Sexual abuse, trauma and anxiet

[Narelle]

Sorry all l did an introduction post and can not seem to be able to edit it. Small mistake in it. Was married to a woman for 20 years and then left me and started a new relationship with a new woman it was meant to have said. OG post below

Hi everyone my name is Narelle and l believe l have PTSD and Trauma along with anxiety. I am a 54 yr old openly gay woman and from a very young age had encountered many episodes of sexual abuse from siblings, mothers boyfriends for years. I think a lot of my mental health stems from this due to my mother not believing me and accusing me of lying. My mother abandoned me when l was 16 and l had to learn to live life on my own. As life went on l became a mum to my beautiful daughters and went through a relationship break up where l had a breakdown and the father to my children offered to care for the kids for a few weeks to give me a break. Friends of mine overseas bought me a plane ticket and l went to see them to have a break. While l was away the father to my children along with his mother gave the kids to welfare and labelled me as an unfit mother all because l had a breakdown. One of my childhood abusers who is a sister of mine was asked by the welfare to look after the youngest, 3 years old. I did not know where my kids were and l was not allowed to see them. 10 years later l found them and they were still in the system and my partner at the time would impose ultimatums on me about me kids. I became married to this person for 20 years and started a new life with an amazing woman who was my world. The jealous ex wife took it upon themselves to interfere in my new relationship just to be spiteful because they could not accept the fact that l no longer wanted to be with them. Needless to say my new relationship is now over as the ex succeeded in destroying that with stories and lies which l have proven are incorrect. The woman who was my partner is an overthinker and struggles to see the truth and fixates only on negativity. Saddens me to know l will never be believed on anything l say despite knowing l am telling the truth to them. I get triggered by frustration and it comes from my childhood abuse experience of my mother never believing me. I feel like my ex partner has also abandoned me just like my mother did. I have no one in my life who l can bounce off and talk to. My ex partner was my rock and they made me feel safe but they are gone. The ex wife and ex partner message each other a lot about me and my ex wife’s reason is jealousy and is playing games with the ex partner but is making it out that l am the one who is doing it all when l am not.

[Scared]

STOP.   Your relationships with your ex's is Toxic and you need as much distance from them as you can.   You have been thru enough as it is and its time you had supportive people in your life.  You deserve to be heard and believed and these people are just dragging you down.   Its sad I know and not easy to let go of people.  Perhaps redirect your energy into yourself and letter writing to your children.   You have been abandoned enough now dont abandon yourself.  This is your time now to look after yourself and believe in yourself that you deserve better.  I think we stop abandoning ourselves when we get the courage to act like we deserve better and reject the people who keep us in hurt.  Give yourself permission to be hurt and then say this stops now.  These ex's are not your problem anymore so dont accept anymore of their problems.  Move on to where the sun shines and where you are valued.   All people on this forum value you and we are listening and we hear and believe you.