PTSD and Trauma

Do you ever get weird physical symptoms?

replies: 6

Hi all, This is my first post. Thanks for reading. I've been living with affects of trauma for about 4-5 years. There's something I've wanted to ask for a while, to see if I'm not alone. I won't go into details now but I first developed symptoms afte... View more

Hi all, This is my first post. Thanks for reading. I've been living with affects of trauma for about 4-5 years. There's something I've wanted to ask for a while, to see if I'm not alone. I won't go into details now but I first developed symptoms after a traumatic event, which was an incident that happened in the process of me trying to end a 6 year abusive relationship. The symptoms started a week later when I was stuck in a situation at work where I felt I might get into trouble. I totally left my body. My legs kept buckling. I was shaking so much I couldn't hold onto things. I couldn't feel my body and it felt like I was looking at someone else in the mirror. Loud sounds made me cry. Everyone's faces looked cartoonishly angry. I couldn't walk properly or at a normal pace. Colours looked bleached. I couldn't think or really explain to anyone what was happening. This lasted for 5 days until somehow, something made me laugh and I started to get feeling back in my stomach. After that I would get episodes of similar symptoms, often swinging between high energy/ anxious states to being completely zoned out and slowed down. It took me a long time to connect what had happened with my ex to how I was feeling. PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS - Does anyone else get these? I still get symptoms sometimes. They are generally less extreme than they first were, but worse and more consistent lately. One thing that's always confused me is how *physical* some of my symptoms are: - Muscles randomly twitching or contracting, making controlled movements hard (like my arms/ shoulders randomly tense up, hands shake) - I get a weird, slow "gait". I look stiff like I'm limping or favoring one of my legs. Body generally feels stiff and tight. I can release it for a second but it comes right back. - My breathing feels constricted and slow. - General exhaustion and extreme fatigue after exercise, sometimes for a day or so after. - Dizziness. - My eyes have trouble focussing on things, and just zone out. Or, they dart around randomly. Mental symptoms are usually confusion/ fog/ overwhelm. I can't really "feel" very much. Sometimes I can get in touch with my emotions and that helps me get "unstuck". But often I forget that there is emotional "stuff" there. Are these symptoms familiar to anyone else? Am I on the right track viewing this as a "freeze" response? I feel like if I could understand it better, I'd be more confident in how I approach it. Thank you!

C-PTSD & Bullying at work

replies: 2

Hi Firstly thanks for reading and replying in advance. As of late things in my workplace have become increasingly worse. This includes the feelings of being bullied. I had a psychologist appointment Saturday night to which i went through everything t... View more

Hi Firstly thanks for reading and replying in advance. As of late things in my workplace have become increasingly worse. This includes the feelings of being bullied. I had a psychologist appointment Saturday night to which i went through everything that has been happening at work. I automatically went to ,” my ptsd is high”, etc... To her telling me that i am being bullied, that my reactions at work where not my ptsd. They where normal and yes “ valid” responses and emotions. Her suggestion is to leave and find a new job. Ive been there over 7 years, i love my job and what i do. And most people are great. Im afraid to leave. Im afraid of the unknown so much . Social anxieties are high. Im afraid of being able to survive financially . I have no family here. My work is all i know. 🥺 Has anyone experienced this. I would appreciate any thoughts, experiences, advice et.. I hope you are all well and loved through this crazy time Jlee ☺️

Workplace issues, PTSD

replies: 2

Hi. I'm reaching out as have recently experienced some difficult issues in the workplace (exclusion, feeling ostracised for speaking up about issues, having my emails accessed and eventually being treated differently by co-workers). I feel the need t... View more

Hi. I'm reaching out as have recently experienced some difficult issues in the workplace (exclusion, feeling ostracised for speaking up about issues, having my emails accessed and eventually being treated differently by co-workers). I feel the need to say I did not engage in misconduct. I raised problems with managers and it went downhill from there. I have now left the job as it all got too much for me to navigate through. I was constantly on edge. Now having left I feel like I have to try and pick up the pieces. I feel very low, worthless and ashamed like I've been kicked out which I've never experienced before. My worth is rock bottom. The few friends I had there are slowly dwindling, partly on my behalf because I feel like I'm radioactive or something and didn't feel I could keep getting rejected (e.g. if they ignored my message, etc). I feel like I've actually lost my mind and no longer can tell what has actually happened- whether it was me or them. It was probably a bit of both. I have one friend (who doesn't work there) who I have spoken about this too and she has been a great help but I don't want to burden her anymore with it. So, I'm now looking for other work and trying to deal with feeling like I don't want to leave the house. I am now super vigilant and constantly checking what I write in emails, or any messages- checking over everything word by word in case something is wrong or someone else reads it. I'm even scared of posting this thinking someone might see it and know what workplace I'm talking about. Would love to hear from anyone else who can relate. It's just such a horrible, isolating feeling.

Worried my feelings are destroying my life

replies: 2

So. Here’s the thing. I have been through a lot. Especially the past 4 years. Assaults, miscarriages, new jobs, failed friendships, I’ve had it all. But the past 6 weeks have been particularly hard. I reported my assault to the police and from there ... View more

So. Here’s the thing. I have been through a lot. Especially the past 4 years. Assaults, miscarriages, new jobs, failed friendships, I’ve had it all. But the past 6 weeks have been particularly hard. I reported my assault to the police and from there it’s been a whirlwind of emotions. I cry all the time. At everything. I’m on this rollercoaster where I’m up and then I’m down. I started a new job in June and I really loved it. Throughout the reporting process to the police my bosses have been great. They have been by my side whilst I emotionally try to make it through each day. But now it’s different. Now I feel like they see me as broken goods that can’t be fixed. And that’s how I feel. I feel like this is another good moment in my life that my past trauma and all my feelings are yet again ruining for me. The stage 4 restrictions in Victoria haven’t helped. I mean I know they need to be happening, but it’s made everything worse. Work has been my happy place, but now our hours are less and I’m more confined to my house. Then of top of all this I fell over at work and injured my ankle and my knee and now I don’t even know when I’ll be back. I have started to dive into some parts work at therapy which is also another stress. But I know it needs to be done. And hopefully it works. But right now all I want to do is shove all of my feelings back inside and just fade away. Maybe it’s better for everyone. Who knows. My housemate informed me on Friday night that I’m too emotional, I make others around me sad, she thinks I’m autistic and should get tested for that because then at least there would be a reason I’m the way I am. And the worst part. She knows of everything I’ve been through. She knows I’ve got PTSD. She knows I don’t sleep well and she knows I’m in therapy. But honestly maybe she doesn’t care. Maybe this is yet another situation I am in where I am too much for my support network. My network is disappearing. And maybe I deserve to be left behind. I don’t know anymore. I just know I’m sad and tired and I don’t know how much longer I can keep going on like this. Because I don’t want to keep upsetting people, and I don’t want to keep dumping my life on people. Because when I dump on people I let myself feel loved, and then it all comes crashing down, and I don’t think I can do it anymore.

Is it abuse? Alcoholic boyfriend. Confused

replies: 3

My partner of 10 years (on and off, mostly on) is an alcoholic, every time he gets drunk he finds something to yell at, whether it be my past, how I was promiscuous as a teen, or how I'm a terrible mother that is doing it all wrong with our 18month o... View more

My partner of 10 years (on and off, mostly on) is an alcoholic, every time he gets drunk he finds something to yell at, whether it be my past, how I was promiscuous as a teen, or how I'm a terrible mother that is doing it all wrong with our 18month old daughter, I had left him for nearly a month and told him to sort himself out, when I went back he was really good but when he gets drunk its on again, if I argue back he gets in my face which scares me (having come from a previous abusive relationship),most of the time I'm too scared to give an opinion in case he doesn't like it, I've lost the ability to make choices on my own. I love him but I dont think its right for our daughter to grow up thinking this is ok. If I leave he'll tell her how I'm a terrible person etc he might even try to go for custody, I'm on a disability pension for Crohn's disease and I'm not the best housekeeper. I dont know what to do. Please help.

PTSD and alone (trigger warning - sexual abuse)

replies: 2

I was abused both physically and sexually as a child by a teacher. The "usual things were said to make sure I told no one, including obviously my parents. I was also bought up with the old view that boys dont stand toughen up. Unfortunately this real... View more

I was abused both physically and sexually as a child by a teacher. The "usual things were said to make sure I told no one, including obviously my parents. I was also bought up with the old view that boys dont stand toughen up. Unfortunately this really didnt help.only this year have I found the balls (sorry) to try and get professional help. I dealt with this from a young age by turning to alcohol and up until 5years ago was nothing short of a full blown alcoholic. This nearly destroyed not only my own life but my marriage and any respect from my 4 boys. This alcohol abuse did however serve its purpose creating enough mayhem and conflict that there wasn't enough space left in my day to think about my trauma. After nearly losing everything I made the decision to get myself into a rehab facility, staying nearly 12months . My life has not been better, I'm 5years sober (I'm 47) and have a good outlook on life. My wife and kids love respect and more importantly to me forgive me. All great right? Well, since the alcohol is no longer there "serving its purpose " I am constantly tormented with vivid nightmares of what happened from the rape and sexual abuse to spending whole days locked in spaces. My path to recovery seems so long and tormenting I find my self wondering how I'm going to make it through the day. This has bought me Here. I'm hoping sharing with people might help me lighten my load a bit and keep me going. Thanks for reading, I'm not after a " poor you " just wanted to write how I'm doin

Anniversary of attack

replies: 10

Tomorrow’s the anniversary of when I was raped. I hate using that word. It feels wrong, it doesn’t fit. People say anniversary and your immediate thought is of positive milestones, happy times, love and other good feelings. But the anniversary of whe... View more

Tomorrow’s the anniversary of when I was raped. I hate using that word. It feels wrong, it doesn’t fit. People say anniversary and your immediate thought is of positive milestones, happy times, love and other good feelings. But the anniversary of when I was raped.. not something I look forward to or count down to or celebrate all over social media about.. I’ve had to put up with this anniversary before, many times but for some reason this year feels especially heavy. I know it’s just a day, just 24 hours, like any other day. But I can’t pinpoint why this one feels immeasurably large. It’s been building and building internally and I’m afraid to feel all I might feel tomorrow. I’ve done about 3 years of CBT and I’m in the middle of EMDR about 2 months now. Tomorrow will mark 8 years. An 8 year old child around their 8th year of life can typically develop complex language skills, improved attention span and focus. They start to really understand jokes, puns. Baby teeth will start or have already started to fall out and permanent teeth come in. 8 year olds start to really understand cooperation, compassion and what it means to share. 8 years and the night that changed my life forever still renders me useless. Useless to my contribution in the world. Useless in my fight to maintain personal hygiene. Useless in my ability to attend a normal work day. 8 years & I haven’t moved on. And it’s not for lack of trying. An 8 year old child has come from not being able to hold their head up or open their eyes to all of that above.. and what have I achieved. why can’t I move past this, why can’t I feel good, feel okay yet

PTSD after hospitalization when younger

replies: 17

I was 16 when I was put in a mental hospital for 3 days I'm now 29 and it has left me really traumatized still The amount of dodgy nurses and doctors being dishonest left me feeling hopeless I don't know how to move on I was feeling suicidal after ex... View more

I was 16 when I was put in a mental hospital for 3 days I'm now 29 and it has left me really traumatized still The amount of dodgy nurses and doctors being dishonest left me feeling hopeless I don't know how to move on I was feeling suicidal after experiencing sexual abuse In the hospital I was under supervision for 24 hours So having someone watch me go to the toilet and shower made me feel even worse I asked the nurse if I could say something to let them know I'm okay so I could go to the toilet or shower properly and they agreed but they were peeking through the gap in the door as I wasn't allowed to close the door The way I overcame being suicidal was knowing that their is a place worse than death They didn't provide counseling inside Your basically left in a bed all day with nothing to do You would go more insane One of the nurses said to me give me your phone I said what why He said just give me it I said you can't take my phone I asked him whats your name I want to complain about you He said whatever I told another nurse about him and he was the one peeking through the hole while I was going to the bathroom I just wish they were honest instead of lying They might as well had someone watch me instead of being sneaky I was more angry that I kept getting this nurse after telling other nurses about this dodgy nurse I keep getting flashbacks and reliving this period of my life in my head wishing I did something different I was harmed by other patients and left with dodgy nurses I was 16 and in a mental hospital with other adults

Is It My Fault?

replies: 6

Hello. I'm new here. I'm not quite sure if this is the right place to put it or not, but I've been hurt. more than once. It still scares me every time their name is brought up. It's about my Uncle, more specifically, my Great Uncle. On multiple occas... View more

Hello. I'm new here. I'm not quite sure if this is the right place to put it or not, but I've been hurt. more than once. It still scares me every time their name is brought up. It's about my Uncle, more specifically, my Great Uncle. On multiple occasions, they have touched me in places I did not want to be touched, and it made me uncomfortable. They have shown me things I did not want to see, and I haven't told anyone. I have only told a few of my very close friends. I'm scared that if I tell my mum, she will be angry that I didn't say anything sooner, as these things happened when I was around 7. I do not want anything bad to happen, as I usually blame myself for a lot of things, and overthink simple situations. I am also scared I will be called an attention seeker. I won't go into detail about what has happened, as I don't wish to trigger anybody. I don't think there's anything else I can say, so I'm stopping here. Thank you, if you did happen to read this. Again, Thank you.

My trigger

replies: 3

I’ve been triggered too much I feel guilt about the world and I feel like I’m not coping but no body hears me or understands me and my low mood

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PTSD for Medical and First Responders

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