No more hope
I feel disgusting talking about it but I’m really suffering at the moment. I have been through a lot in my life including the loss of my parents, the loss of a loved one, sexual abuse, family violence and right now an abusive relationship. Also, once the pandemic started, I felt sick and had all the symptoms of the Covid but there was no place that would test me for it. After doing an X-ray, they found viral infection in my lung but I couldn’t get the thought of having the virus out of my mind. Ever since my mental health has been awful.
At 24 I feel like this is the end of the world for me, I have a beautiful little daughter who is very cheerful and loving but being a mum with mental disorder makes me feel sick about myself. I can’t think, I can’t sleep, I can’t find anything that makes me happy and I can’t get out of the house or my anxiety will kill me. I am currently also doing a degree at uni which is another burden for now . I feel like I can’t recognise many people anymore and everything seems unfamiliar for me. The doctor has put me on antidepressants which hasn’t worked as of now but I’m hoping that it will. I’m also seeing a psychologist who is the sweetest person I have even known. I feel very hopeless and worthless at the moment. My partner is no help at all as he believes mental illness doesn’t exist and that we make our mind to always think negative. I’m constantly told many negative things including that I am worthless, lazy, mental and that I have grown in hell. The only reason I’m here today is because of my daughter.
We're so grateful you found our valued online forums community and showed such bravery in sharing this with us. We want you to know you've found a safe, non-judgmental place where people give and receive support to each other based on shared understanding. You don't have to face all this alone and we're here to give you as much support, advice and conversation as you want.
Because you mention the pandemic restrictions, we thought we'd let you know about our dedicated Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service: https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au/. It has a lot of useful information to help people get through these unusual times as well as specially trained and qualified mental health professionals ready to offer support, advice, some counselling and referrals. You can call them any time on 1800 512 348 or talk to them online via webchat which can be accessed here: https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au/general/chat-online.html
Whenever you feel up to it, do please check back and let us know how you're getting on.
Hello and welcome. I echo Sophie's comments about investigating our coronavirus website. I think you will find it helpful. Another online help is the 1800RESPECT page. Please copy this address into your browser. https://www.1800respect.org.au/ It will be made into a live link in a little while but until then a copy & paste will get you there.
I am so very sorry to learn about your difficulties and I do urge you to take steps to get out of your abusive relationship. I know this is hard to do for all sorts of reasons which is why I think it will be good to contact 1800Respect. It is all about domestic abuse.
Depression and anxiety always shows itself as a loss of self-confidence, sleeplessness, loss of concentration, and fear of just about anything. Your partner is totally wrong about there being no such thing as mental illness, particularly when he uses abuse to get his own way. You can find some information on this web site by going to The Facts tab at the top of the page and scrolling down to the topics you want to investigate. Please feel free to post as much as you wish here. We are listening.
You have an astounding level of natural intelligence. You're a truly inspirational person facing a lot of unnatural challenges
- It's far from natural to lose both our parents so early in life
- It should in no way whatsoever be a natural experience in life to face sexual abuse. We should naturally expect protection and care
- It's far from natural, to rise to confidence and self love in a relationship that brings us down and deforms our way of thinking when we're trying to reform our self in positive ways
- As kids, we should naturally be raised in an environment that promotes relaxation, activity and inspiration. The environment you were raised in sounds like it was an unnatural generator of anxiety and fear
And here you are, trying in so many ways to raise yourself beyond all that. You're one of the unsung heroes in life. You seek to educate yourself, you seek to educate your partner in understanding the mindset and chemistry in depression and anxiety, you've managed brilliantly to find guidance and support for yourself and you're raising a beautiful gift without a lot of reference as to how to raise her. You are raising everyone.
You mention 'I’m constantly told many negative things including that I am worthless, lazy, mental and that I have grown in hell. The only reason I’m here today is because of my daughter.' Truth is
- You are far from worthless. You are amazing. If you were to become a speaker, going around giving inspiring talks about what it takes to raise yourself out of abuse and tragedy, there is no doubt you'd get a round of applause from every audience you speak to
- I'd like to think you laze occasionally. You deserve to. It's good for our overall health, to give our self time out and do a bit of lazing. Also, in depression, it can definitely be hard to find the motivation to be on the go, due to an imbalance of chemistry. Anxiety can also prove pretty exhausting at times. Lot's of reasons for lazing but it doesn't make us lazy in a negative sense
- Most folk who love the labels of mental, nuts, crazy and so on are seriously questionable folk when it comes to their behaviour. Observe them more. The 'sane' ones have some seriously questionable issues
- You've raised yourself out of hell and you've met heaven on earth in your daughter, the most natural person you know
It's natural to occasionally take a step back and detach from the insanity of life. This is where reality shifts and you realise you've been the most sane person all along.
All the comments I got made me feel so good about myself and I feel so relieved there are people who understand what we go through without even knowing us. But Thereising, you comment made my day and it gives me so much more energy and encouragement. Thank you so much 🙂