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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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CatchCat Really at a loss of what to do
  • replies: 4

Can’t figure out what I need to do in order to get a psychiatrist appointment to look for a diagnosis. I know I have trauma but I’m looking at specifically dissociative disorders because I deal with dissociation too often. Who do I look at? Who’s goo... View more

Can’t figure out what I need to do in order to get a psychiatrist appointment to look for a diagnosis. I know I have trauma but I’m looking at specifically dissociative disorders because I deal with dissociation too often. Who do I look at? Who’s good? Can I not have someone really expensive? Do they always have to be private (I have no insurance because if I look at that option I need to get in contact with my abusers and I don’t want that)? I’m in no immediate threat but really need the support. My girlfriend is feeling suicidal and I want to make sure I’m going to be ok if she ends up having an inpatient stay.

chitchat vulnerable and at a loss as what to do
  • replies: 3

hi Oh my how many times have i started to write a post and then deleted it.I have searched and searched and searched but as i am not an emergency or suicidal they try but can only give me 5.And i know what its like to be suicidal and be put on hold.S... View more

hi Oh my how many times have i started to write a post and then deleted it.I have searched and searched and searched but as i am not an emergency or suicidal they try but can only give me 5.And i know what its like to be suicidal and be put on hold.So if your reading this i actually got the courage to press enter.I dont know if anyone can help but i think i just need to talk . I have sat here most of the night frozen to my chair not knowing what to do and thinking that no its not right.Yesterday there was an incident at my house where people jumped my side fence and entered my adult daughters bedroom .i woke up with her screaming race out there and she was being held against the side of the house.Things got a bit messy .i rang the police and after they had our puppies in the car got told that it is not trespass if somebody jumps your fence enters your house and if they state that it is theirs its ok and then when my daughter said she would do the same then they laughed at her.I feel unsafe in my own house i can not find anyone that will give me an ear to vent i just am a mess i have rang the free legal advice and i still am unable to clarify if what the police said is true .So saying i am traumatised is an understatement If the police wont protect you who will

whenwewereyoung How to determine if past events did happen?
  • replies: 5

Hello, how is everyone? Hope you all are well. Currently, I am remembering some events from the past, however, I cannot confirm if it did or did not happen. Unfortunately, I have nobody I could verify with. Is there some form of effective therapy to ... View more

Hello, how is everyone? Hope you all are well. Currently, I am remembering some events from the past, however, I cannot confirm if it did or did not happen. Unfortunately, I have nobody I could verify with. Is there some form of effective therapy to determine if something did happen the way it happened? This is just my individual personal experience, and the things I remembered could perhaps have happened. Also, my apologies but I can't disclose what this is about but it is definitely a matter of did it or didn't it happen. Thank you so much and I hope you all have a nice day.

Bear1922 C-PTSD / PTSD Establishment of a long term relationship with father who molested me for a decade.
  • replies: 4

I’m interested in hearing anyone’s story of establishing a long term relationship with the person who sexually abused you. A renewed relationship with my own , Father, lasted for a protracted period of time (years). I made a well-intended yet inevita... View more

I’m interested in hearing anyone’s story of establishing a long term relationship with the person who sexually abused you. A renewed relationship with my own , Father, lasted for a protracted period of time (years). I made a well-intended yet inevitably doomed relationship with my sexual abuser. His impending death from cancer, heart issues & MND caused me a great deal of cognitive dissonance. I felt really sad for my father - the child molester. That happened earlier this year. Fast forward to now the relationship is terminated. My C-PTSD has emerged again after 27 years. The flashbacks, anxiety, OCD & depression have marred my year. The memories of the purely evil sexual abuse inflicted on me from the ages of 2 - 12 by my father have been devastating and crazy-making. I'll be very interested to hear from other victims of childhood sexual abuse who have established a relationship with their abuser. Warm Regards,

the_real_you The long road to recovery
  • replies: 8

After 30 years I found myself in the invidious position of having no choice but to admit to my wife that I was sexually abused as a child and I have to say that everything I dreaded about that moment in regards to her reaction turned out to be comple... View more

After 30 years I found myself in the invidious position of having no choice but to admit to my wife that I was sexually abused as a child and I have to say that everything I dreaded about that moment in regards to her reaction turned out to be completely false and nothing more than my own unrealistic and irrational fears as she was amazingly understanding and supportive. My wife is a psychologist and inadvertently forced my hand in the issue as she became convinced that I was no longer attracted to her due to the fact that she had gained a some weight when in fact it was my aversion towards intimacy that was the cause of this and even though I had never spoken to anyone about this, at least no one who believed me, I knew that I could not lose the love of my life over this and began a very difficult conversation with her that was highly emotional but also very liberating for us both. There is no profit in going into the details of the abuse itself but I will say that it was of the most severe kind and carried out over the course of several years, though intermittently as I was fortunate enough to not live in the same house as my abuser. At the time that it occurred I attempted to tell a teacher at school and also the librarian both of whom I believed would help me and the reason I believed this is because I had been removed from my home on several occasions due to unrelated physical abuse from a violent step father, however, their reaction to this information was to ignore it altogether which as a young child left me with the belief that this was something I was not supposed to be talking about and so I never spoke about it again. By the time I was old enough to realise that this was not the case I had pushed the experience so far down into the deepest recesses of my memory that I did not wish to dredge it up and as I had moved far away from my abuser and he was no longer a threat I felt it best to say nothing thinking that I could pretend that it never happened. Another reason that I remained silent was that I had often heard the theory that the abused go on to become abusers and I was scared that if I admitted what had happened that I would be seen as a potential predator myself and this further added weight to my decision to remain quiet. There is more to my story and the long shadow that abuse has cast over my adult life but I do not have the room for it in this post but I will continue to post in the hope that my story may help others.

Buried Stress and anxiety
  • replies: 6

I had been sexual assaulted by my leader last year may 2018 and I filed a complaint to HR. Unfortunately he has been working 30 years and he is protected. After the complaint, I soon being victimised by my leader. Then I had both hand injury due to u... View more

I had been sexual assaulted by my leader last year may 2018 and I filed a complaint to HR. Unfortunately he has been working 30 years and he is protected. After the complaint, I soon being victimised by my leader. Then I had both hand injury due to unknown diagnosis. I file a complaint to HR about victimisation, HR then force me to move to another department which I unwilling to go. My hand injury getting worse. I then have chest pain, tingling on my arm till my hands. I can’t work in the new department at all. I went to doctor a few times and today I received a file notes mentioned that I didn’t not perform well my duty and not inform supervisor when I leave to seek medic help. But I had ask medic to tell the supervisor which the medic did. I do not know what should I do and feeling my life and career has end

Somatica Newby - Needing some faith in therapy
  • replies: 7

Hi all, I'm struggling with resurgence from a physically violent relationship from 4 years ago. I never followed through on therapy as I've had little success with it. One lady clearly lost faith in me when she said I should leave my partner and from... View more

Hi all, I'm struggling with resurgence from a physically violent relationship from 4 years ago. I never followed through on therapy as I've had little success with it. One lady clearly lost faith in me when she said I should leave my partner and from then on she became detached and almost cynical. She also started nodding off in front of me! That was my last session with her! I've dealt with it my humanising my ex abuser, I see him a child in need of help, like a 4 year old throwing a tantrum because he doesn't know how to process his emotions. Which I believe is exactly what was happening to him when he would snap. Part of his brain/heart never grew up. So I feel sorry for him. I rarely feel sorry for myself about it, in fact I've managed to gain strength and power through seeing myself as a survivor. But I've never properly processed what actually happened, and I've never systematically told anyone the real truth. I told the police nothing at the time after my boss called the cops, I protected by abuser. Now I have fits of crying that can be brought on by a small thing, stubbing my toe, biting my lip while eating, pain is now an emotional trigger where I feel utterly helpless and alone while also being incredibly angry. I know I haven't processed this properly. I'd love to hear any positive stories regrading talk therapy and also open to alternative therapies and healing. Best of luck to you all, Somatica

gsd8 Hi i'm new here and wanted to rant
  • replies: 6

Hi I have suffered life-long depression and anxiety and I wanted to find a place were I could connect with people that are going through the same thing. Every day is unbearable levels of anxiety and paranoia, afraid to leave the house, not trusting a... View more

Hi I have suffered life-long depression and anxiety and I wanted to find a place were I could connect with people that are going through the same thing. Every day is unbearable levels of anxiety and paranoia, afraid to leave the house, not trusting anyone around me, never letting anyone be behind me, being extremely on edge if I see a car outside my house, I don't have a normal social network, no friends or family and the only person in my life that I communicate with is my counsellor. I told him I didn't want to see him anymore in a moment of panic but he consoled me and I'm glad he did. When I was a child I suffered an injury that is fatal in majority of cases and yet I was in the minority that survived why me? why was I the one to survive? I'm angry that I survived that and have to suffer the pain of death again, and I pray every night that I don't wake up in the morning and when I do wake up its just another day of this torment. I sometimes go to university but being in public for long periods of time is guaranteed panic attacks which have only become more intense as I've gotten older, but going to university is one of the only reasons I leave the house. go to the counsellor, buy food/clothes or go to university there is no other reason for me to leave and suffer panic.

Fielder Post traumatic symptoms without PTSD?
  • replies: 2

I feel a bit hesitant posting here, because I am fairly certain from what I have read of the symptoms (I have not seen a psychiatrist about this) that I do not meet the criteria for PTSD, but I do get flashbacks, which seems to be quite a bit worse t... View more

I feel a bit hesitant posting here, because I am fairly certain from what I have read of the symptoms (I have not seen a psychiatrist about this) that I do not meet the criteria for PTSD, but I do get flashbacks, which seems to be quite a bit worse than "regular" anxiety, and I wondered if anybody on this forum felt/wondered the same. I have some years of experience with social and other anxiety, and, again, I do not want to imply that what I am going through or have gone through is equivalent to some of the stories I read on this forum, but I keep feeling like the coping strategies that I have developed are probably inadequate. I have already described this elsewhere on these forums so I don't want to go into it too much (and also the hour is very late), but I had a bad trip from cannabis about four years ago, and it only lasted about two hours, but they included a sense/delusion that the intense and constantly mounting dread was all I had ever felt and all I would ever feel. I am not sure that really explains it, but I suppose "bad trip" would probably give a general idea. I guess it's not really the point. There was a seizure, screaming, some semi-wild behaviour that I saw myself engaging in rather than choosing to, and mostly about four times of coming back to normal and then coming back to eternal hell. I don't know what to do about triggers. They're weird. Things like deja vu, gibberishy-reminescent things, voices coming through speakers or phones, becoming focused on the rhythm of conversation or movement instead of the content... as I write this I feel it is not likely many will identify. I also do not know if many will identify with the sense that trying to avoid a flashback immediately and intensely worsens things. Or with the fear that I still have even without flashbacks happening, that I will become psychotic. I guess this stuff is good to say even if it is barking up the wrong tree. I have actually never spoken or even read of someone with a similar experience and am not quite sure where to look.

Imokbutstillstruggling Perceptions of healthy father daughter relationships
  • replies: 2

I was sexually abused by my father until I was 7, and then exposed to sexual behaviours, comments and actions until much later. I am 22 now and have had no contact with him for about 6 months after I confessed to my uncle about the abuse due to my co... View more

I was sexually abused by my father until I was 7, and then exposed to sexual behaviours, comments and actions until much later. I am 22 now and have had no contact with him for about 6 months after I confessed to my uncle about the abuse due to my concern about my father around children. He threw doubt in to my mind, and scorned me for telling my uncle and basically that I was sick to think he ever did those things despite a previous confession by him which he also explained away.. I now have a partner of 2 years and he is awesome. However he has two little girls 4 and 7 and I cannot get my internal chatter to stop and despite continued therapy, my mind try's to convince me every time they interact that this man is a predator. He has not shown me anything that would give me precedent to believe that, however in the last two years I have taken over baths and dressing of the girls because seeing him doing those things makes me fly into a panic attack. I know why. And I know it is my problem not his, I do NOT want to make him feel like a predator but it seriously feels like its ripping me apart when I see them in certain situations. I feel like I am taking away part of their normal father daughter dynamic by not allowing him to do these things. He is very supportive and he understands that deep down I know he is a protector, that they are safe with him - I just want to shake the fear that comes whenever they are with us. If anyone has had a similar experience and has advice on how to overcome this please tell me, I love them all with everything I have and I want to move forward from this..

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