Hi tikamasala,
I've been where you are now and can fully relate to the way you're feeling and thinking. It's a terrifying, mind boggling time. Please know that I'm here to help you get through this, we all are. You're very brave for reaching out.
When my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer it felt like our worlds were collapsing around us. She was beside herself with fear and anguish as you can imagine, as was I and our children. We didn't know what to do, where to turn or who to turn to. So, I can fully relate to how you're feeling now. I need you to take big deep breath and together we'll get through this.
First of all, chemo is a GOOD thing. It means the cavalry is on the way. This is the first thing you and mum both need to understand. As the surgery hasn't been able to remove all the cancer, it's obviously still there. If they don't start chemo, it's going to spread and we don't want that. So, you and mum need to see the commencement of chemo as a GOOD thing as it means the battle to kill this terrible thing has begun in earnest.
Yes, mum will lose her hair, she will be tired and emotional and she'll feel nauseous and may even be throwing up a LOT. She may lose weight or put it on, depends upon what chemo she'll get, and that will depend upon what type of cancer she has. They would have already carried out biopsy's on it by now and identified exactly what chemo will be most effective. It's a lot to take in I know, but I'll give you information in small chunks so it's easier to take in. There's a LOT to know and a lot of things in everyone's life - mum, dad, yours etc is about to change, some forever, some temporary.
Cancer is not fair, it's not selective and it doesn't care who it affects - good, bad, young, old, anyone. I understand the rage you're feeling, and probably mum too. Why me? why her? how, who, why, what, when? I can't answer that, it just is.
The best thing you can do at the moment is be strong for both mum and dad. He'll be taking this very badly and may not be expressing everything that's going on inside. Secondly, you MUST keep coming back and chatting to us as well as friend and family around you. Talking with people about this is a MUST. Otherwise, it'll eat you alive.
Come back to me with what you're thinking and we'll talk some more.
Your friend - Rumples
