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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Allie78 Struggling to leave
  • replies: 5

Hello. This is my first time making a post and I am feeling a bit anxious about it. I have been in a relationship for 4yrs and we have a beautiful 3yr old daughter together. For awhile now the relationship has been emotionally abusive. He has never b... View more

Hello. This is my first time making a post and I am feeling a bit anxious about it. I have been in a relationship for 4yrs and we have a beautiful 3yr old daughter together. For awhile now the relationship has been emotionally abusive. He has never been physically violent but I also know that it can become physical very quickly..If I am to be completely honest though...I think it has always been abusive. I look back now and I can see alot of red flags...I know I HAVE to leave and I really want to leave but I am finding it much harder than I thought I would. I have been seeing a councilor who has been helping with a safety plan and talking me through disconnecting emotionally. I also have a very dear friend who is very supportive. I got up today and I wanted to just leave and not look back but I was scared that if I left I would come back. I am very rearly happy anymore and my partner's behavior is affecting our daughter too. His abuse is never directed at her but I also know it doesn't have to be to affect her. I also know the longer I stay the harder it will be to leave. One of the things that makes me stay is I don't want to leave anything behind. Stupid I know because my life, my daughter's life and our mental health is worth more than anything I have in my house. I suppose I am just really struggling to except what I know I have to do, not just for myself but, also for my daughter. I feel so lost!! Can anyone please offer me some advice?

Sun_and_moon I feel like I am drowning
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, since giving birth to my beautiful 17 month old daughter, i found that my emotions have been up and down and have gotten worse when my dad passed away suddenly from terminal cancer. It took a while for me to get back to normal and I was ... View more

Hi everyone, since giving birth to my beautiful 17 month old daughter, i found that my emotions have been up and down and have gotten worse when my dad passed away suddenly from terminal cancer. It took a while for me to get back to normal and I was ok for a while until my daughter had a injury and had a minor skull fracture which was traumatic for my fiancé and I. She is fine now but i recently went to the follow up appointment and now she has to get an MRI and has to get sedated which makes me feel so upset all over again, I feel like this is all my fault. After the doctors appointment that weekend, my fiancé drank so much one night that I experienced domestic violence for the first time where I was trying to put my little one to sleep and he was in the room and I said please I'm trying to put her to sleep can you leave and he threatend me to put my daughter down so he can hurt me and was trying to grab me while I was holding our daughter. I ran outside and he locked us out of the house. This brought back memories of growing up with my father drinking alcohol and abusing my mother and us kids. I went to next door neighbours house and they called the police, the police came and arrested him and we had to go through court where he was convicted, now he has a community correction order and an Avo where he cannot drink and be around my daughter and I for 2 years. We have worked things out where he is not going to drink anymore but I cannot help but feel guilt about what happened with everything's that's happened with my daughters fall, my dad's death, not coping well with sleepless nights with daughter teething, my fiancé having an alcohol problem, the incident with the police, I have been crying all the time and my fiancé is sick of me crying. I feel like I am the problem and I am drowning like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Can someone please give me insight on what I should do, do I have undiagnosed post natal depression? I do not want to take medication, is there anything else I can do to make me feel better.

Flower Earth angel Ptsd . Domestic violence. . Chronic physical pain and more
  • replies: 11

Hi IM new And trying to tackle all of the above, Ptsd . Domestic violence. . Chronic physical pain and ear and sound damage . Financial grief, isolation, anxiety . Unemployment Low self worth. I’m not sure what to do. i have psychologist gamlbing cou... View more

Hi IM new And trying to tackle all of the above, Ptsd . Domestic violence. . Chronic physical pain and ear and sound damage . Financial grief, isolation, anxiety . Unemployment Low self worth. I’m not sure what to do. i have psychologist gamlbing cousnellor doctors im getting nowhere for years, i want someone to manage my money but I am very anxious about the idea as o feel I will eventually go back and gamble. i don’t know if shud find an addictiontherapist, im severely overwhelmed . i use 1800redpect but as I said I am getting nowhere for 4 years. i ve been in Narcissitc abuse . I haven only close girlfriend but joking a womengroup weekly enact Wednesday , my life is doomed I’m 35 and am not sure how I will meet someone have kids my health and hormones are ruined. my parents wont let me get a kitten which would help im tired of everything I take anti depressants been a few months not helping, does anyone know good mindfulness they can recommend or anything.

sister moon feeling too broken to love and be loved
  • replies: 5

Hello everyone, I feel like my baggage is too heavy to carry into a relationship, but i am lonely and I don't want to feel lonely forever. I have a history of sexual trauma and domestic violence. I have anxiety PTSD and episodes of depression. I had ... View more

Hello everyone, I feel like my baggage is too heavy to carry into a relationship, but i am lonely and I don't want to feel lonely forever. I have a history of sexual trauma and domestic violence. I have anxiety PTSD and episodes of depression. I had avoided anything that remotely like a relationship for nearly 6 years until the start of last year, I was as open as I could be about my history and trauma, but i don't think i went about any of this in the "right" way. I feel at times I dumped it on him. I also feel at times that rather than expressing my needs I focused of trying to "prove" to him and reassure him that I was okay when I wasn't. Because I didn't want him to feel he was walking on glass. But my trauma would come out in other ways. And I learnt alot of things about myself that i really don't like. I am not always kind. I had feelings for this man that were greater than any feelings I had ever ever had. And I think that it somehow brought out the worst in me. I don't think he ever ever got to see my best side. I knew I was messed up. But I don't think I knew just how "broken" I was untill I really really liked someone. Obviously it didn't work out. And it has left me feeling guilty for having inflicted myself and my garbage onto him. I would like one day to have a healthy caring relationship one day. But I don't think I can be my best self. I feel like I'm too hard. All the other single people I know of my age group internet date. It seems now days to be the culture that if something gets hard, you go online and find someone else.... I just don't see anything in me that will ever be able to outweigh the challanges. and i am so mad at myself because I have been so independant for so long..... and I was determin to just be content with being single. It took me so much to open up to the possibility of things being any different and now I just feel silly that I ever did. And lonely. I just feel so lonely

Jess06 Lost, confused and indecisive.
  • replies: 1

I am a 27 year old female and have been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was 16. I have been on anti-depressants for the last four years and have been with my partner who is 37 for about a year and a half. I recently found out I am pregnan... View more

I am a 27 year old female and have been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was 16. I have been on anti-depressants for the last four years and have been with my partner who is 37 for about a year and a half. I recently found out I am pregnant so my doctor has had me weaning off the anti-depressants. My partner and I have had some big fights in the past which has sometimes gotten physical. We recently had an argument and it ended up getting physical after he locked doors to certain rooms in the house and took my house keys so I couldn’t get back in if I left. He also took all my clothes and belongings and shoved them in one big pile on the floor of one of the spare rooms. All I’ve ever wanted was to be loved by someone and have that family kind of unit and it really broke me this time when this happened I think especially because I’m pregnant this time. I am in no way perfect and I make a lot of mistakes and I know that I can be hard to deal with due to my anxiety and need for things to be a certain way. I ended up forgiving him and went back home but now I keep thinking if this is really the life I want. He has kids already who I absolutely love and adore but it has also been a struggle for me to come to terms with this lifestyle. I have just found a money tin (which I contribute mostly to but he puts a few coins in every now and then) at the top of his wardrobe when it used to sit in the spare room. I asked him about it and got upset because I feel like it’s controlling me and taking my things away but he just sees it as me getting re-angry. I do love him and most of the time he is a great guy - looks after me when I’m sick, cooks for me etc. but I am really struggling at the moment. I really don’t want to be single again and pregnant but the thought of this being my life if things don’t change really makes me feel sick.

BC123 Unsure if I am dating a sufferer of Borderline Personality Disorder - Any advice appreciated!
  • replies: 3

Hi All, I have been in a relationship with someone for about a year now (He is 24 and I am 25). When we first met he was incredibly charming, loving, generous, caring and intense. I was completely infatuated with him and we rushed into things quite q... View more

Hi All, I have been in a relationship with someone for about a year now (He is 24 and I am 25). When we first met he was incredibly charming, loving, generous, caring and intense. I was completely infatuated with him and we rushed into things quite quickly. In the beginning everything seemed wonderful. We wanted to spend as much time as we could together (Despite this probably not being all entirely healthy in itself). However, in due time he opened up to me about his depression and past childhood traumas from family members. He has had a hard childhood. At the start I believed he simply had depression and I encouraged him to seek help and tried to be a support and provide resources for him. He was consistently swinging between agreeing he should get help and wanting to feel better, to telling me nothing would help and he would not try. As the months went on, I began to see more and more different sides to him. Uncontrollable mood swings in the same day (very high, very low, very angry, excited, bored - you name it), uncontrollable anger over small things, suicide threats, compulsive lying (where he was caught out on a number of occasions), impulsive behaviours, cheating, emotional blackmail when I would try to leave - it goes on and on. I have also quite literally talked him out of suicide on a number of occasions via text and phone for hours on end. He eventually would reach a point where he would tell me he would calm down and consider his options. He consistently reports feelings of 'numbness', not 'knowing who he is', and feeling 'completely empty'. Fast forward to where we are currently. I recently discovered he had cheated on me and initially he made many stories up to deny the reality of the situation before finally admitting the truth, saying he did it mindlessly and in an 'attempt to feel something'. I am hurting so much in this relationship. I have been put through a lot of emotional manipulation, guilt, idealisation and then devaluation in the same day, betrayal - it goes on. I really feel lost. Having done my own research on these symptoms I began to wonder if he suffers from BPD. It is something I raised with him once, asking if he would consider going to therapy or to seek help - which he completely refused. I am unsure what to do and any advice or guidance would be so greatly appreciated. Thank you.

SunshineJ Barking Dogs
  • replies: 5

Two years ago we were in a nightmare situation living next to 5 dogs that barked at each other practically all day while their owners were at work full-time. The dogs were left in the back yards of two properties that adjoined each other. I am a stay... View more

Two years ago we were in a nightmare situation living next to 5 dogs that barked at each other practically all day while their owners were at work full-time. The dogs were left in the back yards of two properties that adjoined each other. I am a stay at home mum with young kids so was at home a lot. Eventually, after a very long and stressful process (around 9 months) of reporting to council, the situation was more or less resolved. However now, over a year later, I still seem to be unable to cope with the sound of dogs barking at all. It's like every single bark causes some kind of stress response in my body. I should say this is only if the barking is loud, like from a house near to mine, or if the dog is near me in a coffee shop etc. If it is far away barking it is more of a mild irritant that i might not even notice straight away, so not a huge deal unless it goes on and on. Does anyone else deal with this? I find it really difficult to deal with because dogs are everywhere !! Just wanting to hear other people's stories/tips on coping etc.

rose_uwu Trauma Bonding
  • replies: 3

ok i don't know where to start, ive never done anything like this before but honestly im desperate. the last few years have been absolute hell. i was sexually abused by a close male friend of mine. honestly? ive suffered techically ""worse"" abuse. b... View more

ok i don't know where to start, ive never done anything like this before but honestly im desperate. the last few years have been absolute hell. i was sexually abused by a close male friend of mine. honestly? ive suffered techically ""worse"" abuse. but nothing has cut as deep into my soul as the look in his eyes when he looked into my soul, saw only fear. the twisted, sick, smile on his face. he feels nothing but pleasure and anger. hes not a human. long story short ,after the initial assault i grew desperately attached to him. within a few months i couldnt live without him. hes like an addiction. i need him to make me feel okay. ive tried to cut him off so many times, and it's just left me feeling increasingly suicidal untill i reach back out for him for my own safety. the sexual abuse continued. as i said, it wasnt the worse sexual abuse ive encountered, he didnt rape me. ive had alot worse (when i was 14 someone else attempted to rape me) but nothing has stuck with me. the emotional abuse started. he somehow drove into my soul with a dagger and cut the cords connecting me to myself. i stopped going to school. i didnt really talk to anyone except him. i didnt leave the house for weeks at a time. i wasnt eating, i was up till 5am talking to him because for a period of time he refused to talk to me at any other time, probably as an abusive tactic so i obliged, doing anything to not lose him. i didnt see him for months as he refused to leave the house, i nearly killed myself over this. i couldn't deal with the pain, i started self harming. i thought if i saw him again this torment would stop, it didnt. it got worse. it all got worse. i moved schools because even though he didnt attend anymore just being around where this stuff happened was too hard. he continued to cut into my soul. and he still is. because i cannot get rid of him. hes stuck inside my soul. i cant explain the horrible feeling hes left inside me that makes me need him, rely on him. after all the trauma hes caused me, why would i want to be anywhere near him? my therapist has suggested trauma. bonding. i think shes right, but i dont have any idea how to help it. how to get rid of him. this is probably a far fetched attempt but, any help would be appreciated. i neeed to get rid of him. even any similar experiences? thankyou

Orange_Stone PTSD, anxiety and depression - Struggling. New to BeyondBlue.
  • replies: 7

Hi all Newbie here I was raped 6 years ago. I only started seeking help about it last year, before that I completely denied it had ever happened & lived completely in denial about it, never speaking about it at all. No one was there & I didn’t know t... View more

Hi all Newbie here I was raped 6 years ago. I only started seeking help about it last year, before that I completely denied it had ever happened & lived completely in denial about it, never speaking about it at all. No one was there & I didn’t know the perpetrator. As nightmares, anxiety & depression started to rise it became clear I couldn’t hide from it any longer & my life started to unravel. I couldn’t work for almost a year, could barely leave the house, couldn’t even make phone calls to make appointments for myself with my regular GP who was helping me through this challenging time. Since that unravelling its been an absolute rollercoaster full of massive highs and massive lows. Massive highs of finding the strength to begin and continue therapy, tell my family what had happened to me and make other big steps to finding my version of stability and recovery, as well as massive lows such as incredibly bad days, diagnosis of PTSD, and other major obstacles. Despite being on medication, semi-regularly continuing with my psychologist, having a super strong network of family and friends that know now of my rape & can support me I still struggle so much. I know that I am so lucky to have a great network of supportive people around me, but I’ve hit a wall & I just feel exhausted, nauseous and as if my body has been hit by a train. Every day my whole body aches, my head hurts, I have stomach problems and struggle to make it through a day without needing a nap or mass amounts of caffeine to cope. And I don’t understand why L . To add to this I’m just feeling more & more that no one really understands what I feel & how hard every single day actually is. I am grateful for every single person in my support network but they don’t understand. They don’t understand feeling so sick & exhausted basically every day for no reason. They don’t understand how hard it is to just have nightmares most nights.. Of my attack and just of distressing, disturbing things. They don’t understand my brain & the hardest part is I don’t understand it either but I am trying to. I guess I just wanted to reach out to stop feeling like no body understands me

NoHar Feel like walking away
  • replies: 12

Hi. I am new to the forum. I have been married for 20 years and 2 kids. I suspect t my husband is an alcoholic but not sure. Also believe he has anxiety and he has mostly agreed with having anxiety. All undiagnosed. For the past 2/3 months, he has co... View more

Hi. I am new to the forum. I have been married for 20 years and 2 kids. I suspect t my husband is an alcoholic but not sure. Also believe he has anxiety and he has mostly agreed with having anxiety. All undiagnosed. For the past 2/3 months, he has consistently had more than 2 drinks daily with the previous 2 weekends averaging about 9 or 10 per day. He will place empty beer cans in different boxes around the house. In the past he has (without asking), drunk my wines, vodka and any other alcohol I have bought. One wine was a special 40th birthday present he decided to drink one afternoon before i got home from work. I came home to 3 qtrs of the bottle gone. Only replaced it with a chest red that i could only use for cooking. He hides bottles of wine in the shed and in a locked cupboard in the garage. At the moment, he has placed a bottle in the corner of the house behind an occasional chair. This is not new and this hiding has been ongoing for many years. He drinks mainly by himself and if we are home he will drink in the shed or garage out of site. He is extremely defensive about his consumption. I don't know if this is a physical dependence or a psychological one and I don't know how to keep living with this. His behaviour even after only 1 or 2 get really nastily sarcastic and abusive - as an example... calling all the indigenous students at the indigenous unit at my uni (including me) a bunch of zombies. ( I have gone back to uni getting a dual degree). Opinions would be most welcome. I am exhausted from coping with this.