Before it gets worse

[summerdays]

hi there

I am feeling really low right now and I feel like I just can't go on being a Mum.

I can't handle it when my children cry. Like, I seriously can't handle it. They are 18mo and 3.

This morning I pushed my 18mo away and he bumped his head on the table.

I don't know what's wrong with me and I don't know what to do. I hate the kind of mother I am and I really wanted to give them more than this.

I can't be in the present moment, and when my kids force me to be in it, I flip out.

To a bystander I might seem normal but inside I am like a bomb waiting to go off.

I would never hurt my kids but I can understand why and how people do it. and that scares me, to know that. Am i capable of it? yes. Do i love my kids? more than anything. But i can't cope.

How can i explain this to my partner and his family (our support).

I want to be alone. i want them to be in daycare everyday. I want someone to be here at home with us to help us, to help me. I want to throw myself into full time work so that I don't have to be their mum, but that's not going to solve anything, is it.

I'm going to give the blueknot foundation a call today.

Thanks for listening

[demonblaster]

Ahh Summer darl (( hugs ))

Hun I'm not a Mum so not sure I can give solid advice or help here from experience but do feel for your pain & care 🙂

Clearly you love your babes so you're absolutely not a bad mother. I imagine sleeps a foreign word which enhances stress no end. Hardest job in the world to be a Mum/Dad, don't be too hard on yourself hun you're human.

Good for you reaching out. You've done the right thing here's a great place without judgement and lot of support. People understand pain and care.

I would suggest though and understand completely how hard it would be but to talk to hubby and family, you said support so assuming there's good relations with them and maybe some help could come from that, if not understanding and support as well as here of course.

I'd say an important step is to see your GP who'd probs have a clue what's going on & could refer you to ongoing assistance.
I don't know much about this and your GP would of course, could you be suffering post natal depression maybe.
If not that you're struggling and do need help and support

Hope bluknot helps too

If you're up to it would love to hear how you're going

Look after yourself darl xx

[Neil_1]

Hi there Summerdays,

I’d like to warmly welcome you to Beyond Blue and to thank you very much for coming here to provide your post.

I’m hearing you loud and clear with your post – though not being a Mum, I guess anyone who has had kids (well, I didn’t have them, but you get my gist), the process of raising kids would be able to identify with what you’ve written - at certain times (and sometimes more).

Before I go too far, I do love your name … and I’d like to say, “bring it on” – winter has been particularly harsh where I live this year and for me, I don’t deal very well with the cold. Which in turn, I think really enhances the low times, the down times, which is definitely not good.

My first port of call would be to talk … talk to your partner – do you feel they’d be a good support for you/understanding/sympathetic? If you think they would be, then you should be unloading to them as soon as possible. Even getting them to read your post – or print it out for them. To get others “on-side” with you as soon as you can, I think is imperative.

It IS hard yakka bringing up the young ones. I LOVE my children, always have, always will and they are most probably the reason I’m still here, but when children are under a certain age, for me, it was oh so tough. It sounds like you being the full time mum and having no obvious support is one of the biggest issues for you here. I’m sure other Mum’s will come on board and offer suggestions and positive advice for you.

By you coming here, that was a very good step in the right direction, and also how you may call blueknot – another very good idea.

Just before I do finish, I’d like to dispel any negative thoughts you have about your ability as being a Mum. I think when we all start we have this massive L plate in front of us (Learners) – we’ve got these youngsters and they need pretty much full on care all the time, especially when they’re real young. I know I felt I made mistakes, etc … but what it is, you ARE doing the best you can, you feel like you are not, but believe me, you are. Your kids love you, they need you and they want to be with you. That is a magical bond – I would suggest even stronger than the father/child bond – especially in the early times. A mum and her kids – really special stuff and though you may not think it, I would suspect you are doing an amazing job with them.

Would love to hear back from you.

Neil

[Chrispie]

Hi Summerdays

I'm not sure if I'm the right person to message you because I am a bit low today also. Maybe we can help each other.

I am a mother of 3 beautiful girls and I struggled when my first was born and she is now 24yrs old. I was like you and couldn't handle my kids crying. I ended up finally being told I had Post Natal Depression down the track. Although I always felt I had depression from a young age and that's another story.

Coming on here and putting your feelings out there will probably take a load off you. Don't be too hard on yourself, as these wonderful guys have said you are doing an amazing job. You are reaching out and that's not always easy. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs on earth and it's takes so much patients.

I have realised that walking away if possible into another room when things get unmanageable. Try to pull yourself together for a minute and get the kids occupied doing something in a safe environment. Then have a moment to yourself...cry...hit a pillow...shower....some deep breathing...whatever helps.

I really feel you need to share your struggle with your family or a friend. I went to a support group for Post Natal Depression and realising there were others feeling the same way really helped. In my experience talking to a Psychologist can be helpful as you can say things you might not want to share with people you know.

I have spoken to many mums over the years that have struggled with being a parent. There aren't many parents our there that are perfect, even the ones that you think are.

I hope things can start to get better for you sooner than later.

Thankyou for sharing

Chris

[Chrispie]

Hope your doing okay Summerdays? Thinking of you. 🙂