Scared, anxious and angry
Two months ago my ex fiancé held me against my will in our bathroom and threatened to take his life. I’d never felt so scared and trapped in my whole life, and I feel like I’m only now starting to process it.
I had no idea how to counteract the situation, so I stayed with him and tried calming him down for over an hour. I managed to escape with what he was threatening his life with and I was able to return him to the care of his parents.
What kills me is that, without knowing this particular situation, his family and friends blamed me. All I did was help him, and it frustrates me to no end that I was blamed, and I still get frowned upon, for assisting him in a situation where we were both vulnerable.
My ex has always been troubled and has a tendency to threaten suicide when he feels overwhelmed, which others are well aware of because they warned me about it. I care for him and I want him to get better, but I’m dealing with my own emotional fragility and I’m starting to spiral downwards again.
Last year I was diagnosed with PTSD. I’d been feeling better up until that night and now I’m worried I’m slowly retreating back into that angry, scared and anxious person. I’m thinking about that night more often and I suffer from really bad panic attacks.
I’d really like to connect with others who may understand this particular situation. I just really need to reach out as I can’t see a counsellor at the moment, but would like to as soon as I can.
Yes, I understand what you are going through. My ex was the same, which is why he is now my ex. I found he was too much for me to handle, it was too scary, and affecting me, so I left him.
He too wouldn't let me leave while he was attempting to take his life. I realised he was a sociopath, manipulative, and controlling. It was one of the scariest nights of my life.
You're not to blame for his behaviour. He has a history of it. How is it your fault? It's on him. You, dear are the victim.
If you want to talk more I'm here.
The most important thing now is to get better and stronger.
If you'ld like to talk to someone about it there's 1800 respect, beyond blue, and lifeline.