Dear New Member~
I'd like to give you a warm welcome here to the support forum and am glad you came here as getting thoughts from others who have undergone similar experiences can make life a lot easier.
It is very sad that you have had to undergo repeated trauma in the past and very understandable why an awful lot of people never report it. Sadly, although it is no fault of those, people tend to feel guilt or lack of self-worth when this happens, they also lose the confidence to be able ot cope things, especially a repetition. Trust goes out the window and so relationships become a real problem.
To fear it might happen agian is almost paralyzing, and there seems to be no way to relax and trust another, in fact it is sometimes easier to simply withdraw from as many people as possible and be by oneself.
I have had repeated trauma of a different sort but have had many of the same reactions. I now live a pretty good life wiht a stable relationship and work that gives me satisfaction. I no longer wish to keep away from people.
I guess this has been due to clinical assistance, by telling a doctor, over time, all that happened and receiving therapy and medications, and by a partner who supported me, left me alone when I needed to be by myself, but still managed to convince me she was permaent and had my back - no easy thing to do.
As it is a hard subject to talk about first I'd suggest you visit the Blue Knot Foundation, who are experts in situations like yours. They have a wide range of help from counceling to joining a forum, plus a lot of specific information too.
Thinks may seem frustrating and almost hopeless at the moment for you , however like me, your life can improve very greatly.
Croix
