Religious issues.

[Lostflutterby]

I know this may be a sensitive and subjective topic but its something i really cant find any info about. I was raised in a strict catholic community and household. Where it was taken literally my whole life. I was NEVER good enough and constantly reminded of it. I was made to feel guilty for merely existing and now that im in my mid 20s its affecting me in every aspect of my life. I feel guilty for sleeping, eating and i let people walk all over me including my 4 y.o daughter. I am getting help through my psychologist and gp and im not really looking for advice on help with it. Im mostly looking for anyone that may have any experience with this issue. Thanks for your time, and feel free to ask any questions.

[white knight]

Hi and welcome

Im not really experienced in religious issues but I did write about guilt recently.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/permalink/qnJRxHHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

Regards Tony WK

[white knight]

Sorry, that didnt work

Try googling

Topic: blame, guilt and being fair to yourself- beyondblue

Tony WK

[Lostflutterby]

No it did. I copy pasted the link into new browser. Ty.

[MsPurple]

Hi Lostflutterby and welcome to the BB forums

I know what you mean by 'NEVER being good enough' It is common for someone with aspects of low self esteem or depression or anxiety or someone with perfectionist traights (remember I am not a doctor so I can not say what causes this for you). I feel the word you are looking for is Perfectionism.

It is hard to learn to not let people walk over you. Especially when you are anxious, want to be perfect and want everyone to like you. I know sometimes I let people walk all over me because I want to be liked. It does take time. With religion we sometimes do feel guilty. For Christians we feel guilty that we are not perfect and that Jesus had to be sent to wash away the sins of the world. But I try remember God is love. He did this because he loved us and understand we are not perfect beings. He wouldn't want us to feel eternally guilty but instead he would want to us to feel greateful and loved. Him and his son did this for us because they love us. He would want us to work on ourselves and to look after ourselves. I found a great therapist and GP that could support me. I believe God allowed us to advance in our ways of living and in medical intervention so we could get the help we needed to sustain good physical and mental health. There is no shame in being imperfect.

Hope this helps. You are not alone in feeling this way. I sometimes get anxious feelings for this. But I try remind myself that God is love and understanding

MP

[Lostflutterby]

Thank you. I have the greatest respect for anyones faith and by no means judge anyone in that respect. I however was not clear, i apologize. I am no longer practising and believe that the indoctirin of the church was the cause of my self esteem issues. Every action i make is not good enough regardless and i am incapable of doing anything on my own. I no longer believe or follow the church but their teachings are ingrained. Thank you for your replies :).

[white knight]

Hi Lost

I do understand where you are at. I'm an athiest. I respect the messages in the bible and any other literature expressed that means good in the world.

The problem as I see it is mans interpretation and squabbling over religion. I'm not debating here, I'm refering to your issues actually.

This interpretation leads to family righteousness that results in suppression of childrens growth in confidence and individualism....to living a life of obligation and guilt. Often this is from fear of followers handed down to children. For this reason you have ended up where you are and its not a good place to be.

Like all similar situations one of the processes to get well (meaning not cured but well enough to function acceptably), is to focus on some positives...they are

You acknowledge what the problem is (I went 45 years not knowing "why")

You have had success in life to date (eg you are a mum)

You know the source of your issues

You are doing something about it.

I know you arent looking for advice. I merely want to mention to you that you are going in the right direction. Once treatment takes hold I think everything will begin to fall into place in a way that it doesnt at the moment.

Finally, it might seem your 4 yo is "walking over you" but all parents feel that. Your sensitivity on this topic, your awareness of your problem means there will be some over reaction to it. Getting this all in proper perspective is part of your rehabilitation process.

You are actually progressing. During this process you are going through - patting yourself on the back is a necessity.

Hope all that made sense.

Repost anytime. We are here for you.

Tony WK

[Neil_1]

Hi there LF

It’s not good to hear that you’ve got those teachings and all that went with that ingrained … but I guess it would be easy to understand, where one who was so young, is taken along all the time to have these things kind of ‘brain-washed’ into them. It is good to read that you are seeing a GP and also a psych to talk these issues through – as you said, you don’t need any questions about that, but it is pleasing to read that you were on the ball to take up that.

I guess a 4yo will take up a lot of time and attention from you, which doesn’t lend itself for you to be able to follow up any hobbies, interests, etc, where you can actually try and take up something that you really enjoy?

Things like being able to set little goals for yourself, even on a daily basis … achievable goals, so you’re then able to tick them off and by doing so, you can feel damn good about yourself – finishing off a goal – an achievement, which may help a little in pushing those mongrel thoughts that you’ve been having way back in the mind.

I hope something in my post has helped, even a little.

Neil

[Sparkle2017]

Glad you brought this up, a lot of good people have experienced religious abuse through teaching that depicts God as a tyrant out to punish if you don't get it right!! I've discovered that my desire to belong, have community support etc drew me into a downward spiral spiritually, it's a subtle deception and I'm glad I've at least found some truth as I discover more. Keep believing in yourself, thanks for sharing.

[Sparkle2017]

More of us should talk openly about this without feeling guilty.