Really struggling with anxiety tonight

Mara56 · ‎16-04-2020

Hi, I have PTSD and I see a psychologist and up till 16 months ago my symptoms were relatively manageable. I had a bad experience in hospital and it triggered a lot of my previous traumas. The anxiety started becoming an issue then. I don't seem to be able to manage any kind of stress at all at the minute. For the past 6 months we have been preparing for, and then put our home on the market. The stress this caused was enormous for me. I have started having panic attacks, something I haven't had in years. Due to the Coronavirus we took our house off the market earlier this week. The past couple of days I started to relax a bit, despite the fact that financially were strapped, we really needed the house to sell. Then today my husband got a text message from the real estate agent to say he had someone he wanted to bring through. My anxiety immediately went through the roof. I don't cope well with chaos and it all feels chaotic. I am trying to monitor my breathing, I have tried to meditate but I can't get my brain to quieten down. I don't see my psychologist till Thursday next week. I'm trying to spin out my appointments because I've used all my sessions on the MHP. Just at my wits end. I haven't slept properly in months. So tired and so fed up with PTSD. Sorry about the rant. I'm hoping my posting this it help get some of it out of my head. I've been writing but that's not helping either.

james1 · ‎16-04-2020

Hello Mara,

Sorry we didn't get a chance to speak to you overnight, but I really hope posting helped a little and you were able to get some sleep.

It sounds like there's been quite a lot happening in your life recently and it certainly sounds really chaotic. I am glad you are doing all the right things though by trying to monitor your breathing and meditation, and writing as well, but I understand it all may feel like a bit too much at the moment.

It is really challenging to have all those pressures especially if you have to wait for your psychologist appointment. Have you ever tried giving the helplines a call when you are feeling particularly stressed? BeyondBlue's line is at the bottom of the page if you scroll down (1300 22 4636). It is not the same as speaking to your own psychologist, but perhaps it could help just to have someone to talk to, particularly at this time when it is challenging to contact people in any meaningful way.

James

Mara56 · ‎16-04-2020

Hi James, thank you so much for responding to my post. I did manage to get some broken sleep after I posted last night. I am hesitant to call the support line for a couple of reasons. My husband sleeps very lightly, it’s bad enough me getting up and disturbing him, let alone me talking on the phone. Plus, it was really hard for me to join Beyond Blue. I have only opened up to a few very close friends in the past couple of months, that I have PTSD. In fact I only told my GP earlier this year. Previously, I used my grief around the loss of my son to obtain a mental health plan. And added to all that is my frustration with myself that I’m here again. I keep getting the feeling from my psychologist that he feels I should have the skills to handle where I’m at. And I certainly have learnt a lot over the years but for some unknown reason none of my normal coping skills are working. I have low grade anxiety all day which ramps up from about 4pm, by bedtime it’s through the roof. I am sure once our house is sold things will settle, I hope so, I can’t go on like this long term. I see my psychologist on Thursday, I’ll chat to him then. Thank you once again for replying James it helps to know that someone is listening. Take care and stay safe.

james1 · ‎20-04-2020

Hello Mara,

Well I am glad you did get to join Beyond Blue. Especially as you've typically found it hard in the past, I can imagine that was a big step for you.

I understand it can feel really frustrating to be "here again", but unfortunately mental health isn't like chicken pox - get it once and never again - but it does change and get better then worse then better, depending on your life's stresses. Hopefully your appointment goes well this Thursday. Let us know if you ever watch to talk about anything at all.

James

Mara56 · ‎21-04-2020

Hi James,

Thank you for responding to my post, I appreciate it.

I am feeling more hopeful at moment. Just in the past couple of days, I have felt like the anxiety is settling a bit. I think my fighting my symptoms is what accentuated the anxiety. I’m working with acceptance at the moment. The PTSD symptoms are the scars from my past. At least that’s what my therapist has been trying to tell me.

It a strange way being in isolation at the moment has been good for me. It has allowed me to just be, without having to deal with all the dynamics of life, which to be honest was exacerbating my anxiety and depression.

Thank you James once again for taking the time to reply to me. I have only posted twice on the Beyond Blue forums. Both times I was in a dark place, and both times people reached out to me. It has helped enormously.

Many thanks

Mara