PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 273

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Thespian8 Gentleman Struggler!
  • replies: 1

Dear all, This is my first time visiting Beyond Blue. I have got to the point wherein I feel I need to meet others that also struggle. If you don't mind, I wish to share my story. I have been married three times! My first wife was abusive, both physi... View more

Dear all, This is my first time visiting Beyond Blue. I have got to the point wherein I feel I need to meet others that also struggle. If you don't mind, I wish to share my story. I have been married three times! My first wife was abusive, both physically and mentally, and after numerous years of trying, we separated. We went to marriage councillors and they could not help, as she was aggressive and refused to believe that she was doing anything wrong. She struggled with her own issues, due to her father being a violent alcoholic. After we split up, she took her our two children and moved down the road. After 6 weeks of us splitting up, she moved a new man into the house and told the children they had to call him 'Daddy' now. This was incredibly difficult and confusing and resulted in a lot of disagreements. She fell pregnant to him that year, whilst we were still married, and then told me that she was moving to NZ with him, and i could either stay or come over. I had met someone else in that time and was a year away from finishing a contract as a theatre director so decided to go, as I did not want to be without my children. When my children left for NZ, I was devastated. I sunk into a very deep depression and struggled to work and socialise. I missed them so much and could not stop crying. The woman I met tried to comfort me and during this depressive state, I asked her to marry me, which I should not have, as I knew I was not in love with her, but I needed something else to cover this feeling of sadness. I married my second wife and then we moved to NZ. I was back with my children and happy, however, my first wife was horrible and controlling and dictated everything, making my 2nd wife and I miserable. My first wife then said that she wanted to move to Melbourne, which we agreed to. My 2nd wife and I moved over, and the agreement was that my children would be moving over in 6 months. They never arrived and are still in NZ 6 years later. My 2nd wife soon got pregnant, however, we were not in love and she left Australia and took my baby daughter back to the UK. That was in 2014. I do not get to see her. I then received a lawyers letter saying that my 2nd wife and her new partner had been arrested for child abuse. They had beaten our daughter. I did not get custody and my 2nd wife was apparently rehabilitated. I struggle with my past and would really like some help or advice or meet others with similar struggles. Thanks, T

Slipperyfish How do I fix my pelvic floor without triggering my trauma?
  • replies: 6

Hi first time posting and I’m super anxious about it. But I’m needing advice and I’m not sure where else to turn 2 years ago yesterday was when I was first sexually assaulted. It was after a date I went on with someone I met from tinder. After it all... View more

Hi first time posting and I’m super anxious about it. But I’m needing advice and I’m not sure where else to turn 2 years ago yesterday was when I was first sexually assaulted. It was after a date I went on with someone I met from tinder. After it all happened I just did all that I could to get away and I kept my mouth shut. About a month later I was attacked on my way home from work by the same guy, but this time he had his mate with him. Fast forward 2 years and I’m in regular therapy to deal with PTSD. It’s going ok and I feel like I’m kicking goals. My issue now is that my pelvic floor is literally non existent. I have to cross my legs when I sneeze and there is no way I can run without having some form of leakage. I’m working with a physio trying to strengthen it but attempting the exercises causing me so much stress. I end up having vivid flash backs, break out in a sweat and lately I’ve been fainting and then dissociating and loosing track of where I am. I feel like I’m going backward with my PTSD treatment but I need to be doing something to fix my pelvic floor. Has anyone experienced anything like this? My physio is soooo supportive and knows about my history, but even she is stumped on how to move forward! Any advice or suggestions anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated! I just want to move forward with life and I’m finding that everything always comes back to the assaults and I never escape! I’m just really tired and I’m struggling to find people to talk to who understand what is happening in my head and who has similar struggles to me. Please, help me to move forward! Please and thanks

tassiedevil Brain zaps
  • replies: 3

Hi, Im 56 throughout my life I have suffered with depression from early 20's until now. I have recently been commenced on a new medication which has helped in some ways for me, but my dose was increased (10 days ago)and last night (now 18:00)I experi... View more

Hi, Im 56 throughout my life I have suffered with depression from early 20's until now. I have recently been commenced on a new medication which has helped in some ways for me, but my dose was increased (10 days ago)and last night (now 18:00)I experienced a 'brain zap' at least I think that was what it was. I was in a deep sleep and woken by what felt like a jolt of electricity coming from inside my brain through my forehead. It was very distressing and greatly concerned me. I can still actually feel where it seemed to hit my forehead. All the reading I have done says that it is a side effect coming off some medications. I have found nothing that anyone has shared about it happening to them increasing the medication dose. I am sort of happy with the way I am feeling on this medication( at least on the smaller dose and prior to this experience) I know from the experience of commencing this medication that the side effects dissipated for me about week 4 (now week 5 and 3 days) I want to give the increase dose a chance, but the way the zap impacted me has made me fearful about going to sleep. It was that frightening. I live rurally and am on Newstart, attempting to get my things organised to apply for DSP. My GP is a 160km return trip and I see my psychiatrist(whom I have to see via Psych2U on skype once a month for half an hour and am not scheduled to see for just under three weeks. ) I only began seeing a psychiatrist as my Psychologist is not a Clinical Psyhcologist, so for DSP I have to have a report by a psychiatrist. I am not that happy with the psychiatrist and my GP is aware, as the psychiatrist asked me how work was, even though known that I was on Newstart, and then suggested I consider moving into an over 55s retirement village.(my worst nightmare) This psychiatrist is in Sydney and it appears he has no idea of reality of life in a rural remote area, nor does this psychiatrist have any understanding or made any effort to know me or my life. sigh. I managed to speak up last time as the psychiatrist was 10mins late, then after he talked for a bit about the medication he was winding up , and I said I have some things I need to say, and told him how I felt about his comments. I felt like just a name on a list. he sort of apologised. any way I am concerned about the brain zap and and why i am experiencing it on increasing not coming off the medication thanks De

Hollow83 Hollow soul
  • replies: 2

hi.. im reaching out because I’ve never met another ptsd or bpd sufferer ive been managing to put a band aid over the hole in my soul caused by being sexually abused by my brother for my whole childhood for the last 25 years or so and recently my wor... View more

hi.. im reaching out because I’ve never met another ptsd or bpd sufferer ive been managing to put a band aid over the hole in my soul caused by being sexually abused by my brother for my whole childhood for the last 25 years or so and recently my world exploded and nothing helps anymore weed, pills, food, alcohol, sex, pain I used it all to plug that hole that I imagine we all have. five weeks a go I lost my job as a zookeeper and with it I lost my identity my friends my income and my reason to get up in the morning im doing everything I’m supposed to I’m seeing my gp once a week a psych once a week and a psychiatrist once a month I’m on so many pills but nothings working I find myself daydreaming about just drifting away i just need to know it can get better. Please if there are any others out there like me tell me it can get better because I’m losing hope

Roo_w First time post! Hoping last time search for help.
  • replies: 3

Hiya My name is not roo. I’m 27 yo female struggling with 17 years with my demons.I’m deeply ashamed of my mental illness and past sexual and mental abuse I received as a child. I’m here because I can’t even bring my self to leave my house. I’m curre... View more

Hiya My name is not roo. I’m 27 yo female struggling with 17 years with my demons.I’m deeply ashamed of my mental illness and past sexual and mental abuse I received as a child. I’m here because I can’t even bring my self to leave my house. I’m currently unemployed and can’t afford the mental health support I’m in desperate need of. For the past 17 years I worked hard for my achievements and thrived in spite of situation. During that time I wouldn’t say I managing my illness but I endured my mental health. Even then it was unforgivable but knowing what I know now those are the good days. Unfortunately the past 2 years have I have crumbled and had to quit my job. I became so frantically unable to function that I had no choice. I now am nothing but a shell of what I once was and ever night I try and fight the darkness away. I know if don’t get the help I need but essential can’t afford I will lose this endless battle I feel live been fighting a life time. Please don’t judge or tell me it takes time. I’ve done time and it’s only worsening. I’ve searched and looked for every opinion and nothing is free nothing that can actually save me. This is my last resort. Possibly the last effort I have left in me to try pull myself out once more. I guess seeing other stories and other people who understand and know this struggle of being so disabled by their illness and having no means no options like me will give me the strength to do it on my own. Like everything in my life I’m in this own but maybe not alone.

Guest5643 Im a little on edge today.
  • replies: 5

Hi Im a little on edge today. Yesterday 2 cops were banging and i repeat banging not knocking on my door. Not knowing who it was i opened the door with my door next to me barking. There were 2 cops in there swat gear, im in petrified shock thinking w... View more

Hi Im a little on edge today. Yesterday 2 cops were banging and i repeat banging not knocking on my door. Not knowing who it was i opened the door with my door next to me barking. There were 2 cops in there swat gear, im in petrified shock thinking what the hell have i done. The only thing i do wrong is walk my dog in places dogs arent allowed. I opened the screen door and they moved right against me. One cop spent kept looking at my chest cause i had no bra on and it was obvious. They started accosting me where the teenagers are. I said what teenagers? They said i have teenagers living hear which i do not. In the end they realise they knocked on the wrong door. If someone did that to someone else they would get in trouble so why do these thugs not get in trouble for abusing an innocent person. Sorry i just needed to rant im very upset over it. Cheers lynne

CKS Self-help Methods for CPTSD
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone I am new to Beyond Blue. I am very sympathetic about all of us who have suffered childhood abuse and trauma. I have regular visits with my psychiatrist who i have been seeing for over 7 years. I have also attended many groups sessions and... View more

Hi everyone I am new to Beyond Blue. I am very sympathetic about all of us who have suffered childhood abuse and trauma. I have regular visits with my psychiatrist who i have been seeing for over 7 years. I have also attended many groups sessions and one on one counselling, but sometimes its still not enough to remedy how i feel. I am wondering if anyone has developed any of their own self-help methods to heal the memories and hurts about their childhood trauma. Living with the symptoms of anger and addiction are horrendous. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thankyou

AnxiousMaiden How can I feel safe?
  • replies: 3

I live alone with my two children and I am struggling lately with how to feel safe at night. I have a history of sexual abuse during home invasions. As a little girl a man used to sneak in through the kitchen window my mum always left open and assaul... View more

I live alone with my two children and I am struggling lately with how to feel safe at night. I have a history of sexual abuse during home invasions. As a little girl a man used to sneak in through the kitchen window my mum always left open and assault me in my bed. I'm not a little girl anymore, I'm 33, and I have two of my own children and am a productive, self assured, strong woman by day and the same frightened girl every night. I get very little sleep and its affecting my mental health these past weeks. I do see a counsellor regularly but this is one very stubborn area of my life where I make very little progress. At times I feel like I will never feel safe again. I'd love to be able to go to bed and just fall asleep, feeling safe and protected. How can I get that? Please help.

ElyseH Dizzy and nausea
  • replies: 3

Is it possible to have trauma resurface and start to have bouts of feeling dizzy, faint and nausea? All of a sudden I am brought back to an unpleasant time of my early teens.

Is it possible to have trauma resurface and start to have bouts of feeling dizzy, faint and nausea? All of a sudden I am brought back to an unpleasant time of my early teens.

NanoCT Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is the beginning
  • replies: 3

Hi, dears, I am a chronic patient, already over 10 years, I did not get rid of the voices. That was started after the PTSD injured caused by robbery happened at my 20th birthday. I have a good heart as people always told me. I am a good girl characte... View more

Hi, dears, I am a chronic patient, already over 10 years, I did not get rid of the voices. That was started after the PTSD injured caused by robbery happened at my 20th birthday. I have a good heart as people always told me. I am a good girl characteristic. Good in the musical instruments and art design during student, actively engaged in the school music festivals and won arts competition. I am a girl leader in schools. However, the Auditory hallucination with negative and depressive voices began after I finished my schools. I try to actively engage in the society but I felt discrimination and the auditory hallucination voices threatening me to be an active person. With the medication, the voices reduced to be the thought only when I am alone. Not voices anymore. Can anyone share their experiences with me for how to totally get rid of the voices disturbance? The reality is negative, a real-world is with sexuality and unrespectful, people wanted money, sex and power...... I cannot see real love. The voices made my health weak, very unhealthy. Finally, I went to Church last year. I wanted to get rid of the voices. I wanted to be successful. I wanted to be a good person. I wanted to engage in society positively. I wanted to be a healthy person. I wanted to help myself in order to help others. Thank you.