Mental Health friendship disconnection

[Suesuesue]

Hi,

I’m just wondering what coping strategies others have used to maintain friendships when struggling with complex mental health?

Just like many others on this site, I’ve experienced & been diagnosed with complex grief, ptsd & sever depression. The past decade has been a downhill run of unfortunate & traumatic events where I’ve only been able to function to a basic capacity.

Last year this fell apart & I was seriously mentally unwell & admitted to hospital.

I had some amazing friends around me, but the toll of my recovery & their struggles to understand the complexity around trauma has strained our friendships greatly.

I feel that anxiety & depression are easier for others to understand & the path to recovery can be more obvious. Trauma is so complex. Some of the trauma I’m trying to work through is surrounding my fathers self inflicted death & abandonment due to a number of factors. The simplest of things trigger my ptsd & to others it would appear like overanalysing a situation, but its so real and raw to me.

I have a wonderful GP, psychologist, psychiatrist; but the social disconnection is incredibly difficult.

Trust is so difficult for me, the expectations from others for me to let my guard down feels rushed & intrusive. I can’t seem to manage letting others in, building trust & protecting myself in a healthy & balanced way. I either shut myself off, or open up to others & trigger feelings of fear, paranoia and panic. I’ve been working on “small disclosures” as a way to bridge this path, but that doesn’t seem to be enough for others.

This year, the emotional overwhelm of the previous 12months, pressure from those around me to progress faster in my recovery and a trigger; sent me spiralling into psychosis. My medical team were fantastic, but I was extremely paranoid of my relationships & I quite irrationally disconnected myself; hurting & confusing those closest to me.

None seems willing to discuss the matter or accept any sort of apology. We all seem exhausted & broken from the past year; this carries so much guilt on my behalf.

I can’t help but feel worthless and incapable of maintaining relationships. The desire to forge new friendships is non-existent. I know my recovery is hard for others to understand, but it’s hard to be the person managing this & working so hard to make the progress I need. Relationships used to be so easy for me, but now I feel completely socially inept now.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Apologies for the long post 🤦‍♀️

[white knight]

Hi Sue

Thankyou for posting on this very important topic of friendships and loss of support.

Any wonder this forum is successful because birds of a feather flock together. Just like those without what others see as “baggage “ and prefer to mingle with their own, sadly we must do the same.

Im 64yo and my school friend I’ve known for 50 years recently shut me out of his life-why? Because he has suggested praying to Jesus would fix my bipolar. I’m an atheist! Sad eh?

So, what is the remedy? Well for many years now I’ve developed a filter system whereby I internally evaluate my friendships eg if one friend shows intolerance to listening I’ll cease talking about my issues especially my suicide attempt 24 years ago/ still fresh. Etc.

The most important thing for you is to not lose heart. Your lost friends can be replaced by more compatible living people.

LEGS OF SPOKE

How can I let them know?
When the dark exceeds the glow
When the sun hides behind the clouds
Silence they hear...but I scream so loud.

Some stand beside a 6 foot hole
Shake their heads and see its toll
They ask how he could have dropped
Out of the circle -a forget me knot

Yet they seem to see clear and there is hope
When they sight a person with legs of spoke
A crippled girl pushing her chair
A man be manic- there's no one there.

"Storm in a tea cup" hurts so bad
Like the cyber crow who remains so glad
Keeps flying and in full flight
Achieves his art...in the middle of the night

For some in power see it their way
Even at the side of a 6 foot grave
Shake their head and call out "why"
"Why on earth- he didnt have to die".

So kind some be they reach out so true
Smile away "we want to meet you"
Bring along your vintage car and your smile"
But leave - what's behind your dial.

So we laugh and dine and all's ok
Leave at home come what may
If I be saddled with legs of spoke
They'd lift me around- bloody good bloke.

But as my mind hurts so bad
Cannot hide my feelings- mad?
Can no longer be bloody good bloke
Sometimes I wish.....
I had legs of spoke......

TonyWK