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PTSD and trauma

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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Frogy78 Mania
  • replies: 2

I am stuck in a dangerous loop.. I can see myself but can't stop , I get so angry and over react, I can't seem to stop reliving my trauma

I am stuck in a dangerous loop.. I can see myself but can't stop , I get so angry and over react, I can't seem to stop reliving my trauma

fyrefly My shrink says I dissociated and I think I might have PTSD.
  • replies: 8

I think my past is affecting my present and that I might have PTSD. In my late teen years I had a friend in school who was terribly unwell and suicidal. In her distress she did many violent things to herself including multiple suicide attempts; I oft... View more

I think my past is affecting my present and that I might have PTSD. In my late teen years I had a friend in school who was terribly unwell and suicidal. In her distress she did many violent things to herself including multiple suicide attempts; I often went to school not knowing if she would be alive and spent a lot of my time trying to keep her around. In 2018 she died of suicide while in a psychiatric hospital. She was then brain dead for three weeks; it was a very prolonged and painful event. I didn't really have a relationship to her as an adult, so that time was the strangest limbo-grieving the past in the present; of finally being 'allowed' to grieve, I guess. I saw a good shrink, I graduated from a degree, I spent 2019 collecting myself. Fast forward to now. I went back to study post grad journalism, but soon dropped out. I was already unemployed when the pandemic hit, and I struggled to cope with the anxiety of the 24 hour newsreel alone in my house. I was vomiting from anxiety. Couldn't concentrate. I got a job at a supermarket shortly after the first restrictions and layoffs were announced. I was grateful but still anxious, as one of my housemates has early onset Parkinsons' disease, and I couldn't live with myself if I gave her corona. One evening, without realising what I was doing, I cut big chunks out of my hair. I had to go to the barber to get it fixed with a number one shave, at a time when it felt irresponsible even to go outside. So I moved back to the folks and felt better. A month later, I told my therapist about the hair cutting incident and they were immediately concerned. I couldn't understand why they were worried for me, since I was feeling better. They told me they think I dissociated while cutting my hair; they know me to be quite a conscientious, measured person, and it was out of character for me. Since then I've spent excessive time questioning my sanity and trying to think of other times I might have dissociated, and does this mean that what I thought was garden variety anxiety might actually be something else. I'm okay. But I'm a 25 year old woman, washed up living at my parents, working minimum wage, and don't really know what else I want to be doing. My bachelor degree is in creative writing. I don't know how I feel about writing. It used to be my passion and now I find it very hard to put myself out into the world. I think I'm too sensitive for journalism. I'm okay but lost. At least the world is adrift with me.

sunflowergirl27 Anxiety post home invasion
  • replies: 4

In march 2019 mine and my partners home was invaded whilst I was home alone. It happened at 2am, there was 4 men inside and I was on the phone to 000, my partner is defence and therefore was away for work (goes away very often). It took the police 25... View more

In march 2019 mine and my partners home was invaded whilst I was home alone. It happened at 2am, there was 4 men inside and I was on the phone to 000, my partner is defence and therefore was away for work (goes away very often). It took the police 25 minutes to arrive at my house although I live 5 minutes from the police station. I had a man walking up and down my hallway continuously whilst the rest of them destroyed our home. I was holding my door handle locked. They stole our car as they left. The police arrived 5 minutes later. They only caught one person responsible for the crime and he said to police that he was not sorry and that if they hadn't of known police were on the way they would have come for me next. He admitted to the police about them watching the house for a week prior. the police investigation is still in court and I still to this day do not know what they look like, however they know what I look like, they are also free to walk on the streets and we live in a small town so very easily I could pass by them. They entered the property by removing my side doors from the rollers, its also presumed it was the same people who came back about a month ago and broke in through our garage roller door however they fled when I opened the door to the garage yelling that I was on the phone to police and I was armed with a weapon. Since all of this I cannot sleep, whenever I am home alone and this is often. I recently spent an entire month sleeping on couches of friends whilst my partner worked away. I was offered 3 counselling sessions when the original break in happened. I accepted however the counsellor didn't at all seem interested and he left our sitting early and then did not show for our next, since then I feel although its hopeless to see a councillor. I have moved furniture around in the house, I have now got security cameras that record motion, I ensure all glass doors are locked and windows are closed with curtains also drawn. I take my handbag and keys to bed. I still cannot sleep, I find myself dozing however my heart continues to race and it feels like I can't swallow. we have tried to move house but the only houses available to us through defence are in the same suburb which is being hit with bad crime and they will not allow us to move elsewhere. I feel even more trapped and my partner is due to leave for another month very soon. pls someone help me.

Stephens_son Can’t help the ones I love most
  • replies: 5

As a child I was sent to a family group home to finish grade 9 and 10 After waging school constantly . Whilst there I was molested for 12 months straight , every night . After leaving the home I never returned to mum and dads and Blame them for what ... View more

As a child I was sent to a family group home to finish grade 9 and 10 After waging school constantly . Whilst there I was molested for 12 months straight , every night . After leaving the home I never returned to mum and dads and Blame them for what happened . I’ve had very little to do with them for 35 years . No party’s no celebrations no picnics . I lived a Loners life and let very few people into my life . I can’t work because of ptsd and secondary major depressive disorder. Mum died 24 years ago . I had nothing to do with dad until the last 2 years . He came to my house more and more over the last ten years . For the last two years he has heart disease. I have been there for him taking him everywhere he had to go . Meals , washing , medication . It was costing me money . Twice a day for over 12 months I was there everyday . He had 4 falls in 12 months . This last time I told the hospital I can’t do it anymore . He is now in a home . Now it’s really effecting me . He has rang and asked why I put him there . I tried to tell him he needs 24 hr care and I just can’t do it . I have my 10 year old daughter who lives with me and a 14 year old who lives with her mum . I have spend no quality family time with them . We have missed out on life . This man I call dad is actually my great uncle only by defacto relationship.so I’m not even related , yet here I am . Doing all this for him while in lockdown . And yes I did come into contact with a positive covid case whilst getting his tablets from the chemist and had to isolate . He has a biological daughter and son but they have nothing to do with him . I feel so used . I have my own problems . I’ve just shut down . I won’t answer any phone calls ,i just want to walk away and leave him in the home like he done to me . I’m hurting so much . I feel the worst ive ever been . This is just a fraction of what I have done for him . Help

Ellie_ SUPRESSED CHILDHOOD TRAUMA?
  • replies: 5

Hey, i don’t have a question but just reaching out. i have been struggling with depression(suicidal thoughts), anxiety(with panic attacks), an eating disorder(anorexia,bulimia), low self esteem with feelings of disgust, guilt, and greed, as well as m... View more

Hey, i don’t have a question but just reaching out. i have been struggling with depression(suicidal thoughts), anxiety(with panic attacks), an eating disorder(anorexia,bulimia), low self esteem with feelings of disgust, guilt, and greed, as well as mood swings, self harm and urges to escape/disappear/runaway. have recently been wondering if I have some sort of supressed childhood trauma as I struggle to find the source of much of this and remember having some of these thoughts from a very young age?? My family life is good and I cannot recall any traumatic instances however this may be due to memory blank? this may sound gross/weird although I have also had strange sexual desires regarding older men, incest, persons of authority (e.g.teachers), and rather violent rape from a questionably young age (11 is the earliest I remember), plus a few small slightly sexual actions as a kid (although this may be overthinking it). I also have a lot of trouble with my sense of self (often feel no connection to my name, feel as if I am staring at a stanger when looking at childhood photos, often feel a need to change who I am and select a persona of some sort), sometimes I also seem to almost leave my body/the world and feel as if I am viewing everything through a screen, also when I was younger I had moments where I seemed to not believe that I wasnt actually the child of my parents(photos prove I am), even thinking I was an alien at one point(I was a kid). Hope you can understand/relate/support without judgement. Dont worry, be happy - El

Ramani Sex and Chronic Pain!
  • replies: 4

Hi just wondering if there are any females who have different Chronic Pain Issues and have Trauma around sex who have no desire no want no need for it?! Im really Struggling as i have no desire but hubby just doesnt understand or care that much =( View more

Hi just wondering if there are any females who have different Chronic Pain Issues and have Trauma around sex who have no desire no want no need for it?! Im really Struggling as i have no desire but hubby just doesnt understand or care that much =(

Changeit1114 Emotional Abuse at home
  • replies: 6

I’m a proud father of two kids and a wife of over 18 years. I love my family so much and would do anything for them. I’ve struggled with mental health my whole life, I feel like my childhood was shitty and I can’t pinpoint why no matter how hard I th... View more

I’m a proud father of two kids and a wife of over 18 years. I love my family so much and would do anything for them. I’ve struggled with mental health my whole life, I feel like my childhood was shitty and I can’t pinpoint why no matter how hard I think. My dad was an alcoholic who gambled a lot and had lots of ups and downs but I still can’t say why I was so messed up as a kid. Me and my SO got together young and almost obsessed about eachother for years, I did have OCD so I guess I felt ok with that. Fast forward then we had our kids and suddenly my partner became even more important which made me scared to lose her, I would worry and obsess when she went out and worry she was going to cheat, I would accuse her of cheating with any male that was close to her including family and friends. My ocd would kick in and I became obsessed with it all and began to try to control it by reading her private phone and reading her messages and everything else. I then began to stop her from going out, having friends. If she was at home with me I had control. This has been going on for over 10 years. We’re almost about to break up. I am an emotional abuser... She is even scared to go to buy food without me. In trapping her in this toxic relationship for so long I have made her a prisoner. As much as she is a prisoner I am too. To my mental health. I know that this isn’t the real me but have been scared to get true help. In my heart I know she is a good person and I trust her but my ocd or mental health questions things that I should never. I want trust back, I want my life back, I want her to be proud of me and I want us both to be free, whatever it takes. I’m ready to change and looking for a mental health facility that can take me for a couple of weeks so I may begin to repair myself. I’d prefer the holistic approach as I am weary of drugs/antidepressants. Happy to hear any input, even if you want to tell me what an idiot I am, I deserve it. I have called her every thing under the sun and treated her so bad, now even my young son is picking up on the negativity. I want to change for my kids and her and myself too. Please share input, happy to answer questions whether you have done what I’ve done or even if you are abused and want to ask me what you can’t ask your partner who may be an abuser too.

Renaexoxo I just want to sleep
  • replies: 3

I'm struggling with sleep. I'm either awake all night or I'm in a light sleep with terrifying recuring dreams. I can't remember the last time I didn't wake up in a pool of sweat. The doctor's just want to stuff me with pills and I understand that's g... View more

I'm struggling with sleep. I'm either awake all night or I'm in a light sleep with terrifying recuring dreams. I can't remember the last time I didn't wake up in a pool of sweat. The doctor's just want to stuff me with pills and I understand that's going to help me sleep but it turns me into a zombie the next day. The pills they gave me to stop the nightmares made it so much worse. It's also hard to trust my self around so many prescription pills after my previous suicide attempt. I have been looking into other remedies. I have just purchased an acupressure mat and a weighted blanket. They are suppose to be great relieving stress and anxiety and help you sleep. Has anyone used these with any positive results? Does anyone have any other non medicated remedies?

Tillysmum Undiagnosed PTSD ...
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone I'm posting here because I've never really told anyone this before, but I think I might have undiagnosed PTSD. It all stems from a workplace I was briefly in 2yrs ago. I got there after 4yrs of studying to qualify for the job, but when I ... View more

Hi everyone I'm posting here because I've never really told anyone this before, but I think I might have undiagnosed PTSD. It all stems from a workplace I was briefly in 2yrs ago. I got there after 4yrs of studying to qualify for the job, but when I got there, the job was not as advertised. I only had 1hr of client contact per fortnight and was given tasks such as going out to buy toilet paper. I was surrounded by colleagues who constantly had a go at me about the fact that they were too busy. I started to feel depressed. Managers told me I was depressed because I had moved away from my friends. They therefore said I had no insight into my condition When my so called supervisor, who was in a different town and didn't provide me with a single session of supervision, found out that I have a bipolar diagnosis, he decided that months ago when we met I had been manic (which I wasn't). He hadn't thought to mention anything about this at the tim After that I was bullied, and treated like crap. I ended up in hospital 3 times in 4 months, including a suicide attempt. I was not allowed to do anything at work and was accused of multiple disciplinary failures which were fabricated by managers. I was banned from speaking to anyone at work and was told i was not allowed to meet coworkers for coffee outside of work. I was required to act as a receptionist making bookings for coworkers who did not keep their calendars updated and was then berated when I accidentally double booked people. When I left, I found out that the 'supervisor' had reported me to the board saying I had no insight into my condition. Despite my psychiatrist and GP and the boards own psychiatrist all agreeing that my issue was situational and I was fine to work, I still ended up with conditions being enforced that stopped me from working for 2 years. Since leaving that workplace, my mental health has been much better and I have not been back to hospital. I am now allowed to practice again and am just about to start what sounds like a dream job. However the anxiety that this situation might happen again is very high, and I feel like I can't talk to my new workplace about the situation because I found out in the last job that I cannot tell employers about my diagnosis. I still feel like crap every day because of the 2yrs I've just wasted and the injustice of what went on in that workplace, Sorry for the rant!

morethancake Seeking a diagnosis for CPTSD (or complex trauma)
  • replies: 4

Hi there This is my first post, so I apologize if I somehow get this wrong. I think I may have CPTSD or complex trauma and I was wondering how one might go about getting a diagnosis (since its not in the DSM-V)? I know you shouldn't self diagnose, bu... View more

Hi there This is my first post, so I apologize if I somehow get this wrong. I think I may have CPTSD or complex trauma and I was wondering how one might go about getting a diagnosis (since its not in the DSM-V)? I know you shouldn't self diagnose, but nothing else seems to fit or feel right. I know symptomatically CPTSD is quite varied but I recently started reading Jonice Webb's book on childhood emotional neglect and Pete Walker's website on CPTSD and a lot of my wildly varied behaviours suddenly seem to make some sort of sense. I started down this path as my new psychologist started delving into my childhood and since then I've been doing a lot of reflecting and reading. I think I've spent most of my life using various coping mechanisms just to get by which might explain why I feel like I've spent my entire life floating or living day to day. Why I've said or done certain things that have hurt people close to me. I tried CBT with my first psychologist, but it all felt too superficial. Like using tape to cover the cracks instead of finding the source of the problem and putting in structural supports in. I also realised some months in that I had started to say what I thought she wanted to hear, because I was afraid of letting her down (I know, its a bit ironic). I'm grateful my new psychologist has decided to delve into my past, but I really want to hit the ground running this time instead of just skipping along the surface which is why I thought a diagnosis might help.