Hi Jess,
Welcome to the forums.
I think we can second guess ourselves sometimes when we try to make sense of something traumatic.
It sounds like you were too drunk to consent to sex. Even if you didn't say no or fight, that does not mean you were capable of consenting. If the man you were with was sober enough to drive, then he should have been sober enough to recognise that you were drunk and therefore could not consent.
Obviously some people specifically take advantage of drunk women. I would call that rape, and in most cases the law would agree.
When something traumatic happens to us, it doesn't just go away with time. Its really important to deal with the trauma. Otherwise it will just grow bigger and bigger in our minds.
I found that therapy really helped me come to term with my trauma and finally let go of the guilt I was feeling. You can get reduced cost sessions if you have a medicare card. Just see your doctor and ask to complete a mental health plan. You might need to book a longer session as it can take a while to complete.
Leaving your boyfriend might not actually resolve the issue.
You could also call 1800 Respect for some phone counselling / advice. They are a 24 hour national sexual assault, family and domestic violence counselling line for any Australian who has experienced, or is at risk of, family and domestic violence and/or sexual assault.
Call 1800 737 732.
Kind thoughts, Jess
