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PTSD and trauma

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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Veldelmar unsure what to do
  • replies: 19

I am numb - so numb when i want to cry I can't. I feel like I'm floating far in the ocean and no land in sight and it's really hard to put into words what my mind is seeing in pictures (especially out to the world). I will be 40 in july, expatriated ... View more

I am numb - so numb when i want to cry I can't. I feel like I'm floating far in the ocean and no land in sight and it's really hard to put into words what my mind is seeing in pictures (especially out to the world). I will be 40 in july, expatriated from the U.S. and I love australia but it's not been good to me. I know that I have PTSD, wasn't diagnosed until I moved here in 2013 from my time in Iraq 5 years earlier. I'm pretty sure I actually have cPTSD. I've always been amazing at masking my issues or locking them away until covid19 - honestly, things have been crumbling apart a bit before christmastime this year, but really fell open when I was locked in my house. Mind you, covid19 doesn't 'scare' me, I am just doing my part to stay safe and those around me. It's being trapped inside that's the issue. Trapped inside with just my brain and it's thinking about all the things that have been traumatic in life, including things I'd had locked away or chose to forget. I feel like a fake though, almost, i had great parents that adopted me when I was 5 weeks old. i had friends, good family, all the good stuff. Then i remember the torture that school was, the physical, emotional and sexual abuse by fellow students. Inheriting abandoment issues from being adopted due to those around me making me feel that. Being physically abused and raped by a partner...losing my father at 22... joining the army and seeing war...the constant fear women have being women...constant sexual misbehavior by men in public... being constantly guilted and manipulated by a mother that can't let go at all. There is so much more, things i haven't told people, things that I have. during this covid time, my mother had a bad fall - she's 81- didn't break anything, but the guilt thrown at me made the last nerve I had break. now i'm lost. I cannot stop dwelling, wishing i had an emotion to release. CBT makes everything worse, I don't want to talk to my GP she'll try to send me back to the woman that wants to be my friend with CBT. Nurse at uni has me trying ACT but it's making it all worse. I take antidepressants for my fibromyalgia and beta blockers for my essential tremour and migraines. Maybe I need more medical intervention, I don't think I should feel this way on that medication. Maybe it's time to check in a hospital, but then I'll feel more fake because I sure don't have it that bad? I'm at a loss, my friends say do what will make me happy. that isn't helpful.

Random_person Any advice?
  • replies: 2

I’m a 14 yr old currently struggling through depression. Got my antidepressants doubled up by my psychiatrist, and feeling more tired and depressed lately. I am already aware that after increasing the dose, feeling worse is one of the symptoms. I’m r... View more

I’m a 14 yr old currently struggling through depression. Got my antidepressants doubled up by my psychiatrist, and feeling more tired and depressed lately. I am already aware that after increasing the dose, feeling worse is one of the symptoms. I’m really struggling and getting verbally abused, and experiencing domestic violence. I feel like I’m being tortured, experiencing excruciating pain (mentally and physically) and feel like I’ve been a bit traumatised from it. All I want is people to understand and be nice to me, but I’m not really getting that. I’m being put down a lot and occasionally having suicidal thoughts. Im also scared if my parents start to develop mental health issues because they are hitting rock bottom and are seeming to not cope. I really love my parents, and they love me and support me. They are the ones that seemed professional help and attention for me. Although when they are angry and stressed, they put it on me at times, which worsens my depression. Idk. have any tips or statements???

Clover9312 Recent break up and partner's trauma
  • replies: 7

Hi all. First time here. Everyone seems lovely. I recently experienced my first break up. My ex also disclosed his childhood trauma I never knew about. I'm devastated for him. We were best friends for years and became a couple 7 months ago. Everythin... View more

Hi all. First time here. Everyone seems lovely. I recently experienced my first break up. My ex also disclosed his childhood trauma I never knew about. I'm devastated for him. We were best friends for years and became a couple 7 months ago. Everything was wonderful until COVID hit. We limited physical interaction since we don't live together, but spoke on the phone. One day he seemed distant. He told me that he was using isolation to go inward. He was stressed that he lost work (he's on Jopkeeper) and his share house fell apart. He assured me he loved me when asked if he was ok. He became physically affectionate again, though said it was tough time mentally. He then started avoiding intimacy. I put it down to stress, but I started taking it personally. He was negative, hinting the future was bleak. I told him that I was worried that I was making him uncomfortable when I hugged him. He said he didn't know "how to tell me". He enjoyed isolation, finally taking steps to heal his trauma. He told me he was sexually abused as a child. Facing his trauma, he has gone to a dark place. He told me he hates himself, breaking up with me, saying I need to expect better. He felt worried that he was going to become mean. I was shocked, as that's not the person I've known. I'm scared he fell out of love with me. He said he can't be physical with anyone at the moment and he can't associate sex with love. He says I'm important to him and he still wants to be my friend. I'm devastated we're not together. I have to accept his decision. He says he can't be a good partner without loving himself. I suspect he has PTSD? Reading about symptoms, a lot adds up. I'm wondering if COVID and associated stresses triggered? Is it possible for present stressful events to add up and create triggers of past trauma unexpectedly? Also, my first sexual experiences were with him. My comfort was his highest priority and he was VERY scared about hurting me. I believe this also triggered him. He told me he loved me too much to hurt me. He said he wasn't as stressed with previous sexual partners (they were experienced). He didn't mean that in an awful way, I just think he associated my vulnerability with himself as a child. Anybody experienced anything similar? The sudden disruption of intimacy and change in personality? I'm struggling badly. Everything was going so well for us and I'm struggling to put the pieces together. I also worry about him SO much.

Sootyjr CPTSD & difficult situations
  • replies: 3

I have recently been diagnosed with CPTSD and am struggling with certain situations where I find myself having to restrain violent behavior. I was sexual assaulted by a gay man when I was 7 or 8 years old, later my mother came out as being lesbian, h... View more

I have recently been diagnosed with CPTSD and am struggling with certain situations where I find myself having to restrain violent behavior. I was sexual assaulted by a gay man when I was 7 or 8 years old, later my mother came out as being lesbian, her partner worked as a parole officer and treated me like one of her paroles. In later years I became a Bouncer and that lead into a darker form of work collecting money owed for drugs. 10 - 15years of this and I was out but there are some scars that remain and I need advice. I am in a wonderful relationship with a lady and she is my one and only, the problem is that a friend of hers husband is an alcoholic and becomes abusive and belittling when drunk, he recently called me a derogatory name for a homosexual male and I became so enraged that all I could do was get up and walk away while in my head I wanted to hurt him so badly that he would never utter another word again. I have said to her that I can't associate with him anymore as I have a rule that I live by, "you only get one chance with me, I don't give people another chance to insult me". Am I being unreasonable? Do I need to let go? Or am I just protecting my self?

tom122727 Cant't Find A GF After Traumatic Experience at collage/school
  • replies: 6

i was abused by teachers at my college and it forced me to leave and i never wanted to and now I've been alone since before i left alot were in relationships, i never got it i feel like i wont ever get one i was even told by teachers that im dumb and... View more

i was abused by teachers at my college and it forced me to leave and i never wanted to and now I've been alone since before i left alot were in relationships, i never got it i feel like i wont ever get one i was even told by teachers that im dumb and that i wont have any friends.

Sunbury Trauma from death
  • replies: 9

Monday night my dad died in my arms after a heart attack. It took so long for an ambulance to arrive, I tried getting him on the floor, he’s a big man and the bed was high and the space small but did it and tried compressions but no hope. Paramedics ... View more

Monday night my dad died in my arms after a heart attack. It took so long for an ambulance to arrive, I tried getting him on the floor, he’s a big man and the bed was high and the space small but did it and tried compressions but no hope. Paramedics worked on him for 30mins. I can’t stop seeing his face on arrest. I can’t stop hearing his panic before and our panic begging for the ambulance to come. I can’t forgive myself for not saving him. I can’t forgive the GP for not seeing him when I called at noon and explained he wasn’t well. I can’t forgive myself for not taking him to ED. I can’t stand hearing placations about him being in a better place. I can’t take the sorrow of others when my head is in agony for not being able to do anything but scream for help. Today I thought about ending my life for the first time. I can’t face my husband, my kids, the family. I can’t unsee what I saw and they don’t understand what’s in my head.

Jayla An ‘insignificant’ trauma is causing me great pain 12 years on
  • replies: 12

I am not even sure whether I should be posting this here as I am not sure it counts as ‘trauma - I feel my experience was so long ago and so ‘small’ that it does not belong. lately, I’ve been experiencing waves of sadness or panic as I think back to ... View more

I am not even sure whether I should be posting this here as I am not sure it counts as ‘trauma - I feel my experience was so long ago and so ‘small’ that it does not belong. lately, I’ve been experiencing waves of sadness or panic as I think back to an experience 12 years ago when I was 12 years old. I was watching the show ‘Sex Education’ this evening and the show deals with assault in a way I have not seen on screen. The character does not think her experience is ‘serious’ or really enough’ to be an issue. I’m now crying, and so overwhelmed thinking of an experience when I was 12 years old and along in the city before sunrise. I always assumed my experience did not matter as I was not physically assaulted, but I experienced such extreme fear after being crowded by a group of older men who threatened me in graphic ways. I’m not sure how reasonable and rational it is that I still cry about this now, but it really seems to have stunted my sexual development and trust of men. I need some help to understand and move past this. I am so sorry if this is triggering for anyone.

Jayjay4 Ptsd/abused
  • replies: 2

To try and cut a long story short I was abused by my uncle when I was 9 until I was 13. It’s taken a toll on my life in ways I can’t even begin to explain. I tried taking him to court but he walked free he had to many people to cover his tracks. Afte... View more

To try and cut a long story short I was abused by my uncle when I was 9 until I was 13. It’s taken a toll on my life in ways I can’t even begin to explain. I tried taking him to court but he walked free he had to many people to cover his tracks. After this I stopped talking to my whole family a short time after I lost my nan the last time I seen her she was on her death bed where she met my first child. It broke my heart and my nans last words to me was he’s a bastard talking about her son for everything that he’d put me and the family through. I’ve tried to move on with my life but everything I do I can never fully get past this. I later got married and had another two children. My marriage ended he is now in jail and I’m trying to move forward with my life with a new Man. He doesn’t have kids so he doesn’t fully understand. He doesn’t no all of my past because I feel like I can’t be open and honest with him because he just doesn’t understand I feel like it’s something he won’t listen to either. We have been on and off for two years. The last time I took him back he begged and pleeded and done everything he could to win me back. I went back three months down the track we are back where we started same old man who I feel like has no time for us or my kids who can’t put our relationship first for abit to try and sort us out. Our sex life has now gone from amazing to nothing he’s working 12plus hour days making no time at all for us. I’m crumbling to pieces and I just wanna cry and run away but my kids need me and I wanna work my relationship out but everything I do seems to make it worse. I don’t no how to move forward and be my old happy self again. I’m so broken.

Suesuesue Mental Health friendship disconnection
  • replies: 1

Hi, I’m just wondering what coping strategies others have used to maintain friendships when struggling with complex mental health? Just like many others on this site, I’ve experienced & been diagnosed with complex grief, ptsd & sever depression. The ... View more

Hi, I’m just wondering what coping strategies others have used to maintain friendships when struggling with complex mental health? Just like many others on this site, I’ve experienced & been diagnosed with complex grief, ptsd & sever depression. The past decade has been a downhill run of unfortunate & traumatic events where I’ve only been able to function to a basic capacity. Last year this fell apart & I was seriously mentally unwell & admitted to hospital. I had some amazing friends around me, but the toll of my recovery & their struggles to understand the complexity around trauma has strained our friendships greatly. I feel that anxiety & depression are easier for others to understand & the path to recovery can be more obvious. Trauma is so complex. Some of the trauma I’m trying to work through is surrounding my fathers self inflicted death & abandonment due to a number of factors. The simplest of things trigger my ptsd & to others it would appear like overanalysing a situation, but its so real and raw to me. I have a wonderful GP, psychologist, psychiatrist; but the social disconnection is incredibly difficult. Trust is so difficult for me, the expectations from others for me to let my guard down feels rushed & intrusive. I can’t seem to manage letting others in, building trust & protecting myself in a healthy & balanced way. I either shut myself off, or open up to others & trigger feelings of fear, paranoia and panic. I’ve been working on “small disclosures” as a way to bridge this path, but that doesn’t seem to be enough for others. This year, the emotional overwhelm of the previous 12months, pressure from those around me to progress faster in my recovery and a trigger; sent me spiralling into psychosis. My medical team were fantastic, but I was extremely paranoid of my relationships & I quite irrationally disconnected myself; hurting & confusing those closest to me. None seems willing to discuss the matter or accept any sort of apology. We all seem exhausted & broken from the past year; this carries so much guilt on my behalf. I can’t help but feel worthless and incapable of maintaining relationships. The desire to forge new friendships is non-existent. I know my recovery is hard for others to understand, but it’s hard to be the person managing this & working so hard to make the progress I need. Relationships used to be so easy for me, but now I feel completely socially inept now. Does anyone else feel this way? Apologies for the long post 🤦‍

mandatory.happiness Back @ Work After COVID Iso + Intrusive thoughts
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, Newbie here & I thought I'd test the waters by making a first post to get things off my chest before I dive into the BB cafe or something else social. I'm 30, single & live at home. I do have a supportive network around me & I do realise... View more

Hi everyone, Newbie here & I thought I'd test the waters by making a first post to get things off my chest before I dive into the BB cafe or something else social. I'm 30, single & live at home. I do have a supportive network around me & I do realise that I am extremely lucky to be where I am. I do however have undiagnosed PTSD & severe anxiety. I battled with mental health as a teen & have had many successes & fails so far. Though in 2016, I witnessed the physical aftermath of my father's death in a light plane crash. After that, I did see & speak to a few professionals but mainly got by with the wonderful support of my family & sheer willpower using meditation as my main means of getting by. It has plagued me ever since (flashbacks, intrusive thoughts etc). It has crept into almost every aspect of my life & at times, I find myself physically shut down to the world - I make all my life choices based on how bad or good my anxiety & PTSD is. The big factors in my life are: I have severe anxiety driving at high speeds, driving generally & driving with people in the car, driving at night, when I'm in unfamiliar environments, speaking to relatively small groups & in moderately stressful situations. Flash forward to now, COVID has made my life a rollercoaster. At first, I was anxious about it. I am asthmatic & catch the flu easily. Then, I was oddly calm. I'd prepared for the worst in my mind & I knew I'd be able to accept anything that came my way because I'd done the mental work. Death could come swiftly. THEN, I was laid off work for over a month. It would be temporary but when I was told there was no more work, I didn't know for how long. I made huge steps to be productive at home & with my mental & physical health. I felt amazing for that period. Now that I am back at work, I feel incredibly underprepared. I miss those good feelings I had when I was on top of both of my mental & physical health. Things I had planned to do now feel too difficult to do & feel bad for it. I feel underproductive even though I am working hard on all the aspects of my life admin. Currently, I am struggling with the return of a *lovely* symptom PSTD/anxiety... intrusive thoughts. Some of which disturb me so greatly, I cry for hours & feel physically ill. I feel like a sick, twisted person for thinking some of these things but I know that I would never, ever act on any of them. Does anyone have any tips for alleviating them? Distraction can only do so much. Thanks guys. - MH x