Anxiety used to threaten - huge vent honestly

[juneue]

Hi.

I’m honestly here to vent about stuff. My parents have been using my social anxiety as a reason to make me do more work and use it to threaten me. My anxiety has gotten to the point where I don’t want to call people, feel physical pain and pressure and have been ok the verge of a mass panic attack. Especially adorning a homophobic father it obviously hasn’t been easy. I’m always on the verge of tears and can cry anytime, and I’ve just began ignoring getting yelled at and physically abused. It’s not great. I’m scared for everything, and everyone’s going to suspect me of having this and annoy me and use me for it.

Right now I’m just worried for everything. This has barred me from making so many new connections and I’ve lost so much I can’t even recover. I just want to go back to the old days where I wasn’t berated for a mental condition that was induced upon me in this household. I don’t want to be blamed for everything.

Im sick of it and I want to be somewhere nobody can use me. Or take advantage of my good nature. Anxiety is the worst when you feel like someone’s hurting you every time you speak to the one special person you know you can’t have, or the times that your forced into social situations that make you just want to pass out or leave.

That’s it for the vent. If I respond it’s only to reassure. I’ll read everything, thank you.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Juneue,

We are sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time with your parents. Please know that we take reports of abuse seriously and are here to support you as much as you need.

Our Support Services are trying to reach you via email as we are worried about you and would like to ensure that you take steps to keep yourself safe. Feel free to continue to reach out here to talk through any difficult thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you.
 

[smallwolf]

Hi juneue,

welcome to beyond blue.

Firstly, I hope that you get to read Sophie_M response to you. And secondly, please note that in this space you will be supported by members in this community. You are accepted as you are, and not judged. Many (if not all) are aware of what it can be like and find this to be a safe place where they can be themselves and not have to wear a mask.

I have a friend who cannot leave their house at the moment and won't take any calls. This person can chat to me via messaging however. I think the fact that you have been able to post here is also a good sign. Being able to talk to someone about our problems rather than holding it within ourselves.

There are questions I would like to ask so that I don't give the wrong "advice" - I hate that word, as it is journey we take together as we chat. I want you to know that you are not alone about how anxiety makes you feel.

Are you still at school?

Is there anyone that you can talk to about what is going on at home or how you feel?

Do you have any coping mechanisms (for your anxiety)?

I hope you will come back and tell a little more your story. I am listening to you.

Peace and comforting thoughts,

Tim