PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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M2219 Boyfriend is alcoholic, won't get help
  • replies: 6

Hi All, I'm new here, this is my first post. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years..he was everything I wanted, and during the "good days", he still is. He had a very traumatic childhood; alcoholic father, sexually abused, friends' deaths by suic... View more

Hi All, I'm new here, this is my first post. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years..he was everything I wanted, and during the "good days", he still is. He had a very traumatic childhood; alcoholic father, sexually abused, friends' deaths by suicide, etc.. He drinks. Alot. And when he does he gets abusive, emotionally, verbally and physically. He does not hit me, but he'll throw something in my direction, or lean right into my face and shout. He says he doesn't care about anyone else. He used to say that his mother was the only person he cared about then she passed away 4 months ago. On three occasions, i am embarrassed to say, I have got physical with him. In my mind, it is to make him stop what he's doing. To try to make him see what he's doing, to try to make him snap out of it. Obviously it never works, it makes everything worse. On Saturday, he was going crazy.. he was blasting music at 3am trying to wake our neighbors, he was shouting.. it all came out of nowhere. Things got physical and then he told me to leave. He got an AVO against me last year after another similar incident, so he holds that over me. If I leave him he will call the police. I have pleaded with him to get help. He tried going to AA, and after 1 or 2 meetings he decides there's no point and continues drinking. He went to see a psychologist, but kept missing appointments because he was drunk. I know that he's a good man. I know that he loves me, and that he doesn't want to be like this. I know that when this episode is over, he will be remorseful and will cry and say he's going to get help. I also know he will take no responsibility for his part in any of it. It will still be my fault.. I suppose what I'm hoping is that someone may have been in a similar situation and can suggest a way of getting him help. Thanks for reading and providing this outlet.

MysteryPerson I'm not sure how to go about this
  • replies: 4

Hello, I don't know what to do with these thoughts that are scarred into my memory. I have the feeling of hating humans in general, a sense of anger and resentment, highly sceptical and distrustful of others. I am struggling to build new friendships ... View more

Hello, I don't know what to do with these thoughts that are scarred into my memory. I have the feeling of hating humans in general, a sense of anger and resentment, highly sceptical and distrustful of others. I am struggling to build new friendships and interacting with people in my daily life because of negative thoughts and emotions attached to building a relationship with people following some life events. I will try my best to keep it concise. I left home and my parents in 2014 because of the toxic environment that I grew up in and how sheltered I was from gaining life experiences and make any progress towards creating my own future. To elaborate on the toxic environment, I was groomed to be a trophy child and a retirement plan for my parents (first-generation immigrants) so expectations were high with very little emotional support. Anyways, I graduated in 2017 from the degree I wanted following my detachment from my parents, I built up some network and set myself up for a new graduate job that started in 2018. All of this was very challenging for me with the amount of anxiety and the lack of self-esteem that developed from being so suppressed throughout my development until I was 20. In 2018, I landed my dream job but 6 months later my boss started to psychologically abuse me due to a conflict in our opinions and this triggered something very deep and dark from my past and eventually, so I quit and moved back with my parents to restart from the ground up and sought assistance from a General Practitioner and a Psychologist. With my psychologist, I discovered that many of my emotional and traumatic triggers were stemming from my relationship with my parents so I worked to rebuild my relationship with my parents. One day I was talking about suicide and self-harm, which I intended to do before I left home in 2014, and I received a response from each of my parents; my dad told me that I'm an ungrateful child and my mum told me that bearing me inside of her womb was an accident and a mistake and I ruined both of their life goals and aspirations. I left home again shortly after, found a new job (which I'm very stable with) and my relationship with my parents have grown further apart. Around the same time that I had this chat with my parents, my best friend who was my safe haven and a place of comfort through my hardship started to hurt me emotionally and psychologically. I communicated these problems but they refused to apologise and hurt me further.

tikamasala Coping with a Family member going through chemo and suicidal thoughts
  • replies: 4

Today I found out my mums cancer couldn’t be removed from surgery.. which mean my mum has to go through chemotherapy When I FOUND OUT MUM HAD BREAST CANCER MY EMOTIONS WERE NOT STRONG. BECAUSE MOST WOMEN SURIVE AFTER BREAST CANCER AND CONTINUE TO LIV... View more

Today I found out my mums cancer couldn’t be removed from surgery.. which mean my mum has to go through chemotherapy When I FOUND OUT MUM HAD BREAST CANCER MY EMOTIONS WERE NOT STRONG. BECAUSE MOST WOMEN SURIVE AFTER BREAST CANCER AND CONTINUE TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE SO I …. HAD NO SUPER STRONG EMOTIONS FROM HEARING THIS DIAGNOSIS. NOW… MUM HAS HAD 2 OPERATION TO REMOVE THE CANCER, AND NOW THEY OULDNT REMOVE THE CANCER FROM HER MUSCLE THAT IS AGGRESSIVE AND SHE NOW NEEDS TO DO CHEMO I AM SO SCARED . I AM SO UPSET AND DISTRAUGHT AND DEPRESSED. I FEAR OUR FAMILY LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME WILL MUM MAKE IT THROUGH CHEMO??? I AM SCARED SHE MAY NOT. AND IF SHE DOES… I AM SCARED TO SEE THE CHEMO EFFECT HER PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. I AM SO HEARTBROKEN THAT THIS IS HAPPENING TO MY FAMILY AND TO MY MUM WHO HAS NEVER DRANK,SMOKE,TAKEN DRUGS.. SHE IS A GENUINE GOOD PERSON. NOT FAKE BUT UTTERLY LOVE IN HER HEART FOR ALL AROUND HER… SO WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO A GOOD PERSON???? SHE HELPS OTHERS…. SHE IS A GIVER.. WHY HER????? THERE ARE SHIT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD THAT SHOULD BE GOING THROUGH THIS. NOT MY MUM WHO HAS NOTING BUT GOOD INTENTIONS IN HER HEART FOR ALL WHY HER? PLEASE UNIVERSE. HELP MY MUM RECOVER.. THE WORLD WILL LOSE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON IF IT TAKES HER, THERE ARE SO MANY SHIT PPL WHO SHOULD BE TAKEN INSTEAD. SO WHY MY MUM. SHE IS GENTLE AND FULL OF LOVE AND CARE AND EMPATHY PLEASE UNIVERSE. GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO BE STRONG AND BE THERE FOR MY MUM. PLEASE HELP ME. I NEED TO BE STRONG FOR MY MUM. I STRUGGLE TO BE STONG FOR MYSELF AND RNW I HAVE TOO STRONG SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. I CANNOT COPE WITH MY OWN SELF, YET MY SHIT IS NOTHING IN COMPARISON TO MY MUMMIES. HELP HELP HELP HELP US ALL PLEASE

Mara56 Really struggling with anxiety tonight
  • replies: 4

Hi, I have PTSD and I see a psychologist and up till 16 months ago my symptoms were relatively manageable. I had a bad experience in hospital and it triggered a lot of my previous traumas. The anxiety started becoming an issue then. I don't seem to b... View more

Hi, I have PTSD and I see a psychologist and up till 16 months ago my symptoms were relatively manageable. I had a bad experience in hospital and it triggered a lot of my previous traumas. The anxiety started becoming an issue then. I don't seem to be able to manage any kind of stress at all at the minute. For the past 6 months we have been preparing for, and then put our home on the market. The stress this caused was enormous for me. I have started having panic attacks, something I haven't had in years. Due to the Coronavirus we took our house off the market earlier this week. The past couple of days I started to relax a bit, despite the fact that financially were strapped, we really needed the house to sell. Then today my husband got a text message from the real estate agent to say he had someone he wanted to bring through. My anxiety immediately went through the roof. I don't cope well with chaos and it all feels chaotic. I am trying to monitor my breathing, I have tried to meditate but I can't get my brain to quieten down. I don't see my psychologist till Thursday next week. I'm trying to spin out my appointments because I've used all my sessions on the MHP. Just at my wits end. I haven't slept properly in months. So tired and so fed up with PTSD. Sorry about the rant. I'm hoping my posting this it help get some of it out of my head. I've been writing but that's not helping either.

Swan23 Struggling with effects of childhood sexual abuse on adulthood.
  • replies: 3

Hello, I'm new here. I don't really know how to start. I grew up in what I thought was a loving family. Mum and dad fought constantly I hated it and it scared me. From early age dad sexually abused me. I grew up very scared and confused and constantl... View more

Hello, I'm new here. I don't really know how to start. I grew up in what I thought was a loving family. Mum and dad fought constantly I hated it and it scared me. From early age dad sexually abused me. I grew up very scared and confused and constantly on edge and would space out all the time - like my mind would leave and I would'nt see hear or feel anything only scenes in my mind. I still experience the on edge and space out stuff. Mum approached me around age 10 asking if anything had happened to me. At the time I couldn't think and everything was so fuzzy so I said I didn't know. To which she replied with if anything did happen you would know it. Now in my 20s. A lot has come back to me and it is really crippling. Only really told one very close friend. I feel so alone and scared. And just generally don't know how to deal with it all. More recently I had my first boyfriend of 18 months brake up with me. It's been a super rough road. Over the years there's periods where I feel like a normal human being and nothing seems to bother me. And then from time to time (more commonly recently). it's all very overwhelming and I can't seem to function normally and space out all the time. Scream at ridiculous things. But it feels so real and I find myself crying about it. Will it ever stop. I know I need help but don't know where to start and too scared to talk to anyone about it face to face or even over phone...

Rumples FROM ONE SIDE OF THIN BLUE LINE TO THE OTHER
  • replies: 14

Hi there one and all, I'm a former Police Officer, and as with any former serving member, we've all pretty much seen the inhumanity of humanity at its worst. There's a saying in the job "when the sun goes down and the people go home, the animals come... View more

Hi there one and all, I'm a former Police Officer, and as with any former serving member, we've all pretty much seen the inhumanity of humanity at its worst. There's a saying in the job "when the sun goes down and the people go home, the animals come to prey". It's an unfortunate reality of our society today and my heart goes out to all the serving and former members of the thin blue line that keeps most of us safe at night. Having said that, my time in the job I call my "baptism of fire". I went in bright eyed and bushy tailed as one person, and came out the other side something quite different. Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, Alcoholism, Suicide etc are all accepted pars for the course of being a Police Officer. So, I can speak from first hand experience myself having survived the journey. Many of my fellow colleges didn't make it and took their own lives. It's for these fallen fellow officers I find myself here today looking to help others. It wasn't that long ago I could easily have been a caller reaching out for help. Luckily, I'm through it now, in the light and looking forward to life, and hoping to be able to lead the way out for others. A bit doom and gloom, but a happy ending!

Ez_22 Dating after trauma
  • replies: 1

Hi, I was wondering if anyone had any insights or thoughts about dating after trauma or with ongoing mental health issues? My partner took her life some time ago, and I feel like I should try put myself out there (social isolation withstanding ) Does... View more

Hi, I was wondering if anyone had any insights or thoughts about dating after trauma or with ongoing mental health issues? My partner took her life some time ago, and I feel like I should try put myself out there (social isolation withstanding ) Does anyone have any experience on how they have navigated that? It feels so incredibly overwhelming. I've also suffered my own mental health conditions in the past, but suicide is such a big gigantic red flag in life it feels scary....

Zeusette PTSD from abusive ex boyfriend then 8 or more of his friends got involved and now stalk me - struggling with daily triggers. Please help
  • replies: 1

I dont know where to start. I have a learning difficulty so its very hard for me to understand what is happening to me and then to put it in words.. so please excuse me while I try. I have severe PTSD. Basically what my ex did to me is very graphic a... View more

I dont know where to start. I have a learning difficulty so its very hard for me to understand what is happening to me and then to put it in words.. so please excuse me while I try. I have severe PTSD. Basically what my ex did to me is very graphic and not appropriate for some users to read, he repeated doing things to me over 3ish years before I could leave him. He also had filmed me 24/7 and possibly even the things he did to me. Then he told me that his friends got involved. Now I fear that they are stalking me and I don't know what to do. Some of the guys I met on dating apps and out in the clubs, they started behaving like him and did things that he used to do to me and eventually one even told me that he was spying on me for my ex! They all knew private things about my life that they shouldn't know about. At the same time I am having triggers daily and its destroying my current relationship, its making me want to turn to substance. I don't know what details I can give you as the stuff that happened and still happens today as its most likely going to upset readers. Questions I would like help with: What do I do about my stalkers? How do they know private things about me? How can I accept that there is footage of me out there I didn't know about? Do I need to go to the authorities? How can I manage daily triggers? How can I explain to my current partner whats happening? How do I know what is PTSD and not? I am so destroyed. And being isolated at home is not helping.

Guest_7403 Hospital stay for meds
  • replies: 41

Hi guys, I'm going for a hospital stay after the Easter break to trial different medications for my PTSD. I have tried everything Ads, sedatives and depot shots. I abuse my meds when I am triggered or down so the last resort was a depot shot....it ma... View more

Hi guys, I'm going for a hospital stay after the Easter break to trial different medications for my PTSD. I have tried everything Ads, sedatives and depot shots. I abuse my meds when I am triggered or down so the last resort was a depot shot....it made me heavily groggy and even after a full night sleep I still couldnt wake up. The psychiatrist wants me to do this 2 week in patient treatment to trial meds and im wondering if anyone else has done it? He says he can monitor me and see what does and doesn't work This seems pointless to me as most meds take weeks to take affect. My work place insurer is paying but it still seems pointless Any advice. I'm not currently taking anything

Guest_1643 Numb for years after abuse and toxic family/friends
  • replies: 36

Hi All, I was reading some of the threads and was impressed by people's honesty. So I decided to start a new thread to share myself what I have been through. Last year I got very unwell and had to get mental health help from the public hospital. I wa... View more

Hi All, I was reading some of the threads and was impressed by people's honesty. So I decided to start a new thread to share myself what I have been through. Last year I got very unwell and had to get mental health help from the public hospital. I was suicidal. I had no friends, was crumbling, living alone and developed horrible body dsymorphia. I looked in the mirror and was disgusted. I couldn't believe things could get so bad, like that you can kind of just die while still living. i was not taking care of myself and was a zombie at work. I told a few people I was suicidal and they didn't care. My family haven't been there for me at all, although I have one sibling who tries. A family member abused me verbally for years and destroyed my self esteem, and I'm only now putting together the pieces. I'm very numb. I keep hearing the word disacociating (terrible spelling) - ---and a light is going onfor me, it feels like the right word for what i've felt. I think that was a part of how I survived for years, by disaccoiating. I used to have friends and go out a lot but slowly I just narrowed my life down to myself, and I was alone all the time, and very sad. It became normal and I just pushed through it, until one day I couldn't any more. The triage was very helpful and pointed me to a group that helps people who are suicidal.... anyway.... i'm still here and feeling like i have a new lease on life. I do want to be here, altough the trauma still weighs me down sometimes.