Lost, confused and indecisive.

[Jess06]

I am a 27 year old female and have been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was 16. I have been on anti-depressants for the last four years and have been with my partner who is 37 for about a year and a half. I recently found out I am pregnant so my doctor has had me weaning off the anti-depressants. My partner and I have had some big fights in the past which has sometimes gotten physical. We recently had an argument and it ended up getting physical after he locked doors to certain rooms in the house and took my house keys so I couldn’t get back in if I left. He also took all my clothes and belongings and shoved them in one big pile on the floor of one of the spare rooms. All I’ve ever wanted was to be loved by someone and have that family kind of unit and it really broke me this time when this happened I think especially because I’m pregnant this time. I am in no way perfect and I make a lot of mistakes and I know that I can be hard to deal with due to my anxiety and need for things to be a certain way. I ended up forgiving him and went back home but now I keep thinking if this is really the life I want. He has kids already who I absolutely love and adore but it has also been a struggle for me to come to terms with this lifestyle. I have just found a money tin (which I contribute mostly to but he puts a few coins in every now and then) at the top of his wardrobe when it used to sit in the spare room. I asked him about it and got upset because I feel like it’s controlling me and taking my things away but he just sees it as me getting re-angry. I do love him and most of the time he is a great guy - looks after me when I’m sick, cooks for me etc. but I am really struggling at the moment. I really don’t want to be single again and pregnant but the thought of this being my life if things don’t change really makes me feel sick.

[Soberlicious96]

Dear Jess,

Wow, you really do have a lot going on there.

May I suggest getting yourself some face-to-face support like maybe seeing a counselor or something like that, and maybe also, if you have a close family member or friend that you can be honest with, let them in on what is going on for you. Maybe they can help out too.

No one has the right to control another by means of abuse, violence or any other form of manipulation. Even if he is 'a great guy most of the time'. This baby will be life changing for both of you ...... and he/she will need all the love, support and safety that can be offered.

Also no one has the right to tell you whether or not to stay or go or whatever. You need to do what is right for you. But may I suggest keeping your own safety, and that of your baby at the top of the list?!

Take care and keep us updated. xo