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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Dephog Depressed wannabe Psychologist
  • replies: 6

I am a 25 year old guy who has just finished his psychology degree. A little older than the rest of my class, I took 5.5years to get through the 3 year course due to a whole host of issues. Still have 4th year and masters/PhD to go (complex pathways,... View more

I am a 25 year old guy who has just finished his psychology degree. A little older than the rest of my class, I took 5.5years to get through the 3 year course due to a whole host of issues. Still have 4th year and masters/PhD to go (complex pathways, but essentially minimum 3 years left) At first I didnt really wanna be there, i wanted to be a rockstar (lol.) Then the drummer in my band got murdered in 2015, and since then things have just got worse and worse. I was an 'emo kid' in early highschool, and got bullied up until the final two years when i carved out a new identity as a guy who smoked at school and played music. I never really felt comfortable in that identity though. Im certainly not a 'bad boy' type. I also did really well in school until that point when i stopped giving a shit. I feel as i write this that i am making a lot of excuses for myself. About a year ago I started therapy, and it has helped a lot. My therapist is toying with diagnoses of dysthymia/PDD and believes that i may have been in 'double depression' in 2017/2018 before i saw him, but we focus on talk therapy rather than meds. I have a lot of issues coming from a family that had violence perpetrated by my father (who i never managed to resent for it) against my mother and sister, and my sister who has mild borderline personality disorder as a result (and yet i do resent her, go figure. She use to threaten to kill me, and would attempt physical harm on me and others. I tend to subjugate myself, accommodate everyone else's needs and struggle to assert myself. I become avoidant, and at worse i surrender. When i surrender i can get really agitated and have suicidal thoughts. They're almost impulses, and they scare me. This pattern has also kept me in a 3-year long-distance relationship with a very emotionally manipulative woman who puts herself in hospital with 'burnout' or 'anxiety' when i try to pull away. I have lost almost all of my peer support network save for two friends I see about once a month so as not to burden them with my issues.

Ne12 SexualAbuse
  • replies: 6

I was sexually abused as a child , I recently told my mother - who completely ignored me and said I was lying . I also have a mother that is very selfish and constantly wants me not let her know when anything is wrong . I feel trapped as we live toge... View more

I was sexually abused as a child , I recently told my mother - who completely ignored me and said I was lying . I also have a mother that is very selfish and constantly wants me not let her know when anything is wrong . I feel trapped as we live together and she constantly threatens me saying she’s ll ruin my reputation

TimTams Forgiving rapist/s
  • replies: 5

Hi, I am feeling at a point where I am sick of feeling judged by other people and the person labelled for being the crazy one. I am starting to realise it will be a lot easier for me to forgive the people who did what they did. Has anyone else taken ... View more

Hi, I am feeling at a point where I am sick of feeling judged by other people and the person labelled for being the crazy one. I am starting to realise it will be a lot easier for me to forgive the people who did what they did. Has anyone else taken a similar perspective? I thought I should hate them but because of the way I have ended being treated by the public (like a lying, manipulating idiot) I am starting to feel like I should legitimately forgive them and forget. Anyone else agree that this is very smart? Should I or should I not forgive the people? I nearly lost my life because of my ex-partner on many occasions. But I am just really sick of feeling like the crazy one who is a liar. What his family did was really awful. Maybe the best way for me to do that is just never mention it again? I am sick of being thought of as a liar and sick of being the person who has to suffer because of it. It really is not me who should be in therapy, I never did anything wrong. I really wish I never reported or said anything to anyone. I am going to stop and never disclose anything, ever again!

Jess7653 Guilt & unsure
  • replies: 4

I am extremely unsure about a traumatic event that happened to me 2 years ago. I was travelling in Europe (had a boyfriend at the time) and when I was in Italy I got extremely drunk on a night out. I was with some friends and throughout the night a m... View more

I am extremely unsure about a traumatic event that happened to me 2 years ago. I was travelling in Europe (had a boyfriend at the time) and when I was in Italy I got extremely drunk on a night out. I was with some friends and throughout the night a man was hanging out with our group - no one really said anything about him hanging around us because we were all pretty drunk. Later on, we were on our way home and he offered to take one of us on his quad bike up the hill to drop me home. I asked to be taken because I was too tired and drunk to walk up the hill. In this time, apparently I was kissing his neck (I messaged him in the morning asking details of what had happened) and from what I remember, he pulled over on a beach somewhere and we had sex. I don’t really remember this happening, I am not sure if I consented to this. I remember crying straight after it happened, saying I have a boyfriend. I also remember being in pain but again not saying anything. I told my boyfriend about it, and later got tested and got an STI. What if he was extremely drunk as well? Is it still taking advantage? I told my boyfriend I was taken advantage of, but 2 years later I am second guessing myself and living with crippling guilt every single day. What if I am just a cheater trying to justify my poor actions? What if I am just a liar ? I constantly think I am a terrible person and my boyfriend is incredible for wanting to stay with me. Everyone always talks to me asking about how my Europe holiday was and all I can think of is this traumatic event. I have to constantly hide this event and it is so difficult. I feel like if everyone knew the terrible things I have done they would be disgusted. I feel like my mental health has never been the same and this event occurred 2 years ago and I am still obsessing over it. Any advice to get over the guilt and move on with my life ? I constantly think the only way to move forward is to break up with my boyfriend so I don’t feel the guilt, but I love him so much. I feel extremely stuck and as though this event will haunt me forever. I don’t see things ever getting better.

bron30 Recent trigger
  • replies: 1

This is my first post here and I’m nervous. I’ve recently had a major trigger for my PTSD. About three weeks ago. Before that, I was managing so well. I was getting on with life. and now I am so stuck. I sought out a new psychologist for this directl... View more

This is my first post here and I’m nervous. I’ve recently had a major trigger for my PTSD. About three weeks ago. Before that, I was managing so well. I was getting on with life. and now I am so stuck. I sought out a new psychologist for this directly as in the past ive only been through grief counselling. She says I’ve spent my life avoiding my trauma. I’ve been putting it away. And now as a result of this recent trigger I am feeling IT ALL. I don’t know how to cope with this much emotion. I am being reckless and impulsive. I’m spending all my money, I’m driving my car like a maniac, I’m chatting to random men in dating apps. I hooked up with a man impulsively last weekend, my first sexual encounter since my assault. I don’t know how to deal with this in a healthy way. I know therapy is a good start but I still feel like im drowning.

Mil How to know if something I vaguely "remember" really happened?
  • replies: 13

Hi, Disclaimer: I'm not pretending to be suffering from PTSD or trauma, nor am I implying that anyone else but me might have "fabricated" memories. I'm posting this here because I know in some cases traumatic memories can be "buried" so I suppose the... View more

Hi, Disclaimer: I'm not pretending to be suffering from PTSD or trauma, nor am I implying that anyone else but me might have "fabricated" memories. I'm posting this here because I know in some cases traumatic memories can be "buried" so I suppose there are techniques to recover them or ways to deal with "not knowing" that could be shared in this space. I trust the admins to move the post if it isn't in the right place and apologise if anyone feels offended by this. This is difficult and I'm only writing about it because this forum is anonymous. I have disturbing "memories" that I am questioning. Something might have happened between my half-brother and me when I was (I think) around 8 - he would have been around 13 then. I'm questioning it because my brother is a good person and because I have always had a very active imagination, vivid dreams and unfortunately I did lie often as a kid (nothing bad though, I can't remember ever making up a story to get someone in trouble). There's also the fact that I can remember thinking about sexual things from a pretty early age, so it's not impossible that I would have "invented" the events. I generally have a pretty poor memory - I don't remember a lot from my early years and I am known to forget entire conversions, or remember them incorrectly. I know it isn't unusual for childhood memories to get embellished/amplified/distorted etc. and that "fake memories" are a thing. On the other side, why would I make such things up? I've always admired my brother. We weren't very close until my later teen years because of the age difference. My parents did once say I was a bit in his shadow and that I sort of got out of my shell when he left for university. I've never felt this way though. The "memories" don't include any physical coercion and aren't horrific. I can only remember two instances. They are vague around the act in itself but also entail very specific details, just like other childhood memories that are true for sure. So how to know if this was real??? Do I even need to know given that I don't suffer from any major disorder, "only" from mild anxiety and low self-esteem? Wouldn't I be way more messed up if it was true? But what if this is just waiting to blow up in my face? And if it's not true, does it mean I'm a really disturbed pathological liar and don't even know it? I feel physically horrible writing these things. Can hypnosis help? Has anyone here tried it for a similar problem?

PurpleHair Living in domestic violence while suffered from anxiety and depression
  • replies: 1

First I apologise for my English and I’m writing this from my phone. I am from South America and I’m with an australian guy. We’ve been quite a while together and sometimes we have really bad fights that triggers my anxiety and I think that triggers ... View more

First I apologise for my English and I’m writing this from my phone. I am from South America and I’m with an australian guy. We’ve been quite a while together and sometimes we have really bad fights that triggers my anxiety and I think that triggers his anger, at first in the middle off the fight he used to hold me really tight amd chocked me (he does bjj) and put his hand on my mouth, he keep doing it harder and harder while my anxiety keep growing until one day i had to bite his finger because I couldn’t breathe and he hit me in the eye, leaving me with a black eye. last week he came semi drunk at 3am demanding things while i was trying to sleep, he started to fight and I got a panic attack and i went for water the next thing i know is that I’m in the floor being kick and chocked while I scream “let me go”. I am truly depressed and anxious and scared every time he treated me, I feel there’s anything I can do. I’m on partner visa and I can’t just simply leave. I’m scared to file for domestic violence and loose my visa because he decided not to be the person he was. I don’t know what to do I’m so tired. Even we try couples therapy and I don’t know how he made the therapists feel empty after hearing all this violence and made himself looked like a hero. My eyes were just screaming “help”,

Free-Willy Meh! What a nightmare ! just dreaming? Can someone tell me this is planet Earth? and not hell?
  • replies: 3

July 2017 to present..... Diagnosed ADHD, made bankrupt by default (solvent at time) former aggravated girlfriend insisted revenge, requests to see me seven days after she made me involuntary bankrupt. Set's me up, I am beaten by two men, 9 days in h... View more

July 2017 to present..... Diagnosed ADHD, made bankrupt by default (solvent at time) former aggravated girlfriend insisted revenge, requests to see me seven days after she made me involuntary bankrupt. Set's me up, I am beaten by two men, 9 days in hospital and now PTSD and default bankrupt. Two weeks afterwards whilst in recovery at parents home mum refuses to access to my medicine, mum calls police, same police arrive as the ones from before, further denied rights charged and discriminated by police, left homeless, AVO and three charges, family eventually apologize for calling police. Asked to work for my father ("Move forward son, forget the past") As I could not bare the thought of my former girlfriend obtaining dividends via my trustee/wage and knows the whereabouts and if I refrain from giving these details I could be arrested. I accept work on the conditions that my father save my income in a separate account. As a result, a year and 1 week later, I exercise my writ to my savings, father/employer dismisses me after an internal work issue (Unfairly dismissed) now father / employer denies my writ, I am left again helpless and homeless, this time a relative mediates a settlement with my family to start a new life in Italy. My personal belongings are shipped over on an agreed settlement that my funds a transferred to me whilst there, in hopes of marriage and a new beginning. Settlement terms not met, I suffer under financial duress, then involved in severe accident, further injuries added. Arrive in Australia, 6th June 2019, under financial duress accept work with father, exercise my right to wages, employer father takes away my writ this time I am stranded and left worse than before. All family abandon to help at the behest of parents. Justice for employment and bankruptcy law seems an impossible reach, exhausted, isolated and suffering with max anxiety levels. PTSD, ADHD, depression, nerve damage, general care and inability to explain my situation so someone can understand this nightmare in hopes of not being admitted to a mental unit having been abused inside before. Is this a nightmare? Is this planet Earth? Is this normal? Will this abuse stop? NOT suicidal, BUT hey, DREAD another day WAKING UP IN HELL.

Zol Advice for my father who suffers from PTSD
  • replies: 3

So... my father suffers from PTSD as he is a former soldier. he has been going though some tought times with my mother, constantly arguing yada yada and he doesnt want to open up to anyone besides me, but thats a challenge in itself. he went to see a... View more

So... my father suffers from PTSD as he is a former soldier. he has been going though some tought times with my mother, constantly arguing yada yada and he doesnt want to open up to anyone besides me, but thats a challenge in itself. he went to see a psychologist a few weeks back and he didnt even talk about the issue at hand and only did it to make me happy (according to my sister anyway) he doesnt ask for helparound the house and then blames everyone else for not doing everything despite the fact we keep him alive in the first place, and he used to be abusive because "he cant control his anger" which is outright garbage, however he has stopped such behaviour when i turned 17 (18 next january and im much bigger then him) but to my udnerstanding he still yells at my mother and sister when im out. What can i do to help him and what course of action should i take?

EmPTSD Trying to downplay the 'rape' that happened to me
  • replies: 14

First time posting so please bare with me. Warning, could have triggers for those who have been raped. So last august, long story short, I met up with a man i barely knew to help him through some of his own issues, only to find out he had lured me th... View more

First time posting so please bare with me. Warning, could have triggers for those who have been raped. So last august, long story short, I met up with a man i barely knew to help him through some of his own issues, only to find out he had lured me there so he could sexually assault me. I have since been diagnosed with PTSD and the police have labelled me as a rape victim/survivor. I am struggling with this. I feel like that horrible label doesnt fit with what happened to me. I regularly have flashbacks, anxiety attacks and go into a hyper-vigilant state on a daily basis, but i still dont believe what I have gone through justifies that label. i am really struggling with this in my head. I know what happened is, in the eyes of the law, worse than someone inappropriately touching me but i dont feel that it is as bad as other forms of sexual assault. Am i being stupid and trying to downplay what happened or am i justified in my thoughts??

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