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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 273

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Ely_ Stopping flashbacks and thoughts after counselling
  • replies: 3

Hi I've recently started trauma counselling for past abuse. I felt I had no choice but to seek help from someone specialised in this, as when I broached it with my regular pyschologist I felt judged. I've posted in the psychologists and therapists et... View more

Hi I've recently started trauma counselling for past abuse. I felt I had no choice but to seek help from someone specialised in this, as when I broached it with my regular pyschologist I felt judged. I've posted in the psychologists and therapists etc forum separately on the issue of my psychologist. Anyway, last week's session was really challenging. We did some grounding. I left. I felt ok. Two days later I had to confront my psychologist, then that night I got a concussion and ended up in hospital overnight. The day I got out of hospital I had a really bad trigger on the way home and ever since, I am stuck in this loop of shame, self-hate, depression, so anxious and just all flashbacks and so many emotions. Yesterday I sought help from my GP who sent me to mental health to talk to them. They were a waste of time. By the time I got there I had to wait in ED coz the acute team was gone. Which made my anxiety so much worse. And now today I have to deal with the ever critical MIL who has nfi what mental health even is. I just get so angry and I hurt... I just want to stop thinking and feeling. Thanks for letting me get it out.

Guest5643 Guilt about owning a dog
  • replies: 13

I know millions of people live alone and has a dog but does anyone else constantly feel guilty for having a dog that constantly witnesses your anxiety depression ect? knowing it takes a mental toll on them Cheers lynne

I know millions of people live alone and has a dog but does anyone else constantly feel guilty for having a dog that constantly witnesses your anxiety depression ect? knowing it takes a mental toll on them Cheers lynne

KJJ Do I have BPD (Trigger warning - references to self harm, abuse)
  • replies: 18

I was wondering if I have BPD. I have been seeing a psychiatrist since I was 20 when bulimia, depression, and anxiety became severe. I have a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety disorder. I’ve never told anyone including my doctor how ... View more

I was wondering if I have BPD. I have been seeing a psychiatrist since I was 20 when bulimia, depression, and anxiety became severe. I have a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety disorder. I’ve never told anyone including my doctor how I really feel inside as I feel ashamed there is something wrong with me and I don’t feel I can trust enough to tell anyone. I keep my feelings hidden from those closest to me as I am confused by them and unsure if they are valid. My mother had me when she was very young and was quite unstable with substance abuse and volatile moods for as long as I can remember. I was alienated from my father when I was about a year old until later in life. Among other traumatic experiences when I was 12 my mother's boyfriend at the time was volatile and did drugs and also sexually abused me. I told my mum but he lied and said I was mistaken and she believed him. When they split he broke into our house and terrorised us one night. Within the year or less after this I remember I started bedwetting and hurting myself. I remember being so angry or upset and hurting myself was the only thing that calmed me down. This reduced after time but as I got older I started binge drinking and having problems with anxiety, depression, and bulimia. At that time in my head whenever I did something that I was ashamed of or binge ate would repeat “I hate myself, I want to die”. With time, CBT, and medication I have stabilised, and rarely drink or have problems with eating but still have occasional relapses of depression and anxiety. I often feel lonely and empty. I also feel numb a lot of the time but other times I also feel emotions are overwhelming, especially anger. One thing that confuses me is when my husband goes to work I feel so angry at him, I feel he doesn’t care about me and that I can’t trust him (I don’t tell him this) but when I am with him I wonder why I felt that way and feel guilty and confused for being so angry. My doctor hasn't mentioned BPD. I am distancing from my mother under the advice of my doctor, due to enmeshment and emotional abuse. I feel similarly with my mother - at times rage and resentment towards her and then guilt and confusion at my feelings. With other relationships such as my father if I feel I am getting too involved or close I get scared and untrusting and worry that they will hurt me and then I push away. I guess I am trying to make sense of the way I feel and see if I can deal with it. Thank you.

Leleina Complicated past issues
  • replies: 2

Hi I think I have a complicated past. I'd like to think I have since moved forwards. Married w 3young children. However, I do poorly on my own and my anxieties, insecurities and feelings of abandonment play up. I sought help before and was diagnosed ... View more

Hi I think I have a complicated past. I'd like to think I have since moved forwards. Married w 3young children. However, I do poorly on my own and my anxieties, insecurities and feelings of abandonment play up. I sought help before and was diagnosed with dysthymia. Was on medication for awhile then stopped. I have been to counselling before too. I thought to share my story because I don't really talk about the past anymore. Why should I? But generally because I am stay home mum recently out of job, I find I disconnect easily, slip too easily into routine, prioritise everyone else's needs before mine and I think it is the disconnection and low feeling that now makes me see... since the death of my mil, that maybe I'm not quite ok. So apparently I was given to my grandmother to look after the first 9m of my life. Now with kids, I cant imagine doing that to my children after what we now know of baby/mum attachment, skin to skin etc. Then as a child, my dad molested me and tried to rape me and warned me to keep quiet. Eventually I told my mum after so much fear. It was the telling that made him remorseful. My mum sort of blamed me, she didnt at first believe me. I was sent away to study overseas as a result. My dad considerd hus vasectomy as 'punishment'. Police never contacted. Mum warned me to brush it under the carpet no one needs to know because my dad had changed and wont do it again. This is all pretty dysfunctional in my view. I have a series of poor dependent relationships before I met my husband. I smoked, hung out with poor company, I cheated on my exes. Then I met my husband, I gave up smoking and now have kids, walking the straight and narrow so to speak. I do yearn for my carefree days and feel tired and tied down most of the time. Now my parents are supportive of me, mostly my dad, he helped me last couple of weeks but mum and I don't have a good relationship still. Mum just finished chemo for lymphoma and my mil recently died a sudden death. I have fallen into an anxious cycle and got back on here... and I just want to let things out. My husband returns tomorrow and we still need to process grief. Thanks for reading Leleina

Shakes89 Pandora's Box
  • replies: 2

Hi.... I have never done this before, not sure how it works or even if it will help. I am in the middle of pretty full on exposure for C-PTSD, it has not been fun at all, as was expected. My wife is trying so hard to keep me grounded and to understan... View more

Hi.... I have never done this before, not sure how it works or even if it will help. I am in the middle of pretty full on exposure for C-PTSD, it has not been fun at all, as was expected. My wife is trying so hard to keep me grounded and to understand and help as much as she can, I broke down and admitted to her I was sexually abused for about a 13 month period when I was 12-13 years of age and have not been able to close that box since, it has completely consumed me, our son had an incident when he was a couple of years old and I thought I was going to lose him, from that day I have not been the same. I started having nightmares, became easily angry, my therapist has said that this incident was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. Once I thought I had lost my son everything from when I was a child came back, not even when I close my eyes, when they are open, awake, asleep, whilst at work, at home, driving....at all times. I was diagnosed with C-PTSD as multiple events led to where I am now. I am not sure how I am going to see out the week at my work, I don't want to leave the house/ bed...ever. Thankfully our son pulls me out of that and gets me up and about, Being Male I have always been ashamed of what had happened and have tried very hard for it not to affect me 15-16 years on. I cant seem too, I'm not sure where to go for help.... Anyway...if you made it this far, thank you for reading.

Wendy2010 Lost - I am in a DV situation and I became recently unemployed
  • replies: 8

About me; I am in a DV situation and I became recently unemployed . Next week my lawyer will commence property proceedings against my husband. He will probably go off his head and I need to have some support (even though by the time he finds out I wi... View more

About me; I am in a DV situation and I became recently unemployed . Next week my lawyer will commence property proceedings against my husband. He will probably go off his head and I need to have some support (even though by the time he finds out I will be staying with a friend over 100km away). At some stage, however, I will have to return home to look for a place more permanent to stay, pack up my belongings and take my dog with me.

Bjc1 Childhood emotional abuse, wanting to hear how you have helped empower yourself
  • replies: 7

I have just identified that i have some issues as an adult, which i didn't realise may be attributed to my childhood, i am in my 40's and thought I was fine but i am not. My mother was abusive to me as a child, she used to destroy our belongings, par... View more

I have just identified that i have some issues as an adult, which i didn't realise may be attributed to my childhood, i am in my 40's and thought I was fine but i am not. My mother was abusive to me as a child, she used to destroy our belongings, particularly things that were of great value to us, an example was she would ask you how much you liked this particular item then snap it's head off and i remember her doing this around the age of 5 or 6. She was not nurturing and was constantly enraged and would throw things, break things etc, i guess we learnt to tip toe around her or hide. As an adult she has periodically been abusive, with behaviours that i cannot understand myself. I believe she has a mental illness that was not diagnosed or has not been disclosed. In this situation as grim as it was, I was very fortunate to have grandparents that took the pain away by nurturing, loving us and making us feel like we were the most important kids in the world, this i believed has helped me be somewhat strong although i am weak in other ways. I am afraid to stand up for myself to people that are in positions of power, so work wise this has been a struggle, particularly with situations when people have bullied me. I have identified that i flee if things get too heavy as this is the only way i can protect myself. I am working with a therapist at the moment and this so far has been helpful but through therapy i really feel flawed. The therapist asked me to say to my younger self "what would you say to that young girl", my answer was " i could say nothing, there is no way out". I am in early days of therapy and i look forward to going, but i am wanting to hear how have you empowered yourself when you were afflicted by the things that i experienced as a child. Particularly stories of how you have stood up to yourself when you previously couldn't. Many thanks

Lisado Hi. Newbie
  • replies: 1

Hi. I'm not in best way. 7 months ago my dad died. My family are back in the UK. My kids ( teenagers) and I flew to be there for his final days. However, my sister's turned on me ( been drinking and I guess stressed) and they beat me up. My son had t... View more

Hi. I'm not in best way. 7 months ago my dad died. My family are back in the UK. My kids ( teenagers) and I flew to be there for his final days. However, my sister's turned on me ( been drinking and I guess stressed) and they beat me up. My son had to pull them off me. My kids and I ended up in hotel as I was scared of my sister's. I was in shock as we were close and this has never happened. I'm the youngest of 5 kids. Anyway. The night I left dad died. I never got to say bye. They blanked me at his funeral and left me sit at the wake on my own. Never said bye when we left to come back here. My man just stood and watched. I guess she was in shock too. I didnt8do anything wrong. I did all cooking and shopping. I think they hate me cos I left UK. I don't know but I just can't get over it. I lost my dad, my family then 2 months later I lost my job. I've never been out of work for 26 years. I feel I am lost . I put on my smile but I'm dying inside. I am moody, cry, get angry. Not good for my kids. I just don't know how to forget and live my life. Now my closest Aunty is dying a nd usually I'd go home but now I'm scared too. Thanks for listening.

Lara010 Insult to Injury
  • replies: 2

Hello, I am new to the forum and not used to discussing these topics. but I am going to try.. Maybe someone could offer some advice which will help. I am in an uncomfortable situation where I allowed myself to become dependent on someone. Mostly this... View more

Hello, I am new to the forum and not used to discussing these topics. but I am going to try.. Maybe someone could offer some advice which will help. I am in an uncomfortable situation where I allowed myself to become dependent on someone. Mostly this is ok and we have a calm relationship but there are some incidents which usually revolve around discussions on family. My partner is foreign and emigrated to Australia and recently told me his parents were visiting from northern Europe and would arrive the next day. It was a surprise and he and his family had been planning for months. His parents are very sarcastic, rude and literally everything they say to me is intended to be cruel. I try to be polite and the situation leads to stress which boils over. It did last night (his parents are not staying with us but invited themselves over yesterday) and after they left, without having eaten all day, I drank and became angry and had a fight which escalated. I live in a rural area but with another house on the property and very close by. We do not have too many discussions with the neighbours as they are inconsiderate. My partner and I are generally very quiet and last night our fight was one of the only times we became loud. I was yelling "Ow Ow Ow" as he assaulted me and this morning as the two children next door were on their trampoline they appeared to be mimicking what they apparently heard. Kids can make all kinds of noise of course but this seemed pretty specific and I know their mother has encouraged them to make fun of me before. I feel horrified that a fight escalated like that. I know that I need to improve my situation but am also remote, don't have a car besides the one my partner takes to work and and am probably dealing with children making a mockery of domestic violence. I am sure this situation will pass but I am ashamed. To leave the property I need to pass the other house and it seems that the people there find this funny. I generally look like I have my life together I think, even if I don't but I hate to think anyone could find a bad situation so funny. I do not have a relationship with my own family or too many people to reach out to as I live in a state which is new to me and I basically manage the property we're on. Is there anything I can do to keep my head up? Leaving is not easy in the short term and while I do live here I want to block out what is going on. Thank you to anyone who reads this and can offer some suggestions.

CKS How would you spend your day?
  • replies: 9

Hi everyone To change our train of thoughts I am starting a questionnaire thread about something happy! How would you spend your day? How would you spend your day if: You had no appointments or work to attend You had $1000 to spend The weather was a ... View more

Hi everyone To change our train of thoughts I am starting a questionnaire thread about something happy! How would you spend your day? How would you spend your day if: You had no appointments or work to attend You had $1000 to spend The weather was a perfect 28 degrees You felt confident to leave the house I would go shopping early to buy a new outfit & hat to wear at the beach. I would spend my day on the beach with my dogs. We would eat fish and chips and cooked sausages for lunch. I would buy them a rump steak each for dinner and i would eat Italian for dinner. In the evening i would have a few glasses of wine and listen to my favourite music (as loud as it could be). I would stay up as late as i could so the day would be as long as possible. How would you spend your day? With love CKS