisation and duly exhonorated by magistrate with no case to answer and police made to pay his legal costs, my partner had to plead guilty to dishonest dealings with proceeds of crime or risk imprisonment with HIV as we found that we did require a permit in Victoria, he received a cco with 140 hours, I was told to plead guilty to misappropriation of funds and avoid imprisonment and so I did but the court plead me guilty of obtaining financial advantage by deception of 41000 and as a result the magistrate sentenced me to 21 months imprisonment with a non parole period of 12 months, the magistrate didn't care of my disability, my child sexual abuse traumas. the magistrate sentenced me to 21 months imprisonment with a non parole period of 12 months, the magistrate didn't care of my disability, my child sexual abuse traumas, my addiction, the fact that I need constant care, my mental health, my physical health, my intentions to assist people and do good when possible, 1116 days into $41000 equals $37.08 per day to operate an organisation, how did I possibly obtain financial advantage on that amount? I have appealed to the county court in the hope of some sensible justice for once in my life! Do you hear why I am disillusioned at life, suicide doesn't work I've tried, I seem to have justice as JUST ICE! not fair at best, I'mlost, hurt, in pain, emotional and without my 2 carers I feel no love at all! I welcome any thoughts or knowing of a good legal aid barrister who can help me. Thank you

Shorty48 Sexual assault
  • replies: 3

Hi, I’m new here, just saying hello. I was sexually assaulted at 15 years old and never told anyone just brushed it over like nothing happened. Few years down the track it’s caught up to me and i was recently diagnosed with psychosis. During this tim... View more

Hi, I’m new here, just saying hello. I was sexually assaulted at 15 years old and never told anyone just brushed it over like nothing happened. Few years down the track it’s caught up to me and i was recently diagnosed with psychosis. During this time I’ve had a hard time with relationships. I’ve been told to go away a lot by people who were nice one day then the next just horrible to me. I have nobody to talk to and the perpetrator still lives in the same area as me. Does anyone have any tips on how to cope on such a big thing that’s happened?

quokka Dealing with PTSD at night time
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I’m relatively new here and this is my first time making my own thread! I was wondering if anyone has any tips on dealing with PTSD specifically at night time when trying to fall asleep? For some background info, I was sexually assaulted almo... View more

Hi all, I’m relatively new here and this is my first time making my own thread! I was wondering if anyone has any tips on dealing with PTSD specifically at night time when trying to fall asleep? For some background info, I was sexually assaulted almost 2 years ago, at 18, by a stranger while travelling solo and I denied it for a long time because I felt so shameful and most of all I did not want to accept it had happened. I started dealing with it a couple months ago as I was having really bad panic attacks and nightmares which were significantly interrupting my daily life, so I started going to a psychologist again. This is on top of already having depression and anxiety which I have had for almost six years. My main difficulty recently has been dealing with PTSD at night time. Even if I have had a relatively good day without any triggers, I still seem to go to bed at night and everything comes rushing back in. I can’t help but think about all the bad memories and shameful feelings about myself and I just end up feeling so anxious and depressed that I can’t sleep. I am also hesitant to fall asleep as I worry about having nightmares about the assault. I would really appreciate if anyone has any advice to deal with this?

Meags90 Permanently leaving an emotionally abusive relationship
  • replies: 11

I have just left my partner of 9 months, 10th time is a charm, and this time I want it to be for good. Apologies for the long story but I’m sure this will always be very cleansing for me to open up. I met him over a year ago through tinder. He’s due ... View more

I have just left my partner of 9 months, 10th time is a charm, and this time I want it to be for good. Apologies for the long story but I’m sure this will always be very cleansing for me to open up. I met him over a year ago through tinder. He’s due to turn 40 this year, I’m 28. My therapist believes from what I’ve told her that he has borderline PD, and narcissistic too. I knew something was off about him from the start. He came on very strong, showered me with upmost attention, acted caring and attentive. He put me high up on a pedestal. He pushed a relationship after only one date even though I was adamant about taking things slow, and love bombing me within three weeks of knowing me. Massive red flag. He was deceitful, manipulative and needed constant validation, if it wasn’t from me than it was other women. He disrespected me through sexting others and sending half naked photos of himself. I never discovered him physically cheating but my gut feeling was telling me he had, which I trust especially from his other behaviour. He would go silent on me for days on end if I voiced my needs and wants not being met. It was definitely his need to gain power over me. But I also wonder what else he was doing on those silent days and if he was with other women. All the names I got called when we would argue, I.e a psycho, bore, crazy, and apparently passive aggressive. I felt so worthless, unappreciated andndevalued in the relationship. I kept idealising a fantasy of what this person could be, only focusing on the good, rather than what he really was and overlooking the bad. When our times were good and I felt loved, I was in ecstasy. I’m still addicted to the high of making up, seeing his name pop up on my phone, and the crumbs of the intimate moments we shared, and I kept going back for more of it. I always ended up missing him and wanting him hence why I took him back. I know the underlying reasons why weren’t healthy, and need to go walk away for myself and my future. I truly deserve far better. I grew up in an emotionally abusive and dysfunctional environment of my mother being an alcoholic, and witnessing intense arguments between my parents. My understanding is that I found comfort in the abuse my borderline was giving me. I’m in therapy now to overcome the codependency and learning to love myself for the first time, but wanted to gain extra support in my weak moments of unblocking him... Can anyone else relate to my experience?

Guest_922 Marital assault
  • replies: 3

So my husband assulted me. I dont think he would see it that way. It’s complicated. We were both drunk and consenting when I said stop during the act because I was feeling ill, he continued while I drifted in and out of consciousness. I feel low and ... View more

So my husband assulted me. I dont think he would see it that way. It’s complicated. We were both drunk and consenting when I said stop during the act because I was feeling ill, he continued while I drifted in and out of consciousness. I feel low and haven’t been able to work because I just can’t concentrate or breathe. I feel guilty because had I not started feeling unwell I would have still gone along. At the same time I feel disrespected, He had his phone out at one stage and I mumbled not to record me. He said he wasnt but I don’t know why else he had it. Essentially I have no trust left in him or myself. I don’t know where to from here because I’m just empty and alone. I don’t think he cares for me. At least not as much as I need him to. I can’t tell friends or family - it’s humiliating. I’m seeing my psychologist tomorrow but I don’t know if I will be even able to bring it up there. I havent been able to talk to him about it as I don’t know if I want to hear his response. Im feeling so lost and unable to function. I can’t keep pretending that everything is ok, that I’ve got it all under control - life, career, family. I haven’t and I know I’m spiraling. So I’m avoiding work and people in general.

Allie78 Struggling to leave
  • replies: 5

Hello. This is my first time making a post and I am feeling a bit anxious about it. I have been in a relationship for 4yrs and we have a beautiful 3yr old daughter together. For awhile now the relationship has been emotionally abusive. He has never b... View more

Hello. This is my first time making a post and I am feeling a bit anxious about it. I have been in a relationship for 4yrs and we have a beautiful 3yr old daughter together. For awhile now the relationship has been emotionally abusive. He has never been physically violent but I also know that it can become physical very quickly..If I am to be completely honest though...I think it has always been abusive. I look back now and I can see alot of red flags...I know I HAVE to leave and I really want to leave but I am finding it much harder than I thought I would. I have been seeing a councilor who has been helping with a safety plan and talking me through disconnecting emotionally. I also have a very dear friend who is very supportive. I got up today and I wanted to just leave and not look back but I was scared that if I left I would come back. I am very rearly happy anymore and my partner's behavior is affecting our daughter too. His abuse is never directed at her but I also know it doesn't have to be to affect her. I also know the longer I stay the harder it will be to leave. One of the things that makes me stay is I don't want to leave anything behind. Stupid I know because my life, my daughter's life and our mental health is worth more than anything I have in my house. I suppose I am just really struggling to except what I know I have to do, not just for myself but, also for my daughter. I feel so lost!! Can anyone please offer me some advice?