First time poster. I will try keep it as short as I can but abit of back
story, I was sexually assaulted when I was around 8-11 (not exactly
sure) by my older cousin.. I grew up really struggling with it as I
thought I had told my mum or sister at th...
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First time poster. I will try keep it as short as I can but abit of back
story, I was sexually assaulted when I was around 8-11 (not exactly
sure) by my older cousin.. I grew up really struggling with it as I
thought I had told my mum or sister at the time it happened and nothing
was done about it nor was it dealt with in any kind of way so I guess I
grew up thinking maybe that what happened to me wasn't a big deal or
maybe they just don't care about me, Since having my own children I
struggled even more as I could imagine if anything in anyway happened to
them I would handle it ALOT differently, Its also hard because my father
still acts as if nothing happened and he is still talks with his nephew
as if nothing happened. I got into a relationship when I was 17, had my
first baby with him at 18, he did show signs of abuse at the start (he
wouldn't allow me to leave the room when arguing and he became very
aggressive. This was my first real relationship, 2 kids later and a
marriage, I decided I needed to get out of the toxic marriage, I
struggled for years and stayed because I wanted my children to have
their parents together (I grew up with both mine together despite my dad
also being abusive and using drugs my whole life) So seeing my mum put
up with that and staying with him through anything I felt like leaving
wasn't an option until one day we were in the car arguing infront of my
young children and he threatened to hurt me (there was alot more
problems), I knew from that moment I needed to start planning a way to
leave, it wasn't easy, there was times he would message me telling me
his self-harming right now and it's my fault my children won't have a
dad (really regularly). Fast forward to now I finally met someone
amazing, treats me so well and honestly treats my children like his own
and at first I couldn't have been happier, almost a year on I'm 20 weeks
pregnant and lately have really struggled emotionally, if we do argue
(normally over something small) I just feel so detached and like i have
no emotional feeling at all, which then makes him feel unloved and like
I don't care, I'm also not as affectionate as I was with him at the
start.. I'm wondering if this has anything to do with my past? and what
help do I need? I don't want to make him to feel that way, I do realize
I was also like this during my marriage with my ex, especially towards
the end.. I just want to feel normal