Mum Diagnosed with Cancer in QLD and I’m in Vic with border Isolation

[JRF]

Hi,

I found out Thursday that my Mum, who lives in QLD, has stage 3 lung cancer. I’m in Victoria.

Because she’s not terminal (although has been told she has 3 years to live after Chemotherapy and surgery) I still can’t get to her.

I had what one could say was a tumultuous childhood and have PTSD, anxiety and depression as a result. My Mum allowed her husband to commit physical and emotional abuse on me and my siblings (she was in a domestic violence relationship too.) We’ve tried to patch up the relationship over the years and now I don’t tell her when I’m feeling angry at her because I don’t want to hurt her as she carries a lot of guilt.

Now I’m so distressed about her illness and not being able to be there I’m having flashbacks and intrusive thoughts of traumatic events.

It’s been made worse because she told my half sister (who doesn’t like me) first and she got across the border before the lock down. Now the half sister has convinced Mum that even if I could get there I’d pose a risk to Mums health... but she and her husband went desk shopping (something she could’ve done online and had delivered) yesterday, going to multiple stores and interacting with a Petri dish of strangers

I feel so sad for Mum and her prognosis but at the same time I feel betrayed and angry for not having the chance to get there before the border closures, for not being told straight away (like my half sister was). This makes me feel so guilty too as this shouldn’t be about me, it should be about Mum.

I’m feeling very fragile today and have had self harm thoughts. My psychiatrist is closed until Tuesday so I can’t get anything to help sleep or medication for my out of control anxiety and bursting into tears every five minutes.

What to do? I honestly don’t know ;,,(

[Sophie_M]

Hi JRF,

You did the right thing by reaching out to the community here this morning - we understand how difficult this can be. We're so sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis and that you can't be with her at the moment. We understand that this must be so overwhelming and that you are feeling fragile. Please know that you're not alone and our community is here to support you. We have sent you a private message offering some additional support.

[Birdy77]

Dear JRF,

When i read your story, i had to reach out, even though i have no practical advice.

You must be in a world of pain right now, and with the friction with your half sister and the annoyance and frustration you feel about the desk shopping scenario - i can imagine you'd be fuming and all sorts of feelings.

My mum was diagnosed with (more) cancer last week as well, and she is in another State - it is so difficult with these rules, i know - but they may change and you may get to be with your Mum if that is what you want to do - just not yet.

I understand the awful feelings that surface with fractured families, mine is broken as well ... and we don't have control over other's actions or what they think of us.

We only have control over what our own actions - so is there something you can do, that will help to ease your feelings of powerlessness or upset?

I don't know what this might be - a letter to your Mum maybe? I dont know. What do you think?

Bit i want you to know you are not alone and you are being heard.


🌻birdy

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

So glad you posted.

lets paint a picture- it is September this year and the travel ban is lifted. Your half sister is back home and you visit your mum at her home alone, a far better scenario. In fact I would never visit her if any other relative was present.

Be patient, ring often and all the best

TonyWK

[JRF]

Thank you for your response. It’s a terrible time to live away from family. I might write Mum a letter to let her know how I’m feeling

[JRF]

Thank you. I hope Mum holds out until September

[JRF]

I don’t know how to access a private message

[Sophie_M]

Hi JRF,

Private messages are sent via the email address that you registered with.