PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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BriBeek New here - childhood troubles
  • replies: 8

Hi there, I sometimes lose so much sleep over this and really hope someone can offer me some advice. When I was a kid, probably around 9 or 10, I had experimented with both a neighbour and my cousin. As a gay kid growing up in a very strict Catholic ... View more

Hi there, I sometimes lose so much sleep over this and really hope someone can offer me some advice. When I was a kid, probably around 9 or 10, I had experimented with both a neighbour and my cousin. As a gay kid growing up in a very strict Catholic and narrow minded family, I had nobody to talk to about this. It was never abusive and nobody was forcing anybody to do anything, we were curious and didn’t know it was wrong. I realise now that I’ve grown up that I’ve carried so much shame and regret about it and sometimes it feels like it consumes me. I wish it never happened and it makes me feel awful. We didn’t do it anymore once we’d grown up and we never spoke about it again, assuming we all regretted it and would prefer to pretend it never happened. I wish it hadn’t more than anything else in my life. I hate that it happened and would never EVER do anything that made someone else uncomfortable but was something wrong with me? Please tell me someone else has gone/is going through something like this? I feel so alone when I think about it.

Tialee In need of support..plus want to say thankyou for prior help etc xx
  • replies: 2

So I'm relatively new to the forums here and already I feel so welcome and accepted. I posted my first post about a week ago stating I was alone during this crazy messed up covid eppedemic I had quiet a few responses and it blew me away knowing peopl... View more

So I'm relatively new to the forums here and already I feel so welcome and accepted. I posted my first post about a week ago stating I was alone during this crazy messed up covid eppedemic I had quiet a few responses and it blew me away knowing people actually took time out of their lives to Contact me and make me feel supported and less lonely in my time of sadness. What it did make me realise though is I have so much more past/(and present) underlying issues and trauma I need to address. I have a small (very small) select real life group of friends (that I obviously can't see atm) and not many of those Friends understand or wish to understand the reasons I suffer from ptsd,aniexty, depression etc. I was speaking to one in particular yesterday and I started on a roll about my upbringing and my life story And how in my short time on this earth I have already encountered so much and she was shocked and it Made me realise that my life is not normal ,the things I have endured are not normal that I need help and that I need people in my life who I can relate to that understand me a little better and accept me for me and realise I act and say the things I do because I know what having a non normal life is like. Since the age of 6 I have seen councilors, doctors, pyschs ,etc I've tried medications and therapies to no avail yet . As I get older my condition gets worse and everyday I tell myself and everyone around me I am fine but I'm not . I guess I'm just reaching out for support from people who actually get it , not just say they do . People who have suffered and overcame, people who are struggling but are coping, people who aren't Afraid to put their hands up and admit they to need help , love and support . Because I'm now at that point in life . I want to start my healing journey properly...... It's taken a shity pandemic to make me realise majority of my real life friends and family are not a good support network So I guess I'm looking for that here ....

Bear1922 Crying at the drop of a pin.
  • replies: 6

Does the death of an onscreen character make you dissolve into tears? Not tiny tears - fully-fledged ugly crying. And I've watched the show multiple times, so the characters death was expected. I'm crying so Easily these days. Anyone else feel simila... View more

Does the death of an onscreen character make you dissolve into tears? Not tiny tears - fully-fledged ugly crying. And I've watched the show multiple times, so the characters death was expected. I'm crying so Easily these days. Anyone else feel similar?

LS_baby Emotional detachment - Could it be related to my childhood sexual trauma or toxic relationship.
  • replies: 2

First time poster. I will try keep it as short as I can but abit of back story, I was sexually assaulted when I was around 8-11 (not exactly sure) by my older cousin.. I grew up really struggling with it as I thought I had told my mum or sister at th... View more

First time poster. I will try keep it as short as I can but abit of back story, I was sexually assaulted when I was around 8-11 (not exactly sure) by my older cousin.. I grew up really struggling with it as I thought I had told my mum or sister at the time it happened and nothing was done about it nor was it dealt with in any kind of way so I guess I grew up thinking maybe that what happened to me wasn't a big deal or maybe they just don't care about me, Since having my own children I struggled even more as I could imagine if anything in anyway happened to them I would handle it ALOT differently, Its also hard because my father still acts as if nothing happened and he is still talks with his nephew as if nothing happened. I got into a relationship when I was 17, had my first baby with him at 18, he did show signs of abuse at the start (he wouldn't allow me to leave the room when arguing and he became very aggressive. This was my first real relationship, 2 kids later and a marriage, I decided I needed to get out of the toxic marriage, I struggled for years and stayed because I wanted my children to have their parents together (I grew up with both mine together despite my dad also being abusive and using drugs my whole life) So seeing my mum put up with that and staying with him through anything I felt like leaving wasn't an option until one day we were in the car arguing infront of my young children and he threatened to hurt me (there was alot more problems), I knew from that moment I needed to start planning a way to leave, it wasn't easy, there was times he would message me telling me his self-harming right now and it's my fault my children won't have a dad (really regularly). Fast forward to now I finally met someone amazing, treats me so well and honestly treats my children like his own and at first I couldn't have been happier, almost a year on I'm 20 weeks pregnant and lately have really struggled emotionally, if we do argue (normally over something small) I just feel so detached and like i have no emotional feeling at all, which then makes him feel unloved and like I don't care, I'm also not as affectionate as I was with him at the start.. I'm wondering if this has anything to do with my past? and what help do I need? I don't want to make him to feel that way, I do realize I was also like this during my marriage with my ex, especially towards the end.. I just want to feel normal

JRF Mum Diagnosed with Cancer in QLD and I’m in Vic with border Isolation
  • replies: 7

Hi, I found out Thursday that my Mum, who lives in QLD, has stage 3 lung cancer. I’m in Victoria. Because she’s not terminal (although has been told she has 3 years to live after Chemotherapy and surgery) I still can’t get to her. I had what one coul... View more

Hi, I found out Thursday that my Mum, who lives in QLD, has stage 3 lung cancer. I’m in Victoria. Because she’s not terminal (although has been told she has 3 years to live after Chemotherapy and surgery) I still can’t get to her. I had what one could say was a tumultuous childhood and have PTSD, anxiety and depression as a result. My Mum allowed her husband to commit physical and emotional abuse on me and my siblings (she was in a domestic violence relationship too.) We’ve tried to patch up the relationship over the years and now I don’t tell her when I’m feeling angry at her because I don’t want to hurt her as she carries a lot of guilt. Now I’m so distressed about her illness and not being able to be there I’m having flashbacks and intrusive thoughts of traumatic events. It’s been made worse because she told my half sister (who doesn’t like me) first and she got across the border before the lock down. Now the half sister has convinced Mum that even if I could get there I’d pose a risk to Mums health... but she and her husband went desk shopping (something she could’ve done online and had delivered) yesterday, going to multiple stores and interacting with a Petri dish of strangers I feel so sad for Mum and her prognosis but at the same time I feel betrayed and angry for not having the chance to get there before the border closures, for not being told straight away (like my half sister was). This makes me feel so guilty too as this shouldn’t be about me, it should be about Mum. I’m feeling very fragile today and have had self harm thoughts. My psychiatrist is closed until Tuesday so I can’t get anything to help sleep or medication for my out of control anxiety and bursting into tears every five minutes. What to do? I honestly don’t know ;,,(

MelC82 Childhood Trauma (sexual abuse)
  • replies: 11

I am new to the forum and I haven’t really done anything like this but I am looking for new ways to cope with my depression, anxiety and PTSD. I see a psychologist and a psychiatrist for these diagnoses’ however the worst time for me is in the middle... View more

I am new to the forum and I haven’t really done anything like this but I am looking for new ways to cope with my depression, anxiety and PTSD. I see a psychologist and a psychiatrist for these diagnoses’ however the worst time for me is in the middle of the night when everything is still and quiet and I have nothing to do but sit and be with my thoughts. I have been struggling more than usual these past couple weeks with my anxiety skyrocketing and having flashbacks and a lot of PTSD symptoms. I haven’t slept in days and I am exhausted. Self harm is something I always seem to go to in time’s like these. I just feel useless and alone and scared and I know that tomorrow and the next day and the day after that I will go through the same cycle over and over and over again. Somedays I feel like I just don’t want to get up. I have to force myself to get through the day. Anxiety is a part of my everyday and it’s exhausting. I don’t want to do this anymore. I was sexually abused by 3 different men at 3 different stages in my life. When I was 7 for a few year then again when I was 13 and again at 16 for a few years. I find it difficult to not blame myself. I simply can’t see that 3 different men all thought the same thing at 3 different times in my life. I must have done something to deserve what happened. I must have provoked it. I blame myself and so punish myself all the time. lately I have been having a lot of flashbacks and when that happens it is immobilising. It feels like I am right back there all over again. I feel the sensations, I feel the touch and feel how my body reacted to what’s happened...it is literally like you are reliving it all over again and again again. Like it wasn’t enough to go through it once. I have also had a few panic attacks recently which are the worst thing ever. I hate that this is my life. It feels like none of it will ever get better. I have no light at the end of the tunnel only darkness.

rondwight How do I stop having breakdowns when i see/think about my toxic ex-boyfriend
  • replies: 4

Hi ! Background info: I dated my ex in high school before breaking up half way through first year uni. It was a very toxic relationship and I will say I also started to become toxic near the end which I am not anymore. However I did develop depressio... View more

Hi ! Background info: I dated my ex in high school before breaking up half way through first year uni. It was a very toxic relationship and I will say I also started to become toxic near the end which I am not anymore. However I did develop depression and severe anxiety while dating him which mainly stemmed from the fact I never knew if the next day he'd break up with me and if he loved me as there had been incidents where he was kept bringing up other girls and talking to them openly flaunting it to me. He was emotionally abusive and extremely manipulative (I have come to realise he had severe self-esteem issues on reflection). This lead to me not being able to eat, sleep, do basic functions, lose weight, and overall just become weak and overall I have traumatic memories of this period with bits missing in my memory and my mind not addressing this period of time mentally. Once we broke up however my life did get a lot better. However, it was a very messy breakup and I know I walked away and kept with my friends and tried not to interact nor cause drama with the people he knew out of common decency. However since the break up he has spread rumours about me , stalked me both in person and via social media, left letters at my door, messaged me numerous time and inappropriately tried to contact friends. Some of these activities happening one or two years after we broke up and even when he was dating another girl. SO anytime I see him in public, I know he is a coward and won't come and talk to me ever HOWEVER I still get extremely anxious and at times start to break down (tearing up, vision goes blurry, nauseous) seeing him as I get scared and start to think what if and mentally start thinking of the past wrongs. My question is are there any ways I can prevent or ease these sorts of behaviours and thoughts when I do see him. I'm sick of feeling anxious every time I think he may be in the area and want to ease my own mind to not have these reactions. Thank you in advance

Tialee Alone during covid19
  • replies: 14

Hi, this is my first time posting and I guess it's a big step on my road to recovery o could go on and on g or hours About my past hurt and trauma but I will save you all the agonising experience and just say it has left me with A case of bpd , anxie... View more

Hi, this is my first time posting and I guess it's a big step on my road to recovery o could go on and on g or hours About my past hurt and trauma but I will save you all the agonising experience and just say it has left me with A case of bpd , anxiety and depression . At this present point in time the world is going crazy but I'm finding it extra extremely difficult to go on living. I am a single mum I work full time and I'm currently off work due to a heap of medical issues . My children are at their fathers so I can recover and get better from said health issues As of tonight we go into lockdown which essentially means I am in lockdown alone and I'm finding it so hard to deal with . My anxiety is crippling , my head is a mess and I guess I'm just wondering how everyone else is dealing with being away from loved ones ?, Dealing with the extra added stress that the world is producing atm .? Thankyou

Guest_9043 The three Musketeers and the damage to me.
  • replies: 8

Hi Everyone, I call the the family I once had, the three Musketeers. It somewhat takes a little of the sting out for me. I was not able to use my voice for 40 years and I stayed quiet. I can't anymore. I was horrifically abused by all 3 Musketeers.Th... View more

Hi Everyone, I call the the family I once had, the three Musketeers. It somewhat takes a little of the sting out for me. I was not able to use my voice for 40 years and I stayed quiet. I can't anymore. I was horrifically abused by all 3 Musketeers.The usual brood, 1 mother, 1 father and 1 younger sibling. I have no contact with all 3 Musketeers anymore. There is a lot to deal with. Older Musketeer Female has NPD. I only discovered this 2 days ago. I'm trying to make sense of one incident out of the thousands. When I was 14 or 15, the three Musketeers left me at home alone on Christmas Eve to go and celebrate it with another family that we did every year. I cried all night alone. I cannot understand this event and it is still hard to face it yet it haunts me so. I had a falling out with this families daughter. Their daughter had lied about something I did not do and it was a serious allegation. No one believed me at the time. I knew I was innocent of this accusation. Their daughter made life at high school for me hell and systematically manipulated school authorities to turn in me too. I went into a deep depression and no one cared to ask me if I was ever ok? No one at all. Not even the three Musketeers. Much later in life the older female musketeer said to me that the daughters mother said to her that night that I was still welcome there that evening. No further discussion was had on it. I made no comment. On the older female Musketeers 60th birthday she said she had a surprise for everyone. I was a bit excited. The surprise.... The daughters parents attending my mother's birthday. Did not know till they arrived. I said nothing. I stayed quiet. I have stayed quiet all my life. My issues is not with the daughters parents, it is with the older female musketeer and the other two Musketeers. I see now separating what happened as it is two different stories mixed in with one that I was a victim from the daughter from these parents. I see now the incredible damage it did to me and my life. I have decided to do my own victim impact statement and send it to the parents of this daughter. I'm doing it for me and that's right for me. I don't understand. This is me telling that story for the first time. 2quik.

Bear1922 PTSD &ADDICTION
  • replies: 4

Any advice about how to rid myself of an addictive behaviour I was taught as an infant? The behaviour is benign but represents the last tentacles of my abuse. It would be good to rid myself of this behaviour, but perhaps I'm just too feeble to win th... View more

Any advice about how to rid myself of an addictive behaviour I was taught as an infant? The behaviour is benign but represents the last tentacles of my abuse. It would be good to rid myself of this behaviour, but perhaps I'm just too feeble to win this battle.