Living in domestic violence while suffered from anxiety and depression

[PurpleHair]

First I apologise for my English and I’m writing this from my phone.

I am from South America and I’m with an australian guy. We’ve been quite a while together and sometimes we have really bad fights that triggers my anxiety and I think that triggers his anger, at first in the middle off the fight he used to hold me really tight amd chocked me (he does bjj) and put his hand on my mouth, he keep doing it harder and harder while my anxiety keep growing until one day i had to bite his finger because I couldn’t breathe and he hit me in the eye, leaving me with a black eye.

last week he came semi drunk at 3am demanding things while i was trying to sleep, he started to fight and I got a panic attack and i went for water the next thing i know is that I’m in the floor being kick and chocked while I scream “let me go”.

I am truly depressed and anxious and scared every time he treated me, I feel there’s anything I can do. I’m on partner visa and I can’t just simply leave. I’m scared to file for domestic violence and loose my visa because he decided not to be the person he was.

I don’t know what to do I’m so tired. Even we try couples therapy and I don’t know how he made the therapists feel empty after hearing all this violence and made himself looked like a hero. My eyes were just screaming “help”,

[Peppermintbach]

Hi PurpleHair,

I really feel for you. I feel your fears, hurt, sadness, betrayal and discouragement. You are so brave in my eyes to share here and reach out for help. Abuse is definitely not okay and I’m deeply saddened that you’re experiencing it...

I want you to know, despite how you may feel or what he has said to you/others, that the DV was and is his fault. You are not to blame in any way. I believe any blame that he ever dishes out are just excuses and attempts to manipulate, control, isolate & confuse you (or anyone else who wants to genuinely support you).

I believe perpetrators will rarely admit to hurting others. I think many even try to portray themselves as “victims” or “heroes” (as your partner did in couples therapy). I feel your shock & horror...

If it’s okay, I would gently like to suggest looking up 1800Respect online (it’s a national organisation for sexual assault and domestic/family violence) and seeing if you can find their helpline. You could explain the situation (including the partner visa issue) to see if they have any advice, or be able to direct you to more specialised organisations/services. If safety is an issue, maybe you could try to call them from a public pay phone (for example).

Also, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us any time. No rush or pressure to write till you’re ready, but please know that we care very much about you & your safety.

Kind thoughts,

Pepper