Dear Sadshame~
I'd like to join Tony WK and Paddyanne in welcoming you here. While I do not disagree with their points of view I think it might be quite easy for you to get the impression your husband is being defended and your own views not given enough weight.
I'd agree porn is something that can make one feel alienated, even inadequate and very hurt. The fact you husband doe not give it up for your sake is most hurtful too.
In many cases it is made by exploiting human beings and is in any case fundamentally fantasy. What is portrayed is not what one would expect in real life.
Before going any further I read both that " I have lost all respect, trust and faith in him" but a little later that "he is a decent man", someone you have shared life with for over half a century.
OK he indulges in a fantasy world. Maybe there are reasons, and maybe they are not straightforward or any reflection on you. I do not know this for certain of course, I simply raise it as a possibility.
As someone with PTSD I can say, at least in my own case, life consists of dealing with the condition. It does not go completely away but can be catered for, and its effects can become a lot less in time.
I started as suicidal but now lead a happy and loving life with my partner. Even so I need to counteract both the tensions, anxiety and other ill effects of the illness. In my case I retreat to a world of books and movies as one of the effective ways of coping. They too are fantasy.
In fact it was adolescent fantasy books that was one of the first very great steps forward for me.
The way one copes may be just about anything. If it works one tends to keep on doing it.
Do you think there may well be room for the two of you to come to some sort of accommodation, for example if you felt loved and valued might that make a big difference to everything? While he may not admit there is a problem perhaps by talk and possibly counseling he may see some of your needs he can meet.
What do you think?
Croix
