PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

All discussions

JRF Mum Diagnosed with Cancer in QLD and I’m in Vic with border Isolation
  • replies: 7

Hi, I found out Thursday that my Mum, who lives in QLD, has stage 3 lung cancer. I’m in Victoria. Because she’s not terminal (although has been told she has 3 years to live after Chemotherapy and surgery) I still can’t get to her. I had what one coul... View more

Hi, I found out Thursday that my Mum, who lives in QLD, has stage 3 lung cancer. I’m in Victoria. Because she’s not terminal (although has been told she has 3 years to live after Chemotherapy and surgery) I still can’t get to her. I had what one could say was a tumultuous childhood and have PTSD, anxiety and depression as a result. My Mum allowed her husband to commit physical and emotional abuse on me and my siblings (she was in a domestic violence relationship too.) We’ve tried to patch up the relationship over the years and now I don’t tell her when I’m feeling angry at her because I don’t want to hurt her as she carries a lot of guilt. Now I’m so distressed about her illness and not being able to be there I’m having flashbacks and intrusive thoughts of traumatic events. It’s been made worse because she told my half sister (who doesn’t like me) first and she got across the border before the lock down. Now the half sister has convinced Mum that even if I could get there I’d pose a risk to Mums health... but she and her husband went desk shopping (something she could’ve done online and had delivered) yesterday, going to multiple stores and interacting with a Petri dish of strangers I feel so sad for Mum and her prognosis but at the same time I feel betrayed and angry for not having the chance to get there before the border closures, for not being told straight away (like my half sister was). This makes me feel so guilty too as this shouldn’t be about me, it should be about Mum. I’m feeling very fragile today and have had self harm thoughts. My psychiatrist is closed until Tuesday so I can’t get anything to help sleep or medication for my out of control anxiety and bursting into tears every five minutes. What to do? I honestly don’t know ;,,(

MelC82 Childhood Trauma (sexual abuse)
  • replies: 11

I am new to the forum and I haven’t really done anything like this but I am looking for new ways to cope with my depression, anxiety and PTSD. I see a psychologist and a psychiatrist for these diagnoses’ however the worst time for me is in the middle... View more

I am new to the forum and I haven’t really done anything like this but I am looking for new ways to cope with my depression, anxiety and PTSD. I see a psychologist and a psychiatrist for these diagnoses’ however the worst time for me is in the middle of the night when everything is still and quiet and I have nothing to do but sit and be with my thoughts. I have been struggling more than usual these past couple weeks with my anxiety skyrocketing and having flashbacks and a lot of PTSD symptoms. I haven’t slept in days and I am exhausted. Self harm is something I always seem to go to in time’s like these. I just feel useless and alone and scared and I know that tomorrow and the next day and the day after that I will go through the same cycle over and over and over again. Somedays I feel like I just don’t want to get up. I have to force myself to get through the day. Anxiety is a part of my everyday and it’s exhausting. I don’t want to do this anymore. I was sexually abused by 3 different men at 3 different stages in my life. When I was 7 for a few year then again when I was 13 and again at 16 for a few years. I find it difficult to not blame myself. I simply can’t see that 3 different men all thought the same thing at 3 different times in my life. I must have done something to deserve what happened. I must have provoked it. I blame myself and so punish myself all the time. lately I have been having a lot of flashbacks and when that happens it is immobilising. It feels like I am right back there all over again. I feel the sensations, I feel the touch and feel how my body reacted to what’s happened...it is literally like you are reliving it all over again and again again. Like it wasn’t enough to go through it once. I have also had a few panic attacks recently which are the worst thing ever. I hate that this is my life. It feels like none of it will ever get better. I have no light at the end of the tunnel only darkness.

rondwight How do I stop having breakdowns when i see/think about my toxic ex-boyfriend
  • replies: 4

Hi ! Background info: I dated my ex in high school before breaking up half way through first year uni. It was a very toxic relationship and I will say I also started to become toxic near the end which I am not anymore. However I did develop depressio... View more

Hi ! Background info: I dated my ex in high school before breaking up half way through first year uni. It was a very toxic relationship and I will say I also started to become toxic near the end which I am not anymore. However I did develop depression and severe anxiety while dating him which mainly stemmed from the fact I never knew if the next day he'd break up with me and if he loved me as there had been incidents where he was kept bringing up other girls and talking to them openly flaunting it to me. He was emotionally abusive and extremely manipulative (I have come to realise he had severe self-esteem issues on reflection). This lead to me not being able to eat, sleep, do basic functions, lose weight, and overall just become weak and overall I have traumatic memories of this period with bits missing in my memory and my mind not addressing this period of time mentally. Once we broke up however my life did get a lot better. However, it was a very messy breakup and I know I walked away and kept with my friends and tried not to interact nor cause drama with the people he knew out of common decency. However since the break up he has spread rumours about me , stalked me both in person and via social media, left letters at my door, messaged me numerous time and inappropriately tried to contact friends. Some of these activities happening one or two years after we broke up and even when he was dating another girl. SO anytime I see him in public, I know he is a coward and won't come and talk to me ever HOWEVER I still get extremely anxious and at times start to break down (tearing up, vision goes blurry, nauseous) seeing him as I get scared and start to think what if and mentally start thinking of the past wrongs. My question is are there any ways I can prevent or ease these sorts of behaviours and thoughts when I do see him. I'm sick of feeling anxious every time I think he may be in the area and want to ease my own mind to not have these reactions. Thank you in advance

Tialee Alone during covid19
  • replies: 14

Hi, this is my first time posting and I guess it's a big step on my road to recovery o could go on and on g or hours About my past hurt and trauma but I will save you all the agonising experience and just say it has left me with A case of bpd , anxie... View more

Hi, this is my first time posting and I guess it's a big step on my road to recovery o could go on and on g or hours About my past hurt and trauma but I will save you all the agonising experience and just say it has left me with A case of bpd , anxiety and depression . At this present point in time the world is going crazy but I'm finding it extra extremely difficult to go on living. I am a single mum I work full time and I'm currently off work due to a heap of medical issues . My children are at their fathers so I can recover and get better from said health issues As of tonight we go into lockdown which essentially means I am in lockdown alone and I'm finding it so hard to deal with . My anxiety is crippling , my head is a mess and I guess I'm just wondering how everyone else is dealing with being away from loved ones ?, Dealing with the extra added stress that the world is producing atm .? Thankyou

Guest_9043 The three Musketeers and the damage to me.
  • replies: 8

Hi Everyone, I call the the family I once had, the three Musketeers. It somewhat takes a little of the sting out for me. I was not able to use my voice for 40 years and I stayed quiet. I can't anymore. I was horrifically abused by all 3 Musketeers.Th... View more

Hi Everyone, I call the the family I once had, the three Musketeers. It somewhat takes a little of the sting out for me. I was not able to use my voice for 40 years and I stayed quiet. I can't anymore. I was horrifically abused by all 3 Musketeers.The usual brood, 1 mother, 1 father and 1 younger sibling. I have no contact with all 3 Musketeers anymore. There is a lot to deal with. Older Musketeer Female has NPD. I only discovered this 2 days ago. I'm trying to make sense of one incident out of the thousands. When I was 14 or 15, the three Musketeers left me at home alone on Christmas Eve to go and celebrate it with another family that we did every year. I cried all night alone. I cannot understand this event and it is still hard to face it yet it haunts me so. I had a falling out with this families daughter. Their daughter had lied about something I did not do and it was a serious allegation. No one believed me at the time. I knew I was innocent of this accusation. Their daughter made life at high school for me hell and systematically manipulated school authorities to turn in me too. I went into a deep depression and no one cared to ask me if I was ever ok? No one at all. Not even the three Musketeers. Much later in life the older female musketeer said to me that the daughters mother said to her that night that I was still welcome there that evening. No further discussion was had on it. I made no comment. On the older female Musketeers 60th birthday she said she had a surprise for everyone. I was a bit excited. The surprise.... The daughters parents attending my mother's birthday. Did not know till they arrived. I said nothing. I stayed quiet. I have stayed quiet all my life. My issues is not with the daughters parents, it is with the older female musketeer and the other two Musketeers. I see now separating what happened as it is two different stories mixed in with one that I was a victim from the daughter from these parents. I see now the incredible damage it did to me and my life. I have decided to do my own victim impact statement and send it to the parents of this daughter. I'm doing it for me and that's right for me. I don't understand. This is me telling that story for the first time. 2quik.

Bear1922 PTSD &ADDICTION
  • replies: 4

Any advice about how to rid myself of an addictive behaviour I was taught as an infant? The behaviour is benign but represents the last tentacles of my abuse. It would be good to rid myself of this behaviour, but perhaps I'm just too feeble to win th... View more

Any advice about how to rid myself of an addictive behaviour I was taught as an infant? The behaviour is benign but represents the last tentacles of my abuse. It would be good to rid myself of this behaviour, but perhaps I'm just too feeble to win this battle.

ElectricBlue Narcissistic parent/s
  • replies: 15

Hi all, so what has made me come here is a recent argument with my mum. This is the only real argument we've ever had and it's made me realise that she is a narcissist (my dad is possibly one too but right now I'm dealing with mum). My whole life I h... View more

Hi all, so what has made me come here is a recent argument with my mum. This is the only real argument we've ever had and it's made me realise that she is a narcissist (my dad is possibly one too but right now I'm dealing with mum). My whole life I have just put up with her behaviour and have always seen it as just the way she is. It always seemed to hard to say anything negative about her behaviour because she'd make such a drama about it and it just didn't feel worth it. I have a 1 year old and am not going to put up with it all anymore for his sake. She goes against my wishes constantly and does the opposite of what she's been asked. This includes (but definitely isn't limited to) giving him food I've asked her not to give him, sharing photos of him with my brother who has a serious drug issue (I had no contact with him, hadn't told him I was pregnant and her explanation of why she did it without asking me was "you would've said no") and touching his head where his skull hasn't fused, even though I have asked her not to on multiple occasions. My childhood was quite unstable. My parents split twice. My mother attempted suicide twice (I don't believe she had any intention of it succeeding as she contacted people while doing it) and apart from all that it was just a very unstable environment centred around my parents and what they needed and were feeling. I finally got sick of it and sent her a list of things that she has done that are the opposite of what I asked. I also brought up things from my childhood and her response was basically that she disagrees with the things I've raised about my son so my concerns don't matter. In relation to my childhood her message was "I can't change the past. It sounds to me like you're resentful and angry about the part and only you can deal with that, just like I'm dealing with my past. There was no selfishness involved, it's much more complicated than that. I'm sorry you feel that way. I love you and wish you didn't have so much anger in you." She has never taken responsibility for anything in her life from big things like the attempted suicides in my childhood to the smallest things like spilling milk on the floor. If something doesn't fit her narrative then she just lies about it, even if you witnessed it. I know this is all part of her mental health issues but I'm really struggling with it as I know I can't get her to change or understand how I feel but it makes me so sad that she possibly won't be in my sons life.

Gify I can't remember what it's like to be happy
  • replies: 3

Everytime I think it's going ok something happens to cause stress. I cry a lot I get the courage and strength to move on then it gets ripped right out from under me.

Everytime I think it's going ok something happens to cause stress. I cry a lot I get the courage and strength to move on then it gets ripped right out from under me.

Bluekimba Help i need advice.
  • replies: 3

Hi as a result of a few people sexually assaulting me in my child and teen years i have developed this.Im now 42 and im at the point where i dont want to be touched at all.not even kissing or hugging.I told my partner when i was younger this would be... View more

Hi as a result of a few people sexually assaulting me in my child and teen years i have developed this.Im now 42 and im at the point where i dont want to be touched at all.not even kissing or hugging.I told my partner when i was younger this would be a life time issue and he excepted it.Tje issues is no its getting worst to the point of i dont want sex at all.I dont even want to be cuddled in bed.I told him if he cant live like this i would understand if he wanted to leave.I do feel bad for him.I get mad everytime he gives me any indercation he wants to.I dont know what i should do

Blufftuff loved ones suffering trauma with you.
  • replies: 3

Having numerous accounts of trauma myself, the hardest thing was watching my family being there but feeling helpless. My wife would often cry herself to sleep and I could not even rollover or communicate with her to comfort her. This also really does... View more

Having numerous accounts of trauma myself, the hardest thing was watching my family being there but feeling helpless. My wife would often cry herself to sleep and I could not even rollover or communicate with her to comfort her. This also really does have an effect on recovery as you really want to for their sake but the worry for them only adds stress/anxiety to the trauma. I have numerous stories regarding and more than willing to share should you be interested.