The three Musketeers and the damage to me.

[Guest_9043]

Hi Everyone,

I call the the family I once had, the three Musketeers. It somewhat takes a little of the sting out for me. I was not able to use my voice for 40 years and I stayed quiet. I can't anymore. I was horrifically abused by all 3 Musketeers.The usual brood, 1 mother, 1 father and 1 younger sibling. I have no contact with all 3 Musketeers anymore.

There is a lot to deal with. Older Musketeer Female has NPD. I only discovered this 2 days ago. I'm trying to make sense of one incident out of the thousands. When I was 14 or 15, the three Musketeers left me at home alone on Christmas Eve to go and celebrate it with another family that we did every year. I cried all night alone. I cannot understand this event and it is still hard to face it yet it haunts me so.

I had a falling out with this families daughter. Their daughter had lied about something I did not do and it was a serious allegation. No one believed me at the time. I knew I was innocent of this accusation. Their daughter made life at high school for me hell and systematically manipulated school authorities to turn in me too. I went into a deep depression and no one cared to ask me if I was ever ok? No one at all. Not even the three Musketeers.

Much later in life the older female musketeer said to me that the daughters mother said to her that night that I was still welcome there that evening. No further discussion was had on it. I made no comment.

On the older female Musketeers 60th birthday she said she had a surprise for everyone. I was a bit excited. The surprise.... The daughters parents attending my mother's birthday. Did not know till they arrived. I said nothing. I stayed quiet.

I have stayed quiet all my life. My issues is not with the daughters parents, it is with the older female musketeer and the other two Musketeers.

I see now separating what happened as it is two different stories mixed in with one that I was a victim from the daughter from these parents. I see now the incredible damage it did to me and my life. I have decided to do my own victim impact statement and send it to the parents of this daughter. I'm doing it for me and that's right for me.

I don't understand. This is me telling that story for the first time.

2quik.

[Guest_9043]

I am just putting a comment here so I can bump this up to get some much needed support.

[Croix]

Dear Lee

I have read most of your posts and know what a difficult life you have had. cutting off your sibling and parents at 30 and 40 (I think, sorry if I've got that wrong) may well have been a good thing.

Nevertheless when treated wiht abuse from young, having lies told about you and being beaten as a result all over a long period of time would have left you confused and uncertain. The world becomes a threatening place wiht little change of avoiding trouble.

Perhaps by formalizing the matter in your mind, in the shape of Victim Impact Statements, it will lend you a modicum of clarity and confidence to continue

Croix

[Guest_9043]

Hi Croix,

I replied last night but can see it's not here now. I have no words today. I can't even speak. Just want to say thanks for replying.

2quik

[Guest_9043]

Hi again Croix,

It is definitely a good thing I cut all contact. You got most of it right in your first paragraph by the way.

The world absolutely frightens me. At the first hint of trouble I am out of there or hf I think it's trouble I don't go there. Massive fear. I don't like being like this. I don't know if I trust what could be my intuition or if I'm thinking that way because I want to protect myself from any more harm, I can't afford.

I think I will wait a while before starting to write letters.

2quik.

[Croix]

Dear Lee

I'm glad I got most of the facts right, I think I had to browse through a fair number of threads to get the picture, I can easily get confused.

I can understand your reluctance to take action, however I'm not sure that totally giving up on the VISs is the best way to go.

Normally a VIS consists of two parts, the actual writing by the injured party, and later the presentation to the perpetrator in court for sentencing or compulsory group counseling wiht a view to rehabilitation.

Just the first part - private and just for yourself - may help you see the magnitude of the problems you have been faced with, and that can make you feel better about yourself and lend some clarity and perspective. You would not need to take it further.

What do you think?

Croix

[Guest_9043]

Hi Croix,

Thank you for going through my posts and reading up on it. It means alot.

I am not entirely sure yet about Victim Impact Statements even just personally for myself. I am not fully dismissing it yet though, rather just putting it in the bank for now.

I would like to put my father in jail and expose him so that people can look at him with disgust. I would like to be compensated for the damages and the thousands of dollars I have had to spend as a result of his sick and twisted abuse towards me. At the same time though, I don't have the strength. I don't have the courage to be pushed away and be told nothing can be done legally. I have been pushed away my whole life. The abuse has been acceptable my whole life and no one did a thing.

2quik.

[Guest_9043]

Hi All,

Before I go on with my post I will just say that yes I am in weekly therapy and I do take medication that is up to date. I come here for extra support. It has been just over one week now since the flood.

Like an unprecedented massive amount of rain in a short time which resulted in a flood. The rain is my childhood, young adulthood and adulthood coming at me so hard and fast that it left me spinning, in alot of shock and somewhere else but here for quite a few days. That is the flood. Flooded by memories and experiences of my mother and the things she did to me. I never knew anything was wrong up until now at 40 years old. I feel angry at myself for not seeing something was wrong. I feel angry because it robbed me of more years of sadness and abuse. I saw something wrong with my abusive father and got rid of him, I saw something wrong with abusive partners and got rid of them BUT I did not see it fro my mother? I guess it doesn't matter. I feel angry for my lost childhood and lost years of being able to be happy and living my life.

I am really confused in whether she ever really loved me at all. The things she said over the years led me to so much confusion. I am your mother, I was going to leave you for good, you don't love me so you do not love me unconditionally (said when I expressed she hurt me over something and spoke about my childhood to her) you can't give me grandchildren and the all time classic I cannot be your mother right now, maybe down the track, you were independent and thought you did not need me. Why didn't I put the pieces of the puzzle together? I had to be independent, no one was there for me.

I am in the process of working up the courage to see a lawyer in regards to her final will and testament. She did it through a will kit so there was no lawyer. Communicating with her is out of the question for me.

Once again I never got asked just told as usually that all responsibility upon her

death was mine. Arranging the funeral to the way she wanted it, paying off her debts and shutting down accounts, taking care of where she was living and her belongings. I feel angry that I cannot go to her funeral and I absolutely cannot do what she has made me responsible for. She has destroyed my relationships with any family. I cannot just show up and take over when there has been absolutely no contact. For the first time I am thinking about this and how it will impact on me.

I don't have a lot of support or kindness atm.
2quik.

[Guest_9043]

Lately I have been feeling very angry that I got diagnosed with C-PTSD, (not to be confused with PTSD) severe depression and anxiety disorder. I get upset now and then when I have a panic attack or when I am taking my medication. I feel angry because I wasn't born with this. I feel angry that this orginated from both parents. It's their doing that I developed this illness that I need to manage everyday. I feel angry there are no consequences for the abuse they both inflicted on me. I am the one doing time not them.

I know I will never ever get an apology in my life from her nor my father. They are both removed from my life now indefinitely. The only thing I can think of is that she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. From what I am learning about the disorder it's the only thing that makes sense to the nonsensical. Knowing this does not make what happened any better at all. It's only an explanation for the abuse but never will excuse it. She still made choices to abuse me. There may also be a chance of undiagnosed

Bi Polar Disorder as it runs on her side of the family and her sister has Bi Polar Disorder. That I know can be managed, Narcissistic Disorder cannot be managed.

At the age of 12, I had a health appt at school. I was scared of going so I did not go to it. I knew I was going to be in trouble. After school that day I ran to a friends house. Her parents were friends with my parents. When I got there I sobbed in my mothers friend's arms explaining why I was scared to go home. She rang my mom to explain things. I thought she may be understanding if it came from someone else. I was wrong. All I remember from there is my mother, father and sister turning up. My mum walked inside with an implement to hit me with. She was screaming at me and her face was contorted in anger. I went to the car crying. After that I do not remember anything.

I feel angry with these people not protecting me in any way. I am angry with them for not addressing my mother that day. They are still friends with my mother to this day. I feel angry that people witnessed things and did nothing. I feel angry that there are no consequences for anything that occurred between the ages of 6 and 40.
How do I get justice for myself, some sort of acknowledgement that this happened and it was wrong? A part of me wants to tell everyone that I can the truth. I do not know how to cause she can twist things.

I am sad that I can't find the words to describe the pain in my heart.

2quik